Humor, Life, Uncategorized

Things About Me That Will Make You Feel Good About Yourself

Will you still be my friend? 

First published August 18, 2015


My primary aim here on the blog is foremost, to be brutally honest but not honestly honest if this makes sense? Sarcastically honest? Better?
And squeezing in my love of tacos and Bruce Hornsby, but not in that order.
Unless it is about my love for John Hughes.
Then it is John Hughes, sarcastic honesty, tacos, then Bruce Hornsby.

Sorry, Bruce.
That’s just the way it is.
Some things will never change.


I like to share posts with you to make you feel good about yourself. The reason is three-fold.

1- I feel you might read my blog while you’re doing something unpleasant (ie- at work/working at home/mopping the floor/staying at home with the kids), so you need a lift.

2- Life can suck, why add to the suck by writing about other things that suck?

3- Why the hell not?

So here is my list of things about me that will indeed make you feel good about yourself. You’re welcome.

 

Image result for big mac
Courtesy/ CNN

1- I once ate two Big Mac’s in one sitting

I have witnesses. It was in a hotel room in Ohio while visiting family. My mom and Anna got back after visiting family, and we were hungry. What?? I was hungry, and I ordered an extra Big Mac. I ate them both and I regret nothing.

Don’t shame me, I am already making you feel better about yourself, remember?

 

Woman in Blue Sweater Lying on Bed

2- I have blown my nose on my shirt on over one occasion

The occasions were when I was feeding my newborn babies and didn’t want to get up and wake them. If you are gonna judge me on this one?

We don’t need to be friends. We had a good run.

 

Smiling Woman With White Towel on Head
This has nothing to do with what I am telling you. I just needed a break from the palpable tension.

3- I also used a mini pad to blow my nose when I was in the car and I had nothing else to use

It happened after Listen to Your Mother, and we were on our way to the celebration dinner. It was a fresh mini pad. I know that doesn’t make it any better! I just felt I should say something in this awkward silence.

4- I don’t know how to:

things I can't do

 

I once tried to write my own resume and it was all out of whack.
Paragraphs all over the damn place.
It looked like a haiku.

As did my eyebrows.

And don’t get me started on the tire.
Or the oil.
I will learn.
Someday.
Or maybe not.
Probably on the road with a flat tire.
Or I will just end up having to walk home.
All because I couldn’t afford a good car.

Why?

Because I had a terrible resume and bushy eyebrows.

 

How Much Farting Is Normal Per Day? | Women's Health
Courtesy/ Getty Images

5- When I walk down the aisle at Target and I need to fart, I blame it on others

I always say, WHO DID THAT??, make a disgusted face and then point to another person.
If I had a service dog, I would absolutely blame them.
So if you are with me at Target and smell something?
It’s me.
Or maybe it’s you.
Probably you.

 

Selective Focus Photography of High-rise Building

 

6- I hate driving in the city by myself

And when I say “city”, I mean Chicago, which is the closest major metropolitan city to me. I can drive through Milwaukee, no problem. Columbus, Ohio? No sweat. Minneapolis? Easy, peasy. But Chicago gives me the vagina sweats.

This is what I look like when I drive in my city:

Scared by Jack in the Box

No.
More like this:

Not my picture

And a little like this:

Also not my picture

And mostly like this:

Again, not my picture. Is that E.T.?

 

 

gossiping

7- I love gossip

I need to find myself a beauty shop and call myself Truvy (if you’ve never seen Steel Magnolias, that won’t make sense).

I love gossip. Not the mean kind but the informative, kind.

A few weeks ago, there was a terrible storm that went through our area and I was in the bank for 20 minutes “gossiping” about such things as who doesn’t have power, where the tornado touched down, who needed food, where I could go to help, what town didn’t have a siren, etc. with the tellers who all know me on a first-name basis because of informative gossip.

Anna had to honk the horn on the car to get me to come out because she doesn’t understand the necessity of informative gossip. Of course, once I got in the car, she immediately wanted to know all the gossip.

Mmm-hmm.

2020 note- I know I mentioned that gossiping lowers your vibration. So as you can see, it has been a tough road for me. Thoughts and prayers. Thoughts. And. Prayers. 

spelling psychology wrong

8- I can’t spell the word psychology

And I received an A in the course in college.
Probably because they never asked me to spell the word psychology in the course psychology.
That and all my tests were online and multiple choice.

 

9- I eat way too many peanut M & M’s

 

I am addicted to these colorful orbs of joy. Please don’t ruin my happiness by telling me in the comments that they cause cancer or that they embed them with microchips that program you to sell Amway products. I love what I love.

2020 note- this has gotten me through the pandemic. 25 seconds in the microwave and your mouth will experience an orgasm. You’re welcome. 

There you have it, friends.
Just a few things to make you feel better about yourselves.

Now it’s your turn to make me feel better about myself in the comments.

Off to blow my nose on my shirt…

13 thoughts on “Things About Me That Will Make You Feel Good About Yourself”

  1. I love peanut butter M&M’s! I don’t like to drive in the city either: I’m fine in Worcester but HATE driving in Providence unless I know exactly where I am going.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When Lad was a newborn and we were in the elevator taking him back for his 6 week checkup, Coach let one go in the elevator. It was deadly. The doors opened and as we stepped out of the elevator he blamed the offensive odor on Lad. I was like NICE TRY – BABIES DO NOT SMELL THAT BAD.

    My mom and I once went to Bakers Square (in our shared old stomping ground) for a piece of pie. A girl I went to high school with was working as a waitress. She stopped by our table and talked about herself and how great she was FOR.EVER. After she walked away, my mom started at her empty plate and was like: I didn’t even enjoy my pie, let’s order another piece.
    And we did.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You are such good medicine for me. Sigh. I’ve missed reading your blog. When I get overwhelmed with medical things over here I go a little mia when what I really need is all this good medicine.

    So much SAME. Except the maxi pad. Never thought of that but BRILLIANT!

    And I’m definitely going to try the 25 second peanut m$ms. Me and m&m’s go way, way back.

    I ate two Whoppers at a sitting (okay, more than one sitting) instead of big macs. 😲

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think this is a reblog I missed the first time around. (If not, well…getting older, right?) I also don’t know how to change a tire or oil, and what the hell do you do with eyebrows that are part Andy Rooney and part missing? (See: getting older). (I can write a resume, though. You let me know if you ever want some help with that.) As for noses, use whatever works and never, ever wake a sleeping baby! (Thanks for the smiles.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is! I have blonde eyebrows and I don’t know how to tend to them. My daughters laugh at me and my eyebrows, so they take pity on me and now help me with them when I go out in public. That is a rare occasion, so I don’t embarass myself as much as I used to. 🙂

      Like

  5. Two Big Macs in one sitting? And opening a blog post with that? Kari, you are my kind of girl.

    I hate driving in Chicago too. The only place where I hate driving more than Chicago is Detroit. Those people drive CRAZY. I don’t like Green Bay either but that’s because of the bridges. I’m TERRIFIED of bridges.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I had a Big Mac for the first time in a long time on Sunday. Because of this post. I love it when I inspire myself. 😂

      My oldest daughter was terrified of bridges as a child. So we tried to avoid them whenever possible. Have you ever been on the Mackinac Bridge in Michigan?? Ooh wee. Now that’s a bridge. 😳

      Like

      1. Ha!! Yes. In fact, I think that’s the bridge that started it all. We were going camping in the UP when I was little with some family friends and we were stopped on it (construction?) and he said he was going to throw me over the edge!!

        But seriously, we take it almost every fall on our way home from visiting my Gram! And if I’m driving we always stop at a rest stop before we get to it so my sister can drive over it. I absolutely can’t with that bridge.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Omg!! That would be terrifying! I had to drive over it when I was 23 and I thought I was going to go into the fetal position. My hands could barely come off of the steering wheel when I got to the other side.

        Like

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