Humor, Life, Uncategorized

How My Brain Works OR as of Late, How My Brain DOESN’T Work

It has been crappy lately.
Pun intended.
We are in stomach flu hell over here.
I won’t go into any detail.
But I miss you with every bit of my being and I need you in my life again so I am like Ralphie clawing my way back up to Santa to you, my lovely readers with this TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE post because I miss you.
I really, really Sally Field miss you.
I need you to know I want you in my life and need you back, so please don’t think I am abandoning you or I don’t have anything to say, oh on the contrary.
I have plenty.
My life is eating me alive, that is the plan apparently in 2015.
Someone, somewhere with the voodoo doll STOP IT DAMMIT.
Ok, I feel much better.
Now where is the Imodium and where did I put my daughter’s puke bucket……sigh.
I originally started this post over a year ago.


It sat and sat.
And sat some more.
Just adding things here and there.

I have been using this blog as my therapy lately in digging back from my The Police “King of Pain Tour of 2015” and so I am finally just hitting the publish button on this one.

By the way, I have been taking a migraine prevention medication since February 1 called Topamax.

One of the side effects is a foggy brain.
So here’s the deal, I can’t form a thought any more without going off on a tangent, forgetting things, who I am, what I was going to say and the like.
Just now, I was thinking of eating hard boiled eggs for lunch.
While cleaning my kitchen table and typing this to you.
What were we talking about?
Oh yes.
Anyway, forgive me for my lack of…I can’t think of the word…..compelling! YES, COMPELLING!! posts as of late.
Not that they ever were, to begin with.

Back to the post…….

My hair isn’t even remotely close to the one in the picture because taken over a year ago.

I DON’T EVEN WEAR THOSE GLASSES ANY MORE, that is how long ago that picture was taken!
I don’t even know if I even own that shirt because I think I spilled bleach on it.
Gosh, I do miss that shirt.
I think I saved it!
Because I loved it so and I can wear a scarf over the bleach spot and cover it.
As it is in a precarious place that can be covered just so that you may not see it if I wear it in certain situations OR with a cardigan.
It is one of those cool 3/4 sleeve tops I got at Old Navy and you could wear it in the spring OR winter.
OMG, I loved that top.

I really need to dig through my closet.

I wore that on my trip to New York City and thereafter got so many compliments on it.
I would wear it with leggings, I wore it with a chevron scarf, which of course THAT is pilled now and I had to get rid of.


Yeah, those meds make NO difference whatsoever.

Purell helps cure the static you get in your hair when you are trying on clothes in the fitting room

Well, it works for static no matter HOW you got it but especially in this situation.
Don’t do it every time you have static because it isn’t that great for your hair but in a pinch, it works.


Does anyone else take a half hour to open the plastic bags in the produce section?

They get all stuck to my fingers or stuck to itself and I spend more time than I would ever want to spend in the produce section.
Just trying to open bags.
To hold my produce.
I have deep-seated issues.
I am aware.

If EVERYONE complains about how awful Wal-Mart is on a weekend, then why does EVERYONE shop at Wal-Mart on a weekend.


Does everyone stop shaving their legs when they hit the knees?
Or is that just me?

I always, ALWAYS mix up Maroon 5 and Train.

Social media for me can be summed up best in this little analogy I like to call escalator VS. elevator.

I don’t buy myself pajamas because I feel like it is frivolous.

Even though I love pajamas.
I was in Target the other day and saw the yummiest pj’s with little piggies on them and the piggies were wearing….wait for it…..glasses.
But $12.95 for pants you sleep, drool and snore in, I just can’t.
Then it made me realize, I have a problem when it comes to sleepwear.
I don’t buy myself any.
I buy my girls sleepwear all the time but for me?
Then I came home and rifled through my sleepwear drawer.
Every single piece of sleepwear was either bought for me by my mom or was an old tee shirt that I used to wear on the “outside” that had a hole in it so it was downgraded to the “inside” or yoga pants that didn’t make the gym cut anymore because it had a bleach spill etc.
Is anyone else like this?

If everything at Dollar Tree is a dollar, why are the greeting cards 50 cents?

Now I got you thinking.

Why does Chipotle have such small parking lots?

Does it have to do with the environment and being green?
Because if it does, I would argue that they shouldn’t have ANY parking lots in that case.


If Subway is supposed to be “healthy” why do I always smell like body odor after leaving there?

By the way, I have only eaten there once in the past three months and I haven’t missed it.
I can make a mean sammich at home, thank you very much.
And I don’t smell like body odor after eating it.


Spell check doesn’t know what quinoa is or how it supposed to be spelled.

It also thinks Facebook is two words, Mark Zuckerberg.
It also doesn’t know how to spell Zuckerberg.


So here’s to yet another thought-provoking post from me.

Yep, aren’t you glad you took the time to read this?
There are ten minutes of your life you can’t get back.
But I have read some of the stuff that’s being put out there and sometimes it’s good to get away from it all.
Consider me your break from common sense.
I am here for you.
That was not at all flattering to me.
Off to take my meds.

15 thoughts on “How My Brain Works OR as of Late, How My Brain DOESN’T Work”

  1. You're too funny even when you're just about ready to kill yourself.You were the one who told me about Purell and static and yes I am constantly battling the plastic bags in the produce section. What the heck, right? Do they want us to buy produce or just throw them back in the bins in frustration??!!! Don't have Twitter.


  2. I actually wrote the post a long time ago but the beginning part a few minutes ago but I love that you think that.Don't get Twitter, it's really not worth it. It's like a CNN news feed. Only more annoying.


  3. This was exactly the break I needed from pontificating (ooh lala on pulling out a big word after 7 p.m.) about how I can possibly justify being a stay at home mom when there is nobody to stay home with (seriously, how is that boy graduating in less than 3 months and that girl turning 15 next week). About the sleep pants? I treat them as yoga pants (since I wear those to not do yoga in) call them loungewear and it justfiies the price! The produce bags? Lick your thumb. I swear it helps for some bizarre reason (this goes for doggy poop bags too). Can OI just keep talking here because it makes me feel like you are here too and we are having this chatting kind of thing. I am kind of a fast talker so you might not get a word in were we actually conversing anyway. The worst is when you accidentally spit a little when you're talking…yikes, see we don't have to worry about that here. My hair needs more than Purell, but it's certainly a start!But are your headaches less painful? Wait, that was an oxymoron of some sort…or I am just a moron. (so much for using one big word back there) Seems all headaches hurt, so are your headaches occurring less often? Or are you tt=oo distracted from clenching your butt cheeks to notice? Ok, on that note, I prolly ought to mosey along…maybe to comment on your facebook post about this blog post…then it'll be like I saw you twice!


  4. First of all, what's up with the bleach and why are you spilling it on everything?Maybe if they made us put ice cream and cookies in produce bags we wouldn't eat so much ice cream and cookies. Never mind.It sounds like your jammie drawer looks just like mine.Hope the intestinal situation improves soon.


  5. Pontificating makes me think of pontoon boats which makes me want to be far away on a boat right now.I am not licking my thumb anytime soon in a grocery store because stomach flu extravaganza 2015. I like that you keep talking too.Come do it more often.My headaches are good but that's because I am thinking more about the fact that I haven't eaten a solid food since it was winter. I still don't miss winter though.Or headaches.My butt cheek clenching is definitely going to help me win the best ass contestI was eyeing at the county fair this summer.That was fun, let's do that again!


  6. That's what every person I have talked to has called it. I have to say, it is getting better and my neurologist says it goes away the longer you are on it.Thank goodness. Or I am just getting used to being dopey.


  7. I love this, of course. Jammie drawer is so full of old t shirts, even though I once every 8 year or so think I should treat myself to jammies, still end up wearing the old undershirts that I can't figure out why I would ever buy an undershirt in that color in the first place. And I always wondered why I seemed to be the Only person in the world who realized subway smelled bad.I miss you. We need to plan our world takeover. Feel better, friend.


  8. I left this whole comment yesterday on my phone, and then Disqus made me sign in and I lost the whole damn thing.I do not remember the last time I bought myself pajamas! I sleep in athletic shorts (some many, many years old) and tshirts with holes in the armpits. Bringing the sexy. And I hate Subway. Local sub shops all the way. Or Jimmy Johns.I am sorry about your pain. I was just thinking that a YEAR ago we were all at Erma, and that's when I got to meet you for the first time. It's a happy/sad feeling.


  9. I made it through the entire post LOL. This post is how my brain works all the time. I also went on a new med in January for panic disorder. Yours sounds just like mine as to how it makes you feel. I actually loved this post. Made me feel so normal hahahaha.


  10. I love that you made it all the way through and STILL love me!I feel like lately I might have panic disorder and no I am not kidding, I may want more info from you.Glad you are here Debbie.


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