I was trying to think of my goal for this screenplay.
OH, I GOT ONE!
Every time you hear “Don’t You Forget About Me” by Simple Minds on the radio, in the dentist’s office, at the supermarket, at Chili’s, I want you to think of this silly little screenplay and John Hughes.
Yes, I realize it’s a very specific goal that doesn’t involve fame or money but I think it’s a fun goal!
I have a friend (cough, Vikki, cough) who sends me a screenshot of her car XM display every time that song comes on. Once she sent me video of her driving down the road while it was playing. I will talk to her about distracted driving later, but the point is I LOVE that people think about me when they hear that song.
So if you’re in the car and it comes on, text me. (at the next stop light).
If you’re at the Piggly Wiggly and that song comes on, message me on Facebook.
If you’re at the pediatrician, wash your hands first, then call me.
If you are listening to 80’s Pop on Pandora and it comes on, write on my Facebook wall.
I will never ever tire of being associated with John Hughes and that song.
Here is the link to all of the previous scenes in case you missed one. We are getting all the main characters in the van to get on the road to Chicago but first, we need to make a stop.
Scene Eight- “HELLO! We Have The Breakfast Club Sitting in The Backseat”
Katherine, Regina, and Valerie have managed to get Judd Nelson, Anthony Michael Hall, and Molly Ringwald into their Ford Transit rental van in hopes of opening a museum dedicated to John Hughes in Chicago. With no real plan, they head to their next destination: The California Ballet Company, to swoop up Emilio Estevez. Michael and Emilio are good friends and Michael is positive Emilio will want to be part of the plan. He goes in to tell his friend what is going on and we meet up with them as he gets into the van with Michael.
Emilio (to Judd and Michael)- This isn’t like the time Judd told me we were going to Vegas but I ended up in East L.A. wearing only a dog collar, is it?
Judd (to Emilio) – You were so gullible.
Emilio (to Judd) – It took me over five hours to get home, asshole!
Judd (to Emilio) – You live, like, a half hour from there.
Katherine (to Emilio) – Well nothing to worry about. We’re going to Chicago, not East LA.
Emilio (to Katherine) – Who the hell are you?
Katherine (to Emilio) – I’m Kate! Nice to meet you!
Judd keeps staring up and down at Emilio.
Emilio (to Judd) – What are you staring at, douchebag?
Judd (chuckling) – It’s just that I’ve never seen a grown man wearing tights and legwarmers.
Regina (to Emilio) – Let me guess, required uniform?
Emilio (to Regina) – Duh.
As they are driving down the street, Valerie notices a familiar sign
Valerie (to the group) – STOP THE CAR!!!
Regina (to Valerie) – Why??
Valerie (to Regina) – IN AND OUT BURGER, THAT’S WHY!
Katherine (to Valerie) – I don’t know if this is really the time……
Valerie (to Katherine) – There is ALWAYS time to stop at in and Out Burger, Kate.
Regina (to Valerie) – HELLO! We have The Breakfast Club sitting in our backseat!
Valerie (to Regina) – No we don’t! We’re missing the weird chick.
Katherine (to Regina) – And the janitor.
Judd (to the girls) – And the principal.
Valerie (to Judd) – WHO?
Judd (to Valerie) – What do you mean WHO? The principal.
Valerie (to Judd) – There wasn’t a principal in The Breakfast Club.
Judd (to Valerie) I was in the fucking movie. I think I’d know if there was a principal.
Emilio (to Judd) – Paul wasn’t a principal, Judd. He was a teacher.
Katherine (interrupting) – Who, by the way, is dead.
Michael (to Katherine) – No he’s not! I just saw him at Trader Joe’s last week.
Molly (to Michael) – He died ten years ago, Michael.
Michael (to no one) – Then who in the hell did I see at Trader Joe’s last week??
Judd (to himself) – Wow, I had no idea he took a dirt nap.
Molly (to Judd) – What is WRONG with you?
Judd (to Molly) – It’s like going to high school with people. I don’t keep track of shit like that.
Valerie (to Judd) – If you had a Twitter, you would know these things.
Judd (to Valerie) – Exactly why I don’t have a Twitter.
They turn into the In and Out Burger drive-through lane. Everyone chimes in their order to Regina
Voice- Welcome to In and Out Burger, what can I get you?
Regina (to the speaker) – Yes, seven burgers with everything, seven fries and seven cokes.
Valerie (to the speaker) – AND CAN I GET EXTRA SAUCE?
Valerie (to the speaker) – SPREAD WHAT?
Voice- It’s called spread. Not sauce.
Regina (to no one) – Gross.
Valerie (to the speaker) – WHATEVER. CAN WE JUST GET EXTRA?
Voice- First window, please.
Michael (to the group) – His voice. It sounds so familiar.
Emilio (to Michael) – Like a DJ on the radio.
Michael (to Emilio) – That’s it! He sounds like the morning drive DJ on 93.5!
The van pulls up to the first window and taking another order and looking at the cash register is John Kapelos, who played Carl the Janitor in The Breakfast Club (among many other roles). Regina and Katherine stare dumbstruck into the window with the van windows closed.
Regina (to no one) – I did NOT see that coming.
Emilio (to no one) – Yeah.
Valerie (to herself) – I CANNOT wait to get my mouth all over that spread.
Michael (to the group) – I was right! It IS the morning drive guy!
Emilio (to Michael) – That’s not the morning drive guy, Michael. It’s John.
Judd (to Michael and Emilio) – I have no idea who it is either but I don’t care, so……
Molly (to the group) – Nope, no clue.
Katherine (to the group) – Carl? The janitor?
Molly, Michael, and Judd squint at him.
Judd (to the group) – Yeah, still no clue.
Valerie (to the group) – You guys are stupid. He was the guy with the garbage can during detention. GEEZUS….
Katherine (to Regina) – Regina, quick! How does my hair look?
Judd (to Katherine) – You’re star-struck? Not with any of us but with Carl. The janitor.
John taps on their window and makes a “roll down your window” motion
John (to Regina) – It’s time to pay?
Regina (to John) – Oh yes! Sorry!
Katherine (leaning across Regina’s lap, to John) – Excuse me, but you look so familiar. Are you who I think you are?
John (to Katherine) – Who do you think I am?
Katherine (to John) – The janitor from The Breakfast Club?
John (to Katherine) – Who wants to know?
Katherine (to John) – ME! I am a HUGE fan!
John (chuckling, to Katherine) – Sorry, I get a little on edge when people want to know where they know me from. I owe people money, so I keep it close to the vest, as they say.
Katherine (to John) – Of course.
John (to Katherine) – But it’s always a good day when I meet a fan and not someone who wants to put me in the bottom of a lake!
Michael (to Katherine) – Ask him if he’s also the morning drive guy on 93.5!
Regina (to John) – I don’t suppose we could convince you to get in the van with us. We are going to Chicago on a fun 80’s inspired road trip! Lots of hot chicks! Pop Rocks!
Emilio (out loud to John) – They’re lying. There are no Pop Rocks.
Judd (mumbling from the back seat) – Or hot chicks.
John (to Regina) – As tempting as that sounds, I work three jobs and can’t get away.
Regina (to John) – Because of the money you owe?
John (to Regina) – Well, that and I made some bad investments in the 90’s.
Regina (to John) – Oh, sorry.
John (to Regina) – Who knew that Olestra would give so many people the shits??
Valerie (to no one) – And there went my appetite.
John (to Regina) – Maybe another time! Nice to meet you and next window!
They drive up to the next window
Judd (to the girls) – How come he got off so easy?
Katherine (to Judd) – We just stumbled onto him. He was optional.
Molly (to Katherine) – That isn’t very nice.
Katherine (to Molly) – The museum industry isn’t very nice, Molly.
Michael (to Katherine) – He was a huge part of John Hughes’ movies.
Emilio (to Katherine) – Yeah Kate, look how happy YOU were to see him?
Katherine (to the group) – LISTEN! We can’t very well pick up every stray we see along the way to Chicago! He has three jobs anyway and couldn’t come.
Valerie (to the group) – Speaking of, why don’t any of you people have somewhere to be any time soon?
Regina (to the group) – Yeah, how are you explaining your absences?
Michael (to the group) – The people I work with get really excited when I leave for extended periods.
Emilio (to the group) – Ballet season is over and I have nothing to do. That and my brother is Charlie Sheen so anything I do is considered completely normal in comparison.
Molly (to the group) – I told them I was being kidnapped and am in a white van. Of course there are millions of white vans in the LA Metro area so the odds are in your favor.
Judd (to the group) – I don’t have a social media presence, so no one will miss me.
Katherine (looking at the GPS map, to Regina) – I think we make the next right to get to the highway……
Valerie (licking spread off of her fingers, to Katherine) – Hold up, why are we getting on the highway?
Katherine (to Valerie) – To head to Chicago. Where we live.
Valerie (to Katherine) – We aren’t done yet! What about the guy that played Duckie? Or Ferris?
Katherine (to Valerie) – They all live on the East Coast and the weird girl from The Breakfast Club went AWOL.
Molly (to Katherine) – They all have names.
Valerie (to Katherine)- You mean to tell me that we came all this way and only have like, five percent of the brat pack??
Katherine (to Valerie) – Look on the bright side Val, I didn’t think ANY of these people would be stupid enough to get in the van, to begin with.
Emilio (to Katherine) – Well, if you want a full representation of John Hughes film, this van is not it.
Michael (to the group) – Right! Like where is John Candy, Chevy Chase, and Steve Martin?
Judd (to the group) – Candy is dead. The rest, I don’t even know who they are.
Valerie (to Judd) – DO YOU EVER GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE?
Regina (to Michael) – Chevy Chase and Steve Martin? Yeah, like we could get those A-listers in this van.
Everyone stares at Regina as they head down the highway out of Los Angeles on their way to the next stop: an 80’s inspired restaurant in Utah.