A New Couch for Under 200 Dollars? You So Cray Cray!

 

I mentioned before how I had a hate/hate relationship with my red couch.
Before I go any further, let me offer a piece of advice.
Never, ever buy your everyday furniture from the section of a furniture store called the “bargain garage”.
Don’t do it.
RESIST THE URGE.

 

We bought this gem six and a half years ago.
While I was pregnant.
Here is another tip: don’t buy furniture when you are high on pregnancy hormones.
Or on your period.
Or peri-menopausal.
Or postmenopausal.
In fact, just send your husband, life mate, boyfriend, Uncle Lou, or any male role model out to the furniture store to make the big purchase.

Oh, this couch was comfy enough
It wasn’t too lumpy.
It was even halfway comfortable sleeping on it.
But the stains.
Oh, the stains.
Silly me thought a red couch will hide all the stains my then seven-year-old and soon-to-be baby would be providing.
Oh, the stains they would be providing.
Yes, red is good.
Better than white.
Surely better than ecru.
Yes.
YES.
Red is THE way to go.

 

Let me be the one to level with you: RED IS THE INSTIGATOR OF ALL UPHOLSTERY COLORS.
It’s like the red was inviting stains to our home while we were out.
I couldn’t keep this couch clean, even if I paid the damn thing.
I scrubbed this stupid piece of furniture five times a week.
And that was on a good, low stain week.

I banned food.
I banned beverages.
I used stain repellent products.
I cleaned it with pet stain removal products.
I practiced voodoo chants near the stains.
NOTHING WORKED.

 

So this summer, I said to my husband, “we need a new sofa”.
Because people are laying napkins down on our sofa before they sit down.
Only cheap me didn’t want to pay for a new sofa.
The structural part of the couch was fine.
I mean, we already had our butt dents comfortably placed.
And you know how long of a process that is.

So I decided we weren’t gonna pay over 400 dollars for a new couch.
I do not know how I came up with that number.
Because even that number makes me shudder.
And the only place I could think of that would even come close to my cheap price?
IKEA.
Only the couches I loved were $900 +.
Of course they were.
They were so pretty, though!
No.
Nooooo.
I am not gonna pay a grand to have stains from hell make their way onto the new couch.
Because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, the old couch wasn’t making the stains.
My old family was.
And I couldn’t put them out on the curb come garbage day and go to IKEA and buy a new family.

Then I remembered!
My best friend Rebecca has experience with slipcovers!
Yes!
I could turn to her for help!
Because my history with slipcovers isn’t pretty.

When I was a newlywed back in 1995, my parents gave my then-husband and me their old sofa.
We were so excited to get it because we were so broke.
But it didn’t go with anything in our home.
No problem!
I will put a slipcover on it!
I got it at Kohl’s (where I worked at the time) for 50% plus my discount.
I was so stoked!
I could do this!

 

After I finished it, it looked like I was hiding bodies on my couch.
And what was worse was that after anyone would sit on it, you would need to reposition the slipcover all over again.
Every. Single. Time.
One day I came home from work and the slipcover was hanging entirely off one side of the sofa.
It was like the sofa was suffocating under the slipcover and trying to shake the thing off.

Needless to say, I was slipcover phobic after that.
And bought ugly red couches for 60% off in bargain garages.

Rebecca to the rescue!
She had ordered these slipcovers from Overstock called Sure Fit.
And they looked amazing on her couches.
Not at all like slipcovers.
And $129 was a lot cheaper than $900.

Starting the process of being a less ugly couch and a more pretty couch.

 

 

Hello, brown cushions of goodness and light.

 

It took Rebecca and me all 15 minutes or fewer from start to finish.
Then we went to Hobby Lobby and bought pillow covers.
Remember the pillows I “made“?
We “made” more!

Ooh, look at the pretty colors!

 

 

It’s like I don’t even know who you are.

So I figured, if we bought a brand new couch, it would have set us back at least 400-500 dollars.
Maybe more if it included shipping, haul away, etc.

 

The slipcover alone was $129.00.

The pillows, five total was 50 dollars.
Not bad, considering the cheapest pillow at Target on clearance was 12 bucks a pop.

So for a “new to us” couch, it cost us a grand total of 179.00.

We love it.
Love, love, love.

 

And yes, I am allowing my kids to sit on it.
Okay, maybe not on it but definitely near it.