Back with scene three but if re-living the 80’s with three middle-aged women doesn’t float your boat, I have lots of other fun posts to read.
Seriously though, please don’t judge me on this post. But also, make my movie so I don’t have to keep writing it on the blog for my poor readers. They are starting to turn on me.
Keep in mind that this is light-hearted, not The English Patient. More like Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. I am not trying to win an Academy Award with this screenplay. It is simply to make a movie I personally would like to see in the theater.
*When I wrote this last year, The Steve Harvey Show was filmed in Chicago and now it is filmed in LA. I am too lazy to change it and all of my Amazon posts aren’t going to write themselves.
Scene Three- “We Aren’t Going Back to Chicago Alone”
A few weeks after Regina’s birthday party, Katherine, Valerie and Regina are on a plane headed from Chicago to Los Angeles for a “girls weekend”.
Regina (to Katherine)-I still can’t believe you won us tickets to see the Steve Harvey Show.
Valerie (to Katherine) – Yeah, even harder to believe seeing as Steve Harvey is filmed in Chicago.
Katherine (to Valerie) – Oh well, see, I won them ON the Steve Harvey Show. We aren’t going TO The Steve Harvey Show.
Valerie (to Katherine) – Interesting since I don’t ever remember you attending a taping of The Steve Harvey Show, to begin with.
Regina (to both Valerie and Katherine) – That Steve Harvey is one funny guy. And generous too.
Valerie (to Regina) – Wonder why Steve Harvey would send three middle-aged women to California for no apparent reason? Maybe I should tweet him or some shit?
Katherine (to Valerie) – They don’t like it when you clog up the Twitter feeds with stuff like that.
Valerie (to Katherine) – LIAR!
Katherine (to Valerie) – No?
Valerie gives Katherine the side eye
Katherine (to Valerie) – Fine! I bought the tickets.
Regina (to Katherine) – Why did you buy our tickets, Kate?
Katherine (to Regina and Valerie) – So remember at your party when I said I was going to call Judd Nelson’s agent?
Valerie- Uh oh.
Katherine- Well, I called him.
Valerie and Regina look completely shocked
Katherine (to the girls) – And we have an appointment with him in Hollywood Hills this afternoon.
Valerie and Regina stare at Katherine
Katherine (to the girls) – That’s not all. We aren’t going back to Chicago alone.
Regina (muttering under her breath) – Please say Steve Harvey is coming back with us, please say Steve Harvey is coming back with us…..
Katherine (to the girls) – We are bringing the brat pack back home with us.
Valerie and Regina keep staring at Katherine
Katherine (to the girls) – You know, to help get the museum started.
Regina (out loud) – I’ve never kidnapped anyone before!
Everyone close to them on the plane stares at Regina
Valerie (smiles at the passengers and whispers to them while pointing to Regina) – She hates to fly.
The passengers go back to their devices
Valerie (to Katherine) – And what exactly are we going to do with them when we get back to Chicago?
Katherine (to Valerie) – See, I hadn’t thought that far ahead.
Valerie and Regina are looking at Katherine dumbfounded
Katherine (to the girls) – Geez we still have three hours left to solidify our plan. Chill.
Valerie (to Katherine) – So we’re just gonna kidnap the brat pack, drive them to Chicago and THEN we have to convince them to spend THEIR money on a museum dedicated to a dead guy?
Katherine (to Valerie) – It’ll be fun! They’ll love Chicago. Much better than LA.
Valerie (to Katherine) – Well, I’m out on account of me boycotting his movies because there aren’t any black people in them.
Katherine (to Valerie) – That’s not true!
Valerie (to Katherine) – Oh really?
Katherine (researching on her phone) – Oh shit……
Valerie- Told you.
Regina (to Katherine and Valerie) – Don’t even get me started on the whole John Hughes racist Asian scenario.
Katherine (to the girls) – But you guys loved his movies in high school!
Valerie (to Katherine) – That’s before we became empowered and shit.
Katherine (to Valerie) – But you loved Pretty in Pink and then there’s the Uncle Buck connection……
Regina (to Katherine) – Three words: LONG DUCK DONG.
Valerie (to the girls) – Yes it was…..
Katherine (to the girls) – Oh come on you two, this will be fun! Please say you’ll kidnap the brat pack with me?
Regina (to Valerie) – Obviously Kate has lost her mind. I will get us on the next plane to Chicago once we land.
Katherine (to Regina) – I can hear everything you’re saying!
Valerie (to Regina) – Wait! I don’t get to ride the TMZ bus?
Regina (to Valerie) – Fine, you can ride the TMZ bus, THEN we fly back home.
Katherine (to the girls) – Stop talking like I’m not here!
Valerie (to Regina) – Maybe get Kate some of them hormone replacement pills when we get home too.
Katherine (to Valerie) – Maybe it is a tad nuts.
Valerie (to Katherine) – A tad?
Regina (to Katherine) – Whatever happened to logic and reasoning?
Valerie (to Katherine) – Did you try to tweet the brat pack or message them on Facebook?
Katherine (to the girls) – I did think of that but thought I would look like a stalker.
Regina and Valerie give Katherine a death stare
Valerie (to Katherine) – We can’t kidnap the brat pack.
Katherine (talking like a little child) – Why not??
Valerie (to Regina) – Regina, handle this.
Regina- Kate, think about it. We will go to jail. It will be on the nightly news. Our kids won’t talk to us anymore. Oh, wait.
Valerie- REASONING REGINA…..
Katherine (to the girls) – That all makes for GREAT publicity for the museum!
Regina (to both girls) – I’m out.
Katherine- Listen, the older I get the more I realize that we don’t have many chances left to do something completely daring, reckless even and possibly important. This “stupid” little thing, IS important. And honestly, if we go to jail, it would be completely worth it.
Valerie (to Katherine) – YOU go to jail, not WE.
Regina (to Katherine) – I mean, I guess if we were going to find them we would need a plan, right?
Valerie (to Regina) – ARE YOU FOR REAL??
Regina- Well, Kate is making it sound like so much fun and I never did have a rebellious phase in high school with me being Asian and all.
Valerie (to Regina) – You’re kidding, right?
Katherine- I guess the question we need to ask ourselves is “WWJHD”.
Valerie (to Katherine) – What would Jessica have done?
Regina (to Valerie) – Who’s Jessica?
Valerie (to Regina)- I don’t know! I’m not good at these word problem things!
Katherine (to both girls)- WHAT WOULD JOHN HUGHES DO.
Regina (to Katherine) – About kidnapping the brat pack and taking them on a cross-country pilgrimage to the birthplace of most of his films?
Katherine (to Regina)- Yeah!
Valerie (to both girls)- Probably make a very Caucasian movie about it.
Regina (to Katherine)- Part of me thinks he would love the hell out of it.
Katherine (to the girls) – Let’s be daring and reckless.
Valerie (sighing and shrugging) – But can I ride the TMZ bus first?