Humor, Nonsense

Google Searches That Define You

I started writing this post at the end of February when our lives were completely different. I thought about changing the searches to reflect our lives since the lockdown but decided that it may be better suited for another post entirely. I like the idea of reading this and knowing what I was innocently searching for the weeks leading up to our world shifting. 

I was having coffee with a good friend at the beginning of February and we were talking about how my blog doesn’t have a niche. I used to worry that my blog didn’t have a niche for a several year period back when I was trying to monetize my blog.

Niches are a big deal in the blog world, I guess. If you want to make money, you gotta have a niche. But now that I am halfway done with menopause, I am almost 50, and I have been writing a blog for almost 10 years, I don’t give a fuck if my blog has a niche.

The reason I bring this up is that I adore randomness. In life, in writing, in food, anywhere. I love random ideas, quotes, etcetera. It is me embracing this randomness that has led to so many posts this year that I loved writing. I have been so filled inside with writing about well, nothing. Niche-less writing is the best writing for me.

Speaking of, I’ve written about google searches two other times in my blogging career. Once in 2014 and once in 2018, which is sad. Four solid years between Google search posts is just unacceptable because I think the core of who we are is in what we search for on Google. I also think that there is a lot of depth in the notes that you keep on your phone as well (post forthcoming).

Here is what I have been Googling as of late.

I used this picture in the March tater tot post and liked it, so she might become a regular fixture around here


Parakeets chirping
Why is my parakeet trying to bite me

We got a parakeet back in December, aptly named Joy and I play her videos of parakeets chirping twice a day so she doesn’t get lonely. To be clear, she has no chance to get lonely between all of the times we take her out of the cage (it’s encouraged) and the dog barking, and the typical chaos.

The biting thing started when we moved the perches up higher in her cage so she could feel safe. One time I went in to get her out and she lovingly bit me. I googled the above and it turns out she was being territorial which I totally get.

I swear to God she loves us.

Jelly fruit candy
Tik Tok renegade dance

Because tweens.

Google translate

You don’t think those tater tot titles write themselves, do you?

Is eyeroll one or two words

It’s two words.

What is the definition of visceral

In reaction to Gwyneth Paltrow is all I should need to write.

Also….” relating to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect.

Is Jameson‘s Irish?


Nevermind baby
Kurt Cobain

I had seen a picture of the baby from the cover of the Nirvana album Nevermind on Pinterest and something didn’t sit right with me because he looked like he was my age. I clicked on it and it was indeed clickbait, so then I googled the above and guess what? That baby is now 25.

Image result for how old is the nevermind baby
Courtesy/ New York Post


This led me down the google rabbit hole of Kurt Cobain, his death, where he grew up, how old he was when he died, when he married Courtney Love, how old his daughter Frances Bean Cobain is now.

She is 27. The same age her dad was when he died.

Paul Scheer
June Diane Raphael

As I mentioned in the March tater tot post, I love the show Grace and Frankie. When I watch a show or series or movie or documentary, you can guarantee that I will be googling the shit out of people who star within those shows.

One of my favorite characters on that show besides Frankie is Brianna, played by June Diane Raphael.


Image result for june diane raphael

Then I found out she was married to Paul Scheer, who I have loved in other things but most notably (in my world) from the I Love the 80s, 90s, and 2000s shows VH-1 used to air.


Image result for paul scheer
Courtesy/ Chicago Tribune

I never would have put those two together and that makes me kind of happy because RANDOM.

Starbucks weight watchers points

Because I am on an endless pursuit to make myself miserable.

*two months later note- remember Starbucks? Good times.

YA books about ghosts

Nothing more interesting than Ellie loving ghosts and trying to find books about them.

Should I worry about jogging
Dr. Oz on running

My anxiety woke me up one night to tell me that I should be worried about running again.

Long story short, I used to be afraid to exercise because of heart attacks. My health anxiety is really bad and last winter it took over me in such a way, I couldn’t even walk on the treadmill. This winter I decided to say fuck that and started training for a 5k.

But anxiety is a nasty bitch and can creep up at any time. Like at four in the morning. Hence the above searches.

Dr. Oz says it’s okay.

*two months later note- I am no longer training for the 5k because of the pandemic and not wanting to end up in the acute care center for a sprain etc.. I am however still walking on the treadmill daily in hopes of running again after this is over.

Map of China
Is it safe to buy stuff from China coronavirus

I wanted to be informed about where Wuhan China was and how large that city is (HUGE) because I am big on statistics and ratios. I don’t think Americans realize just how large and populated China is nor do they realize how much of the stuff we use daily comes from China (think 75% of Amazon’s inventory).

Also yes, it is totally safe.

*two months later note- this was when I was trying to convince myself that coronavirus was less deadly than the regular flu. Ignorant bliss is what I now like to call the month of February.

Hot Chicago white Sox player Michael

Just because he’s hot.

What? Not all of my searches are educational. Geez.

Image result for michael kopech
Courtesy/ Wikipedia

What is in a traditional burrito

Long story long, I was watching the Taylor Swift documentary on Netflix one day and while she had some very interesting and agreeable points about many different things, the takeaway for me was that she adds tortilla chips to the inside of her burritos for crunch.

So the next cheat day I had, we got local authentic Mexican food from our beloved regular place but before I did that, I wanted to see what exactly is in a traditional burrito.

Of course, I still ordered my usual bastardized version- no beans or rice, extra steak, cilantro, sour cream, cheese, tomatoes, onion, and lettuce. Then I added a couple of their homemade tortilla chips to this inside of my burrito ala Taylor, and I think, I THINK, I had my first food orgasm.

*two months later note- we just got takeout from this place on Sunday for the first time since February and I did this again and it is still amazing. I never thought I would be thanking Taylor Swift for anything but here we are.

Hgtv dream home

I wanted to know when the winners would be announced. For three months, I would submit an entry twice daily in hopes of winning a home in Hilton Head, South Carolina.

*two months later note- we didn’t win. I am never entering another contest again.

How to clean a coffee pot

You’re starting to realize how boring I am, aren’t you?

*two months later note- that was probably the last time I cleaned the coffee pot.

Irrelevant facts

Ella was trying to text a friend some fun facts while we were in the car heading to a homeschool event. Nothing more exciting.

*two months later note- that is SO exciting now.

How do you get paint off of laminate flooring

Nail polish remover. Don’t ask me how I got the paint on there, to begin with.

Why do they ring the bell at Trader Joe’s

To ask for someone to help them at another register. It was much better sounding than an announcement over the intercom for YEAH WE NEED HELP ON AISLE FOUR, JIM. JIM? JIMMMM?

What is a manifestation candle

According to Sage and Salt (dot com, of course):

“When you’re ready to upgrade your ritual, a manifestation candle takes your purposeful intentions and blasts them across every plane. For the spiritually-minded witches, the flame of a candle represents a light in the darkness that illuminates a path through the universe for your manifestations.”

*two months later note- the real question is why was I googling “manifestation candle” to begin with. Did I maybe manifest the coronavirus here??

The sausage King of Chicago
Three bucks and my left nut

I was renovating my John Hughes Museum post from years ago because it made absolutely no sense to the reader. Or to me. One could argue the whole idea of a museum, to begin with, makes no sense and you would be wrong. But those searches are quotes from two of his movies that serve as paragraph dividers within the post. Stay tuned for the updated version.

*two months later note- I have had two months to work on that post and I haven’t touched it once.

How many calories does painting burn

Over 1200 in four hours.

Signs a hamster is dying

Sadly, this was one of many hamster searches I was doing in late January and early February. You can read about our Nibbles here if you haven’t before.

Enneagram test

I kept seeing Enneagram everywhere on the interwebs this winter and wanted to see what that fuss was.

*two months later note- Nope, THIS is what summoned the virus.

Dan Quayle

He was mentioned in a show and I wanted to see if he was still alive. I call these searches death checks.

*two months later note- I never thought I would say I miss Dan Quayle but here we are.

The Shanna show theme song

This was a little filler in between shows on Disney channel when Anna was little. I was getting all sentimental leading up to her 20th birthday.

How does Lululemon fit (should really ask how do you afford Lululemon)

Anna had asked for Lululemon leggings for Christmas but they were just way too expensive and I wanted to get her the other things she asked for. So I looked online for her birthday instead and yeah, still too fucking expensive.

Lee Majors

Another death check but you will be happy to know that he is still alive at 80 years young.

*two months later note- The Six Million Dollar Man is 80. Let that sink in.

Shrimp quesadilla

Someone made it on a talk show and made it look so damn good that I wanted to find the recipe. I ended up making it and it was okay. I have an issue with fishes in tacos or fishes in quesadillas but wanted to try and expand my palate.

I also have trouble with meats upon meats. IE-pork and beef in the same meal. IE- bacon cheeseburgers and the like.


That was fun. I’m so glad I don’t have a niche.

25 thoughts on “Google Searches That Define You”

  1. You are saving the world one random post at a time. Use that as your slogan or whatever, 😂

    I am adding tortilla chips to my next burrito and expect it to be life changing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Favorite part: Calling February blissful ignorance.

    Not a direct quote because I am being too lazy to scroll up. I still have to start my workout which I usually do before blog reading, but hey I am changing things up. I think you sure as hell have a niche: humor. You always make me laugh. For real.

    I sometimes google while watching a movie to see ‘WHAT WAS HE/SHE IN?’ if it is driving me crazy.

    I googled how many cups were in 150 grams or something last night as I was putting food in my fitness app. Boring? You bet. I initially asked Ed if he knew and he said: Don’t know, just google it. And I literally thought, wow, what did we do before google?

    Can you imagine how easy homework would have been if we had google back in the day?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES! I think about that all the time. Remember when we would have to go to the library and use card catalogs?? I sometimes feel like I was born in the wrong era. I would rule the world if I had Google back then.
      Eh, probably not but I’m going to use that excuse to make my ego feel better.


  3. I love your randomness. It makes me want to blog again because I get too hung up on not having something to say or worrying that I’m just going to whine some more about how I’m not writing.

    Anyway, I’m totally adding chips to my burrito because I’m super curious.

    Ooh, your shrimp quesadilla part (i don’t know how I feel about that, BTW) DID make me think of my favorite wrap at the (probably now gone) CRU Wine bar that I hung out all too often when I lived downtown. It was called a BLAST – bacon, lettuce, avocado, shrimp, and tomato. It was amazing, and it had an adobo mayonnaise (you crack open a tiny can of chipotle peppers in adobo sauce and mix some of that sauce with the mayo. HEAVEN. And then you stare at your open can of peppers and say “now what the shit do I do with this?”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. JUST WRITE. For real. Don’t even think about it. Just start and see what comes out. I start with a tiny idea and then immediately create a title. Then it’s free flow writing from there.

      I think I’ve never had the right fish taco but I’m open to finding it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. While Coyote is my favorite character on Grace and Frankie, I like Brianna second best. I agree that it’s surprising to see who JDR is married to, but I suppose it’s a lesson in making no assumptions. Kind of like lighting a manifestation candle. Make no assumption that anything you want will manifest. 🤨

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this post! I absolutely Google the people in just about any show or movie I watch (especially if I think I recognize them from some other show and movie and just can’t place them– which is just about ALL the time!). I also Google a lot of answers to my boys’ schooling– grammar in particular since Ian’s book doesn’t have an answer key.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I originally planned to start out focusing only on mental health on my blog, but writing about one thing ain’t for me. I rarely read niche blogs. My brain is all over the place, and that’s how I like the blogs I read to be, so yours is perfect.

    She is married to the Kaboom guy! Paul Scheer will only ever be known as the Kaboom guy from Parks and Rec for me.

    The first time I googled Kurt Cobain, I went down the conspiracy theory rabbit hole for hours. I cannot resist a conspiracy theory to save my life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes!! My brain is SO all over the place but I’m sure you already knew that since you’ve been reading my blog for a while.

      I love a good conspiracy theory too. Also, a good Google rabbit hole.


  7. This is like a tater tots post, only even more tasty, somehow. If tater tots were like candy and came in different flavors but are all…candy. 🙂

    Somehow knowing that Frances Bean is the same age her dad was when he died is very unsettling. Because she’s just a kid, but he was a grownup. And he died like, just a couple of years ago. And Lee Majors is 80! But I was Googling someone else I saw on some TV show this week–who I cannot remember because memory loss and migraine meds–and she was 70 and that blew me away. All of which is to say, I think I’m old. And it freaks me out a little.

    Oh, and I had a visceral reaction to your manifestation candle. I hope it doesn’t smell like vaginas.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YOU WIN!!!
      Tell her what she’s won, Bob!

      Tater tots ARE like candy. Nom nom nom.

      Yeah it bothered me too when I found out her age. I remember her being lugged around by her mom and dad on MTV when she was just a toddler. I feel like I’m still 24 (the age I was when I found out he died). I also remember where I was when I found out: at a little Greek diner near where I worked. I was on my lunch break and I was eating the best hamburger I’ve ever had.
      That was random. Very tater tot-ish. 😘


  8. I’m really glad you don’t have a niche either because this was very fun. My google searches right now are pretty morbid – just me looking up the number of corona cases in each county that I have family. It’s a fun game for my anxiety. Also I don’t keep notes on my phone. I’m jealous of people who do that, but I haven’t been able to do that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is one of the reasons I love YOUR blog. I love blogs that have no niche, just random observations. Those kinds of blogs make me so happy. Your blog was a FIND. I am so grateful to Rita for letting me “find” you. 🙂
      Phone note-taking has been something I have done for years and I am shocked I got on that bandwagon as early as I did. I don’t keep a calendar on my phone but I do love the notes section. I also use it to keep grocery lists. 🙂


  9. Your niche is you being YOU. That’s what we love; no agenda, just random good and funny

    You should totally make your own: “What I googled this month” picture with YOUR face; you can do it. I just know you can.

    I laughed at all your searches because what if you (we) had to pull out an encyclopedia every time we had a whim in our heads with some sort of question?
    I TOO spend a good deal of time googling people while watching them on TV. I really thought I was the only one….

    Lee Majors is 80. STOP.IT.NOW.

    I’m totally looking forward to having a food orgasm; just like you and T-Swift.

    A good chunk of my google searches are in regards to butterflies; so, there you have it, not super exciting here either.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love your randomness! That White Sox dude is cute, but young enough to be my son. Don’t listen to Dr Oz – he’s a quack. Get running advice from a legit medical site. More Googling! Can you believe I’ve never had a burrito in my life?! I’ve always gone with just tacos or enchiladas. But if I did have a burrito, load it with everything except sour cream (which I don’t like). Damn…now I want one. 🙂


    Liked by 1 person

  11. I love this. Seriously I could read these all day. And I love that you googled what is in a traditional burrito. I don’t know why, but something about you thinking about burritos and needing to know what the real thing was made of, makes me love you even more.

    I would always take what Dr. Oz says with a grain of salt. He has said some insane things over the years. But I’m with you on the running, I won’t it again until after the quarantine.

    I always wondered why they rang the bell at Trader Joe’s too. I was hoping it was some sort of celebration. Like, damn girl your bread choice is on point!

    Oh and if you like June and Paul, you’ve got to check out the “How Did This Get Made” podcast. They review movies like the Love Guru and Gigli and it’s super funny. She’s only on some of them though, so you may have to search for specific ones. Also, it’s a bit raunchy, so maybe listen with headphones first. I have no idea what is age appropriate these days, I just know it’s too much for my kids.

    Liked by 1 person

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