dreams, interpreting dreams,
Family, Friends, Humor, Menopause

My Dreams Will Give You Nightmares


A few months ago, I read somewhere that first thing in the morning you should write your dreams down on a piece of paper, in your phone, wherever, so that you could look at them when your mind is clearer.

Why? Who knows. I know of people in my life who’ve mentioned interpreting dreams and stuff but I’ve never been really evolved like that.

Like, it took me a good 40 years to appreciate things like massage, yoga, and meditation.

To be clear, I can’t meditate or do yoga properly. But I do appreciate them.

I’m probably what those new age hippie types refer to as “fresh blood”.

I’m new to the Universe. Probably never lived lots of lives or something.

I also think my dog might be John Hughes reincarnated.

You can’t prove it otherwise so I’ll just stop you now.


Here are nine dreams I’ve had that should scare the hell out of you.


1– Kanye West was at my high school reunion which was being held at a Macy’s department store. I ended up losing my purse in the fitting room. 

Okay, that one is a little boring, but I needed to start lighter because I don’t want to scare you off right away. We are just dipping our toes in the freak pool. But according to Bustle, having a dream about seeing a celebrity might mean that I might have dreams bigger than what I realize in my real life. YEAH, MAKE MY DAMN SCREENPLAY

2- I had long beautiful curly hair and I lived in a huge beautiful home with a porch (I feel like we lived in the south). All of my friends came over and we were taking pictures of things in the house. We drew with colored pens and had to write about words associated with the pens. I got the word BREATHE (funny, because I had the flu at the time of this dream). I have a boyfriend and I am young again. BUT I still have Anna and her friend (my third daughter) Simone, and they are sneaking beers from the fridge to get ready to go out with their friends. 

Oh boy. Well, the whole breathe thing IS really creepy and definitely shows that your dreams are made up of subconscious thoughts. I think the reason my friends were taking pictures of things in the house was that when I had the flu, I had an intense fear of dying. For real. The media was making this flu out to be so deadly and my anxiety was the worst it had ever been. The pen thing? No clue. The beer thing? Teenagers. 

3- I was driving through two separate former hometowns of mine; one in Ohio and the other in Illinois. We ended up eating lunch at this beautiful college with two of my friends (hello Dawn and Melisa, welcome to my dream). There is another person there, a faceless and nameless blogger, as well but everyone is ignoring me and then if it isn’t bad enough, my phone breaks. 

This is the equivalent of walking down the hallway naked for me; everyone ignoring me AND my phone breaks. EGADS. Also, do you ever have dreams of visiting your childhood home or town? I do all the time. According to Psychic Library, dreaming about a childhood home or town can represent a need to connect with family, or tackling a current problem. Huh. Lots to examine there. For another blog post. 

4- On a train with former classmates in Columbus Ohio, playing Oregon Settlers, at an American Idol show. THEN I am working at a spa with other classmates and Ramona Singer (from Real Housewives of NYC), and I had on these really comfortable slip-on shoes. 

So. Many. Thoughts. First, I wasn’t intoxicated, medicated or lubricated when having this dream, to be clear. The only real reason I was dreaming about classmates is that we are planning our 30-year high school reunion. Oregon Settlers I was playing during my flu recovery month to help with my anxiety, I don’t like American Idol anymore because it sucks. But I binge watch NYC housewives on the regular so that makes sense. And who in the hell doesn’t dream about comfortable shoes? 

5- My husband and I were at my daughter’s boyfriend’s house for a graduation party and they had horses and two barns in their backyard. There were a few people there that I knew, including one of Anna’s childhood friends, but I never met the boyfriend’s parents. 

This is all because of graduation, party planning, senior year, etc.. so it has that written all over it. His parents don’t have a barn (or two) but think that might be us visiting a barn every week for Ella’s horse riding creeping into my dream. At the time I hadn’t met Anna’s boyfriend’s’ parents but I have since met them three times and they are lovely.

*Anna met two of her college roommates at a graduation party a few weeks ago, and one of them has horses. In her backyard, In a barn. Read into that as you will.

6- I wanted to work at a design store in the mall but they wouldn’t pay me even though I was doing all of my work. Next door was a room where a mother turtle had baby turtles and I would help people get their baby turtles. We went to some mall to see puppies from eBay but couldn’t afford to buy them. 

If I could describe what it is like to freelance and write as a career, that dream sums it up. The turtle scenario STILL haunts me and this dream happened over three months ago. What the ever-loving…

7- A woman was on the street giving away red snapper in front of the Aldi in my town. Anna and her boyfriend stole my credit card to pay rent even though she lives with us. Then after getting angry at them, I began to get scared that they would kill us for money. We met this woman who had a dog toy in her belly and she then died from an infection. 

Remember when your mom told you not to watch television before bed? This is why. 

8- My ex-husband comes to our house and tells us he dyed his hair with sprite and it looks uglier than he intended. I am driving to get Anna from somewhere and there is a train stopped on every street in a town near here. Instead of a train, it is this cheerleading show on train cars and this girl Ella knows is there wearing nurse scrubs. 

Umm, his hair has always been ugly. Oops did that slip out? 

9- A former neighbor and her husband own a business in NYC. Ella was with me and then suddenly we are walking through a field and I was mowing it. There were animal den holes in the grass everywhere. A blogging friend from the East Coast was going to meet me with her family but we never ran into each other,

Probably because I was busy mowing and closing up holes. 


Now you get why I don’t want to fall asleep.

12 thoughts on “My Dreams Will Give You Nightmares”

  1. Your dreams are nothing if not as entertaining as you are awake. Isn’t that weird when you wake up and you’re like “seriously, WTH was that about!?!” and you’re trying to figure out where things come from. (Criminal Minds used to regularly creep into my dreams back when it was good. I had to stop watching it before bed.) I always have tornado dreams when I’m stressed with a long to do list. (Typically means emotional stress and upheaval and I’m like how is that different from everyday life?? HA!) But seriously, I know when I have the tornado dream, it’s my body’s way of telling me loud and clear to make a physical to do list and cross stuff off of it pronto.


    1. Wow, you are so evolved in the dream interpretation department! THAT IS THE COOLEST THING EVER.
      Now I am trying to remember if I have ever had a tornado dream. I know I have had storm dreams, fire dreams, I just recently had a dream someone was trying to kill me. I’ve actually had dreams like that, nightmares really, before. I need to Google the hell out of that.


      1. Right?? So I did google what those “someone is trying to kill me” dreams and it turns out it is my inner self having inner conflict. Not as nefarious as I originally thought.


  2. Ha! The part of about your husband dying his hair with Sprite made me laugh out loud. Also, as I was reading the one about NYC I was thinking about how I’m going to Ohio soon and if it would be weird to say we should meet up, AND it’s the only business trip where I am bringing my husband (family), AND I’m an East Coast blogger! Holy shit, am I haunting your dreams?


    1. Okay, so I grew up in Ohio and am heading back there in July for a class reunion. If you say you are going to be there in July, I will cry happy tears.


  3. My mom interprets her dreams. Mine give me the heebee jeeves and I can’t wait to shake them off. Do you notice worse dreams around your cycle? I kind of figured the bad dreams were another sick gift from menopause. Your thoughts?


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