Humor, Life, Nonsense

It’s a Literal Shit Show Outside, So I Got Tips

Are you literally LITERALLY afraid to walk outside? I am not a conspiracy theorist by any stretch of the imagination but this has conspiracy theory written all over it. I AM KIDDING.

But I mean come on, it feels very surreal sci-fi/intel/ the world is ending/ REM was right, no?

 

 

Or at least a very Close Encounters of the Third Kind vibe:

 

Image result for close encounter of the third knd gas mask
Courtesy/IMDB

 

I recently started sharing funny memes on my blog’s private Facebook page to help with the mania that is going on inside my imagination. It’s a great place to get away from ALL of the pictures of NONE of the toilet paper that seems to exist. Psst- we aren’t out of it; they just can’t stock it fast enough so maybe stop buying so much at once?

Also, the assholes who are hoarding it or even worse, selling it for triple the cost, have a karmic shit storm of their own coming their way.

But we do need a place to get away from the reality that is awaiting us outside of our homes. So I created a list in my phone of things to do while being stuck inside for the next couple of weeks. A fun list, not a to-do list really, a to-must list.

 

Notebook

 

Side note- I am not minimizing COVID-19. I am simply giving you something humorous to read in a very non-humorous time of our lives. Wash your hands, take care of our older generations, be smart, don’t be an asshole. ALL LIFE LESSONS WE SHOULD BE DOING DAILY ANYWAY. 

 

My Quarantine To-Must List

 

1- Write until my fingers bleed. I urged my fellow bloggers to pound out content during these next couple of weeks because it will help everyone to have more fun things to read. (And I promise this is the only time I will mention Coronavirus in the next four weeks.) Plus extra writing is good for my anxiety and my spirits, so it is a win-win for sure. 🙂

2- Homeschool (duh) While all the Midwest (and it looks like rest of the USA) is doing this novel thing called “e-learning”, we’ve been “e-learning” for a year and a half now. We actually don’t do much of the “e” variety but we do know what it means to school at home and that won’t change anything for us other than canceled co-ops and homeschool volleyball practices and games. But it does mean that Ellie can facetime her friends and family during the day, which is kind of cool for her.

3- Give massages/get massages. Sounds perverted but relaxing massage is just what we need whether it be foot massages or back rubs. Set a timer like a professional would and get in to get the knots out of our necks and feet. Because something tells me we all have more knots right now than normally.

4- Bonfires in the backyard/working in the yard Hey guess what? While you’ve been watching the CNN 24 hour interactive map of where COVID19 is spreading, spring has been springing in your yard. Buds are on the trees, the birds are chirping, and official spring is this coming Friday. Let’s be thankful this hit now rather than in December (can you say Christmas quarantine?) or January (can you say Seasonal Affective COVID19?).

5- Walks and runs outside instead of on the treadmill I ran outside for the first time in years (usually only running on the treadmill) and it was horrible. So maybe I will only walk outside and run inside but you get my point.

6- Facetime with family and friends. Only maybe we can be creative. For example, decide to talk in an accent, wear a wig, see who can go the longest without blinking, etc..

7- Creating a podcast or at least talking about it My friend and I were at coffee a few weeks ago and joked about starting a Coronavirus podcast; kind of like a humorous variety show hosted by two middle-aged women, stuck at home with the kids under quarantine and maybe there was weed-smoking while hiding in the closet involved NO ONE STEAL OUR IDEA. Speaking of podcasts, I need suggestions in the comments.

8- Social media sharing of nonsensical animal videos, memes, and anything with the word FUCK in it Instead of sharing how long the lines are at the Kroger, you should probably share funny stuff. Maybe leave the serious news to the CDC?

9- NOT watching the news and binge-watch shows instead (see my list of ideas coming up). Listen it’s good to be informed but unless you are on the front lines, work for the CDC or the WHO, then you don’t need to know when there are TWO MORE CASES of Coronavirus. I watched Good Morning America last week for the first time in months and I will never do that again. Only fun viewing for the unforeseeable future.

10- Baking (perfecting donuts) Last fall I was on a cider donut hunt and in turn, bought a donut sheet to make my own donuts and that sheet just sits in the pantry. I feel like this is my time to perfect some donuts within my kitchen. Like those ladies who sold cheesecakes to help them get through the government shutdown? Corona Donuts has a good ring? No?

11- Coloring Coloring is so magically stress-relieving. Ella asked me to color with her the other night WHILE watching Grace and Frankie (yes, she loves it too) and it was just, so good.

12- Movies on Amazon Especially those of the John Hughes variety. I will be playing a lot of those on auto-repeat. 80s movies in general and sappy rom-coms too.

13- Get an air fryer and “fry” lots of shit I feel like I should be saving my money right now or at least buying toilet paper with it but I really, really want to fry shit right now. Might prove to be self-care.

14- Tropical day I am currently making a “feels like summer” playlist on Spotify to play on “tropical day”. I will crank up the heat, open the windows, make the kids and I wear shorts, bathing suits, etc., slather ourselves with coconut smelling lotion, and drink margaritas (booze-less for Ellie).

15- Meal plan using only what we already have I currently have two weeks’ worth of food and while common sense tells me that is good enough for now and that the grocery stores won’t ever close, I feel the need to prepare meals using what I have. I might also be freezing meals too even though I am not good at that AT ALL. If you know of a good meal freezing tutorial, I would love to know about it.

16- Remind Andrea to publish pictures of her mannequin friend, Amandequin, to Instagram daily. I’ve talked about my friend Andrea before and how she created this amazing Instagram account about her mannequin friend.

 

 

Well, she hasn’t been sharing Amandequin’s adventures lately and she happened to message me that she found her in a closet or something and I said that for the sake of humanity, she needed to bring Amandequin out of retirement. Or at least out of the hall coat closet. Follow her here on Instagram.

17- Share only funny shit on Facebook I urge you to immediately stop sharing serious stuff and just share happy, funny, whimsical stuff. If you have friends that make you feel bad for doing so, unfriend them. You don’t need fear-mongering in your life right now, you need lighthearted fare. Let it begin with you.

18- Cut cable and upgrade Hulu Cable has like, 150 channels I never watch. Hulu has Real Housewives and Better Things and The Wonder Years and stuff like that. It took a virus but we are FINALLY cutting the cord.

19- Open the windows every day no matter the weather. Even if only for five minutes every couple of hours. Fresh air, sunshine, etc.. is so important now more than ever. Also, it puts you in a better mood.

20- MUSIC. All-day, every day. I usually have Spotify, Pandora, or cable television music stations on here daily, so this is nothing new. Music is so good for the spirit.

21- Spacing out stuff to do. I am actually spacing out laundry and cleaning so I keep busy. Keeping busy is also good for the spirit.


 

Silhouette of Man Sitting on Grass Field at Daytime

 

Having trouble protecting your mental well-being lately? Read this. Also, you are not in any way alone. (Thank you, Rita, for sharing with me.)

Looking into minimizing? Here is a great article about things you can do while being at home more.

I started googling, “how not to freak out during a coronavirus outbreak” and this came up from predictive google text:

 

And now I am laughing so hard. And also worrying about summoning a demon lord.

 

Piggy Bank With Coins

 

Here is some smart advice for not freaking out and taking care of finances.

And here are 40 simple pleasures that we take for granted.

Listen to this Italian Nonna about staying well during this time of our lives:

 


Here are just a few shows to keep your mind off of the doom:

Image result for better things
Better Things courtesy/Variety

 

Grace and Frankie (Netflix)

Better Things (FX and Hulu)

Schitt’s Creek (Netflix and Pop Network)

Gilmore Girls (Netflix)

Real Housewives series (Hulu) *My two favorite cities to binge are Beverly Hills and New York City

Dead to Me (Netflix) *Thanks for the reminder, Mom! Anna and I binged this last May in a day.

Friends (only on cable right now, THANKS A LOT NETFLIX)

Seinfeld (Netflix, possibly Hulu, and Amazon Prime)

Love is Blind (Netflix) Thanks for the tip, Shannon

 

Give us your suggestions in the comments.


 

Planet Earth

 

Webcams from all over the United States (and the world) are helping just a bit. In fact, I am using some of these in our daily homeschool as well.

Miami Airport live cam is great for kids (and adults) who love airplanes.

Chicken coop cam is great for nature sounds and well, chicken sounds.

If you love the mountains, The Great Smoky Mountains have several cams set up within their parks.

Destin has several live webcams to make us feel like we are on spring break. Sigh.

My friend shared her church’s sermon via Facebook Live yesterday and I listened to it while keeping busy in the kitchen and it was divine, complete pun intended. I listened, cried, prayed, and it felt so good that I can’t wait to hear another message next Sunday. No matter your denomination (or not), maybe see if there is a church online that scratches your itch.


I also follow some great “escape from reality” accounts on YouTube such as:

Traveling Robert. I mentioned him in my January Tater Tot post here.

Pro Home Cooks (thanks for the tip, Rebecca). They make gourmet food from the stuff you have in your pantry.

Kotaro and Hana. Otters who do fun things, like:

 

 

And then someone turned them playing with a cellphone into this:


Listen, we can be paralyzed by what we are going through or we can decide that this is time for us to stop and be present. We have the chance to do something big for not only ourselves but for others. This is our time to show what we are really made of.

Sending you all love, peace, and health.

38 thoughts on “It’s a Literal Shit Show Outside, So I Got Tips”

  1. I have so much to comment on. Beware!

    First, you have the best ideas Mrs. Creativity. I love that you’re dishing ‘em out for us.

    Second, we did not hoard anything. Because a) we really underestimated this thing and mocked it up until yesterday. Sorry 😐. And b) I cannot keep up with normal life shopping needs so preparing for crazy quarantines was not even a thought. By not hoarding we are now facing a dire first world shituation. There are five grown asses in this house. Thankfully, I’ve spent my entire adult life reading and purchasing books I don’t need. Sadly, I gave bags of them away during our last move. Which means we’ll be using the ones I felt I couldn’t part with. Ormy husband’s religious texts. He’ll know for sure he’s married the devil.

    Shout out for the homeschooled!!!

    We’ve stepped up the Facetime around here. Love my mom.

    We’ve talked about walking. 🤣. Yay you for running. What?!!

    Love REM

    YES, YES, YES to the podcast!!! YES. I listen to podcast all night every night and would love new material.

    Always wondered about the donut pan. Do I need one? Let us know how it works out and Corona DONUTS is brilliant.

    Air fryer. Haven’t bought one yet because the choices are overwhelming. Do you have a brand/type you recommend?

    Cracking up over the thought of your cranking up the heat. Our a/c is broke and we need an entire new system. So we have the fans going. Hot, hot, hot

    We do not have enough groceries for the week much less two weeks. I suck at disaster preparedness. If you knew my Dad you’d know I should be prepared. He’s prepared for this his entire life.

    Can’t wait to check out the IG mannequin.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Why don’t you send me your sinner texts! I feel like I need those. And I’ll be saving your marriage too!

      Running Post was supposed to publish today but I felt like this one was needed today. I’m here for all of you. ❤️

      Love REM too. They must be Gypsies or something.

      I need podcast suggestions!

      You need a donut pan.

      I don’t have an air fryer brand but I’ll ask Rebecca because she has one and I trust her judgement. Will report back.

      Oh no to the natural heat! Do you guys have a swimming pool in your backyard? Because us up north are really jealous of you people in the south if you do. 😂

      Like

  2. I hate that we are going through this bug thank you baby Jesus for these posts.

    It feels Uber conspiracy theory.
    Not about Uber. Oh never mind…

    I am writing these ideas down in MY phone. I need lots of ideas so I don’t strangle my family or vice versa.

    Sending you health and love.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m dying over the Kenny G Otter! Also, I now am going to need an Otter of my own.
    In the voice of Veruca Salt: “Daddy, I want an Otter and I want it now!”
    This is such a great post with so many fabulous ides to focus on instead of that word that we’re not going to mention any longer.
    C*rona Donuts==circles of love.
    Frying shit==comfort food.
    I suppose I’m going to have to locate How to Not Summon A Demon Season 1 now because if I start with season 2, I’ll be so confused.
    I completely forgot about Dead to me; what a great show. WE NEED A SEASON 2 YOU WRITERS WHO MUST BE READING THIS.
    I also love the real housewives of mostly anywhere. I also started watching Family Karma. I’m Bravo’s bitch.
    I loved the Italian Nonna too.
    Both of my girls were telling us about “S Town”; a podcast that they thought was amazing.
    Did you watch Yellowstone? With Kevin Costner. Not sure where you can get it if you haven’t, but it’s really good. And it’s Kevin Costner.
    Also, we loved Ozark on Netflix.
    And Better Things is so brilliant.

    Stay strong my friend! XO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If we all had otters, life would be so much better. Also, I am walking around the house talking like Veruca Salt. Thank you so much for that.
      Ooh, adding Family Karma to my list because I am a Bravo bitch.
      Yellowstone….adding to the list too.
      Family Karma reminded me of a great reality show from the early 2000s about a family who runs a mortuary. Family Plots, I think it was called. That was television gold and I think some of the shows are on YouTube.

      Stay strong too, my friend and KEEP WRITING!

      Like

  4. I love you for this. I really do. I just sat down and made my family schedule in the hopes that our family doesn’t turn into a bad case of Lord of the Flies. (I do NOT homeschool!!) But I realized that I was missing the days when my kids were little and my life felt a little bit like running a summer camp and….here we are again. (Nothing like a global crisis to answer the prayers of a mother who feels like her kids are getting too big too fast, but hey, God works in mysterious ways).

    Wishing you health and happiness. AND SO grateful for blogs right now. Your podcast idea sounds MARVELOUS.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OMG SAME. Listen, just because I already was homeschooling does not mean I don’t have days where I want to scream. But NOW I can commiserate with all of you and that brings me so much joy.

      Keep blogging, my new blog friend. Because the world needs your words now more than ever. 🙂

      Like

  5. How not to do alone…LOL, google to the rescue!

    I’m gonna do a rewatch of 30 Rock. That show is so freaking funny. I was wanting to do a Friends rewatch, but screw Netflix/NBC. I have all the DVDs but getting up to put a disc in is so unappealing.

    A secret Facebook page where you share funny stuff? Do tell 😉

    Doing a podcast is brave. I can’t stand the way my voice sounds when I hear it on a video or something, it makes me cringe. It’s so much more country sounding than I would’ve though.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. We have AcornTV. It streams British and Australian TV shows and movies. It’s been our go-to lately. I like Miss Fisher Mysteries, Agatha Raisin Mysteries, and Doc Martin which are available on AcornTV and infinitely more interesting than most of the shows on Hulu. It’s like traveling overseas without going out your front door. Win, win.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. My friend suggested I do a podcast where I imitate my mother and my former pastor, but I fear that no one would appreciate those unless they have the unfortunate luck of knowing my former pastor or are somehow linked to my south side Chicago mother.

    I JUST made a list and wrote at the top – figure out what to do in place of Direct TV. Hulu plus is at the top of the list – live sports are a must, of course at the moment . . . not so much. Plus netflix. But then I realized that I cannot live without WGN morning news, so need to figure that one out.

    I mandated 2 hours of quiet time here in the jungle. My children are animals – either thru noises or messes or both. Now I feel sleepy while it is quiet time, so I must go nap. I think that should be added to your list, napping.

    I started making a list of movies we could watch as a family: On Golden Pond. Breaking Away. and maybe White Men Can’t Jump (might be some fast-forwarding in that one, but I cannot remember). Other ideas, besides the obvious John Hughes greats?

    I ordered a Chinese Checkers set and we played charades last night. There is some stir craziness going on here and we are early on in our ‘situation.’

    I will have to return to watch the Otter video, because it is my favorite animal but my NAP is begging me to get started. cannot keep my eyes open.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. OK, this is what I call public service! THANK YOU. And I will try to stop posting serious shit on Facebook. But I’m a librarian, and it’s what I do. Information. You can just unfollow me. 😉

    I kinda love how you said the toilet paper hoarders are assholes.

    I think I need to get out of my house today.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I won’t ever unfollow you. You aren’t making people fearful; just informing. But I did take Twitter off of my phone last night because it’s just too much.

      I’ve been crying off and on all day today because my husband has to work and people came into his office with masks on. My oldest doesn’t get the severity and was at a bar on Saturday night and I’m just overwhelmed.

      I think I need to get out of my house too and take the dog for a walk.

      Like

      1. Ah, I’m sorry! About all of it. I was talking with Cane yesterday about how I’m so glad we aren’t in the thick of parenting our kids when they were teens because this whole thing would have been excruciating. Apparently there were a LOT of young adults at bars this weekend. I get it. The weekend before I knew we should probably be staying home, but we went to a movie. I didn’t get it yet, and I had this feeling of: Should probably go while we can. I’m guessing that’s what all the folks in bars were about.

        Yesterday I had to go out to pick up groceries (there’s a service at a store here where you order online and they bring it out to your car, which is how I’ll be doing groceries for the duration), and I couldn’t believe how traffic was just the same as always. It felt like there’s two simultaneous realities happening right now. It was weird, and made me question everything I’ve been thinking. But then I go back online and read about Italy, and I’m like: No. We are being idiots.

        Which doesn’t include people like your husband, who has to work. If all of us who don’t have to would just stay the f*** home, people like him wouldn’t be at such risk. It’s crazy-making. It’s really not hard to stay home, especially when you consider the possible consequences. And if it is, we just need to suck it up. *stepping off soapbox*

        Staying off Twitter sounds like a good move. I’ve been sort of obsessively online since Saturday, but today I am painting a bedroom. (Started last night.) And I’m feeling the need to step away. And stop sharing grim news. If folks don’t know by now, it’s because they don’t want to.

        You take care. I love that you’re writing more.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Who knew that being a parent to an adult would be harder? Ella is at home and not complaining at all. She is face-timing her friends, doing her schoolwork (begrudgingly but that’s status quo here), and not seeing her friends either. I understand that Anna’s loss of freedom is so hard. I also get that essentially she had no closure to the rest of her sophomore year in college (we just got that news today). But I hope she understands that the longer they go out and act normal, the longer we will be paying for those choices.
        Grown ass people who are shopping at the mall like nothing is happening will be the downfall of this whole situation. I just don’t know what to think anymore.
        Today it is sunny here, we went for a walk this morning and will be going for another one in a little bit. I haven’t watched the news hardly at all, I haven’t been on social media much and I am blissfully unaware of what is happening. Think I need to do this more. Maybe 10% of the week I will be informing myself, 90% I will be blissfully unaware.

        Sending you love. Keep writing.

        Like

  9. I am not freaking out, nor am I bored…but you have a lot of great ideas! I’ve been walking outside…not in contact with anyone, good for the soul (and body). One of the to-do items on my long list today is making a menu plan based off of the food we have in the house. I’m not going grocery shopping until I absolutely have to. It’ll probably be more for fresh items like almond milk and produce.

    I’m not much of a TV watcher, but we’ve been watching a couple of episodes of That 70’s Show each night. Is that considered binge watching? 😉 The show is funny and makes us laugh…which we all need right now.

    No names mentioned, but I know a blogger who admitted she has CNN on 24/7. I don’t know how she can do that. I’d be jumping out of my skin with anxiety. I can’t even watch a few minutes of the regular news – at ANY time, not just now! That can’t be good for her emotional health. Not to mention, I can’t stand the noise of TV in the background if I’m not actually watching it.

    We cut cable a couple of years ago. Well, kind of. We called to completely cancel it (we have Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime) but it was actually cheaper for us to keep basic cable (bedroom TV only) because we have a bundle package with internet.

    OK, I’ve been posting some serious shit on FB, so please don’t unfriend me. 😉

    xoxo

    Like

    1. That is the perfect kind of binge watching! Are usually only watch Grace and Frankie in little spurts of two or three episodes at a time. I’ve never watched That 70s Show! Adding to the list.

      I don’t know how she can watch that 24 seven but I know there are people who do like to do that. I am not one of those people LOL.

      I won’t unfriend, I may unfollow to protect my anxiety. 😂

      How is your anxiety during all of this? Sending you love. I miss you. ❤️

      Like

  10. I’m not at all afraid. As a retired nurse I am doing nothing different than I have always done. My home and floors are as germ free as possible. Never, ever do I allow visitors to wear shoes inside my home. People don’t realize what’s on the bottom of their shoes!! And especially when my children were babies, no way my kids would play on a floor that someone had walked on with outside shoes on. Kids are grown, I’m a grandmother now. I think we should all just calm down and use common sense. As for the supposed toilet paper shortage, disinfectant wipes, bleach…there’s plenty in my stores here!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s comforting to hear you say that you aren’t afraid.
      My husband said that I’ve been preparing for something like this my whole life bc I’m a neat freak. We never walk with shoes on in the house and now I’m spraying any shoes that come in with Microban to be safe.

      Something like this makes you realize there are so many people who have absolutely no common sense. 🙄

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I am all about the massage thing. I’m sitting down in my cold basement like a troll under a bridge while the workers do a pre-planned reno of the kitchen/great room. I’m sitting on a saddle stool hunched over the laptop and this is day 2 of 3. The hubby has no neck left so I vote for massages!! (I also vote these craftsmen wash their friggin’ hands after touching their long bits under normal circumstance but for the love of John Hughes, ESPECIALLY now! I’m going to go through one can of disinfectant just following them around!)

    I’ve been wanting to try yeast donuts and this might be the time to perfect my long john/cream stick/bismark game. (I figure even if they turn out “bad”, they’re still gonna be pretty good.)

    We’ve been attempting to watch 80’s B movies and the only one we haven’t turned off is Hiding Out with John Cryer (filmed at or around the same time as Pretty in Pink, I think). Tonight is Terror Train.

    Yesterday I put some Hawaiian Tropic “oil” from a 20 year old bottle. (Don’t judge me.) Still smells like vacation and future skin cancer before we knew better.

    I’ve had to “snooze” some people on FB. I freak myself out enough by reading articles “to stay up to date” just before bed. I don’t need them adding to my anxiety with their posts as I try to pretend to everyone else I’m coping well while secretly searching for buckets of 30 day meal supply of MRE’s.

    Dead to Me needs to release Season 2 like right now. I also recommend Catastrophe on Amazon Prime because you can binge all of the seasons in one day since the episodes are short and only 6 total because British. (Same for Fleabag.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wish you lived close. I really need your donuts because they will be better than mine.

      I need to watch a movie. I’ve been watching television only lately. I also need to pace myself because it sounds like this is going to be a long time thing.

      Terror Train sounds like our life right now.

      Passing you the Lysol and sending you a social distant-appropriate hug.

      Like

  12. Your Facebook group has been a sanctuary for me! I hated FB before, and now you’ve actually made it fun again. Also, it helps to laugh randomly several times a day due to our nation’s meme coping mechanism.

    So yeah the buds were budding and then today snow. It’s literally still snowing out. So I’m thinking we bust out the Christmas tree and pretend it’s winter all over again. Why the eff not. I heard today that we will be in self-quarantine until June 1st and I’m honestly considering bringing the Christmas season and Fall back into our lives. April can be the Fall, we’ll do pumpkins, leaves, and Thanksgiving, and then May can be the countdown to Christmas. And our present can be sending the kids back to school!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Your Facebook group has been a sanctuary for me! I hated FB before, and now you’ve actually made it fun again. Also, it helps to laugh randomly several times a day due to our nation’s meme coping mechanism.

    So yeah the buds were budding and then today snow. It’s literally still snowing out. So I’m thinking we bust out the Christmas tree and pretend it’s winter all over again. Why the eff not. I heard today that we will be in quarantine until June 1st and I’m honestly considering bringing the Christmas season and Fall back into our lives. April can be the Fall, we’ll do pumpkins, leaves, and Thanksgiving, and then May can be the countdown to Christmas. And our present can be sending the kids back to school!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you love that group as much as I do. It is SAVING MY FUCKING LIFE.

      Yes to the Christmas tree! Omg. I think I might do it. And play Christmas music. This will definitely motivate me. I hope. Maybe. 😂

      Like

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