Family, Favorite Things, Grief, Life

things i want to remember – part nineteen (dad edition)

Writer McWriterson

if you’re here for the first time, welcome! you’ll be able to find the other parts of this series here.

there are so many things about my dad that i want to share. as we approach our first father’s day without him, i thought this would be the perfect time to do so.

1- he saw chubby checker in concert in italy while in the navy. i only found out about this during one of his chemotherapy appointments!

2- he loved trains. he told me that when he was younger, one of the apartments they lived in was right next to a train line. he said there was a bench in front of the window where he would sit for hours and watch trains come and go.

3- he had 11 siblings.

4- at every birthday celebration, he would play this song on his phone and joyfully sing and dance while the candles were lit on the cake.

5- the night i gave birth to anna, i hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours. after the c-section, the doctor asked what i wanted to eat, and i mentioned a chocolate shake. my dad brought me two, just in case.

🖤

6- after a really tough week last fall, ella and i had a sleepover at my parents’ house. she mentioned wanting donuts for breakfast. the next morning, i woke up to find that my dad had already gone to dunkin’ donuts, set the table, and had everything prepared for us. i still think about that all the time.

that’s my old house. the fence is still there; i drove by it on saturday while picking up a friend for breakfast who lives in the neighborhood. ❤️

7- he was really good at building things, especially picket fences. over the years, he built several for his homes and two for me. there’s one in our front yard. you can read more about it here.

8- my dad and i talked about starting a music podcast together, but it never materialized. consider this your gentle nudge to do something you’ve always wanted but have been putting off.

9- one of my parents’ cherished activities together was sitting on their deck, simply enjoying each other’s company while listening to music.

10- my dad spent most of his career working in accounting and engineering, but if you had asked him what his dream job was, he would have answered “dj” without hesitation.

planting tomatoes with anna

11- my dad loved being a dad to me and my brother, but when it came to his grandchildren, they were his absolute treasures. he showered them with love in countless ways, with his affection being the most meaningful gift of all. my children were incredibly fortunate to have him as their grandfather.

growing up, i didn’t have the chance to know most of my grandfathers as they either passed away when i was very young or before i was born. however, witnessing my dad in the role of a grandfather to my daughters and nephew filled a void in me that i hadn’t even recognized needed healing.


the room where my dad passed away was his den, and hanging on the wall was a wooden sign inscribed with the names of all his grandchildren. one day, while we were caring for him and he was no longer able to speak, my dad pointed to the sign and took his hands to his heart. it brought tears to mike’s and my eyes because we understood exactly what he was trying to convey. it was such a profound and beautiful moment.

i wish such love for every living being.

when my dad died, the world lost a truly beautiful soul.

during my dad’s first round of chemo, i read him a list of things we had in common that i had saved on my phone shortly after learning he had cancer. we had a good laugh together. it was a wonderful moment of connection, where we truly understood and appreciated each other for who we are.

what my dad and i had in common:

-health issues such as low blood pressure, migraines, and acid reflux

-always punctual

-we will go out of our way to avoid turning left at an intersection without a stoplight.

-we rely on the gps wherever we go. even if we have been there before.

-getting anxious when our phone battery drops below 70%.

-taking pictures of sunsets

-don’t like spicy foods

-deep love of music and music trivia

-love of trains and the sound of train horns

-making others comfortable at our own discomfort.

-being in the lane we have to eventually merge into extremely early (i’m talking miles early)

-always planning ahead (see above)

-afraid to speak up; my dad and i discussed this one alone in the emergency room six days before his death. that this may have contrubuted to his downfall. that i might work on getting better at this. 🖤

here are some posts where you can read more about my dad:

What Was Your First Concert?

The Greatest Man I Always Knew

Vite it, Sto mangiando Tater Tots- Parte Otto (Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots- Part Eight)

thank you for reading. i appreciate all of you so much. he appreciated you, too. 🖤

61 thoughts on “things i want to remember – part nineteen (dad edition)”

  1. The best thing is that your love for your dad and his love of his family is well-documented, and by others reading this, it carries that love on to their families. Talk about a legacy!

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  2. Oh my, I feel like I had a lump in my throat the entire time I was reading this. Your dad sure was a generous soul. I love how you are honoring him. I wish I would’ve done more of this when my dad passed. Maybe it’s never too late. I may make a list as you did of the things in common. Some that you had on your list would be on ours too like always being punctual (actually, early.) This post touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing, Kari.

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    1. It’s never too late! I hope you make that list, my friend! I’m typically early, too!

      I’m so glad this post touched you. I took my time writing it. I began writing the week after he died, a little at a time. It has been very healing. 😘❤️

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  8. This made me both sad and happy. The part about him pointing to that sign . . . omg, that is just beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. I really enjoyed reading about your Dad. Our fathers had in common the love of their grandkids, being in engineering, and being punctual.

    My dad has been gone 5.5 years now and I still haven’t written a post about him, besides about his passing. It still feels like such a heavy topic for me. I really want to get it done, so I will try to focus on doing it in the next month or so. Thank you for this gentle nudge. XOXO

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    1. I can’t stop thinking about that moment. Beautiful and heartbreaking, yes. I love that both of our dads have those things in common. 😘

      I understand how difficult it is to write/talk about. Writing about this has been incredibly cathartic for me. I love that you felt this was a gentle nudge. But if you can’t, that’s okay too. The words will come when they are ready. Sending you so much love, my friend. 😘❤️

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  11. SO cool that he saw CHUBBY CHECKER in concert in ITALY!

    I loved reading about you dad’s love of trains because I share that same love. I wish there was a train that would take me from the U.S to Europe because I would do it. I find trains relaxing and therapeutic – the sound and the movement.

    LOVE the photo of him as a young lad!

    Your dad sounded like such a sweet, thoughtful, and loving man!

    Beautiful post, my friend! I brought tears to my eyes.

    ((((((((((((((( XXX YOU XXX )))))))))))))

    P.S. That photo of you and he in your Hall & Oates is stellar! They were both from Philadelphia.

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    1. I know! We overheard the couple across from him talk about seeing Elvis in concert! That is how the conversation started. ❤️

      I wish for the same thing, Ron! Wouldn’t that be amazing?

      He was all of those things, my friend. I miss him so much.

      I practiced distance Reiki for the first time in months last night. I felt so much better. Sending you so much love.

      I didn’t realize they were both from Philly! I LOVE THIS FACTOID! 🖤 (by the way, they aren’t together. Fighting over money. I’m hoping they’ll get back together this year…)

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  14. Wow, what an incredible man he was. What a gift to you and to your whole family. I loved reading this, Kari, thank you for sharing. Two things: 11 SIBLINGS!!!! and also HE SAW CHUBBY CHECKER. I read every single word but I cannot move past that! Too incredible.

    Oh, and the Hall and Oates shirts!!! Love them. xo

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    1. You would’ve loved my dad, Nicole. Your personalities would’ve clicked perfectly. 🖤

      I KNOW and I KNOW! He was such an interesting human.

      I wear mine regularly. I now have his, and I wear it to bed.

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  15. Sending you love, Kari. And glad to know I’m not the only person who has to get into the right lane WAY before I need to turn. I love that photo of your dad as a kid. You can see what a gentle soul he had. So glad the world didn’t kill that in him.

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    1. I’ll always think of you now when I get in my lane way ahead of time. I love this about us. He was such a gentle soul. Oh friend, if you only knew what he had gone through in his life. We were very lucky to have him. 🖤

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  16. This is such a lovely tribute to your dad, Kari, and it’s the perfect way to celebrate the first Father’s Day without him. He sounds like a wonderful man. I share a lot of your traits as well! Trying to avoid left hand turns, merging early, dislike of spicy food, and having a hard time speaking up for myself are big ones.

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  17. Wow. I was reading this last night and the tears were coming so fast, I had to walk away and come back this morning.

    What a dear man, father, husband, grandfather, friend. What a blessing he was to so many and how fortunate for your family to have had him.

    This is such a beautiful tribute to a life well led with intention.

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  20. I read this beautiful post with a smile on my face and a lump in my throat. What a loss, Kari. What a gift, the relationship you had. Thank you so much for sharing him with us.

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    1. It is such a loss. But you’re so right about having the gift of our relationship. Not everyone has that, and I consider myself lucky to have had it. It is an honor to be able to share him with you. 😘❤️

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  22. another post I have tears running down my face. beautiful pictures and words and I appreciate so much that you are sharing this. you seem so strong and i am sure that writing about this can be helpful.

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    1. Aww, sending you a hug. Thank you so much for responding to my post. I may appear strong, but I am far from it. Writing about him has definitely helped me. I’ve also been keeping a journal about his cancer (and now death) since February, which is helping me process my emotions day to day.

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  23. I first read this post when it came through my email on Monday. I was sitting in the waiting room of the vet ER with Clementine, panicked and stressed. I couldn’t finish reading your post – it brought me to tears. Good thing they had a box of Kleenex sitting on the nearby table! So now that Clem is home and doing ok and I’m finally feeling more settled and calm, I was able to read your post in full. I loved reading more about your dad. It’s not only a beautiful tribute, but I love getting to know more about him. What an amazing father and grandpa! I love that he brought you chocolate shakeS after your c-section. And that he went out and got donuts and even had the table set up when you and Ella slept over. The part about him being in his den and pointing to the sign of his grandchildren’s names…OMG, that’s what really got me. *sob*

    Your love and knowledge of music is obviously from him. What a gift.
    xoxo

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    1. I am so glad that Clementine is doing better, friend. 😘❤️

      I’m so glad that Clementine is doing better, friend. 😘❤️

      I love sharing him with all of you. He was such a special human, and sharing thes posts is helping me grieve. I remember telling my dad about how special he was when he did the donut thing. I’m so glad I did that. I told him again as he was dying. I’m so glad I did that. ❤️

      My mom enjoys music, though not as much as my dad did. It is definitely a gift. ❤️

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  24. This is a wonderful and thought provoking post. Your dad was such a treasure. I love that you were so open with him about how you were alike. Talk about apple not falling far from the tree. It is clear that you were always interested y in what made him tick and who he was and from the sound of it, he gave you good reason to be so close to him. Sunday is bound to be difficult. I’ll be thinking of you. I’ll say it again, because I think it’s worth mentioning: great post. I’m glad you wrote it and glad that you will have it to look back on.

    11 siblings. Holy cow!

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    1. Thank you so much, my friend. We’re not looking forward to missing him on Sunday, but we’ll celebrate the fathers who are here. There are lots of milestones to get through this year. One at a time. ❤️

      I know!

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  26. Kari, I recognise the loving & close relationship you had with your Dad from the one I shared with my Dad. You’ve written such a beautiful post and I admire your strength and resolve in being able to do so, as it took me 6 years to do similar. He sounds like a truly lovely man, and I send you lots of love for the anniversaries to come ❤ ❤ ❤

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