Yesterday afternoon, our bird Joy flew out of our patio door window. It was a fluke really. My husband was cleaning up the patio, I had her out of the cage watching a video and talking to her and I walked into the kitchen to get something and she followed me.
I am her “person”.
But as she flew to follow me, she kept flying and flew out the window and away she flew.
We couldn’t find her after that.
People who don’t have pets don’t get it, so maybe this isn’t the post for you to read.
Read a funny one or an irreverent one.
By the way, Monday’s post won’t be one of those either, maybe skip that one too.
But Joy was my “person” too.
She got me through this pandemic so far, was my writing partner, my little friend, someone to keep me company during this shitty time.
I have been crying on and off for the past 18 hours, walking to the window every time I hear a particular bird chirp.
Running to the door every time I see a lighter color bird fly by.
I open the front door, hoping she walks up? WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?
It has been such a hard year anyway but we have lost two pets this year.
We adore our pets, give them so much love and take such good care of them, it made me look up to the skies yesterday and ask the Universe and God, are we not worthy of pets anymore? Is this what this is? A test?
Because if that is what this indeed is, it is SHITTY because there are kids watching. One in particular who has a soft heart when it comes to animals.
Ella is beside herself, bless her heart. Last night she sobbed how she was so worried about how Joy would survive her first night without her family, then I sobbed and we both hugged and sobbed and sat outside with the mosquitoes and called for Joy until we couldn’t stay out any longer.
My mom and dad were over when Joy escaped, we hadn’t had them over in months because of social distancing and they were indeed still social distancing but they had to witness it all but thank God they were here to comfort. They bought Joy for Ella for a Christmas gift and my dad told my mom on the way home that they would get another bird for us if Joy never returned home, bless their hearts, they were so in love with her too.
It isn’t that we all want to replace Joy, it’s that she filled all of us with Joy in SUCH a joyless time of our lives.
When I would call my mom daily every afternoon, Joy would hear my mom’s voice and would talk along with us, filling my mom in on the going’s on of what was happening.
When I would leave the room while writing across from her, she would tweet for me, as if “where are you? where did you go?”. Looking for me, searching for me.
Is she searching for me?
This is where I have been sitting every morning for two months while I began writing my book. Joy’s cage used to sit on that yellow cabinet and I sat down this morning and was filled with sadness and emptiness.
There is no more Joy in this room.
Literally and figuratively.