I’ve mentioned to you several times about my new “Universal” self. This evolved Kari. This new-age hippie shit Kari. I began minimizing the items within my home. Then I listened to my oldest daughter who told me about manifesting. This then led me to find a book on Amazon that I intended to give to her as a returning to college gift in August, but I began reading for myself knowing how full her schedule was this fall.
I came across another author, Florence Scovel Shinn, during one of those morning reads.
Sarah Prout, the author of the Universe book, mentioned Florence’s book, The Magic Path of Intuition, and said something that had me take down her name and search the book right away.
When I looked up Florence Scovel Shinn, I found out she had died in 1940.
Well, that explains why it was so hard to find the book on Amazon, I thought to myself.
So I went online to my local library and placed a hold on her book instead. Once I got the book, I finished reading it in a week. It was the first time in my life that I could honestly say a book had changed my life.
I believe I once stated that Jen Sincero’s You are a Badass book had also transformed my life.
And it did. At that time.
So, here’s the deal. I didn’t finish Jen’s book.
Yes, I am aware that I wrote a post about a book that supposedly changed my life and I didn’t finish the book.
But I read the majority of it.
I have literal ADD. Reading is really difficult for me.
But after reading The Magic Path of Intuition, a book I read every single word of (it’s not a big book), my life felt transformed.
It was while I was reading Florence’s intuition book that I purchased an anthology of her other works (that were available on Amazon), because I had fallen in love with her ideas within the book that I was able to rent from the library.
I have nothing to gain by sharing this with you. I don’t need you to donate to any foundation; I am not part of a religious cult, nor do I need you to believe in God, Jesus, the Bible, or any other religion. I don’t need you to click on any links or buy a book. I simply want a better life for all of us.
I briefly talked about a principle that Doc Rivers said changed his life in last month’s tater tot post and I do plan to talk about it next month in more detail but the basic philosophy is:
“I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”
If I am good, then you are good. If you are good, then I am good.
I see a lot of people messing up. Even people who think they aren’t messing up. Even people who are being self-righteous and trying not to be, are messing up.
I know this because I was one of them.
I began doing homework of my own, homeschooling myself around the time I began homeschooling Ella for this school year. Getting up early before the day started and trying to work on myself so I could be a better human being. Not to brag or to be self-righteous, but so I could stand to be around myself.
I noticed that I was becoming depressed and I was seeing it affecting my youngest daughter. I am alone with her most days because of my husband’s work schedule and with the pandemic, my migraines, the political climate, and the loneliness, it got to a point where I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning.
I needed an answer.
It came to me via the Universe book I had been reading, and then I found the intuition book. It felt like a handbook for life that I’ve been asking for.
I am calling them “universe-isms”.
The word came to me in the shower one day as a random thought, which I now thank the Universe for.
This leads me to my first lesson.
I will paraphrase and direct quote, pulling where necessary from The Magic Path of Intuition by Florence Scovel Shinn, but I recommend checking it out from your local library or reading any of her other works.
I mean, her other books got all five-star reviews on Amazon, and she didn’t have to bribe bloggers to write those reviews.
Because she’s been dead for over 60 years.
Universe-ism #1-Let that shit go
Over the last 15 years, I’ve seen some unsettling patterns in my life with friendships. In fact, I became so paranoid at one point that I even asked my friend Rebecca when I was at my most vulnerable “is there a problem with me? You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?” Talk about putting her in a difficult position.
Then I read this passage in Florence’s book: “history will repeat itself until you think you are cursed with misfortune and injustice.” I had convinced myself that I would always repeat this pattern. I suddenly understood that I had been doing this to myself the entire time.
I’ve heard of people forgiving the murders of their children, the murders of their loved ones. Those who go to prisons and sit across from inmates and say, “I forgive you for what you did.” I’ve seen them on television shows like Dateline and thought to myself, “I don’t know how they do it.” But now I understand why they do it.
They do it to break the cycle and avoid carrying that pain for the rest of their life. Pain and anger is a bitter toxin. If they can forgive, they will not repeat it in the future.
It’s about letting go of a huge burden rather than being the better person.
I was tired of living in the prison of my own creation, therefore I needed to forgive myself the things that had happened to me in my life. Those things were going to keep happening again and again until I was able to forgive and move on.
Consider the negative patterns that occur in your life on a regular basis. The kind of pattern that makes you think, “why does this always happen to me? If you have none, good for you.
But if you are having a lightbulb moment, then try to think back to the first time that pattern happened. Because you must heal, forgive, and move the hell on from that.
In the book, she says that if you can’t forgive, you will be attached to it and until you are unaffected, you will suffer.
It made me think of this quote:
Which made me think of my struggle with migraines.
I’ve been drinking a lot of poison for a very long time and that can cause a lot of pain.
When I read those words, I cried the cry that has you. It all made so much sense. I have had pain from menopause, triggers, weather, and such, but I believe a big portion of my pain comes from emotional places too.
Then after I finished Florence’s first book, I read in her other book The Game of Life and How to Play It this exact quote, “sorrow, regret, and remorse tear down the cells of the body and poison the atmosphere of the individual.”
My pattern began many years ago when I was betrayed by someone I cared about. Then, a few years later, I betrayed someone I care about by sharing information I shouldn’t have.
But here’s the thing: for years, I felt that I was the one who was deceived in that situation, and because I had it all wrong in my head, I was betrayed twice more in two other friendships. As a result, the pattern repeated itself.
But it was all my fault.
I didn’t even realize any of this until after I finished this book. It provided me the clarity to view it the way it truly happened, rather than the way I wanted to perceive it.
Then I opened to this page in my Universe book a week after learning all the above:
See the first paragraph?
“This belief that you must protect yourself from others probably stems from being betrayed- someone perhaps broke your trust. The flipside of this coin is that you might unconsciously see people as competition.”
After that initial betrayal so many years ago, I became extremely competitive with everyone around me. Before that, I had never been so competitive in my life. Then, when I actually thought about the why’s behind all the betrayals that followed, I realized it was due to competitiveness. I didn’t want to come across as inferior.
So in order to avoid seeming worse than (competition), I ended up revealing information I shouldn’t have under the guise of “helping someone out” with that second betrayal.
I had to forgive the initial betrayal since I never had. It sat with me for years, growing larger and larger until it was a massive toxic poisonous tumor.
I’m starting to forgive myself too, because even though I’ve been incredibly hard on people in my life (in my head) and done a lot of toxic things (again, in my head), it’s me who I’ve been the hardest on.
I’m doing my best to let that poison drain from my body, but I really wanted to share this with everyone, because I think a lot of you do too.
Before I let you go, I want to end with a song because I love music, but while I was reading my book and learning these truths about myself, I was listening to a Spotify playlist and this song came on:
And it made me smile because it was a song from my childhood.
But also, look at the lyrics:
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger