Our Family Dynamic

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Each month Netflix gives a writing prompt, and this month it was about unconventional families, tied to the show Grace and Frankie.

The question was: what is it about your modern family that you would not trade for anything in the world?

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Our little family has been modern, unconventional, quirky—whatever word fits—for almost nine years now. Nine years on May 27th, to be exact.

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Nine years ago, on a beautiful Saturday evening, my then six-year-old daughter and I married my husband in a barn. I say it that way because when you marry someone with a child, you are not just marrying one person. You are stepping into something already in motion.

When we were planning the wedding, I told him I wanted my daughter to be part of the vows and asked how he felt about it. He didn’t hesitate. It wouldn’t have felt right any other way.

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It was a day no one in that barn forgot. Not because it was grand or perfect, but because something real happened there. We didn’t just exchange vows as a couple. We chose to be a family.

We promised better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and health—not just to each other, but to the idea of us. Not many families get to make that promise out loud.

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Ella came along a year and a half later, and we officially became a blended family. In her first year, Anna’s biological dad would sometimes call to remind her that Ella was her half-sister. Anna would calmly correct him. She is my full sister. Eventually, he stopped.

At the time, that bothered me more than I wanted to admit. But what stayed with me was how clear Anna already was about who counted. Titles didn’t matter to her. She felt it in her body. In her heart. And that was enough.

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I remember one of Anna’s soccer games, not long after Ella had played her very first one. Ella ran up and hugged my ex-husband’s parents. They asked her about her game, listened intently, and acted exactly like grandparents do. Another mom leaned over and asked if they were my parents. I smiled and said, long story.

I like our long story. I like that it doesn’t fit neatly into a box. I like that we have a past, that things overlap, that relationships didn’t end just because a marriage did. It feels less like chaos to me and more like depth.

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Being in a second marriage comes with a constant balancing act. You want to honor the relationship between a child and their biological parent without inserting yourself where you don’t belong. You try not to compete, not to erase, not to let ego drive decisions. That is harder than it sounds, and it doesn’t always go perfectly.

But I’ve loved watching the relationship between my husband and Anna grow over time. It had its rough patches, especially during the tween and teen years, but now it feels solid and natural. They don’t think in terms of stepdad or stepdaughter. They’re just dad and daughter.

Our family isn’t perfect. It took work, patience, missteps, and a lot of choosing each other over and over again. But it’s ours. Not step. Not blended. Just family.

And that’s the part I wouldn’t trade for anything in the world.

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I am a member of the Netflix Stream Team. Meaning, for the next year, once a month I will be writing posts about how my family is using our Netflix. They provided me with a Roku and a voucher for my Netflix account.