Blogging, Humor, Uncategorized

Why I Fired My “Assistant”


WordPress is the shit.

Why in God’s name did it take me six years to get over here?

Do you know that I can see all of your visits now without having to go to Google Analytics? Did you know that if you subscribe to my blog, I know exactly who you are? And by the way, WHY ARE YOU NOT SUBSCRIBING TO MY BLOG?

I know it seemed like an impulsive move (impulsive = fast not impulsive = silly) to switch (or migrate) my blog from Blogger to WordPress, but it was years in the making.

The final straw was this:




See the red font color? It isn’t supposed to be red. Well, the words Gladys Kravitz imitation are but the rest are not. So I went back into my post editor and after several tries, I couldn’t change it. I tried refreshing the page, editing my post in a different browser, standing on my head while holding the computer a little to the left. Nothing worked. The day that I was having these editing problems coincidentally I had also been fiddling with my Blogger template.

I like to keep things fresh, and occasionally I play around with my template.

Everyone should play around with their template once in a while.

It was as I was doing a tweak as simple as changing the font style that my blog went haywire. The widths were off, the page’s background had changed and lots of colorful words started coming out of my mouth that rhymed with won of a stitch and go truck yourself, Blogger.


I felt like I had finally gotten my blog back to normal when someone commented on a post and it came into my inbox from Blogger. Not Disqus, who had been handling my comments for the past two years.

Please hang in there with me if you aren’t familiar with all of these boring blogging terms. Here, let me put it into context for you. 

Think of Disqus as my assistant, Blanche.
But then one day, I notice Blanche isn’t responding to me when I press the button.
Instead, it is Constance (my original commenting system).

Constance has been absent for the past two years and only works when she isn’t on her period, hungry, fighting with her husband, eating, drinking when it’s daylight, dark out or when the weather has the word “partly” in it. She is a half-ass worker bee and needs to be fired. Stat.
So I call the temp agency where I hired Blanche, begging and pleading for them to bring Blanche back but she is on a baby-moon in Fiji with her lover, Ramon. She sends face times and snap chats and shares pictures of her escapades on Facebook every day. You can see Blanche, but you can’t have Blanche because apparently, she didn’t update her passport and can’t get back into this country. It was as I was trying to get the credentials for Blanche’s return that my supervisor Dot (Blogger) decided to show up and f#$% up everything.

You thought Constance was bad? Dot is an asshole.

It was on a day that Constance called in sick because her dog had the bird flu, and Blanche was sending me selfies of her and Ramon on the nude beach, that I finally told Dot to go eff herself.

I was quitting, And I was hiring a new assistant.

Enter Inga (WordPress).

You don’t mess with Inga. She is strong, confident, helpful and doesn’t put up with bullshit. She will make me money, she will get things done, she won’t make me have to fiddle with blogger crap like code and font colors. She will make me look good.

A week in and I am in love with Inga and I don’t miss Dot, Constance or even Blanche for that matter.

The moral of the story is this: you deserve to be happy at work.

Thank you to my friend Rosemary for introducing me to Inga.
I can never thank you enough.
Rosemary that is, not Inga.




22 thoughts on “Why I Fired My “Assistant””

  1. YAY!!
    It looks great. I’m glad you brought Inga into your life. I hope the two of you will be eternally happy together.


  2. Great, you were the last blogger blogger that I know and love. I know others, but I don’t love them. Just kidding. I love them, too. But less than you.

    Also, YAY for progress! I’m totally jealous and bereft. But happy for you. It looks fantastic!


  3. Ohhhhhh.

    Do you know how long I’ve been avoiding the Blanche to Inga move? Forever.

    I guess you think it is more than worth it, ehh? I guess I should get off my duff, ehh?

    Your new digs looks fab, by the way!


    1. It is funny how so many Blogger blogger’s (wait, whut??) want to leave.
      I was with Blogger for six plus years, so it couldn’t have been that bad.
      Or maybe that is just Inga making me say that.


  4. I too, think WordPress is the shit. lol. I was SO glad when we switched our blog over to wordpress from blogger. It’s SO much easier and more streamlined. 😀


    1. It is okay, I do like it more than Blogger BUT I am much more in control of everything with WordPress.
      It is a lot more work than Blogger but I think it will pay off in the long run.


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