Family, Life, Motherhood

Good Old Days

Kari

There’s a song I’ve had stuck in my head all summer about cherishing the moments we often take for granted. It kept playing on the radio, on Ella’s playlist, and while Anna got ready for the day. At first, I thought it was about the teenage years—the idea that someday we’d look back on them as the good old days. But as the summer days got shorter, it took on a deeper meaning.

I’ve cried more than I’d like to admit this past summer, especially the week before Anna left for college. I tried to hold onto each day, acting like everything was fine on the outside, while on the inside I was screaming and kicking.

I never liked the end of summer vacation, but now it hits differently. It gives me a homesick feeling, like I am the one leaving home for the first time. I even asked my therapist if that was normal, and she just smiled and said, define normal.

We dropped Anna off at college last Thursday. I wasn’t sure I could write about it; she sometimes reads what I write, and I didn’t want her to know how much we would miss her. But it’s okay that she knows. We had already talked endlessly about the adjustment, how much we’d miss each other, but I tried to make sure she knew I wouldn’t fall apart.

I will miss knowing both my girls are just down the hallway, hugging my oldest at midnight or four in the afternoon, tiptoeing past sleeping teens, hearing laughter spill from their rooms, spontaneous coffee shop trips, late-night texts asking if I’m still awake.

She’s been at college for four days, and I’m doing better than I thought I would. Anna is thriving, and I am proud of both of us.

When we were about to leave after dropping her off, Mike ran to get Anna’s room key she’d left in the car. For a few minutes, it was just the two of us—just like the night she was born, eighteen years ago. I told her how proud I am, how much she is loved, how much she will be missed, and how in awe I am of what she is doing, stepping into a life I was once too afraid to choose. She shed some tears, hugged me, and murmured, me too, Mom.

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10 thoughts on “Good Old Days”

  1. Aww, so proud of you both. I know it’s not easy for either of you and as someone who also doesn’t do well with change, I know what it can do to the mind and heart. But luckily she’s at a closer school and wasn’t like “I’m moving as far away as I can get!” which says something. One chapter of your story may be coming to an end but another beautiful chapter is beginning. The kind of relationship you have with your mom as a woman and more of a friend is about to bloom and what a wonderful thing that is! Wishing you lots of smiles through tears and no one will mind if you sneak a little something extra into your coffee cup this week. ;-)

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  2. So proud of Anna on her next big step in life, and proud of you Kari for being stronger than anyone thought you would be with the change. Love my girls!

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  3. I’m right there with you, my friend. I wish I could say it got easier the second time around, but it didn’t. I try to focus on all the fun I’ve had with Madeline since she left and know that I have that to look forward to with Isaac, too. Things will never be the same as it was when they were in our house everyday, but the love is still there.

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  4. Aww, so beautifully written, Kari. I didn’t like it when Tim left for school either – it was just WEIRD. However, I got used to it and actually learned to embrace a quiet house and him spreading his wings, too. The part that always unnerved me though was when he came home on breaks and then would leave. I always felt sad and hollow after he left again. So I guess it’s actually the physical leaving that’s the hardest part.

    Fast-forward to now, and he’s been back at home for two years and we can’t wait until he leaves! lol He’s looking for an apartment (with a friend) but holy geez…rent is incredibly expensive, even out here in our area!

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    1. It’s so good to hear these stories! I said to Mike last night that I couldn’t wait for break when it isn’t as quiet. Even though Ella is still here and makes her fair share of noise, the noise is cut in half and that half makes a big difference. But I know I will begin to appreciate it more and more with each week.

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  5. I feel ya girl! My kids still live in the same town but they’re in college or married or have different lives. It’s all went by way too fast. I still look at them as “my kids” and I miss a lot of the “good ole days”. I keep in perspective, though, that there will still be good days.
    Interestingly enough, I’d never heard of Macklemore and Kesha until about a month ago when my 20 yoa son told me he was going to one of their concerts.

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