Scene Eighteen- Don’t Let Them Call Me Carl
The whole gang shows up to Channel 7 studios the next day for the interview and decided to wear coordinating outfits except for Valerie who wore her JOHN HUGHES LOVE CHILD tee-shirt and bright purple leggings with John Hughes heads all over them.
Regina (looking Valerie up and down, to Valerie) – THAT was the most appropriate thing you had to wear today, Val?
Valerie (to Regina) – Too much?
Michael (to Valerie) – Where did you get those cool ass leggings??
Katherine (under her breath) – Here we go.
Valerie (to the group) – Well see, I was on eBay doing my daily shopping because I’m addicted you know. So I see this tee-shirt, only it’s made in Taiwan and the shipping is the cost of my first car. So I asked my friend Andrea if she could get me one just like it because she has this friend in prison see. He makes clothing with people’s faces on them. So I ask her to ask him if he’ll make me a tee-shirt that says JOHN HUGHES LOVE CHILD on it and he says he doesn’t usually like to diversify his business but for me (and an extra 50 bucks), he’d be happy to.
The entire group stares at Valerie with blank expressions
Molly (to Valerie) – That doesn’t AT ALL explain how you got the leggings.
Valerie (to Molly) – Oh he just threw those in for free on account of me being a loyal customer.
Katherine (out loud to the group) – What were we even talking about?
John (to Katherine) – What we need to discuss on the air?
Katherine (to the group) – Yes! Make sure we talk up the Save The Breakfast Club High School campaign.
Gedde (to Katherine) – But we don’t have a campaign yet.
Katherine (to Gedde) – You were supposed to be working on that!
Gedde (to Katherine) – Oh yes. About that?
Regina (to Gedde) – Yes?
Gedde (to the group) – Turns out that the Kickstarter website rejected our campaign.
Valerie (to Gedde) – They what?
Gedde (to the group) – Apparently they think we have a lot of money already.
Katherine (to Gedde) – And why would they think that?
Gedde (to Katherine) – Because I accidentally put in my income as the primary account holder.
Regina (to Gedde) – That’s just great Gedde.
Katherine (to the group) – Now what are we gonna do??
Valerie (to Gedde) – If you got so much money, how come YOU aren’t funding the museum.
Gedde (to Valerie) – Too much money for Kickstarter, too little money for fronting a museum.
John (to Gedde) – Shoulda used my info Gedde.
Ally (to the group) – Well, let’s improvise!
Molly (to Ally) – How?
Ally (to the group) – We’re actors right?
Emilio (to Ally) – Yeah, so?
Ally (to Emilio) – Let’s pretend we have a campaign. Get the public excited about it. Stir up that pot.
Katherine (to Ally) – That might just work!
Ally (to Katherine) – Right? Why would we be a part of something that isn’t anything?
Molly (to Ally) – Wow Ally, I had no idea you were so smart. You know, with the cat farm and all.
Katherine (to the group) – Okay so let’s do that but also emphasize how we really REALLY need money.
Emilio (to Katherine) – What do you want us to avoid talking about?
Katherine (to the group)- Maybe try to stay away from movie quotes and steer them from asking what you’re all doing now.
Valerie (to the group)-‘Cuz no one cares.
John (to the group) – Also, don’t let them call me Carl.
Regina (to John) – I don’t think that’s a big focus, John.
John (to Regina) – It’s a personal focus.
Gedde (to the group) – We should put a call out for memorabilia.
Katherine (to the group) – Yes! Especially since we don’t have any.
A young intern walks into the room and tells everyone that it is their turn to come on stage and get set up with microphones
Intern (to the group) – Okay, we are all set….whoa! You guys are those Duggar people, aren’t you?
The group stares at the intern
Intern (to the group)- You’re allowed to wear pants now I see. GOOD FOR YOU.
Valerie (to the intern) – DO I LOOK AT ALL LIKE A DUGGAR?
Intern (to Valerie) – Not really, I just thought you might be a friend from church or something.
Just then, in the room walks retired midday anchorwoman, Linda Yu with a scowl on her face.
Katherine (under her breath) – Uh oh.
Valerie (to Linda Yu) – What are you doing here? I thought you retired?
Linda (to Valerie) – They let me take on piss-ant stories to keep me occupied. Like yours.
Regina (to herself) – What an honor.
Linda (to the group) – Enough of the bullshit. Give me the dirt on John Hughes. Was he an asshole to work for? Did he have a sloppy affair with the redheaded chick?
Molly (out loud) – HEY!
Katherine (to Linda Yu) – That’s not what we agreed to talk about!
Linda (to Katherine) – Are you a news professional?
Katherine (to Linda) – Well, no.
Linda (to Katherine) – Then CAN it.
Linda glares at Valerie’s outfit
Linda (to Valerie) – And change. Your outfit. Your personality. Everything.
Valerie (to Linda) – Suck my dick.
Linda Yu and Valerie begin a slap fight in the green room
Michael (whispering to the group) – This is so much fun! We don’t get entertainment like this in California!
Emilio (to Michael) – Probably because of all the quinoa and yoga.
Regina (to Katherine) – Man, Judd would have LOVED this.