Sung to this tune:
For my mom’s birthday this year, I bought her the perfume my grandma (her mom) used to wear, Anais Anais.
I actually sprayed some of it on me before I wrapped it up because I had forgotten the scent and was very curious.
Let me tell you, it brought my grandma back to me in such a big way that I almost started crying. I would sniff my wrist periodically throughout the day and I felt so much comfort from the scent of the past.
Then I worried if maybe I shouldn’t give it to my mom because maybe it would make her cry.
She loved it, by the way
So then I decided to dig deeper into scents from the past and I found an article on ME TV’s website a few weeks ago about perfumes from the 70s.
Then I went down the rabbit hole even further and found beauty products from the 80s.
Remember last week when I said that clicking on that external link was worth it? This week is even better.
It’s funny how a scent can take you away to a different time. Music does that for me as well. I will hear a song from 1986 and I am immediately in the car learning how to drive, or getting ready for a school dance, or getting a spiral perm at the local hair salon.
Here are some of the perfumes I have worn throughout my life and maybe you remember some of them too.
Smelled like celery YES I SAID IT.
Sweet Honesty by Avon
Remember the Avon Lady? Back in the day, for those who don’t know, before essential oils or leggings or Rodan and Fields, there was Avon and every town had an “Avon Lady” who would drop off books full of fun things like perfume, candles, cheap purses, etc. that you could order and she would then drop off your purchases a couple of weeks later. Sweet Honesty was one of many different scents they offered.
A moment of confession- in the mid-90s, I sold Avon for a year. I was working full time and wanted to make some fun money, so I signed up. I did pretty well at first because I would sell to my co-workers, family, and friends. But the new Avon Lady in the family feeling died off pretty quick when it was realized I needed to sell a ton of product to actually make a profit.
Also, I needed to stop buying shit for myself so I could make money. I think we see a pattern here of how I am not meant to ever be in sales. Ever.
Side note, I wish there was such thing as smelling perfume through the internet because wouldn’t that be an acid trip down memory lane?
Windsong by Prince Matchabelli
PRINCE MATCHABELLI?!?!? Do you guys remember this?? So fancy for my first REAL perfume and yet you can get it now for the cool price of 14 bucks at your local Wal-Mart.
By the way, this reminds of the time in 7th grade that I got chosen as Citizen of the Month and I went out to dinner that night with my family to celebrate. I can still smell myself as we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant where I am sure I ordered a hamburger and steak fries.
I might have to buy myself some of this again so I can relive the feeling of winning something.
If my 8th-grade experience had a smell, this would be it.
When it wasn’t this garbage. Okay, I don’t want to be able to smell perfume through the internet anymore. All I know is that one sniff of this stuff and I am immediately transported to the junior high girl’s locker room after gym class.
My mom wore this as well (we used to share perfume) and I am laughing because I don’t remember the smell at all but man, that box doesn’t even look appealing. Does sand even have a smell other than dead fish and urine? Also, most of the above perfumes are around the $10 mark but this one comes in at around $25, so I guess there’s something to be said of boring perfume boxes and dead fish smells.
Fancy name, cheap-ass perfume. They really should name this Early 1980’s Department Store.
Obsession by Calvin Klein
My high school boyfriend gave this to me for our first Christmas together and I was so excited to get perfume from a boy, that I wore this my entire senior year of high school even though the smell made me want to vomit a little bit.
By the way, this perfume is 92 dollars NOW.
Red Door by Elizabeth Arden
My high school boyfriend gave me this one after high school. My God, with the strong scents. I think I asked him for it though, so in his defense, it was an answer to a request. I probably needed to find another strong perfume since I doused myself with all the Obsession and was out.
Mystery perfume mist (no that’s not the name)
So there is this perfume mist I got at Kohl’s in the early 90s that I loved and to this day, wish I could find. I have looked EVERYWHERE online but can’t find it because I don’t remember the name. It was a mist, not a perfume, it had a really light scent, and it came in a pretty pastel fun plastic spray bottle. So if you can think of a perfume like that from 1990-ish, send the name my way so I can find it. Literally the best perfume I’ve ever worn and it wasn’t 92 dollars either.
Exclamation by Coty
Coty was notorious for creating perfumes guaranteed to give you a migraine. Emeraude? Chloe? Aspen for Men? Lady Stetson (another one I wore)? Stetson for Men? L’Effleur (another one I wore)? The aforementioned Sand and Sable? And Exclamation.
You can buy almost all of the above at a drug store or Meijer near you which says a lot about the staying power of offensively strong perfumes.
I don’t know what shoulders are supposed to smell like but this smelled like flowers.
White Diamonds by Elizabeth Taylor
Another strong, STRONG scent and upon further research (I work hard for you), I discovered it is Elizabeth Arden who actually made this perfume. Red doors, white diamonds…..
Something else you didn’t know about Elizabeth Arden? Her real name was Florence Nightingale Graham (I couldn’t make this up if I tried).
At one point, Elizabeth Arden (the company, not the person) was owned by the pharmaceutical company, Eli Lilly (wtf?) but it’s now owned by Revlon (makes sense).
And now you know more than you ever wanted to about Elizabeth Arden.
Also, she never married.
Also, she’s buried with her sister.
Okay, now I’m done.
Once upon a time, I had a boss (Kathleen) and I was kind of in love with her from 1990-1992 because she was one of the first strong females in my field at the time and she pushed me in a good way. In stalking, I mean researching her on social media for this blog post, it turns out she is now a real estate agent which aligns well with my career path of home staging.
I sounded very much like a deranged stalker just there.
Oh and this was the perfume she wore, so then I asked for it for Christmas because I wanted to smell like her.
I’M NOT MAKING THIS BETTER.
Amarige by Givenchy
I found this at Marshall Field’s back in 1993 and loved how it smelled, so I bought it.
Nothing more exciting than that.
Not everything needs to have a story behind it, geez.
CK One by Calvin Klein
My new-to-me friend and co-worker, Rebecca, wore this when we first became friends in 1994 and I loved it, so I think she got it for me for Christmas?. It was the first co-ed colognefume that I know of and I kind of loved smelling like a guy because back then I was wearing dresses with big boxy blazers and big oxford shoes and hats and shit! What? It’s how we looked!
So the coed perfumeogne really went with my vibe back then.
I really want this look to come back so I can hide that extra 20 pounds I can’t seem to lose.
I bet if Kathleen was still in retail, she’d make it happen.
Sunflowers by Elizabeth Arden
Psst, this smells nothing like sunflowers.
I wore this on my first wedding day and I think maybe Rebecca bought this for me too? The scent was amazing but it will forever remind of me of my first wedding day. I mean, it was a beautiful day filled with fun stuff but it’d be a little weird to wear it now.
Not as weird as wearing the Single White Female perfume I talked about wearing a few minutes ago, but still a bit marginally weird.
Heaven by Gap
Apparently, this is out of stock everywhere and I can’t even find it on The Gap website, which is a travesty. Now, I can only find this mist at my local Gap Outlet. I’ve worn this since 1995 and I never get sick of it. In fact, I have a travel size bottle of it in my bathroom as I type this. But now I am thinking I need to get my butt over to my outlet and buy them out of this because it is so hard to find.
Juniper Breeze by Bath and Body Works
They discontinued this for a while, so I’m not sure if it’s back or not but you can buy this on Amazon right now. So if you loved this in the 90s and are looking for it, click the link above and snatch up some. Also, it works to deter mosquitoes too. Not sure what that says about what’s in it……
Also, Cucumber Melon is back.
Happy by Clinique
Those bitches at Clinique weren’t lying when they marketed this stuff. It DID make me happy when I wore it.
Love Spell by Victoria’s Secret
Would it surprise you that I once chased a woman down inside a mall in Wisconsin in 2001 to find out what perfume (Love Spell) she was wearing? NO, IT WASNT KATHLEEN.
Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
This was the scent I wore on my second (and final) wedding day! So many memories this perfume brings back, some amazing and some not so amazing. Like the fact that I had to wear a diaper on my wedding day.
Buy the book.
I know I am missing some other perfumes but this is long enough and I know how some of you feel about long posts (insert my glaring side-eye).
Tell me the story of all the perfumes you’ve worn before.
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