Humor, Life, Menopause

I’m a Badass, He’s a Badass, She’s a Badass, We’re a Badass, Wouldn’t You Like to Be a Badass Too?

Writer McWriterson

First published on May 22, 2017

Last spring, one of my friends told me about this book titled You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero.

Courtesy of Amazon

I saw it at Target for 12 bucks then whipped out my phone and bought it on Amazon for $7.75 because I like my money a lot more than an evolved state of being.

That was last May/June 2016.

It is now May 2017 and I am only halfway through it, so if you’re looking for a life coach, I think you know where to find it.

I always bring a book when I fly on an airplane. Even when the kids were smaller and I knew damn well there would be no reading being had for mom on the plane. But a book is something I always tuck away in my carry-on because we don’t pay for WiFi and apparently, WiFi is the biggest obstacle to me finishing a book.

On our most recent flight, I got the chance to dig into the book I bought almost a year earlier.

This is the thing about self-help books: I don’t typically like them.

Because I feel like it is really hard to self-help me when you are also self-helping millions of other people as well. There are a lot of generalizations that don’t apply to me, I feel like it’s all PEACE LOVE UNICORNS, and then I start to glaze over and pick up my latest issue of People magazine.

The upside is that I always end up feeling like my problems are small in comparison. That or it might be because of all the aforementioned glazing that I wasn’t really paying attention in the first place, therefore my problems are huge but I don’t know that they’re huge so it’s all good.

So when a friend told me in essence, that this self-help book is the least self-helpiest (my words not hers) book she’d ever read and it was essentially life-changing, I figured I could give it a shot.

This you need to know about me if you already didn’t: I am negative at my core.

When someone tells me that it might rain, I am 100 percent positive it will.

If we get a lice notice from the school, I am sure that my daughter sat next to said offender and that she is in DEFCON 4 mode of nits and eggs. DID YOU JUST ITCH YOUR HEAD?? Shit…..

If I get a pain in my side, I must be dying a slow death that isn’t showing up on any blood test or x-ray.

I am, at my core, negative in nature.

Until reading this damn book.

I am, as I type this, making a vision board.

A damn vision board.

I know, I have no idea who in the hell I am either.

I do know that after reading half of this book I feel like any dreams I have had in my past are possible and a little dammit where was this book some 20 years ago??

I am thinking more positively than I ever have in my entire life. It has nothing to do with any other life change than picking this book out of all of my Tori Spelling and Jennifer Weiner* books to take on my plane ride.

*I still love you Tori Spelling and Jennifer Weiner books. 

*Just not when I am trying to better myself. 

*I feel like Jennifer understands.

*Tori, not so much. 

I was sitting at a red light a few weeks ago holding my Starbucks coffee after a workout. I was heading home to write one of three articles that had an upcoming deadline when I had an epiphany. I believe it was the first one I have ever had because, in the past, I would use that statement for things like a cool DIY project or cleaning my stupid fridge.

So I had this epiphany. In my car. At a stoplight.

My life is good. I am lucky to have this life.

It flowed out of me like hot diarrhea (sorry for the visual) and came out of my mouth (again with the visual) to no one in particular:

I love my life.

Ever since my epiphany,  I have sat on the positivity choo-choo, I am a lot happier, better things are happening, and the Universe is listening.

I am still a work in progress, as are we all, but man, it is good.

I am a badass. I AM ONE BADASS MOTHER FUCKER and I can do things. Lots of things.

I don’t need a title or a degree to define me or my experiences. I am happy with what I have now and any changes I want to make in my life, I deserve.

I won’t be stuck anymore. Life is short. SHORT, people. Stop making excuses and do what you want to do.

Sorry, I just got carried away. Blame the vision board.

I haven’t always been this way, as I am sure those of you who read this blog with any sort of regularity know.

My husband isn’t this way either because he comes by his negativity earnestly.

My mother in law is what I would imagine if Peggy Biggs and Grumpy Cat had a love child.

It’s okay, she doesn’t read my blog because the internet causes cancer.

Allegedly. 

In life, I have come to realize many things but that there are two types of conspiracy theorists: positive conspiracy theorists and negative conspiracy theorists.

The difference is one thinking that we become our favorite animals after we die; the other believing our microwaves are listening to us and secretly recording it.

I am a positive conspiracy theorist living with a semi-negative conspiracy theorist.

I wanted a life change for us.

By the way, do you know how hard it is to change someone who is almost always glass half empty?

I am referring to myself in that last statement.

But I am trying and I am succeeding for the most part.

Before the damn book, my first reaction to anything would be negative.

Someone cancels on me and I would think it was something I did or said.

I would see a quote a friend shared on Facebook and immediately believe it was in reference to me.

A business partner doesn’t email me back for a few days or weeks and I think maybe they aren’t interested in working with me any longer. 

I am backing away slowly from that shit because that is exactly what that is. Shit.

Shit I don’t need in my life.

You know when you have backed up shit, you feel like…..well…..shit?

It’s toxic and no one wants to be around you because you are literally full of shit.

I don’t need that in my life and you don’t either.

Take a virtual Exlax and join me on the badass express.

The view is breathtaking.

29 thoughts on “I’m a Badass, He’s a Badass, She’s a Badass, We’re a Badass, Wouldn’t You Like to Be a Badass Too?”

  1. Adding to my reading list now.
    You’ve always been badass. I’m glad that now you see it, too.
    Also, those last two lines? You’re killing it. (I mean that in a good way)
    Love you.

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  2. Just bought a copy for myself because I want to be a badass too. I know you’re giggling a little because I typed badass.?

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  3. Hell yeah!

    Me too. The last few years have kicked the shit out of me (so, no Exlax needed here) and I am a badass for just surviving it and I am tired of being sad/mad about how things aren’t so I have decided to REVEL in the good things that are.

    Life is too short, and I intend to make the most of what’s left of it.

    Let’s egg each other on.

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  5. It certainly couldn’t hurt to add three little letters to my usually feeling of “ass”-woohoo! Is central New York on your vision board? Asking for a friend-canning season is coming!

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  6. I will tell you what I did with my one and only vision board, but you are sworn to secrecy. I tore it to smithereens in a fit of rage directed at my husband. I did. (And he’s such a saint, he later said, “I’m sorry you broke your board.” I am a recovering cynical, negative minded, complaining, toxic head who is STILL a major work in progress. I love self-help books and devour them like candy. Then I find the authors on social media and realize that they are just as cynical as me and I swear of my beloved self-help addiction until the next book comes along promising to fix my issues. Thank you, Kari, for turning my head towards another book?. And about the microwave….just last night I looked at my house guests and asked, “Do you ever just walk by your TV or computer and talk to big brother? You know?” Um, they didn’t. I’m thinking your husband might get me. LOL

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      1. Just reread my comment (I KNEW I had to have commented on this before). And yep, I’M THE SAME. 🙄

        Lately, I’ve been reading cooking memoirs. 🤷🏻‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I actually have a Julia Childs on my TBR list. The last two I’ve read were ‘The Kitchen Counter Cooking School’ by Kathleen Flinn (because I need the basics) and ‘Yes,Chef’ by Marcus Samuelsson.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. This used to be me!! And still kind of can be if I don’t watch myself. I was also so negative but have found that S–L–O–W–L–Y changing my mindset (over these past 8 years) to be more positive has helped me see more positives to be positive about! I truly think that is one thing that has helped keep me so sane and dare I even say- happy? this year.

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    1. YES!!! ME TOO.
      It is so funny because I don’t plan these posts at all to share. I find a fun post from the past and share. The funnier, the better; especially because we need them now. BUT when you see Monday’s post, you will see the parallel and be like, WOW.

      I used to be so negative and I have evolved big time. Not because of this book though, which is pretty funny. LMAO
      I am glad you have too. 🙂

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  9. I love your MIL quotes.

    I think I am pretty positive but when everything goes wrong in one day, I get REALLY grouchy. I guess I am a bad ass though in that I can turn the bull crap around and laugh at it while also thinking ‘well if this went perfect then I would never have figured this out,’ or I realize that it made me stronger.

    I have also been a bad ass in practically kicking a couple of contractors ass. Is this a different thing, or do we count literal ass-kicking here to qualify someone as a bad ass?

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    1. I’m not even making her up, that is HER. Like, HER. She doesn’t even know I have a blog. She still orders things from CATALOGS. Like, calls the catalog up and tells them the order number.

      You’re a badass.

      You popped out six kids and can still sneeze and cough without pooping out a small child. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST BADASS OUT OF ALL OF US.
      Write your own book. TODAY.

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  10. I used to be more negative when I was younger. However with age has come wisdom in the form of positivity– or at least enough to make it through my days with my sanity intact. I take very little personally anymore. Also, I don’t have a vision board. I just can’t get with those things…

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    1. I said I made one back then but I can’t find it? I also know I made a virtual one because I can’t stand clutter. I can’t find that one either.
      I made one with Ella for homeschool this year and that was fun! Guess what? I can’t find that one either.
      What does this say about me??

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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