Blogging, Humor

Flat Kari’s Adventures- Don’t Make Me Eat Sushi

Every time I hear the term “Flat Kari”, I get flashbacks to high school.
Let’s just say I was mammary challenged my entire life until I got pregnant the second time.
Because the first time, the boobs didn’t “take”.
I wasn’t necessarily made fun of in high school.
At least not to my face.
But I was indeed all things Flat.

Here is the back story:
There is a book named Flat Stanley where basically a paper version of a child is mailed all over to have different life experiences.
Last summer at my first blog conference, there was a Flat Sue passed around.
Because Real Sue couldn’t go.
But Flat Sue had all sorts of fun adventures like getting drunk annnnnd getting drunk.

So when I was unable to attend one of the rehearsals for Listen To Your Mother in April, I constructed a Flat Kari and mailed it to one of my co-producers so that I could “be” there.
Without “being” there.

I have to say, I was a little jealous of Flat Me.
I was having fun!
Eating spicy tacos!
Hanging out with my homies!

So when my friend Melissa suggested that I keep her going, I was excited!
I don’t get to travel much so this is my way of living vicariously through the cardboard version of me!

So the Flat Kari series was born!
“I” am heading to places like California, India, New York, Finland and random places around the Chicago area.
I get around!
Not at ALL like high school Flat Kari.
Because, hello, FLAT.

My first visit was to Southern California to visit my friend Melissa, the brainchild of this whole thing:

Greetings from sunny Seal
Beach, California! Flat Kari has had an amazing time, having so much fun
catching up with the Rogers. Flat Kari began her journey (cue
“Weeeeeeeee”) checking out Fox Studios and the houses from the show,
Modern Family. She enjoyed lunch (cue an O-M-G) at a California
favorite, In-and-Out Burger. She enjoyed the sunny weather, lunch with
some girlfriends (her new Cali besties), and just relaxed, soaking in
the Palm trees, flowering plants, and green gardens. Here are some pics
from her first ever journey to Cali:




Why do I look so pensive about Chipotle??
When Melissa lived in Illinois, we would have play dates with our girls who are still in love with each other.
And we would occasionally treat ourselves with Chipotle.
For surviving a play date.

Cali IS awesomesauce!
I really don’t even need my chevron sweater anymore.



In N Out burger???
Mannnnn, flat me is so lucky.
And the way I am “eating” out there, I won’t be “flat” much longer.


Green plants!
I really should have re-thought the whole sweater thing.
I look hot.



Slides are the best!


Back at Chipotle again!
Good thing I am on Weight Watchers.
Juuust kidding, it’s the same trip.
I was just too lazy to move the pictures together.
Say hi to Melissa’s friend Barbara!
I bet they are rewarding themselves for a play date too.
Play dates are haaarrrrrd.


This last one almost made me cry.
I miss Lucy.
It looks like she misses me too.

Thank you so much for hosting “me” Melissa!
As this is published, I am already having adventures with my friend Heather in another Cali town!!
Stay tuned for the next installment.
Maybe, just maybe, Flat Kari will become Stacked Kari.

22 thoughts on “Flat Kari’s Adventures- Don’t Make Me Eat Sushi”

  1. HA! Flat Kari, you look good. And boobs are soooo overrated. And Chipotle is always appropriate.If you want to visit Kansas City and, well, be in Kansas? C'mon over! We can have madcap adventures.


  2. Oh man, I want to make a flat Lillian so she can travel the world in my place. What a cool idea.I was flat chested too. I used to think "I must, I must, I must increase my bust." Then I had my daughter. Now I miss my flat chested ways. Where am I supposed to put these things? Why can't I be a standard bra size like I used to be? Will my shirts ever fit again?xoxoP.S. Flat Kari should come to New Mexico.


    1. I must, I must, I must increase my bust.Oh Judy Blume……I will keep her going all year long!!New Mexico sounds amazing……


    1. Are you talking about taking her for some Round Rock donuts? If so, can you ship some my way? 🙂


  3. If Flat Kari can get to me by next Wednesday she can tag along to Paris with us! My thirteen year old daughter would love to show her the sights! 🙂


    1. OMG I am so jealous!!!!! Unfotunately, my calendar is filling up……WHY IS THE PAPER VERSION OF ME BUSIER????But I would love to come visit you in the fall!!?!?


  4. I'll be back to Texas before the fall gets here but both versions of Kari are welcome to come play at any time! 🙂


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