I didn’t forget about my screenplay. I tell myself. Over and over. Except I did. Forget it. Which makes the title that much more ironic. Don’tcha think? So here is the first scene of many scenes in a screenplay that will surely never get made but really hoping that it does get made into a really funky play in some obscure theater in Chicago where you have to show a hand signal to get into the door. “FINNERS CROSSED”
*I counted the scenes to be 25 which if I post once a week will be five months of these shenanigans. Basically, I have created a blog series without even trying. Look at me go.
*Also, it’s written in screenplay form, not in paragraph form like you are accustomed to reading here. I don’t know how to change or format that for the blog, so I just left it. LISTEN I HAVE ROVER.COM GIVEAWAYS TO RUN, I AM BUSY.
Oh and enter to win $50 bucks from Rover. com here! (Always working……)
Premise: three middle-aged best friends from high school kidnap the “Brat Pack” in an effort to open a museum dedicated to John Hughes and travel with them from Los Angeles to Chicago in a minivan.
Katherine- “Kate” has a vision: she wants to create a museum in Chicago dedicated to John Hughes. But her friends and family think she is batshit crazy. She knows nothing about starting a museum and feels like Judd Nelson is just the person to help her with that. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Valerie- “Val” wonders why there were hardly any black people in John Hughes movies and for this reason is boycotting the museum idea. Until she meets the guy who played Carl the janitor. Then she’s all in.
Regina- Regina loves John Hughes and his movies, so she goes along Kate’s road trip idea because it’s a great
idea way to get away from her children for a week. Regina is also related to a beloved character from Sixteen Candles. She just doesn’t know it yet.
Scene One- “No One Said There Was Gonna Be Cake!”
A middle-aged woman is sitting on a glass dining room table, wearing a very large, very lavender ball gown. Across from her is a young man half her age dressed in a plaid button-down shirt, jeans and loafers. There is a birthday cake with candles lit sitting on the table in between the two people.
Young man- Thanks for coming over.
Woman in a ball gown (Katherine, looking confused)- I’m sorry, who are you?
Young man- Happy Birthday Samantha!
Katherine- Samantha? No, it’s……
Young man- Make a wish!
Katherine- That I wish I could get the hell out of this dress because my Spanx is cutting into my thigh fat?
Young man- Uh, I wasn’t, what does that even mean?
Katherine- And seriously, why are we sitting on the table? This is where we eat for God’s’ sake.
Young man- I thought it was romant……
Katherine (getting down from the table)- Sweetie, blow out those candles. You’ll start a fire.
Into the room walks Valerie eating out of a bag of Funyuns.
Valerie- Hey Kate, where is the Faygo….hold UP! Who is that fine specimen?
Katherine (to Valerie)- I have no idea. He was on the table when I got here. And he is also half our age.
Valerie- Mmm mmm mmm.
Katherine’s mom walks into the room.
Katherine’s Mom (looking at the boy still sitting on the table by the lit cake)- OH MY GOD! GET DOWN! GET DOWN! FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!
Katherine- Mom, calm down.
Valerie- Ooh cake! No one said there was gonna be cake!
Katherine’s Mom- Wait whose birthday is it?
Katherine- No clue, the cake was also here.
Young man- HEY! I was just doin’ as I was told, okay?
Katherine- What were you “told”?
Young man- To meet some Samantha chick here after a wedding with a birthday cake ‘cuz her parents forgot her birthday or something.
Valerie (to Katherine)- By the way Kate, nice job bagging the stud.
Katherine (to Valerie)- I didn’t bag a stud, Val.
Katherine’s mom (to the young mane)- Who’s this Samantha you keep talking about?
Young man (pointing at Katherine)- Her?
Just then, Regina walks into the room wide-eyed.
Regina (to the room)- I am Samantha.
Valerie (to Regina)- Are you high, Regina?
Regina- I don’t know what you speak of.
Valerie (whispering to Regina)- You know, MARIJUANA.
Katherine’s mom enters the room again, this time wearing yellow rubber gloves up to her elbow, and carrying a large bucket.
Katherine’s mom- Well hello Regina! No one told me you were coming. I would have set another place at the table.
Regina- STOP CALLING ME REGINA! MY NAME IS SAMANTHA!
Katherine (looking down at her outfit for the first time)- Wait, why am I wearing a prom dress?
Valerie (to Katherine)- It’s probably because you have to go to the party.
Young man (to Katherine)- We’re late! Hurry!
Katherine (looking at the young man)- Why are you still here?
Regina (yelling)- KATHERINE! KATHERINE!
Katherine (yelling back)- WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME WHEN I AM STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU?
Distant voice- Katherine? Honey?
Katherine wakes slowly to the sound of her husband.
Katherine’s husband- We’re gonna be late, wake up.
Katherine’s husband- The party.
Katherine pulls herself together and begins to get out of bed
Katherine- I had THE weirdest dream. I was in the end scene of Sixteen Candles. It was like I was living inside of a John Hughes movie. Only as an adult.
Katherine’s husband- God, aren’t we all?
This isn’t the best part but it is a beginning. Trust me, my other beginning had Katherine on a treadmill dancing to Prince. BEGINNINGS ARE HARD, OKAY?
Now is the fun part, you get to be my editor! I want this to be collective. Is there a part that didn’t mesh well? Would you have liked something else said? What about the ending? I was toying with another line instead. Would you want to hear both versions? Let me know in the comments!
I promise to share the next scene with you in a week. Like a soap opera. Only with less sex.