As I write this, I am on day three point five of struggling with issues concerning my hosting.
Let me back up.
Back in June, I got an email from my virtual blog hound dog, Jetpack, that DANGER DANGER YOUR BLOG IS DOWN!
I was like, OH MY GOD WHAT DID I PRESS?? Because let’s face it, I have enough business blogging as Gwyneth Paltrow does.
It turns out that Bluehost (my then current hosting site) was struggling with some issues and that in turn, affected my blog.
At this point, you are probably wondering what the hell a Bluehost is, or what hosting means.
I AM TOTALLY WITH YOU.
It was after three days of my blog being down, getting no specific answers from Bluehost, and being completely frustrated that I wanted to move to a different house.
Did I also mention this happened the week Anna and I were to leave for California? Did I also mention I have anxiety?
I am just trying to paint the picture.
So as a blogger, social media manager, blah blah blah, I did what I do best when it comes to shitty service, I blast them on Twitter. (Tweet may not show up if you are reading this on a mobile device, which we aren’t doing anymore. ARE WE?)
Don’t think the grammar police in me hates that I used IS instead of ARE but you can’t edit a tweet so here we are. #firstworldgrammarproblems
Normally when I tweet on Twitter, I don’t get too much of a response but this time, I had LOTS of people who had LOTS to say about Bluehost.
None of it good, by the way.
It was during these exchanges that I got ramped up enough to say bye bye to Bluehost and begin the process of hosting with another company.
According to several of my new friends on Twitter, I needed to get with Site Ground stat.
Now, I know a LOT of bloggers who get paid to say that because Site Ground has a blogging affiliate program like none other but I had a tech guy tell me Site Ground and he wasn’t getting paid to do so nor did he give me a link to click, so I trusted that and went with the majority.
I sheeped it.
After getting virtually patted on my back for this decision via Twitter, I decided that I must have made the appropriate choice.
Phew. Worry over. That was scary.
I head over to Site Ground, clicked on Migrate Blog, and was immediately in touch (because they want my money) with a guru over at my new house aka hosting company.
I was told by the guru that they would walk me through step by step. But first, can you pay the 70 dollars for a year of hosting (which is good compared to Bluehost’s 150) and migration.
Insert elevator music.
WELCOME TO SITE GROUND!
But because Bluehost was down YET AGAIN, I couldn’t have my new Site Ground guru friend walk me through the process step by step, as promised.
Rather I was told to come back and find another guru to help me when indeed Bluehost gets its shit together.
He didn’t actually say that but I could tell he wanted to.
Disclaimer- I should state that everyone at Site Ground has been uber helpful, absolutely lovely, and not at all condescending to the blogger who knows nothing about blogging. Also, I should state that I have no business handling the ins and outs that go along with owning your own blog and making decisions therein.
So after Bluehost got its shit together for a whopping half hour, I snuck into my account in that time period and got the info that Site Ground needed.
I make this sound all mission impossible but I swear it’s not. I mean at the end of the day, I just want to write about tacos, menopause and Uncle Buck.
So then I get another guru at Site Ground who has more faith in me than my original guru. He says he will handle the migration but afterward, I was on my own to tie up loose ends because he knows I can do it.
Or it’s a Saturday and he just wants to go the hell home.
It was at this point that I wanted to go back to Blogger. Blogger doesn’t make me tie up loose ends, Blogger doesn’t judge me if I don’t know what hosting and domain mean.
Sweet little Blogger where I didn’t own my words but who the hell cares? Steal my content, delete it forever, I just don’t want to see words like point your servers to the new host.
So I tried to tie up my loose ends as best I could WHILE booking tickets for celebrity tours in Hollywood because that was much more fun.
My blog was still running, no emails from my bulldog Jetpack, the interwebs didn’t implode, I guess I did the right thing!
I went to California, had an amazing time, came home and blogged about it, wrote another post about blogging, and was all THAT WAS EASY! I DO know how to run a blog!
Until I get an email last Sunday from my bulldog Jetpack saying, “umm your blog? It’s a shit show. Again.”
Because Bluehost is down. Again.
Umm Bluehost isn’t my problem anymore because my servers are pointed, thank you very much.
This happened at nine o clock on a Sunday night, mere hours before my newest post was to publish which is a big deal.
Act like this is a big deal.
I ran downstairs to my laptop, swearing under my breath, okay OVER my breath, to find out what the hell I did wrong because it’s me.
You know it and I know it.
I contact my support team over at Site Ground and they tell me the good news that we all were waiting for:
I was still using Bluehost because I hadn’t pointed my servers to Site Ground.
I had a wonderful guru explain step by step how to do this which is WHAT I NEEDED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
I did what he asked while he was still on chat with me, and afterward, he said it could take up to 24 hours to propagate but usually never that long.
I went to bed feeling relief that my blog was propagating, whatever the hell that meant, and slept like a baby with a full belly.
Monday morning, I woke up to a blog that didn’t kind of exist, and several emails from all of you lovely people looking out for me concerned that something had happened.
DON’T WORRY! IT’S PROPAGATING!
I checked my blog at the 12-hour mark and it was indeed up but not really running. More like jog-walking.
Did I mention this was also the day that Amazon Prime wasn’t working? On Amazon Prime Day?
Did I also mention this was the day our President met with Putin?
Did I furthermore mention that all of my “gurus” names were Vladimir and Dimitri and Yuri?
I am open minded, free thinking, completely liberal, and smart when it comes to ways of the world (except as it pertains to HTML), but I started getting in conspiracy theory mode.
THOSE MUTHER EFFERS ARE PURPOSELY MESSING WITH MY BLOG!
Because you know my blog holds all sorts of political secrets.
THEN on day three after finding out over 40 weblinks weren’t working, that I had 800 broken image links, and still no clear solution this happened:
Site Ground’s website went down.
You KNOW I started to think that I might have broken it.
Or that they are freezing me out because of 25 support threads over three days.
So I just kind of gave up. Still waiting on Site Ground to tell me everything is fine on their end but it really just isn’t on mine.
If you are a tech guru, I’d love some advice or a course or just come over and make me brownies while stroking my hair.
Yes, that’d be better.
Update- As of now, it seems that everything is in order. I almost don’t feel comfortable saying that, so pray a rosary, light a candle, talk to your clergy member.
Also a big thank you to Site Ground for being patient with me and my little blog. You all deserve a raise. Or I can make you brownies and brush your hair. I made it awkward, didn’t I?