I was using the public restroom at my local Target a few years ago and was hovering, while holding my winter coat up so it didn’t get wet in the toilet water, all while trying to keep my purse from touching the floor when I felt a fart coming on. But I was in public and didn’t want to fart, I held it in.
But it came out anyway since I am perimenopause years old and also have had two huge babies in my uterus at one point in my life.
How much farting while peeing is happening
When you grow older, you’ll fart every time you urinate.
As a result, peeing in public or at a friend’s or family member’s house is embarrassing. Then, if you try to hold it in, your urine won’t come out, and you’re stuck sitting or hovering (you do you) over a public or private toilet, trying to urinate and ride out a fart at the same time.
However, you must urinate, or you will develop a urinary tract infection. So you play a little game of should I disgrace myself now or end up in acute care?
Eat your vegetables, take your vitamins, and go to the doctor on a regular basis so that you can become older and have to wait in a stall at the Denny’s for 15 minutes so you can fart in peace.
You may hurt yourself when you exercise
My doctor advised me to focus on strength exercises. So a few months ago, I dug up my old Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred workout from 2013.
When I was six years younger.
Everyone around me seemed concerned about my well-being once I restarted the workout program.
Are you sure you should do that program?
What if you hurt yourself?
Wow, that’s …….impressive.
I did it for four weeks but could only do it 2-3 days per week and not consecutively.
Because I am six years older.
During my birthday week, I injured my elbow while doing a plank and was unable to work out the rest of the week.
After two weeks of my elbow hurting, I finally went to the doctor, who finally advised me I needed to quit doing the 30 Day Shred.
So I am continuing to lift weights with a new routine, but I can only use one arm (the one that wasn’t hurt). Sigh.
You have a favorite brand of vitamin, pain reliever, and acid reflux reducer
Nature Made, Naproxen, and Prevacid.
I’m sure if walked into a gathering of people my age and said those three words, they’d understand what I meant.
Constipation prevention is key
I’ve never appreciated a good bowel movement more than I have in the last two years. I expect this appreciation will continue until I die.
You sweat just sleeping
I swear I am not making this up.
You can hurt yourself by putting on socks
If you haven’t pulled a muscle while trying to get socks on, we can’t be friends.
Seriously, I am not trying to be Debbie Downer about getting older. But knowing we are not alone, that we can laugh at it and make fun of it, makes it much easier to digest.