Family, Humor, Life, Soul Homework

Soul Family

Writer McWriterson

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that some of our favorite family members are people we’re not even related to. We have relatives we love, but my kids have been calling some of my friends “auntie” and “uncle” for years, despite the fact that none of them have blood that matches the DNA in my kids’ veins.

Baby Wearing Pink Crew Neck Cap Sleeve Shirt Between 2 Person Standing during Daytime
Courtesy/ Pexels

When my brother and I were kids in central Ohio, we had a small-town pediatrician who lived a few towns away. Over the years, my mother and his wife had become friends.

Enter Aunt Chris.

I’m not sure when Aunt Chris became a member of our family, but it seemed natural for her to be referred to as Aunt Chris, and to be honest, I can’t remember a time when she wasn’t.

Aunt Chris was eccentric and edgy long before it was fashionable. She enjoyed driving all over God’s green earth (aka Ohio) and attending unusual festivals or plays. This was one of the reasons she and my mom got along so well. They fit together like two peas in a funky pod.

Aunt Chris’ personality was larger than life, as were her smile and laugh.

I remember her voice, how she resembled Geena Davis, and how she didn’t fit the stereotype of a doctor’s wife, whatever the hell that means. Because her husband was also eccentric, their yard was overgrown with tall grasses, much to the chagrin of their neighbors. They kept bee houses in their suburban backyard, much to the chagrin of their neighbors.

Aunt Chris made her own clothes, dressed unconventionally, and had a way of making you feel comfortable.

She was absolutely lovely.

Co-founder Chris Angerman passes | Ashtabula County Barn Quilt Trail
Aunt Chris (on the right) Courtesy/Ashtabula County Barn Quilt Trail

My grandmother’s best friend, Lucy, had been my surrogate grandmother since the day my brother and I were born. I remember her delicious soft sugar cookies, her cozy apartment kitchen after she left her farmhouse, and her sweet little voice.

Vintage Screen Door Monogram recycled into home decor. So Pretty | Vintage screen doors, Door monogram, Screen door
Courtesy/Pinterest

There was this piece of farm equipment near the driveway when Grandma Lucy lived at her farmhouse. Because of its unusual shape, I knew we were at her house every time I saw it. The smell of cookies baking in her oven, the memory of her metal storm door with the cursive H melded onto it, all of it instantly transports me back to her and those memories.

I returned to Ohio in 2006 for a wedding with my mom and Anna. We went in search of Grandma Lucy’s old farmhouse, and when we found it, we sat there sobbing in the gravel driveway, gazing at the house, the farm equipment, and wishing for a simpler time. You can go home again, but it will never be the same.

My Grandma Lucy was a huge part of my childhood and who I am today, but she has never been mentioned on this blog. Until today.

Rebecca, my dearest friend, has known both of my children since they were born. My daughters talk about Auntie Rebecca’s house, the egg rolls Anna begs her auntie to make, and how Ella feels safe at Rebecca’s house.

It reminds me of my relationships with my Aunt Chris and my Grandma Lucy.

Ella even thought Rebecca was her aunt until a few years ago, just as I was surprised when I realized Grandma Lucy wasn’t my real grandmother when I was younger.

I told my friend Kristen this summer that her children are like family to me, and that friends are sometimes like family as well. Our “chosen family,” our “soul family.”

Men and Women Standing Infront of Dining Table
Courtesy/ Pexels

The real problem, in my opinion, is that we become so focused on labels. When blood family rejects us, we get hurt. Labels aren’t as necessary as I become more aware of our shared humanity. But thank goodness for those who can love without limits.

Do you have “soul family” in your life?

23 thoughts on “Soul Family”

  2. Growing up I had many “aunts” who weren’t exactly blood relatives. So yes, I’ve experienced this too. As an adult, the people who I’ve met aren’t all that familial, but that could change I suppose.

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    1. I think for us, at least, it was because we didn’t have a particularly large family. That could be a big part of it. People with very large families don’t necessarily need any extra family HA! But it also wasn’t like we were replacing family either. These people just added to our lives, in the best way.

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    1. I’m sorry that you didn’t have this but maybe your family members were just that great that you didn’t need any “aunts” and “uncles”; “grandma’s” and “grandpas”? I should say that we have a lovely family that IS blood too but our soul family just filled a void, if that makes any sense?

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  4. I love the syrup/pancake quote. So funny.

    As a kid, I was always envious of the kids who had aunts and uncles who were not legit-blood-related. Isn’t that weird? I just thought it was cool. I think my parents were too traditional, by-the-book to refer to even close friends in that way. I had a handful of actual aunts and uncles, not as many as you would think considering my Irish heritage.

    Coach and I have close friends that our kids call Aunt Kay and Uncle Jay. Aunt Kay was my babysitter when I was too small to remember. I Irish danced at their wedding when I was in 7th grade. The highlight of my pre-teen life. When we asked Uncle Jay to be Reggie’s godfather, they said they felt they should no longer be Mr. and Mrs. to our kids. All other godparents that we chose are blood relatives, and Uncle Jay is the rock star of the bunch. Kay and Jay are the most amazing couple, very religious but not in a pushy, we’re-better-than you way. They don’t judge, they listen, and they are fun too. Aunt Kay was Mini’s confirmation sponsor too.

    Years ago, I gravitated towards my family but over time I have seen ‘the light’ and I now feel closer and more comfortable with some of Coach’s siblings than my own. Interesting how time changes perspective and growth impacts relationships.

    Love this post and so happy that you had those awesome extra relatives in your life.

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    1. I loved that quote too!

      I was always so envious of large families as a child until I was older and got married and saw how much work it was to coordinate things such as holidays especially once you got married! Then I wasn’t as envious. 😂

      I do love my small family and I love my soul family too. And you’re right about how your perspective changes with age. ❤️

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  6. I love the syrup/pancake analogy. You’re so lucky to have the extended family that you have/had.
    I don’t have those people in my life from when I was a kid, but my kids DO. We have so many very close friends that have been with us before marriage and they’re just as invested in my girls as I am. And, I feel the same way about their children; I have so much pride in them too, it’s a wonderful thing.
    Our very besties Kelly and Don, the girls call them Aunt Kelly and Uncle Don. I love it.

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    1. I love that too. Sadly, I’m not close to Aunt Chris’ family any more but we are still close to my friend Rebecca’s family. In fact, Rebecca’s husband’s family in Michigan are like family to us! I get a kick out of that. So cool. Soul family for generations.

      I love that you and your girls have that as well! ❤️

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  7. Yes, we definitely have a soul family. And as a child, we called non-related friends Aunt and Uncle. For Man-Child though, as he was mainly raised here in North Carolina, most soul family goes by Miss J. or Mr. D – the only exception being that one friend that was with us in Texas and was there when he was born – she is Aunt C. and is the reason we landed here when we decided to move.

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  8. Our small church family while I was growing up was my “soul family”, especially my parent’s friends there. They were truly like my aunts and uncles.

    I am “Aunt Melanie” to my ex-best friend’s three children who are now all grown and married; one of them with children herself. I love having an “extra” niece and two nephews. 🙂

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  10. I love this post, and I love being back in that driveway with you, and smelling those cookies in the oven. I never had folks in my soul family that donned a family title but my mom has always had two very important lady friends, Paula and Sharon. Paula was the baking one, the one who always had brownies in the oven, soft butter on the counter, and the warmest most loving presence. Sharon was the one my mom saw more often since she lived in the same town, she was the girl power my mom never had in her life. They were huge influences in my life along the way, and I consider them family through and through.

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  11. Oh I love this. I am so lucky to have a woman in my life who is a second mom to me. She used to me babysitter when I was a kid. Growing up I think my family had more meals at her family table than our own. I have some many good memories of their home (their back porch smelled like MacIntosh apples. Always.) and I still talk to my “mama Kay” every couple of weeks.

    Did you ever hear that the whole phrase is actually “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”. I definitely believe the family we choose is just as important (if not more) than the family to which we are born.

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    1. I love this story! I also know that exact smell. My mom and grandma used to pick apples and make homemade applesauce. That smell lives with me in a lovely way.

      I’ve never heard that quote but I agree with it and I agree with you. ❤️

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