Last spring, one of my friends told me about this book titled You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero.
I saw it at Target for 12 bucks then whipped out my phone and bought it on Amazon for $7.75 because I like my money a lot more than an evolved state of being.
That was last May/June 2016.
It is now May 2017 and I am only half way through it, so if you’re looking for a life coach, I think you know where to find it.
I always bring a book when I fly on an airplane. Even when the kids were smaller and I knew damn well there would be no reading being had for mom on the plane. But a book is something I always tuck away in my carry on because we don’t pay for WiFi and apparently, WiFi is the biggest obstacle to me finishing a book.
On our most recent flight, I got the chance to dig into the book I bought almost a year earlier.
This is the thing about self-help books: I don’t like them.
Because I feel like it is really hard to self-help me when you are also self-helping millions of other people. There are a lot of generalizations that don’t apply to me, I feel like it’s all PEACE LOVE UNICORNS and then I start to glaze over and pick up my latest issue of People magazine.
The upside is that I always feel like my problems are small in comparison. That or it might be because of all the aforementioned glazing that I wasn’t really paying attention in the first place, therefore my problems are huge but I don’t know that they’re huge so it’s all good.
So when my friend told me in essence, that this self-help book is the least self-helpiest (my words not hers) book she’d ever read and it was essentially life-changing, I figured I could give it a shot.
This you need to know about me if you already didn’t: I am negative at my core.
When someone tells me that it might rain, I am 100 percent positive it will.
If we get a lice notice from the school, I am sure that my daughter sat next to said offender and that she is in DEFCON 4 mode of nits and eggs. DID YOU JUST ITCH YOUR HEAD?? Shit…..
If I get a pain in my side, I must be dying a slow death that isn’t showing up on any blood test or x-ray.
I am, at my core, negative in nature.
Until reading this damn book.
I am, as I type this, making a vision board.
A damn vision board.
I know, I have no idea who in the hell I am either.
I do know that after reading half of this book I feel like any dreams I have had in my past are possible and a little dammit where was this book some 20 years ago??
I am thinking more positively than I ever have in my entire life. It has nothing to do with any other life change than picking this book out of all of my Tori Spelling and Jennifer Weiner* books to take on my plane ride.
*I still love you Tori Spelling and Jennifer Weiner books.
*Just not when I am trying to better myself.
*I feel like Jennifer understands.
*Tori, not so much.
I was sitting at a red light a few weeks ago holding my Starbucks coffee after a workout. I was heading home to write one of three articles that had an upcoming deadline when I had an epiphany. I believe it was the first one I have ever had because, in the past, I would use that statement for things like a cool DIY project or cleaning my stupid fridge.
So I had this epiphany. In my car. At a stoplight.
My life is good. I am lucky to have this life.
It flowed out of me like hot diarrhea (sorry for the visual) and came out of my mouth (again with the visual) to no one in particular:
I love my life.
Ever since my epiphany, I have sat on the positivity choo-choo, I am a lot happier, better things are happening, and the Universe is listening.
I am still a work in progress, as are we all, but man, it is good.
I am a badass. I AM ONE BAD ASS MOTHER FUCKER and I can do things. Lots of things.
I don’t need a title or a degree to define me or my experiences. I am happy with what I have now and any changes I want to make in my life, I deserve.
I won’t be stuck anymore. Life is short. SHORT, people. Stop making excuses and do what you want to do.
Sorry, I just got carried away. Blame the vision board.
I haven’t always been this way, as I am sure those of you who read this blog with any sort of regularity know.
My husband isn’t this way either because he comes by his negativity earnestly.
My mother in law is what I would imagine if Peggy Biggs and Grumpy Cat had a love child.
It’s okay, she doesn’t read my blog because the internet causes cancer.
In life, I have come to realize many things but that there are two types of conspiracy theorists: positive conspiracy theorists and negative conspiracy theorists.
The difference is one thinking that we become our favorite animals after we die; the other believing our microwaves are listening to us and secretly recording it.
I am a positive conspiracy theorist living with a semi-negative conspiracy theorist.
I wanted a life change for us.
By the way, do you know how hard it is to change someone who is almost always glass half empty?
I am referring to myself in that last statement.
But I am trying and I am succeeding for the most part.
Before the damn book, my first reaction to anything would be negative.
Someone cancels on me and I would think it was something I did or said.
I would see a quote a friend shared on Facebook and immediately believe it was in reference to me.
A business partner doesn’t email me back for a few days or weeks and I think maybe they aren’t interested in working with me any longer.
I am backing away slowly from that shit because that is exactly what that is. Shit.
Shit I don’t need in my life.
You know when you have backed up shit, you feel like…..well…..shit?
It’s toxic and no one wants to be around you because you are literally full of shit.
I don’t need that in my life and you don’t either.
Take a virtual Exlax and join me on the badass express.
The view is breathtaking.