Rebecca and Kari’s Excellent Adventure

Every year for our birthday, Rebecca and I treat each other to lunch. It’s our little tradition. Normally, I choose Olive Garden for their soup, salad, and breadsticks trifecta (iconic, obviously), but this year, since we’re training for a 5K, I went with something a little healthier.

Now, you should know that Chipotle is my all-time favorite restaurant—my go-to, my comfort food, my burrito bowl of joy. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Last week, Rebecca and I innocently strolled into our local Chipotle for birthday lunch—and that’s when things started unfolding like this:

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When we got to the front, I asked the cashier what was going on. She just smiled weirdly and said, “Filming.”

Okay, cryptic.

So Rebecca and I sat down to eat at the corner barstool area by the window—prime real estate for watching the comings and goings of the lunch crowd. We were gabbing, eating, and casually people-watching when we noticed a woman with a clipboard darting around the restaurant, talking to people. Then we spotted a makeup artist. And a guy carrying a huge microphone.

I’m making this sound casual, but inside?

I. Was. Screaming.

We were witnessing something few people ever get to see up close, and my brain instantly started firing off questions:

Are they filming a TV show?
A documentary?
A feature film?
Or is this just a training video for Chipotle employees?
Is it reality TV?
Are they looking for the next American Idol?
Because if so—I’m out. I can’t sing, dammit.
But Rebecca can, so I guess I’ll be the “supportive friend” in the background, nodding meaningfully and clapping offbeat.

It was mid-mental-spiral when Clipboard Woman approached us and asked, “Would you like to be on TV?”

Gee, I don’t know. Let us mull it over and get back to you…

DOES A BEAR POOP IN THE WOODS?

She said, “I’m with the Discovery Channel and we’re filming a show called America’s Favorite Foods.”

But that’s not what I heard.

What I heard was:
“I’m with Di…Ch…and we…called…Food.”

I’m going to be filmed in Chipotle.
Talking about Chipotle.
While eating Chipotle.

It’s like the mothership was calling me home.

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So the entire crew shuffles over to our table—banging equipment, dropping things, making loud noises—basically the opposite of subtle. And honestly? It was kind of hilarious.

If you’ve ever been inside a Chipotle, you know the space is tight. There’s barely room for two burrito bowls and a bad decision, let alone a whole production crew with boom mics.

The director came over and gave us a little pep talk that went something like:
“It’s really easy. Just talk to the host. He’ll ask you questions, you answer them.”

Then she added, with what I’m sure she thought was a soothing tone,
“No one has messed up today—so see? Super easy!”

To which I, of course, smart-assedly replied:
“Great. No pressure then.”

The camera and sound guys laughed. The director… did not.

She stared at me like she was trying to figure out if I was joking—or just a problem.
Eventually, she gave a tight smirk that said, noted.

And in that exact moment, I’m fairly certain she realized that “hiring” me was a huge mistake.

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Honestly, it was more important to me to stay on the good side of the camera and sound guys. They’re the real backbone of the operation.

Also… they hold the power.
The power to be my BFFs in the editing room.
And in this moment, I needed allies.

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Out of nowhere, this creepy guy sidles up to us and says he is the host. We literally hadn’t seen him this entire time. Not sure if he was in the break room telling the makeup artist to “fix my bad side” which is hysterical because there wasn’t a good side. I KID.

He then asked us questions from a notecard like, what did we order, do we always order this, why do we love Chipotle, how often do we come, why do we come to this location. You get the idea.

What I do remember is this: I totally sold out.

The director stopped us mid-filming and said something to the effect of, could one of you somewhere say ” Chipotle is a foodie fast-food heaven“.

And without hesitation, I blurted YOU GOT IT!

There are two problems I have with this:

1) I feel like I just jumped in and didn’t leave it up to Rebecca if she was so inclined. I asked her later, “did I steal your thunder?” to which she replied, no not at all. I don’t do well in high-pressure situations, which makes me think I would be a horrible celebrity. The kind that people talk to Page Six about, “she was a complete douche bag”. I am not an intentional douche bag, but a douche bag by proxy.

and

2) I totally sold out. I would NEVER, EVER say the words, “Chipotle is a foodie fast-food heaven” in my actual life. The word foodie doesn’t even exist in my day-to-day vocabulary. Holy shit, what if that ends up being their new slogan?

After “wrapping” our interview and the crew telling us, “Great job,” Rebecca and I sat back down at our table and silently started eating our burrito bowls.

Stress eating, mostly. Maybe also not wanting the food to go to waste.

But it was that moment—just the two of us, shoveling our second meal into our faces—that I’ll never forget.

Why? Because as we were stress eating at our booth, Rebecca nodded toward someone behind me.

It was the camera guy.

Filming us.

Stress eating.

If there’s one thing I really hate, it’s getting my picture taken. I take terrible pictures. I look worse on video. And don’t even get me started on the sound of my own voice.

I have a face and voice for blogging, as they say.

Our payment for a half day’s “work” as actors?
Two BOGO Burrito coupons for Chipotle.
I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Honestly, I’m glad I got to experience this with Rebecca because it’s a birthday lunch we’ll most likely never forget.

But next year?
We’re going to the damn Olive Garden.

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*2013 update: here is the clip.