Family, Life, My Book

The Year that Joy Went Out the Window

Writer McWriterson

Yesterday afternoon, our bird, Joy, flew out of our patio door window. It was all a fluke. My husband was cleaning up the patio, and I had her out of her cage watching a video and talking to her. I walked into the kitchen to get something, and she followed me because I am her “person.”

However, when she flew to follow me, she continued flying and went out the window and away she flew.

After that, we couldn’t find her.

Joy was my “person/bird.” She got me through this pandemic thus far, my tiny writing companion, someone to keep me company during this dreadful time.

We are keeping her cage on the patio per instructions from the pet experts, hoping to lure her home. Also, the yellow water is her vitamin water, not urine or dirty water. By the way, birds don’t urinate. Their urea is in their poop. (Thanks to my cousin, who is a science teacher, for that cool tip)

For the past 18 hours, I’ve been crying on and off, walking to the window whenever I hear a bird chirp, running to the door every time I see a lighter color bird fly past. I open the front door, thinking she will come in.

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?

It has been such a difficult year in general, but we’ve also lost two pets this year.

Nibbles in February, Lucy in June, and now Joy in July.

We adore our pets, give them so much love, and take such good care of them. I looked up to the sky yesterday and asked the Universe and God, “Are we no longer deserving of pets? Is this a test?”

Ella is beside herself, bless her heart. Last night she sobbed how she was so worried about how Joy would survive her first night without her family, then I sobbed and we both hugged and sobbed some more, and sat outside with the mosquitoes while calling for Joy until we couldn’t stay outside any longer.

My mom and dad were over when Joy escaped, we hadn’t had them over in months because of social distancing and they were indeed still social distancing, but they had to witness it all. They bought Joy for Ella as a Christmas gift. My dad told my mom on the way home that they would get another bird for us if Joy never returned home, bless their hearts, they were so in love with her too.

It isn’t that we all want to replace Joy, it’s that she filled all of us with Joy in SUCH a joyless time of our lives.

When I would call my mom daily every afternoon, Joy would hear my mom’s voice and would talk along with us, filling my mom in on the going’s on of what was happening.

When I would leave the room while writing across from her, she would tweet for me, as if “where are you? where did you go?” Looking for me, searching for me.

Is she searching for me now?

This is where I have been sitting every morning for two months while I began writing my book. Joy’s cage used to sit on that yellow cabinet.

I sat down this morning and was filled with such profound emptiness.

There is no more Joy in this room.

Literally and figuratively.

30 thoughts on “The Year that Joy Went Out the Window”

  2. Oh Kari,
    My heart breaks for you all. Your family doesn’t deserve this. This isn’t a test. Just a fluke.
    Let’s pray she finds her way back to her real mama-you. ❤️
    Sending you all love.

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    1. I am too. My mom said she read that they can find their way home up to weeks later. It’s been shared over 100 times on a local site so I hope someone has spotted her. My fear is that she has died but I just want her not to have suffered.

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  6. Damn, Kari. It HAS been a shitty year. I wish I could write some words to make it better, but I know there aren’t any. Sometimes there is no larger meaning, no Why at the root of what happens. I’m so sorry the Wheel of Random Fortune landed on this spoke, and I hope you find your Joy (literal and metaphorical) soon.

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  9. This had to be a tough one to write. It is incredibly hard to lose pets and I miss them many years after they are gone. Unless you have loved and lost a bird you truly have no idea how they enhance your life. Hoping for the best possible results for you.

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    1. So my mom has an interesting perspective. Joy loved hearing birds singing on YouTube and looked for them on my phone as if to join them and she was doing just that when I was walking into the kitchen and she flew away. My mom said maybe, even though she adored us, was always longing to fly free with the birds. That makes my heart happy if true and I am trying to remain positive. If she is meant to be with us, she will end up with us and that is how I believe the Universe works. SIGH. But it still hurts my heart no matter what. 🙂

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  11. Kari, my heart breaks for you and your family. I am so sorry. I was praying last night for Joy to come home and if not, for her to be happy and safe in the trees and sunshine and flying through the beautiful skies.

    xoxo

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    1. I love that last part. So much. Maybe she’s meant to be free and with her bird friends. Happy in the sunshine. I hope that for her. I miss her sounds so much and I’ve cried more than I’d like to admit for a bird. I just want to know she’s okay. ❤️

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  12. I really hope she comes back soon or she finds her own joy in the sunshine! When I was young, my parakeet died when I was in Pakistan…I think she waited until I was gone so I wouldn’t have to find her body and cry, but it was hard returning to the home and not getting one more chirp.

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    1. Aww I’m so sorry. When you live in the country, dogs go away to die, so that’s similar.

      I did think that maybe she went away for a reason. But I miss her so much. For such a little life, her presence is so missed.

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  13. Oh my gosh, I am so very sorry. I know how much she meant to you. I hope she finds her way back to you. Pets mean ever that much more now that we’ve had to lean on them for support in this lonely time. Sending you so much love.

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  15. I figured since I as already crying I would finally read this…I still have nothing intelligent to say beyond how sorry I am

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