Family, Grief, Humor, Life, Photography

a year of selfies – 2024

Kari

in january 2023, i started taking daily selfies—a small, personal ritual i wrote about last december in a post called a year of selfies. i published that post four days before my dad received the results of a bone scan that would change our lives forever.

i’ve always used photos to document my life—not necessarily for social media or public sharing, but as a personal way to preserve memories. for me, photos tell the stories of my life in ways that words often can’t. when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, i felt compelled to create an album that captured his process. now, that album has become more than a collection of images; it’s a deeply meaningful part of my healing process, helping me hold onto his memory and reflect on our time together.

over this past year, my selfies dwindled from one a day to maybe one a month. but i kept going, wanting to capture what i looked like during the year my dad died. these photos aren’t just images; they’re timestamps. they take me back to specific moments—what i was thinking, where i was, what i was about to do. this is why i love selfies—they’re a way to document my life in a raw, honest way.

since losing my dad, one thought process has stuck with me: i wish he’d taken more pictures. he did take one selfie in the hospital, just 11 days before he died.

i cherish this photo.

a month ago, i was scrolling through my phone albums when i came across something unexpected—an album apple had automatically created from all the selfies i’ve taken, set to music from a john hughes movie, no less. i sat in the dark, listening to the song and looking at my face—flaws and all—and cried.

what a couple of years it’s been.

in that moment, i felt a deep compassion for the person in those photos. i realized just how meaningful this process has been. when i began this project on that gray january day in 2023, i never could have imagined where it would lead.

january

it was ella’s birthday. i was getting ready to go to chemo class with my dad.

feeling – hopeful, happy (ella’s birthday), uplifted.

february

i was waiting for mike to finish getting ready. we were going to a friend’s funeral.

feeling – sad. overwhelmed. happy that the sun was out.

march

it was anna’s birthday dinner at our home, and dad was feeling so good. his body was responding well to chemo, and the weather was perfect—windows open in mid-march!

we took a selfie together that evening, and it’s my favorite selfie of all time. for the first time, we could see the resemblance between us. we have the same mouth. 🖤

feeling – so hopeful. happy. at peace.

april

it was my birthday, just two weeks after my dad died. i put on makeup for the first time in a month. i don’t remember how i felt in this moment—numb, mostly.

feeling – numb. going through the motions. hopeful-ish

may

i was waiting for mike in the parking lot of taco bell. we decided to surprise mom with a taco bell lunch. i also noted it was a good hair day—and a good hair day definitely deserves a selfie.

side note: my brother calls these my blue-blocker sunglasses. when i told my friend, she couldn’t stop laughing and said, “that’s such a brother thing to say.” whatever. THEY’RE COMFORTABLE, OKAY?

feeling – homesick feelings. lost. hungry.

june

on the way home from getting new glasses, and having another good hair day. side note: i haven’t had one of those in a long time. it’s either grief or menopause, but i miss having good hair.

feeling– happy (new glasses, good hair). sad (grief, hot and humid summer).

july

sitting in my golden hour spot, sun on my face, in a good space mentally and physically.

feeling – turning a corner. feeling like the clouds of my mind/emotions are parting a little.

august

recovering from the aftereffects of covid (maybe that’s why my hair is thinning?), lying in my hammock next to mike on a beautiful afternoon.

feeling – blissful. serene. anxious (always anxious. this is a given)

september

i started eating whole foods last month (august), 80/20, hoping it would show on my face. instead, i look worse. biscuits agrees—go back to eating junk food.

feeling – disappointed, anxious, annoyed, grieving (this is also a given)

october

i don’t remember october.

feeling – in a fog. grieving. tired (so tired). hungry. headachy.

november

my hair is thinning. i am unimpressed with humanity. i’m rooting for the ufo’s.

feeling – grief. pain. tired in my soul.

december

i had to take this selfie while writing this post. but look how cool it is!

feeling – cold (it’s 20 degrees out). anxious (because why not?), hungry (like, ALL OF THE TIME). forgetful (what’s this post about?)

i’m getting funny again. that’s gotta be a good sign. 🖤

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49 thoughts on “a year of selfies – 2024”

  1. Hi Kari, This is a fun post (and not always happy, of course.) I especially like how you added “feeling” to each photo. Yes, funny is a good sign! Best wishes for a happy, holiday season! (Moody, dreamy, beautiful video) 💕 Erica

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think this is an amazing project. How lovely that an improved sense of self-compassion has been one of the results. I will think about trying this. I deeply hate looking at pictures of myself and so the idea of doing something like this makes me uncomfortable – probably a sign to lean in.

    I love those Apple albums as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your Selfies amaze me. Each recalling a crystal clear memory for you. What a gift

    My family has very few people photos but I had to go thru them recently

    I discovered my hair has naturally been almost every shade possible. Shades of blonde, red-brown, brown & black. No one in my family told me & apparently I never realized this about me?

    I think there’s a short story there somewhere

    That you find comfort & strength in your Year in Selfies is also a powerful short story

    Lately I feel like the opening song from Season 1 Pachinko got everything right about everything in under 2 mins. Your Selfies are Same

    I’m glad your laughter is returning

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that your hair has been all sorts of colors! There’s definitely a short story in that, and if you write it, I’d love to read it.

      I had to look up Pachinko, and it looks like a show I’d really enjoy. I also checked out the opening song and video—my dad loved that song (and I do too). Thank you for comparing my selfies to this; it feels like such an honor. 🖤

      I’m glad too, Maddie.

      Like

  5. “…photos aren’t just images; they’re timestamps.”

    I agree, Kari! And that’s what I love about not only photographs, but films as well. They’re timestamps that freezes a moment (or moments), which will last forever. One of my favorite things to do is look through vintage photographs, even if I don’t know anyone in the photos, because I love imaging who they were and what their life was like.

    I so enjoyed scrolling through your selfies. Each one captures a feeling that you can see within your eyes.

    I especially love the one of you and your dad. X

    Thanks so much for sharing these moments in your life, my friend!

    P.S. That video (and song) brought back so many memories of the 80s!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! I love looking at vintage photos too. There’s something so fascinating about really old homemade films—seeing what life was like way back then, especially without any technology. Their reactions to cameras are so interesting.

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it. I loved taking those photos and sharing them here.

      That song is one of my all-time favorites. I’m so happy it brought back memories for you. 😘❤️

      Like

  6. I love this, particularly the monthly summary vibe check.

    I always hesitate posting selfies, but whenever I go to a website or social profile and see no photos of the author I feel a little suspect.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love your selfie project. The fact that Apple created an album with music from a John Hughes movie couldn’t be more perfect for you.

    I’m rooting for the UFOs too. Not that aliens would have any interest in taking over this godforsaken rock anytime soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I love this post, and so glad to hear that you feel deep compassion for the woman in the photos. I do, too. She’s been through a lot. And she’s still here. Still smiling. I know, still anxious and grieving, too. It’s all important.

    I wish I could tell you what’s up with the thinning hair, but all I can say is:  Me, too. Dammit. I hate it. I’m SO tired of cleaning hair out of the special thing I bought for the shower drain so it won’t clog my pipes. And October? What an asshole month that was. What’s up with that? 

    I remember when you used to write mostly humor, and then some readers didn’t like it when you took a more serious turn. I’m glad to see a glimmer of humor, but mostly because I know that means you’re coming back to a part of yourself that the year took out of you. I like seeing all the parts of Kari in your writing. Here’s to a better year ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re so right—it’s all important.

      I’ve always been lucky to have thick hair, so this has been really hard. Every time I brush, a little bit falls out. Thankfully, I’ve noticed it’s slowing down, so that’s a relief. But seriously, why was October such a jerk to us?

      I miss the funny parts of myself too, but they’re definitely coming back. I’m much funnier in person, but I can see it starting to show in my writing again.

      Here’s to a much better year for both of us. 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I have not heard that song in forever, so thank you! Radio only seems to play Life in a Northern Town.

    Your selfie collection is thought provoking. I knew immediately just looking at your February photo that you were sad. The others were harder to tell. The one with you and your Dad is priceless and you look happiest. You will get there again . . .

    Ok, we need a post about your whole foods foray. 🤣🤣🤣 I hope your holidays are full of peace and love ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That version is my favorite—so much better than The Smiths, in my opinion.

      I came across a TikTok from a woman in menopause who mentioned she was eating 80 percent whole foods and 20 percent processed daily. She said it made her feel so much better, and it really inspired me while I was recovering from COVID. At week six, I still didn’t feel like myself, so I gave it a try. I stuck with it for two months, and I felt amazing. Then October hit, I spiraled into migraines, and Mike started low carb around the same time, so I stopped. I’m planning to start the 80/20 again in January because I loved how it made me feel. It’s not even a diet, just a lifestyle shift, and it really opened my eyes to how much junk I had been eating before.

      I hope your holidays are filled with the same joy, my friend. 😘❤️

      Like

  11. Your spirit really comes through in the photos of your year. The John Hughes touch is serendipitous.

    How cool that you caught the reflection of your image in your phone’s camera viewer in the December picture. Also, right now I am drinking water from the exact same kind of IKEA glass as you!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Your selfies are beautiful, Kari. What a meaningful way to document your year, and I love that you feel compassion for the person in the photos. She went through a lot this year, and she’s still standing. 2024 was tough for both of us, wasn’t it? I sure hope 2025 will be filled with joy!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I love them all so much but March is my favourite.

    What a year you had. What a year of grief and joy and difficulty. I always, always wish there were more photos. My grandma Fern hated having her photo taken and I have so few of them. I just wish I had more.

    This post is a gift to yourself but a gift to all of us, because it shows the face of a woman who has faced immensely painful things but is still here, still searching for joy, still dealing with grief, and still being.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s my favorite too, friend. ❤️

      My grandma Ella hated having her picture taken as well. I wish I had more of her, too. I want to take more pictures of my mom—that’s on my 2025 to-do list: get my mom in the picture more.

      Oh, Nicole, this is so beautiful. You’re so right. When I look back on this year, sometimes I feel like I didn’t accomplish much. But when I really think about it, I did. ❤️

      Like

  15. What a cool project to do for the year, especially documenting your feelings with each selfie.

    Ah, the thinning hair. I think we can blame good ol’ menopause. One thing that helps is collagen. I’m a fan of Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides. (Costco usually has the best price.) You can mix it into a smoothie, yogurt, oatmeal, or even water or coffee.

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I enjoyed this post so much, sending digital hugs from New Jersey. I can relate to when you say you are tired in your soul. I feel like I feel the same, often. lastly, as others may have mentioned, I loved the captions under each selfie that relayed your feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ll gladly take those digital hugs and send them right back to you, Daria!

      I see you—tired in your soul. I wish we could all sit together for one big cry/talk/coffee/hot cocoa/booze (pick your poison) session. For now, these posts will have to do. 😘❤️

      Like

  18. What a fun thing to do! It’s nice that most of these are surrounded by love, even if maybe not the happiest of memories. I think your hair looks great in each and every one of them!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I absolutely love that you had the forethought to do this! You are brilliant. And beautiful. And funny. And you do resemble that handsome father of yours.

    Blue Blockers! I LAUGHED.

    Love this and you. Keep it up. You are healing. XO

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I LOVE YOU. Thank you. It means so much that we can see a resemblance now. I find myself always searching my face for it since he’s gone.

      Love you too, my sweet friend. I’m healing. 🖤

      Like

  20. What another cool idea to take selfies! Your Dad was simply adorable..and you? You’re very photogenic and your hair style is so cute!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, friend! I’ve realized I’m only photogenic when I take the picture myself. But I had an interesting thought yesterday: maybe it depends on who’s behind the camera and the intention behind the photo?

      When I take my own picture, I’m kind to myself, and that kindness seems to come through in the photo. Could it be that the way we see ourselves—or the energy someone else brings—affects how the picture turns out?

      Does that make sense?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Umm..I get what you’re saying but you still have to be pretty to take a good picture. Some of us are just unphotogenic..lol. I’m being serious.

        Liked by 1 person

  21. i’m home alone tonight. and i seriously think i just saw a huge drone/UFO-thingy fly overhead. i don’t live in the airline path, so i don’t think it was a plane. i’m not really freaking out because WTF can you do about it anyways? i’m about one hour from dayton– and apparently there’s been an unrelated (to jersey) drone situation in dayton. i’m thinking they realized there must be something better in Ohio than dayton, and headed to columbus. they were moving pretty fast, heading east. best guess is that they’re heading to PA (fly eagles, fly)…

    i laughed when i read that you lost the entire month of october (in a caring, i’ve been there, kind of way). i’m hoping 2025 will be kinder to you in all the right ways.

    merry christmas, Beautiful!!! much LOVE. xoxo, Ren

    P.S. i deleted my WP account, so i’m having difficulty commenting. hoping this comment “takes.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mike and I were coming home from my mom’s house Friday night when we saw this weird light that almost looked like a shooting star. It was the strangest thing. So crazy! I guess there’s been similar activity near O’Hare airport too. It’s definitely unsettling.

      I hate that you’ve been there, but also, sending you so much love.

      Merry Christmas to you, beautiful. I was so glad to see your comment tonight. ❤️

      Like

  22. I love this selfie of you and your dad. It’s really sweet. You do share a strong resemblance. I am not seeing what you’re seeing in the photo when Biscuits tells you to go back to junk food. Your face looks cute? You look great in all of these. I think the blue blocker sunglasses photo looks like something out of a movie, like maybe an 80s movie? Not big hair 80’s but relaxed in a convertable kind of 80s.

    Why are you always hungry? Eat something, damn it. :) . . . that’s what I do when I’m hungry, isn’t that the accepted way to deal with hunger. Hee hee.

    I have really thin hair. *sob* (this the day after massaging Mini’s head in a hotel room in South Bend – there’s a sentence I never dreamt I’d write, because she was having extreme test anxiety and couldn’t sleep . . . the point – SHE HAS SUCH THICK HAIR. HOW ARE WE RELATED?) My hair always looks better when I get it cut a tad shorter than I want to. But I also think my current hair dresser, who I will never divorce, does great things with the very little I give her to work with. I’m saying- do you need to find a new hair dresser (I think your hair looks great, but if you aren’t happy)?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love that you see a resemblance with my dad. That really makes me happy.

      I’m just joking about Biscuits—he just had a little funny face behind me. He never says bad things about me… at least, not that I know of.

      I’m also glad you think I look like something out of an 80s movie. That totally made my evening.

      Oh, I do eat. I eat all the time. Trust your girl on that one.

      I’ve always had thick hair… I know… but it’s definitely a lot thinner now. I think it’s the combination of grief this year and menopause—it was bound to catch up to me.

      Like

  23. Hi, your blog is very pure and shows your vulnerabilities and strengths. I like how you’ve shared your experience and of course when you go through some things… you have a right to feel the way you did and yes, the sun will come out again. Its great your pup is right there with you. Grief is a process… no two people are alike and yes, the sun always come out after the rain. Thanks for sharing your journey.

    Liked by 2 people

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