First published June 30th, 2014
Recently, I had been noticing other blogs’ headers.
I mean, DOESN’T, EVERYONE?
A few days later, I was on Etsy and I noticed that they actually sell blog header packages.
I guess I didn’t know there was a market for such things. The prices were like $30 for a “package” but I didn’t inquire what a “package” was. Tee hee. Sorry, bathroom humor.
By the way, for that less in-the-know, package is another word for penis.
Then a few days later, I saw a blog post by my friend Jeanette who created a really cool header on her blog using only Pic Monkey, and I was like wait, WHAT. You can do that?!
*Side note- for those who aren’t bloggers, it will get more interesting, I promise. Or not.
But I promise to stop talking shop and start making bathroom jokes for you. HANG TIGHT. Until then, here is a blogger to English dictionary for you:
Pic Monkey = a free-ish photo editing site
Blogger = a free blogging platform
WordPress = a more advanced-ish somewhat free-ish blogging platform
Header = the stuff at the top of a blog where the title sits
and for review:
Package = penis
So Jeanette’s header was quite lovely, and I decided I didn’t want to pay $30 so I thought I could also maybe probably do that too.
2020 note- I clicked on the link to her blog and couldn’t find the header or the post. But go to her blog because she is a good friend and cool art blogger.
But I put it on the back burner of my brain because that is how my brain works. So I stuck with my ugly-ass Blogger header for a few more months.
I just needed motivation, and that motivation came to me as a gift. I received the cutest cartoon caricature of myself as a gift for my birthday from my brother- and sister-in-law.
I had never even thought about something like this! But I guess most people don’t go around trying to find a cartoon character of themselves. And to that, I say WHY THE HELL NOT?
What a good hair day I was having!
And I look a lot like Ellen DeGeneres, which I am not sure how I feel about.
My sister-in-law sent in the headshot from Listen To Your Mother here:
2020 note- I cannot find the original picture because a lot of pictures didn’t transfer from my old blog, sad face. So enjoy the cartoon caricature of my first ever headshot.
I love that my sister-in-law used this picture because it will always remind me of my first professional headshot. I never, ever want to forget this experience. I mean, I know I won’t ever forget this experience, but it is cool that I will always have this picture to remind me I had a time in the spotlight once.
2020 note- It’s a good thing I have the cartoon to remind me.
For first-time visitors, this is how my blog works: I ramble.
If you aren’t keen on that kind of blog jive, you might not be happy here.
You may want a more professional tutorial, and I get that completely.
Are they gone?
BRING OUT THE BEER BONG, RUBBER SHEETS, AND THE TOGAS!
This is how you can create a header on your Blogger blog (I don’t “do” WordPress because I don’t “understand” WordPress)
2020 note- I guess I got over that fear. Look at me doing hard things! Prepare yourself for THE worst tutorial on how to create a header for your Blogger blog.
Step 1- Go to Pic Monkey and open up the link at the top that says Design
Step 2-Once you click the word Design, it will give you some options on the sidebar.
Step 3- One of such options is Canvas Color. You can pick any color you would like, but I chose either white or transparent.
I originally picked white, but when I went to add it to the blog, you could see a sizeable gap. I mean, it really didn’t look that bad but I have serious perfection problems (2020 note as you can tell from this tutorial) and it bothered me so I went back and checked off the Transparent canvas box. Now you can’t see the line at all.
Step 4- The next option I picked is size.
I found this tutorial on Pinterest which pointed me in the right direction for Blogger header sizes.
900 x 200 is the typical size for most Blogger blogs.
You know what? Read her blog for more detail and quite honestly maybe just go there and don’t come back here because I am sure she will direct you better than I could.
But DO come back when you are done with the header.
Because I am a hoot.
2020 note- I can’t believe I told my readers to go to another blog MID-TUTORIAL to get instructions. Yes, I can.
You have resized the canvas to fit the top of your blog and you chose the color of the canvas.
NOW you are ready to design your header, which is where the real fun begins.
There are lots of fonts I love to use on Pic Monkey.
Channel and Mission Script are two of my favorites.
But I used Ostrich Sans Inline for the current title.
Which isn’t the font above?
Because if this were a good tutorial, I would have taken pictures of the ACTUAL FONT I USED.
By the way, when you check the box off that says TRANSPARENT, the background will look like the above little squares.
Which, when you do this without a tutorial, will freak you out to the point of quivering. Then you will question yourself:
WILL THERE BE SQUARES IN THE BACKGROUND?
WHY IS PIC MONKEY MESSING WITH MY BRAIN?
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN SEE THE SQUARES?
HOW MANY MULTIVITAMINS DID I TAKE TODAY?
AM I HIGH?
The squares are there, apparently, to prove to you that yes indeed it is transparent.
The squares are there to f**k with you.
After you choose your font and get it all set with sizing, you might want to add a little something extra.
For example, mustaches, or bowler hats, or cartoon pictures of yourself.
With enormous balls.
I happen to like enormous balls.
Because of that, I thought it would be fun to have enormous balls all over my blog header.
Some call them circles.
Others call them orbs.
If I am choosing, I say balls.
If my mom were choosing, she would say circles.
But she doesn’t write this blog, so balls it is.
Step ten? Ten sounds good. Click on the word Overlays on the left side where the pretty butterfly is.
The butterfly holds all the balls. I mean, not literally.
After clicking on the butterfly, then click on Geometric, to go specifically to the balls.
The default ball color is black, but you can change your balls to any color of the rainbow.
You can make your balls red, you can make your balls green, hell, you can even make your balls blue. Big blue balls are my favorite.
There are so many options from this point, and that is why it is so much damn fun.
Experiment with your balls, your triangles, your rectangles, your stars, but most definitely play around with your balls.
It was after I published this that I realized I was having so much fun playing around with my balls that I never told you how I plugged in my cartoon self! I saved my cartoon to my computer as a picture file. All I did was add it to the canvas as a photo and Voila!
I had so much fun with all of this that I made FOUR headers.
This one had balls to the left.
The balls-less version.
Balls to the right; I minimized the blue ball and maximized the pink ball. I guess I don’t like big blue balls as much as I anticipated. Hmm. I am finding out a lot about myself within a tutorial post. This is why I LOVE blogging.
IF YOU AREN’T LAUGHING RIGHT NOW, YOU HAVE NO SOUL.
I hope I helped you decide to even you can change your blog header and you don’t need to be a web designer to do so.
Or I helped you decide to follow no kind of tutorial on this blog again.
Yes, probably the second one.