Family, Grief, Life, Tater Tots

screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 65

Kari

if you’re new to my blog, welcome! here is an explanation of the tater tot post.

empty chair

over the weekend, we celebrated both an anniversary and a birthday—two significant milestones without my dad. on saturday night, my mom, mike, and i went out to dinner, and we inadvertently got a table for four. i took this picture, capturing the moment:

we saved a space for dad without even realizing it. it felt like he was with us as we celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary.

seeing that empty chair really affected me. later that night, i thought about how that empty seat symbolized the emptiness we feel without my dad’s presence. just eight months ago, the four of us were at another restaurant down the road, laughing, eating, and enjoying trivia night together.

life can change in an instant, and though we all understand this, we don’t always live with that awareness.

we’ve decided, as a family, that whenever we celebrate a special event, we’ll always save a seat for dad.

source

one thing i read

the wild edge of sorrow: rituals of renewal and the sacred work of grief by francis weller

i’ve had the strangest experience with my library lately. normally, i have good luck with getting books on hold, but this summer, many of my books aren’t coming in. and when they do, it takes weeks.

so, i decided to revisit some of my soul homework notes, and it has helped me. i’ve also started re-reading books that helped me with grief i was working through in 2022. i tried reading one of these books (see above) right after my dad died, but it was too soon. last week, i picked it up again, and now i feel ready.

one thing i listened to

synchronicity (super deluxe edition) by the police

this album has been really cool to listen to, especially the demos for popular songs. plus, it includes backing tracks for the hit songs as well. for music nerds like me, it’s a fun album.

i also put together a playlist of current songs that have an 80s vibe. it’s a way for me to heal, one playlist at a time. i think my dad would like that.

sounds like the 80s

one thing i watched

napolean dynamite

(one of my top ten favorite cheer-me-up movies)

links i clicked on last month

(7) How to Feel Better About Yourself

What Are Your Simple Pleasures?

Headwinds | Seth’s Blog

10 “Microadventure” Ideas for a Quick Happiness Boost

How to Make Magic Shell with 2 Ingredients

Nancy Meyers and Nora Ephron Movie Marathon

Six-Word Stories, Statements, and Exclamations: A Journaling Exercise (i’m going to try this)

quotes that had me thinking last month

“each of you is perfect the way you are…and you can use a little improvement.” – suzuki roshi

“i was ashamed of myself when i realized that life was a costume party and i arrived with my real face.” – franz kafka

“thrown off course by the loss of a loved one, we discover that grief is the stripping away of all that doesn’t matter.” – mark nepo

here’s to august…

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45 thoughts on “screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 65”

  2. Profoundly true that the absence of someone can happen without meaning for it to happen, yet seems right that it did happen.

    Synchronicity! Oh that’s a flashback to cooler days. I adore the idea that what we all “can use a little improvement.” Seems hopeful and worth remembering.  

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I totally understand your feelings about your dad because that’s exactly how I felt after my mother passed. Even now (12 years later), I still miss her presence. For me, it feels more intense around the holidays because she loved those and always made them so special for us kids.

    Don’t you love 80s music? I didn’t appreciate it back in the 80s. But now, I realize just how fabulous that time period in music was!

    ““i was ashamed of myself when i realized that life was a costume party and i arrived with my real face.” – franz kafka”

    I loved that because you can interpret it in different ways.

    Here’s to August, my friend! And can you believe it’s August already? I am sooooooo looking forward to Autumn! X

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Oh, friend, I bet it does. I’m not looking forward to the holidays. Sending you love.

      I’m a huge fan of 80s music. My favorite decade.

      I love that quote, too. I love quotes that can be interpreted in different ways.

      I cannot wait for fall, my autumn buddy! 😘❤️

      Like

  4. Fun fact: when I worked for a publishing company in Rapid City, my boss was close friends with Sean Covel, one of the “Napoleon Dynamite” producers. He’s a South Dakota native who still lives in Deadwood. Came in one day to drop off an autographed movie poster and we all got to meet him. He’s a pretty nice guy!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I want to live the width of my life too! That is a fabulous quote. How sweet to always save a seat for your dad. I bet it was hard celebrating without him… and yet I love thinking that he was there with you in spirit enjoying that empty chair.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t it?? I am definitely not living to the width. I have to figure out how to do that…

      YES! You figured it out! It was hard, but it felt like his spirit was with us. Bittersweet.

      Like

  10. It’s interesting, as I’m aging up, I’ll be needing more empty seats than filled ones! Oh life, so precious and rare, fleeting. As Mark Nepo says, grief strips away all that doesn’t matter. So true. Thanks for all the links, inspiration, and a peek into your lovely heart. Hugs, C

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Saving a seat for your dad is such a beautiful way remember him on your parents’ anniversary! Your rock bowl is looking full of beautiful memories. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love how your family saved a seat for your dad. I did this a few times for Phil, but it was too hard, so I stopped doing it.

    You mentioned The Police and speaking of the empty chair…there’s a song by Sting called The Empty Chair. <3

    I love Napolean Dynamite! Gosh!

    Ooh, that line from the book about living the width of life. Have to write that one down.

    Thanks for the links. Will be clicking!

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand that, my friend. 😘❤️

      I just listened to the song. It’s so beautiful.

      I love it too! Such a quirky movie.

      I haven’t felt been living to the width. Something to work on.

      Have fun!

      Like

  14. The empty chair choked me up, but in a good way. And I’m so easily choked up these days. I told someone yesterday I feel like a big, soaking wet sponge; if someone pokes me just a little, I start leaking. I love that you plan to leave an open place at the table for your dad. I agree that grief is a stripping away of all that doesn’t matter. Think of how essential our existences will be by the time we are the ones leaving this costume party.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A big, soaking sponge. OMG, I feel like that! Maybe that’s why I’ve been so tired. I’m full of water. 🤣🤣

      Oh, I love that thought. “How essential our existences will be by the time we are the ones leaving this costume party…”

      Like

  15. I love that Thomas Merton quote!
    I was thinking while reading this that it’s great to feel like we’re not only observing your journey called life, which includes much grief right now, but that we’re on the journey with you.♥️ Love that!
    Here’s to my favorite month, August … 🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t that a wonderful quote?

      What a wonderful perspective! I love that you’re on this journey with me. I truly believe that all of you are healing me. Being able to write about it and know that I am sharing it with you is helping me.

      Aww, I love that it’s your favorite! Is this your birthday month, by chance??

      Liked by 1 person

      6. They were a good match. ❤️

        Do not be embarrassed! I am terrible with dates! It’s the 28th, and I am a Taurus, so you have a very good memory! This past spring, I attempted to learn more about astrology, but it was too much with everything going on. I am going to try again this winter when things are quieter.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. The quotes are perfect.

    Kari, missing someone at the table is the ultimate sign of love. I mean, who will miss us at the table one day? Only the best people will. It’s so crazy how things can change so quickly, how your family dynamic can shift and adjust.

    The Police. Gosh, I love them so much and their songs bring me back to a specific time in my life that I do enjoy revisiting. (I just put on the album, and am listening now, thanks for that!)

    If Napoleon Dynamite can’t make us smile, I don’t know what can. I love that goofy movie!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I love Napoleon Dynamite and I love it even more now that I realize it is PG. That’s a great movie that we can put on for the whole fam damily. ;) Always looking for things we can watch with the younger girls, so thanks for that reminder.

    I can only imagine how hard it is to gather and celebrate those special occasions without a big piece of what is so special to you, who you’d like to be celebrating. I’m glad you are finding that books that you weren’t ready for earlier are making a difference now.

    Lots of great quotes in here. Love the one about living width too. I enjoy the Police. I love music from the 80s. Was there ever a better time for music? Don’t think so.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I am behind on my comments so this is a two-fer 😊

    From What I Kept:
    Luck! Yes! So true. But Luck happens to us & outside of us.

    What we can control is how the luck changes us inside.
    Some people have wonderful luck and are horrible humans.
    Other people have terrible luck and remain kind.

    Gratitude, even in the face of bad luck, is an ever renewing, flowing energy that makes us resilient. Gratitude helps us overcome things that might break us.

    At least this is what I am holding to right now.

    From this post:

    I love holding a seat for your Dad. That hit me hard ❤️

    The six words article! This was a fun exercise but also? I sorta hate Hemingway and sorta love fiction with actual rich characters & deep stories. So I give you the obvious six words:

    Six words. The smallest of talk.
    😊

    So excited to see your Zinnias and Rudbeckia thriving! Those are some happy healthy plants!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love a two-fer!

      Oh, I love your perspective on luck. Being grateful in the midst of ick is so hard, but it is also very beautiful. I can’t look at it right now, but at the end of the year, I’ll go back through my gratitude journal and everything I added during my dad’s cancer fight and then his death. I’ll see all the things I added when I was grieving, when I had covid and it seemd like it would never go away. And I’ll realize how lucky we all were. ❤️

      That hit us hard, too, friend. It’s still hitting hard.

      I sorta hate Hemingway too. I love your six word article!

      The flowers are so beautiful this year. I guess I should be grateful for all the rain and humidity. 🤣

      Like

  19. Oh man, that empty seat makes me so sad for you. My dad died just before their 57th anniversary. What a wonderful thing that you and Mike have had such a great relationship with your parents. That is truly amazing. I was crying a few hours ago, texting with my childhood best friend (who now lives in Mansfield, if you can believe that!) She is no longer in contact with any of her birth family, but she sent me some copies of fb photos she found of her sister and father, who have treated her terribly over the past 25+ years. I’m just sad for all she lost, so seeing this post hits me the same way, if that makes any sense.

    OMG ….. your 80’s playlist…..is that your senior picture!!! AMAZING! That Foster The People ‘Sit Next To Me’ is one of my all-time favorite songs. I think I posted about it when it first came out. My son adores MGMT, but I was not familiar with Little Dark Age. You find the best songs.

    Magic Shell is truly magical. Love seeing your bowl fill up with color! XO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, friend. I’m so sorry. This year would’ve been my parents’ 56th anniversary. Yesterday was my mom’s birthday—the first one without my dad. It was good, but also bittersweet. She’s now the same age he would’ve been in November. He always got her flowers on her birthday… so many memories.

      Mansfield! What a small world! I totally understand. I’m sending your friend so much love and compassion. Give her a hug from me—and one for you too. 😘❤️

      That wasn’t my senior picture, though I wish it was! I was a bridesmaid in a wedding a few years after high school, and my friend’s sister did my hair. Isn’t it badass? It’s my favorite 80s hair pic, even if it was taken in 1992. I love that song so much. Finding new music, old music—any music—is so therapeutic for me. 😘❤️

      It really is magical. I had to get more rocks! That makes me so happy. 🌈

      Like

  20. Pingback: My Gen X Playlist: Tension Makes the Tangle – 10,000 Maniacs – MyGenXerLife

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