The whole enchilada.
The BIG ONE.
Which is almost basically what happened to me when I found out that I would be receiving a Dyson vacuum cleaner.
First of all, I want to clarify something that isn’t sitting well with me.
I don’t want to come off as bragging.
I am LUCKY.
L U C K Y.
And it was crappy
And yes, I am lazy.
SEVEN TIMES I RAN OVER THAT STUPID PIECE OF LINT.
But this review experience has been the big cheese of my blogging career.
Like I feel like I really should put Dyson on my resume.
I don’t know how Dyson feels about that.
But they are TOTALLY going on there somewhere.
With like extracurricular’s or something.
OK maybe there weren’t any togas (that is next time, right Cassandra???) but John Belushi was in my head the whole time yelling TOGA TOGA TOGA.
Anyhoo, when we were given these machines, which Marianne pointed out was THE coolest goody bag from a party EVER, I wanted every one of you wonderful people to get one.
I wish I had that Oprah power.
You get a Dyson!
You get a Dyson!
YOU GET A DYSON!Someday if I ever have a talk show that lasts more than a season, I am totally handin’ out Dyson’s.
Let me just say that we got home from the party at 9:30 on a Wednesday evening, which when you are a parent is LAAATE…..this puppy was out of the box and sucking up every non-living and semi-living thing in my house by 7:02 am Thursday.
In fact, I wanted to open the box on the Edens Expressway on the way home.
Is it wrong to be in love with an inanimate object?
But is it wrong to have strong romantic feelings for an inanimate object?
Because if loving this is wrong.
I don’t wanna be right.
I wanna be wrong.
Really, really wrong.
|Not to be outdone, my bestie Marianne made paper googly eyes for her Dyson review. Take that.|
The lines, THE LINES!
Neat freaks everywhere are nodding their heads in a Dyson induced coma.
LINES EQUAL CLEAN.
DEEP LINES EQUAL EUPHORIA.
I am about to show you something that I don’t normally share with just everyone.
It is not at all appropriate for anyone to see under the age of 13.
So a PG 13 picture, if you will.
It is taking a lot for me to show you this, know that I am going out of my comfort zone to do this.
Big deep cleansing breaths……..
And here we go.
See that canister?
It was completely empty, brand spanking new at 7:01 am.
I may or may not have even inhaled the new canister smell.
YOU ALL HAVE “THINGS” YOU DO, GIVE ME THIS.
This is after vacuuming two rooms.
Can you feel my blood pressure from where you are sitting?
This feeling is two-fold.
One- I am shivering thinking about how little my crappy other brand name was sucking up.
Oh sure, he was sucking up to me but he was lying to me as well.
HE WAS A LIAR.
Two- My Dyson is sucking up all the bad things.
ALL OF THE BAD THINGS.
So this was unnerving and amazingly euphoric in one sitting.
If the picture above isn’t a testimonial to you all to start saving up to buy a Dyson OR to fund a Kickstarter project to get me a talk show so I can GIVE you one, I don’t know what is.
For me, it was like going from a Ford Tempo to a Ferrari.
I used to have a Ford Tempo so I can use that juxtaposition.
I don’t think I used the word juxtaposition correctly.
Anyway, you know what I mean.
I mean the Tempo is nice and all, a sturdy enough car.
But when you want to “smoke” the jerkwad sitting next to you at the red light who totally cut in front of you in construction traffic, what would you rather be sitting in to do said “smoking”?
Or the Ferrari?
That’s what I thought.
Head on over to Dyson to check out all their cool products.
They have a brand new fan that Marianne and I got to get a sneak peek of!
It was all Mission Impossible in that I couldn’t even write about it until now!
Also, head here to follow Dyson on Twitter.
And tell Cassandra I said hi.
Disclaimer- Dyson provided me with a vacuum to review.
The words above are all my own.
The dirt on my floors belongs to my children.