Blogging, Humor

Flat Kari’s Adventures

Years ago, there was a paper version of me cavorting around the United States of America. Some of you might not know this because this was before you started reading. I feel like 2021 is the time to bring this information to the light of day. So I will share “her” adventures over the course of the next couple of re-blogs.

Oh, and I unpublished the other posts so you can’t read ahead. 




First published May 23, 2014

Every time I hear the term “Flat Kari”, I get flashbacks to high school.

Because I was flat in high school.
Then I had two babies, and I got myself some boobs.

Thanks, Anna and Ella! Finger guns!

Those who have children or who are educators will know about the Flat Stanley Project.
Basically, a paper version of a child is mailed to points unknown to have unique life experiences.
At my first blog conference last summer, there was a “Flat Sue” being passed around, because Real Sue couldn’t attend.
But Flat Sue had many fun adventures, like getting drunk and getting drunk.

So when I wasn’t able to attend a rehearsal for Listen To Your Mother in April, someone suggested I create a Flat Kari to attend the rehearsal.

OKAY! So I mailed it to one of my co-producers so I could “be” there.

2021 note- I didn’t even question the lucidity of this process. No Facetime? No group text? Just create a cardboard likeness. Also, I would like props for writing 2021 note this time. 

I have to say; I was a little jealous of Flat me. I was eating spicy tacos with my Listen to Your Mother cast mates and going into the city with friends. So when my friend Melissa suggested I keep her (aka Flat Kari) going, it intrigued me. This could be a fun way for me to live vicariously through the cardboard version of myself.

So the Flat Kari series was born!

“I” will head to places like California!

New York!



Random places around the Chicago area!

Ooh, wee! Do I get around!
Not at all like high school really flat, Kari.
Because, hello, flat.



My first visit was Southern California to visit my friend Melissa, the brainchild of this fun mission.

Greetings from sunny Seal Beach, California! Flat Kari has had an amazing time!
Flat Kari began her journey checking out Fox Studios and the houses from the show
Modern Family. She enjoyed lunch at a California favorite, In-and-Out Burger. She enjoyed the sunny weather, lunch with some girlfriends, and just relaxed, soaking in the Palm trees, flowering plants, and green gardens. Here are some pictures from her first-ever journey to Cali!

Love, Melissa!



2021- I am so stinking jealous of paper me.

THAT is a trip of a lifetime.

Now I get to go to Whole Foods.

With a mask on.


Why do I look so pensive about Chipotle? I LOVE CHIPOTLE.


When Melissa lived in Illinois, we would have play dates with our girls and we would occasionally treat ourselves with Chipotle for surviving the playdate.

2021 note- But we never ate inside Chipotle with our girls because that would be a fatal error. One of us would go pick it up and the other would stay back at the house running interference with the toddlers. Then we would feed the girls and sit in the other room in glorious silence, eating our Chipotle. Those little girls are now teenagers. Gah. 

Cali IS warm! I really don’t even need my chevron sweater anymore.

2021 note- The chevron sweater is “ironic”. It is a statement piece. Every blogger was wearing chevron back then. You had to be there. 

The way I am “eating” in California, I won’t be “flat” much longer. Heh, heh.  Get it?

2021 note- Oh, we get it, ha, heh heh. 



Back at Chipotle again!
Good thing I am on Weight Watchers.
Just kidding, it’s the same trip.
I was just too lazy to move the pictures together.
Say hi to Melissa’s friend Barbara!
I bet they are rewarding themselves for a play date too.
Playdates are hard.

2021 note- What makes me laugh the most are the grown women carrying around a cardboard version of me and posing with it in public. I love these people. Really. GOD LOVE HUMAN BEINGS WHO DO SHIT LIKE THIS FOR THEIR FRIENDS. 

This last one made me cry.
I miss Lucy.
It looks like she misses me too.

2021 note- this made me cry too because Lucy dog is no longer with us. Oh, sweet Lucy. 

Thank you so much for hosting “me” Melissa!

2021 note- next week, you will see “me” get drunk and piss off people on an airplane. It doesn’t get much better, does it? 

33 thoughts on “Flat Kari’s Adventures”

  1. HA! Flat Kari, you look good. And boobs are soooo overrated. And Chipotle is always appropriate.If you want to visit Kansas City and, well, be in Kansas? C'mon over! We can have madcap adventures.


  2. Oh man, I want to make a flat Lillian so she can travel the world in my place. What a cool idea.I was flat chested too. I used to think "I must, I must, I must increase my bust." Then I had my daughter. Now I miss my flat chested ways. Where am I supposed to put these things? Why can't I be a standard bra size like I used to be? Will my shirts ever fit again?xoxoP.S. Flat Kari should come to New Mexico.


    1. I must, I must, I must increase my bust.Oh Judy Blume……I will keep her going all year long!!New Mexico sounds amazing……


  3. If Flat Kari can get to me by next Wednesday she can tag along to Paris with us! My thirteen year old daughter would love to show her the sights! 🙂


    1. OMG I am so jealous!!!!! Unfotunately, my calendar is filling up……WHY IS THE PAPER VERSION OF ME BUSIER????But I would love to come visit you in the fall!!?!?


  4. I'll be back to Texas before the fall gets here but both versions of Kari are welcome to come play at any time! 🙂


  5. All these years later and it’s still funny and I wonder what Flat Kari is doing now. I assume she’s still around, even if the chevron sweater is getting a bit worn and even more ironic because some joker will see it and say, “Hey, 2014 called, they want their sweater back,” and Flat Kari, being witty as she is, can reply, “Hey, 2003 called, they want their joke back.”
    And let’s face it: 2021 is the perfect time for Flat Kari’s adventures to continue.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My boys and I used to read Flat Stanley and I tried to get them to make paper/cardboard versions of themselves to send to friends and family like this but they thought I was nuts. I can’t wait to hear where Flat Kari goes next.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think all of your repost notes need to have 2021 updates. Or 2020 updates. Just, updates. Because they are the best parts of these posts.

    Thank you for making me LOL, Flat Kari. I remember being fairly excited to get pregnancy boobs, until I realized that they were never going to extend further than my pregnancy tummy. Oh well.

    And that chevron sweater. I don’t remember chevron sweaters, but I do remember DIY bloggers putting chevron on everything else they could mark off with painter’s tape.

    Looking forward to the next installment 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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