Childhood, Humor

I Was 14 Once Too

Kari

Contrary to popular belief, I was 14 once too.

Popular opinion = my 14-year-old daughter. I used to have a lot of attitude and angst, so I understand. And yet… I don’t always understand.

It’s becoming harder to connect with the emotions, the pain, the pressure I felt from 1982 to 1988, when I was a teenager. I’ve become the very thing I dreaded: a parent.
Annie, I know it’s hard to imagine, but I used to have crushes on boys. Calling their house, only to hear their father answer, and slamming the phone down in embarrassment. What I would have given for Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook in 1984. Maybe I would have made better decisions about romantic interests if I could see the expressions they made in the bathroom mirror or the way they flexed muscles filtered through Kelvin.
Freshman year 1984

Would you have approached me in high school? Or would you have passed me in the hallway? Would we have had the same classes? Would we eat the same thing for lunch? In a crowd, it was easy to feel invisible. Do you ever feel like that?

I loved my dog Buffy

At 14, I was always trying to make people laugh, even if it meant making a fool of myself — joking about school pizza that looked like brains, sneaking up on friends in the hall to scare them, ruining the French Club school picture with my friend Jenny.

 

Ruining the French Club picture as a teenager.

 

I wore bagel-sized earrings, button-up shirts, penny loafers, corduroy pants, and jeans with lots of pockets. Sweaters with unicorns and kitty cats bouncing purple balls. (It was the 1980s, and everyone was wearing them). I had big bangs, blue eyeshadow, and mascara, and a sweatshirt from the Cleveland Home and Garden Show that I wore a lot for some reason — not particularly cool, just mine. I remember sitting in band class, realizing, “People are going to start thinking I don’t wash this.” Do you ever think about things like that? About what you wear?

 

I dressed like Michael Jackson as a teenager?
 I look like the Caucasian Michael Jackson.

 

When I was a teenager, I dressed up my dog.
I spent New Year’s Eve putting party hats on dogs.

 

I didn’t go to band camp or the French class trip to Quebec because I was too afraid to leave home. As you read this, I can hear you sigh. I admire how much more independent you are than I was.
In high school, I loved the pizza that looked like brains.
I’m telling the person next to me that the pizza crust resembles brain matter.

 

Behind closed doors, I danced and sweated to Chaka Khan’s “I Feel for You.” It was my first experience of “therapy.” I made mix tapes on rainy summer days, roller-skated around the neighborhood with friends to the Footloose soundtrack, and spent countless hours in the driveway with my dad playing basketball — sometimes even in the dark.

my freshman year in band

Aside from the doggy party hats and unicorn sweaters, you and I aren’t so different. These teenage years have been difficult, full of crying, yelling, and sleepless nights. It’s been an education: don’t speak to you in front of friends, don’t hug you in public, and don’t wear anything embarrassing to school functions. I won’t lie — it’s been challenging.

I dream of the day I can grab your hand in public and pull you in close without worrying about who’s watching. But for now, I’ll cast sidelong glances. Looking at this amazing creature I helped bring into the world, I remember that I was 14 once too. And somehow… I turned out pretty well.

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27 thoughts on “I Was 14 Once Too”

  3. Who knew it was as hard being a mom of a 14 year old as it is actually BEING a 14 year old? hugs to you . . . .

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  4. You had me at "belch" and "fart" and dress up like the dog. We would have been such good friends at 14.

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  5. I agree with Shannon… we would have been fab friends in the '80s. Although I would be the older friend, which would be awkward because you are so youthful. And hilarious. I seriously loved this. xo

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  9. I love this more than you could ever know…..I wish I could turn back the clock and talk you into going on that trip to Quebec. It scared the crap outta me to go and I'm pretty sure I would've had a better time had you gone. Maybe we should plan a trip and I could take you to the places we went. Especially the disco….but we would drink this time. Legally. And hope that they still have the phones so you could call table-to-table. No lie.Thank YOU so much for the pictures….takes me back to what we now know as a simpler time…..

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  10. So glad to have met you in my adult life. Because I so love burping, farting and being weird with you… as few and far in between as those moments have been… love this post!

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  15. This is a fantastic post, Kari. Took me back to sweaters, blue eye shadow and my own party hat dogs. I think we'd have been good friends in school.

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  18. Love this. 14. So much joy, so much pain, so much hair spray. I can already tell that I am going to seriously struggle as a parent of teenage girls. Hang in there. Clarinet players for the win!

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  19. I love this so much. Fourteen. I remember that year. It was just awful (periods, glasses, horrible, horrible clothing), but wonderful too (independence, boys, jokes and laughter). Such a great post!

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  22. Love this! We're a generation apart, but I feel like 14 was very similar for us (only I wasn't nearly as happy as you seemed to be.). I often think about how 14 seems so far away. Especially now that my childhood relics are considered vintage (GAH!). My niece is 15, and I can't believe how difficult it is to relate to her. She reminds me so much of myself at that age, yet I have no idea how to talk to her like a person rather than a person whose butt I used to wipe or whose nose I used to clean. Wah wah, Beautiful post, Kari!

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  23. I always love your comments, Hannah.I feel like we all can relate to this time no matter what age we are.I had a great childhood but I had my dark moments too but I am glad it came off as all happy because that makes me happy! Wait until I write a post about my junior year……maybe not. EEK.

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  24. Gadzooks! I read this a few days ago and loved it, and apparently forgot to tell you so! My daughter is managing 14 so much better than I did, yet for some reason I have the nerve to wonder if she's doing ok (seriously, there was no sarcasm intended here). Love the photos…the lunch table one combined with the notion of making others laugh struck terror for the day I spit a mouthful of milk ALL OVER the cool girls table when I burst out laughing…I hope it is one of those distorted memories and I really only dribbled some down my chin….but I did not…

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  26. Love, love, love.

    Reading this, I was instantly 14 again, and now have done the math several times to confirm that it really has been THREE DECADES since then. They say the numbers don’t lie, but I’m not so sure.

    You’re a great mom, and you know – because we have that perspective several decades gives a girl – that your daughter will come out on the other side of this teenager business, and she will be more than okay. (Because she has a great mom!)

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    1. I love that you just read this! That 14 year-old is going to graduate in four months. WHERE DID IT GO??

      You’re a great mom too Missy. :)

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