Life, Music, Universe

Homeschooling Myself- Lessons I am Learning While in a Pandemic (Universe-isms)

I’ve mentioned to you several times about my new “Universal” self. This evolved Kari. This new-age hippie shit Kari. I began minimizing the items within my home. Then I listened to my oldest daughter who told me about manifesting. This then led me to find a book on Amazon that I intended to give to her as a returning to college gift in August, but I began reading for myself knowing how full her schedule was this fall.

I wrote about how the Universe was throwing down signs. I told you I was beginning each day by opening that Universe book and “wherever it lands, considering that a sign from the Universe.”

I came across another author, Florence Scovel Shinn, during one of those morning reads.

Sarah Prout, the author of the Universe book, mentioned Florence’s book, The Magic Path of Intuition, and said something that had me take down her name and search the book right away.

When I looked up Florence Scovel Shinn, I found out she had died in 1940.

Well, that explains why it was so hard to find the book on Amazon, I thought to myself.

So I went online to my local library and placed a hold on her book instead. Once I got the book, I finished reading it in a week. It was the first time in my life that I could honestly say a book had changed my life.

Scratch that.

I believe I once stated that Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass book had also transformed my life.

And it did. At that time.

Kind of.

So, here’s the deal. I didn’t finish Jen’s book.

Yes, I am aware that I wrote a post about a book that supposedly changed my life and I didn’t finish the book.

But I read the majority of it.

I have literal ADD. Reading is really difficult for me.

But after reading The Magic Path of Intuition, a book I read every single word of (it’s not a big book), my life felt transformed.

It was while I was reading Florence’s intuition book that I purchased an anthology of her other works (that were available on Amazon), because I had fallen in love with her ideas within the book that I was able to rent from the library.

I have nothing to gain by sharing this with you. I don’t need you to donate to any foundation; I am not part of a religious cult, nor do I need you to believe in God, Jesus, the Bible, or any other religion. I don’t need you to click on any links or buy a book. I simply want a better life for all of us.

Why?

Ubuntu.

I briefly talked about a principle that Doc Rivers said changed his life in last month’s tater tot post and I do plan to talk about it next month in more detail but the basic philosophy is:

“I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”

If I am good, then you are good. If you are good, then I am good.

I see a lot of people messing up. Even people who think they aren’t messing up. Even people who are being self-righteous and trying not to be, are messing up.

I know this because I was one of them.

I began doing homework of my own, homeschooling myself around the time I began homeschooling Ella for this school year. Getting up early before the day started and trying to work on myself so I could be a better human being. Not to brag or to be self-righteous, but so I could stand to be around myself.

I noticed that I was becoming depressed and I was seeing it affecting my youngest daughter. I am alone with her most days because of my husband’s work schedule and with the pandemic, my migraines, the political climate, and the loneliness, it got to a point where I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning.

I needed an answer.

It came to me via the Universe book I had been reading, and then I found the intuition book. It felt like a handbook for life that I’ve been asking for.

I am calling them “universe-isms”.

The word came to me in the shower one day as a random thought, which I now thank the Universe for.

This leads me to my first lesson.

I lost the Atheists already. I get it. Don’t stop reading. I will make these lessons much less churchy than Florence did.

I will paraphrase and direct quote, pulling where necessary from The Magic Path of Intuition by Florence Scovel Shinn, but I recommend checking it out from your local library or reading any of her other works.

I mean, her other books got all five-star reviews on Amazon, and she didn’t have to bribe bloggers to write those reviews.

Because she’s been dead for over 60 years. 


Universe-ism #1-Let that shit go

Over the last 15 years, I’ve seen some unsettling patterns in my life with friendships. In fact, I became so paranoid at one point that I even asked my friend Rebecca when I was at my most vulnerable “is there a problem with me? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?” Talk about putting her in a difficult position.

Then I read this passage in Florence’s book: “history will repeat itself until you think you are cursed with misfortune and injustice.” I had convinced myself that I would always repeat this pattern. I suddenly understood that I had been doing this to myself the entire time.

In order to break the cycle, it says to affirm the above.  I read it out loud when I am going back to my bad habits.

I’ve heard of people forgiving the murders of their children, the murders of their loved ones. Those who go to prisons and sit across from inmates and say, “I forgive you for what you did.” I’ve seen them on television shows like Dateline and thought to myself, “I don’t know how they do it.” But now I understand why they do it.

They do it to break the cycle and avoid carrying that pain for the rest of their life. Pain and anger is a bitter toxin. If they can forgive, they will not repeat it in the future.

It’s about letting go of a huge burden rather than being the better person.

I was tired of living in the prison of my own creation, therefore I needed to forgive myself the things that had happened to me in my life. Those things were going to keep happening again and again until I was able to forgive and move on.

Consider the negative patterns that occur in your life on a regular basis. The kind of pattern that makes you think, “why does this always happen to me? If you have none, good for you.

But if you are having a lightbulb moment, then try to think back to the first time that pattern happened. Because you must heal, forgive, and move the hell on from that.

In the book, she says that if you can’t forgive, you will be attached to it and until you are unaffected, you will suffer.

It made me think of this quote:

Amazing Quotes - 32 Pics | Life lesson quotes, Philosophical quotes, Words

Which made me think of my struggle with migraines.

I’ve been drinking a lot of poison for a very long time and that can cause a lot of pain.

When I read those words, I cried the cry that has you. It all made so much sense. I have had pain from menopause, triggers, weather, and such, but I believe a big portion of my pain comes from emotional places too.

Then after I finished Florence’s first book, I read in her other book The Game of Life and How to Play It this exact quote, “sorrow, regret, and remorse tear down the cells of the body and poison the atmosphere of the individual.


My pattern began many years ago when I was betrayed by someone I cared about. Then, a few years later, I betrayed someone I care about by sharing information I shouldn’t have.

But here’s the thing: for years, I felt that I was the one who was deceived in that situation, and because I had it all wrong in my head, I was betrayed twice more in two other friendships. As a result, the pattern repeated itself.

But it was all my fault.

I didn’t even realize any of this until after I finished this book. It provided me the clarity to view it the way it truly happened, rather than the way I wanted to perceive it.

Then I opened to this page in my Universe book a week after learning all the above:

Remember, I let the book open itself and this page had never been turned to since I bought it. 

See the first paragraph?

“This belief that you must protect yourself from others probably stems from being betrayed- someone perhaps broke your trust. The flipside of this coin is that you might unconsciously see people as competition.”

After that initial betrayal so many years ago, I became extremely competitive with everyone around me. Before that, I had never been so competitive in my life. Then, when I actually thought about the why’s behind all the betrayals that followed, I realized it was due to competitiveness. I didn’t want to come across as inferior.

So in order to avoid seeming worse than (competition), I ended up revealing information I shouldn’t have under the guise of “helping someone out” with that second betrayal.

I had to forgive the initial betrayal since I never had. It sat with me for years, growing larger and larger until it was a massive toxic poisonous tumor.

I’m starting to forgive myself too, because even though I’ve been incredibly hard on people in my life (in my head) and done a lot of toxic things (again, in my head), it’s me who I’ve been the hardest on.

I’m doing my best to let that poison drain from my body, but I really wanted to share this with everyone, because I think a lot of you do too.

Before I let you go, I want to end with a song because I love music, but while I was reading my book and learning these truths about myself, I was listening to a Spotify playlist and this song came on:

And it made me smile because it was a song from my childhood.

But also, look at the lyrics:

I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger

29 thoughts on “Homeschooling Myself- Lessons I am Learning While in a Pandemic (Universe-isms)”

  1. Love this all so much. I spent time this weekend purging so many toxic court docs, pictures and letters it felt amazing! It will feel even better when I burn it in my sisters fire pit. We are getting the house ready to list later this week😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Already made peace with that chapter and Jake has too, which means everything. Watching the physical disappearance of years of torture will be the icing. 🙌

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, I’ve always loved that song.

    I think there are times in our lives when we become especially open to seeing, and that it is times when circumstances have so broken us down that we have no defenses left. We get to choose (maybe? or maybe we’re all still doing only what we can at the time) whether to double-down on our numbing mechanisms or to look and see and be transformed. We can see all kinds of connections that were always there (that are always there), and we feel as if something is both protecting and guiding us. I had such a period about 13 years ago. It was terrifying and amazing and profound and beautiful. The trick (I have learned the hard way) is to figure out how to remain open once things start to improve. A person farther ahead of me on the path counseled me that spiritual growth is more like traveling up a spiral than down a straight path. We keep circling around and around the same landmarks, and each time we pass them we see a little more, climb a little higher. It’s helped me have patience (and endurance and resilience) when I realize I’m running into things I thought I’d left in the past. Again.

    All of this is so complicated. (Being human is so complicated.) It is hard to figure out where we end and others begin. It is hard to know what is denial and what looking for the positive. It is hard to know when a problem with a relationship is within us and when it is because another person is toxic for us. When anger is hurting us and when it is serving us. I think your morning practice is such a good thing, and such a good way to help you figure out this knotty puzzles.

    And for whatever it’s worth, you didn’t lose this atheist. God is a word we can all create our own meaning for. When I see “God” I substitute “love and truth.” When I focus on love and truth, things tend to go all right.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s such a good thing too. It has definitely helped me. I also need to say that anti- depressants and vitamins have also helped me with this journey too. I’m not saying that to be funny or to lessen what I wrote but to say that I needed that to help me get to this point, if that makes sense?

      I had to leave therapy in June because it was triggering me. It was bringing on migraines, actually. And I didn’t like where she was taking me. The fact of the matter is, some of what she was wanting me to own up to was what I admitted to in this post. I was too stubborn to see what I didn’t want to see.

      So I am able to finally “see” my faults in one of the worst years of our lives and I’m so good with that. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ❤️❤️❤️

    I love all these quotes that you’ve shared! Perfect post for a dreary Monday morning.

    I bought the meditation book and while it’s good, it’s not clicking for me like it is for you. I like the idea that the pages are words to meditate and ruminate and digest. But her actual meditations left me meh. I’m super curious about authors though so I think I’ll have to see if our library has that book. And maybe I’ll get around to reading “You’re a Badass” which I bought, but apparently i”m not badass enough to organize my reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s okay! I also feel like you’re not always ready for certain things at the same time as others.

      That badass book was recommended to me by a friend years ago because she loved it for her but I didn’t get as much out of it.

      The point about this is simply to be open to things. To let go of what is hurting us and let things go. I held on to what has been hurting me for a long time. If I had read this post even six months ago, I would have probably rolled my eyes and said SURE. It’s a journey. ❤️

      Like

  4. Oddly enough the topic of letting go of toxic people was my subject du jour this morning. A convo with a friend about how it came to be that we ever let some toxic people into our lives and how grateful we are that we got rid of them. Let them go, we did. Told them to skedaddle, perhaps in not the most gracious ways, but in the process we learned something about listening to your inner voice. And feel much lighter because of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love that I Am Because We Are– definitely a mentality we need to adopt as a society pronto! Good for you for tackling all this and I am thrilled to hear that you are happier now than you have been in quite some time. Life is way to short to carry our baggage us with day in and day out.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that you’ve found these authors that really click with you and are helping you heal. I ordered the Universe book on Abe Books (used), so I’m hoping it will be here any day. I looked online at the two libraries I use and neither one of them have the Magic Path of Intuition book. Dang! And online the book is $17 (used!) and I’m not sure I want to spend that much. However, the anthology is only $3.95 so I’m ordering that one for now. Thanks for the suggestions.

    I hear you about betrayal. I was recently betrayed by an acquaintance of mine. While initially I was shocked and really hurt, I’ve mostly gotten over it because I realized it was about her, not me. I do still feel a bit hurt though so I don’t know if that’s simply from being human (and super sensitive) or if I’m playing the victim role.

    I’m more trying to figure out some things about a couple of people in my life (close relatives) with some toxic behaviors towards me that cause me a lot of distress. I’m trying to create boundaries without completing blocking these people out. Does that make sense? I hope you share more insights from your readings.

    I truly behind in the mind-body connection. I’ve read tons of books and online medical articles about it. There’s definitely a connection between emotional pain and physical pain.

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will be interested to hear what you think about these books! What’s funny is today was such a bad day. After the oatmeal that is. 😂

      But I am seeing definite Universal signs and it is so cool. I am learning and it is a process.

      Just know that a lot of the one book is heavy on biblical references which aren’t usually my jam but I am able to look beyond that and pull what I can from it. I believe in God but the Bible stories are a whole other ball of wax.

      I do understand trying to create boundaries but I do think it depends on the people. Some people need to be blocked completely but those are most likely people who never had boundaries, to begin with.

      I think a lot of people (and I’m not talking about you) don’t own up to their parts in the stories of their lives. That’s what I am mostly referring to in this post. I had it played out on my head as the innocent victim when I was actually the perpetrator. But it was because of the first betrayal that I was on the defensive and that made me that way. We all have baggage, bruises from our past that affect us, and how we handle situations and it’s hard.

      Let me know your thoughts when you’re done with the books. ❤️

      Like

      1. I’m sorry you had a bad day. I did, too – but I allowed myself to wallow in it instead of fighting it. I had terrible anxiety last night and didn’t sleep much. So I cancelled my PT appt today and all I did was what I needed to at home, plus took Clem to the vet for her IV infusion. But that’s it. I napped a little this afternoon with Clemmie, painted my nails, and ate a bowl of leftover stuffing for dinner. 🙂

        I’m the same as you with the biblical references – not my cup of tea (used to be, but I’ve changed in that area, too) but I can take out of it what I need, so no biggie.

        As for this relative causing me grief, if there’s any kind of talk that’s upsetting to her, instead of discussing it, she shuts down and completely disappears. Then comes back when SHE’S ready – and like nothing happened. She’s also very undependable as far as making plans. It’s nothing new – she’s always been like this. I’m usually one of these forget and forgive type of people and just carry on, but it’s really bothering me lately and I’m tired of it. But yet I don’t want to completely shut her out of my life because I do love her.

        Oh, trust me, I’m far from perfect. I see a lot of my own faults in situations, too. I’m constantly a work in progress.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. YES TO WALLOWING. I think I felt like I was failing by having a bad day but I just gave into it instead. I will be talking about something funny that happened to me today (universal of course) but it was pretty good.

        Ugh to the shutting down. That is a big trigger for me. I have to talk about things in the moment.

        A work in progress is how I am viewing myself now. I love that.

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  7. So glad that you have discovered these books and that this wisdom has helped you. I love the verses you have posted here. How great that you stumbled across this woman’s writing years after she had her moment and you are basking in it and sharing it, so her thoughts are continuing to spread. I love that these things have clicked in place.

    When I put distance between myself and people who drag me down, I am so much happier.

    Oh, I especially like the intuition is God calling . . . wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It takes some guts to admit when you’re wrong. It takes some balls to do it on a public blog. I give you a lot of credit. It isn’t easy to own up to things from your past. I think this year has made a lot of us retrospective and maybe it’s not such a bad thing? I am looking forward to more of these lessons. Teach on, teacher. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, thank you. I hate that I thought I was right all these years. That I lost so many years to holding in so much anger and resentment that was unnecessary.

      This year has been a test for all of us. I want to use it wisely, or at least to try to better myself while the world stopped for a bit. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve done, honestly. I hope when this is all over, it was worth it. ❤️

      Like

  9. Kari, I love this post so much! Probably because I love YOU so much and I’m SO thrilled that you’ve had this ‘come to Jesus’ discussion with yourself and it is MAKING YOU HAPPIER!!

    I too never understood how people can forgive someone for such atrocities, but it makes sense that holding onto that will only poison our souls. ‘Let that SHIT go’ is one of my favorite phrases.
    I also love the “I am because we are”; isn’t that the truth?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love the whole “we are in this together “ mentality. The “it takes a village to raise a child “ needs to be something we do more of, especially now. Remember when it was okay for you to correct another person’s child when they did something that was wrong? We need to look after each other again. ❤️

      I love you so much too. After this is all over, I’m coming down to that Georgia house and staying a few days. I’m quiet. You won’t even know I’m there. That’s a lie. I’m quite noisy. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with you on the entire “village aspect” but some people would lose their marbles if you gave unsolicited advise.
        I knew you were a noisy liar. 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I didn’t read through this whole post but what drew me was your liberal use of quotes throughout. I try to take my own affirmations in the same way. Both support the energy-saving concept of “there’s no need to reinvent the wheel.”

    I got to this post because I was intrigued by the concepts you may or may not have invented by named very well. I already appreciate your “universe-isms” and hope to someday actually do more of my own soul homework. As a retiree you’d think it would not take a lot of effort to follow and perform your steps. Someday I will stop putting it off and actually do some soul homework.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello and welcome to my blog! I’m glad you’re here.

      I wrote this post last summer and I’ve changed so much since then, which I promise is a good thing. The soul homework I am referring to is a big part of the transformation. So, I hope you get the opportunity to do it in your spare time. If you’re ever in need of inspiration, I share the books I’ve been reading at the top of the blog where it says, “soul homework.”

      And yes, I’m a sucker for quotes. In fact, I have quotes all throughout my house. Words are my love language. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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