Family, Favorite Things, Grief, Life, Tater Tots

screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 67

Kari

if you’re new to my blog, welcome! here is an explanation of the tater tot post.

waking up

a few weeks ago, when my brother was visiting, i told him, my mom, and mike that i’d been having some odd moments. like, i thought my website hosting renewal was coming up, but then i realized i’d already taken care of it back in may. that same day, i passed a sign at the local high school announcing graduation was over 200 days away—even though it felt like it was just around the corner.

in my grief, i lost spring. i was so numb that i wasn’t really there for it. now, as i start to come out of that fog, it feels like i’m finally waking up.

i’m curious—has anyone else felt this kind of thing with grief?

since then, we’ve had some sweet moments. my mom’s lilac bush, which my dad planted and is her favorite, bloomed with two gorgeous lilacs. just to be clear, lilacs only bloom in the spring.

side note—just a week before, we were amazed when a hummingbird landed on that same bush and stayed for several minutes while we sat on her deck.

later that evening, i got home and noticed a beautiful daffodil blooming (way out of season) by the picket fence my dad built for us in 2018. 🌈

one thing i read

while you were out: an intimate family portrait of mental illness in an era of silence by meg kissinger

last fall, i spotted this book at the library but it didn’t grab me, so i put it back. last month, i saw it again in a nearby section and decided to give it another shot—something i don’t usually do.

(i ended up finishing it in three days, which is lightning-fast for me.)

i’m so glad i gave it another chance because otherwise, i would have missed out on this:

muggs was the nickname my dad used for me when i was little.

one thing i listened to

everybody hurts – sandra mccracken featuring liz vice

& i made a little autumn playlist.

one thing i watched

will and harper (love)

links i clicked on last month

How to Help Hurricane Helene Victims

11 Habits That Can Help You Sleep Better

Joy – The Red Hand Files : The Red Hand Files

9 Readers Share Their Cozy Corners | Cup of Jo

(22) How to build a village – by Rosie Spinks

Recipes for comfort – by Bridget Venatta – Susanality

Things I’ve Learned In My 69 Years [ Being Ron ]

Write for someone | Seth’s Blog

Is My Blue Your Blue?

Making Space: An Illustrated Ode to the Art of Welcoming the Unknown – The Marginalian

A Quick ‘Fart Walk’ Might Be Just What You Need to End Your Day | SELF this is for you, suz💌

Spaghetti Salad Is A Great End-Of-Garden Dinner Choice – My Heart In Pen

swissmiss | Genuine Connection is Ease

source

quotes that had me thinking last month

“to know the road ahead, ask those coming back.” – chinese proverb

“if we save our wild places, we will ultimately save ourselves.” – steve irwin

“you were once wild here. don’t let them tame you.” – isadora duncan

“the pain is there; when you close one door on it, it knocks to come in somewhere else.” – irwin d. yalom

here’s to october…🍂

Discover more from A Grace Full Life

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

66 thoughts on “screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 67”

  1. Apparently, and this is in no way intended to diminish the spiritual aspect of your post (you know I believe in that stuff!), the lilacs at the UW Arboretum in Madison – and elsewhere in southern WI – are blooming again, too. They say the very wet spring, coupled with a cool spell in August, followed by warmth in September, tricked them into thinking it’s springtime again. Boy, are they in for a rude awakening soon.

    The spaghetti salad intrigues me!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My mom and I were once walking along a very bug-filled beach trying to get to some historical landmark. A family came towards us and we asked how far it was to the landmark and they told us, but warned us that the flies were really biting. I noticed that they were swarmed, but my mom and I were not and I offered them some of our bug spray. They exchanged looks and gleefully took some, saying that they had accidentally left theirs in their car and they had been complaining about it the whole walk.

    It was a brief encounter, but I think about it all the time. We are humans in this together and sharing knowledge and supplies is how the world works. I was reminded of this by your to know the road ahead, ask those coming back proverb. Communication is so key.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Yes, time lapses totally makes sense during grieving. I love all the signs you’re getting from your dad or should I say visits? And I appreciate the quotes about staying wild and not being tamed. That resonated for me and my life right now. Thank you, Kari!❣️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Kari,

    These posts are such a generous goldmine. Thank you for compiling them and sharing them. I’m so sorry you lost spring, though it’s so understandable that you would. I’ve had that kind of displaced time feeling; it feels the way walking does when you take a step down you weren’t expecting. Jars your whole body. There are so many links here with things I want to explore or try. Your autumn playlist! (Saturday, we played a game while listening to the first part of your 70’s Road Trip list–oh, it made me feel such a complicated happy/sad feeling.) Will & Harper, which I had passed by because I’m not a big Will Farrell fan, but the trailer has me giving it the kind of second thought you gave to the mental illness book, which I’ve just placed a hold on. And I LOVED the cozy corners! I want my whole house to be a cozy corner. I especially loved the guest room one. I love the idea that a guest room isn’t just a place for guests–that you can be a guest in your own home. Sending you so many wishes for a good October. Gah, just noticed we’re already a whole week in!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely understand this analogy. I feel like I’ve just taken that step down and am now at the same level as everyone else, but I also sense that not everyone understands where I’ve been. Society often lacks patience for grief, which is why I’m committed to talking about it as much as I can. I don’t care if some people are tired of reading about it—this is my life right now, navigating grief. It won’t always be this way, but if I don’t take care of myself, it might linger longer than it needs to. (I hope this makes sense.)

      Will & Harper is really good! I definitely think you should watch it—I’ve seen it twice.

      I also dream of turning my entire house into a cozy corner. Goals!

      I’m sending YOU good wishes for October too!

      Like

      1. “I don’t care if some people are tired of reading about it—this is my life right now, navigating grief. It won’t always be this way, but if I don’t take care of myself, it might linger longer than it needs to.” 💚💚💚

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Grieving does confuse your sense of time. My mother died in July and I remember waking up one March morning and wondering what had happened, how could it be spring? Where was I?

    I agree with Swiss Miss and her definition of genuine connection. I’m not familiar with Will and Harper, it looks fascinating. Thanks for the link.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I lost summer, for sure- but very specifically it was may and June that were just GONE. And I’m not sure i want them back, honestly.

    And, not to be that guy, but that is a daylily and not a daffodil along the picket fence.

    Great post- always enjoy reading your words

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Your jar is really filling up. I love all of the sweet moments you’ve been having. These flower blooms are absolutely amazing. Muggs seems like an unusual nickname, so to find it in a book at this time is also amazing. I’m so glad that you are seeing so many signs as well as lots of good finds to heal. XO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Those flowers were so beautiful. My mom had just mentioned she was sad the hummingbirds had left for the season, and the very next day, those lilacs appeared. ❤️

      It really is an unusual nickname! I was actually going to ask my mom today why he called me that. My dad used it out of the blue while he was sick, and it brought me to tears—good tears. Hearing my dad call me (as an adult) by my childhood nickname… it was such a special moment. Then seeing it in this book felt like a little wink from beyond.

      Like

  15. Kari, I SO enjoyed reading through your Autumn playlist on Spotify! Looking forward to going though and listening your favorites. Don’t you love Spotify?

    I also clicked on the “Spaghetti Salad” link (yummy!) because as you know, I worship pasta!

    Your gemstone bowl is getting more and more beautiful every time I see it!

    And yes, I have felt that way about moving through grief; feeling numb, and then finally waking up. It was after the death of my biological mother at such a young age.

    Thanks so much for sharing the link to my blog post. You’re so sweet!

    Have a faaaaaaabulous week, my friend! It’s finally feeling like Autumn here!

    X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love Spotify! I also have an Apple Music account because our kids prefer it for some reason, but I definitely prefer Spotify.

      Yes! That’s such a great recipe, and of course, I had to share it because I love Judy.

      It really is, isn’t it? I can’t wait to see it completely full.

      Oh, friend, I can’t imagine going through this at such a young age. My dad lost his mom at 14, and my mom lost her dad at 18. Losing a parent so young is unimaginable. I’m so grateful I had my dad for as long as I did, but I suppose we never have our parents long enough.

      I absolutely love that post and your words of wisdom. 😘

      We’ve had a beautiful autumn here—three weeks and counting of clear blue skies, sunshine, and 70s. It’s been perfect. I’m so glad it’s feeling like autumn for you too!

      Like

  16. The grief fog is very real and I would think that most people experience it. Mine lasted a long time after Phil died. I think I just did things on autopilot.

    I love how you are so aware and attuned to the gifts that come your way from your dad. Beautiful.

    I saved your autumn playlist on Spotify. I love listening to music as I clean and putter around the house.

    Another friend of mine had mentioned watching Will and Harper and loved it, so that has been on my movie watch list. I’m glad you loved it, too.

    Yay, more quotes for me to add to my quote notebook! And links to check out – thank you.

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Autopilot. Yes.

      I love that you said this—thank you! I’m savoring every little sign I get.

      It makes me so happy to know you listen to my playlists! Music means so much to me, and I love creating playlists for myself and others. If you ever want me to make one for you, just say the word!

      The documentary is really good; I’ve watched it twice and wouldn’t hesitate to watch it again.

      And I love that we both have quote notebooks. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I meant to tell you the other day…I listened to your autumn playlist while driving to the city last week. Thank you – it was so relaxing! There was also another evening where I didn’t feel like reading, nor watching TV (which I rarely do anyway) before bed, so I listened to a lot of your 100 favorite songs playlist. There were some new-to-me ones I really liked, so I added them to my own playlist. You’d make a playlist just for me? I’m honored! I’ll have to talk to you in person next time about my likes and dislikes, if that’s OK. xoxo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, Melanie, I love this! It truly touches my heart—you have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you for sharing this with me.

        And yes, I’d be so happy to make you a playlist! It’s one of my absolute favorite things to do! I’ve made one for Kristen and several for Mike. Make sure to jot down your likes and dislikes so you don’t forget. I’m excited to do this for you! ❤️😘

        Liked by 1 person

  17. I love the flowers blooming in unexpected times. This is a beautiful sign. The Harper and Will movie looks really good. There will be other springs. You had lots to deal with. I bet this next spring will be extra ‘spring-ish’. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Kari, there are so many cool things in this post! I mean, the lilacs and daffodils have to be a sign, and that’s wonderful! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  21. While we continue to keep on putting one foot in front of the other, the power which grief has to wreak havoc on our lives is simply unmatched. I look back at my time of caring for my Dad and swear I wasn’t fully present for most of it, and that was only when we lost who he’d been before, we hadn’t actually lost him yet. It takes it toll, but I’m sad that it was Spring which fell into your grief gap, and I’m smiling at the signs the world/the universe/your Dad are sending you of the time you missed.

    <3 <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Deb, that’s exactly how I feel. I think I must have been grieving even while caring for my dad. I know I felt numb for most of that time, and now it feels like I’m just beginning to truly grieve.

      But I’m also smiling because he knows we’re finally able to see those signs. 😘❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I love these posts; you find the most interesting things on the ‘net. Especially those fart walks. IT IS A REAL THING.

    Lilacs, (hush Mark!) daffodils and hummingbirds. ALL signs point to you.know.who. ❤️

    It’s been a while since I was in a deep grieving process, so I don’t really recall many details, but I understand your thoughts. The mind fog. The time lapses.

    I need to watch Will and Harper.

    Liked by 1 person

    2. I believe in those fart walks, but I have my yoga, so…

      I’ve learned that it was a lily, and another one bloomed the other day! Mark is probably right about the weather, but I still believe the first one was a sign from my dad. The latest one is definitely from Mother Nature.

      With menopause brain fog, COVID brain fog, and medication brain fog, I’m definitely a hot mess right now!

      It’s a really good documentary.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Grief is totally like that… it really can mess with one’s mind and body.

    Your coloured stones jar is getting pretty full!

    That is a pretty big little playlist. #1 song is so beautiful, I can’t hear without my eyes tearing up. It was so amazing to hear Great Lake Swimmers perform it live at a concert here after I wrote in to them asking for it.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.