Anxiety, Humor, Life, Nonsense, Tater Tots

Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots-Episode 16

I used to call each month of tater tots posts “part 1, part 2, and so on” but I have decided going forward that I would like them to be called episodes.

That way I can say, “on this episode of Screw it, I’m eating tater tots“……

I just love that I feel like my mind is its own reality show.


File:Exclamation mark.png - Wikimedia Commons

Exclaiming (or not)

When I’m sad or depressed or don’t feel good, I don’t use exclamation points. In my writing, in texts, in anything.

I feel like exclamation points express way too much happiness, therefore they should only be reserved for when you are really REALLY feeling good. Really REALLY feeling happy. Now, this is only my opinion not at all fact, and in fact, this is my blog, so you can disagree with me in the comments and I will agree with your disagreement but that is how I feel.

I feel like that paragraph was a little Dr. Seussian in nature and that, my friends, deserves an exclamation point!


Triggered

You can read about my therapy journey a bit here but over the past few years, I wasn’t really in love with therapy.

Yes, I liked my therapist but I didn’t love the actual act of therapy itself. But the biggest thing that bothered me about my therapy of late was that we were doing it in my home.

Because of COVID, we had been doing teletherapy since the beginning of March and because their offices were so small and social distancing was impossible, teletherapy would be continuing until the end of the year and possibly until the following summer.

Person In Yellow Protective Suit
This has nothing to do with the post, I just liked the picture. And now you know why I need therapy.

 

The whole point of therapy, to begin with, is to get away from your life to talk about your life, right? Over the course of six weeks, it became less and less therapeutic and more of a chore.

So I had to stop for now. I just couldn’t stir up my emotions, my anxiety, my thoughts weekly anymore. Right now I am in survival mode and I don’t need to be reminded of that every week. I just need the pot to sit for a while, not to be stirred. This doesn’t mean I won’t ever return to therapy, it just means it isn’t where I want to be right now.

 


White Trailer Truck on Concrete Road

Universe Things

A week ago, Anna was talking me down off of a migraine anxiety spiral and I said to her that I felt better talking to her than I had ever felt talking to my therapist and that I wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better.

To be clear, I don’t dump my problems on my kids. But this particular day I was just sad about all the days I was missing with my kids because of migraines and corona and just CRAPITY 2020 CRAPITY CRAP CRAP. We both were venting and crying and it was a nice little exchange where I left it a better person than I entered it if that makes sense.

Within this conversation, she said something beautiful to me, “maybe the Universe is making way for something better coming our way, Mom. Maybe this sequence of bad things is happening to make room for good”.

Two days after Anna made that statement, a for sale sign went up in our neighborhood.

Back in February, I mentioned that one of my neighbors didn’t like me because I am a “hugger”. I won’t repeat the story here, so read the post if you haven’t already or re-read it to refresh your memory.

Well, the non-hugger is MOVING.

I hope that all this bad crap wasn’t happening to make room for the non-hugger moving out of the neighborhood because as much as I didn’t really care for her, having her as a neighbor wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

Then I got worried.

OH MY GOD, IS MY BETTER UNIVERSE THING THE HUGGER MOVING?? NOOOOO. I WANTED SOMETHING BETTER.

(said like Veruca Salt)

Veruca Salt | Warner Bros. Entertainment Wiki | Fandom
Courtesy/Warner Brothers

 


Not so Joyful

So we lost our 14-year-old fish Lucy back in June and it was such a blow because we just never expected it. I know what you’re thinking. YOU NEVER EXPECTED YOUR FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FISH TO DIE? No. We literally didn’t. She was such a presence. You had to live here or be a part of our day-to-day to get it.

Also, we had lost Nibbles the hamster in February and it was just a crappy pet death year, in addition to just being a crappy year.

The week Lucy died we had noticed that Joy, our sweet parakeet, wasn’t acting herself and I was all ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME whilst shaking my fist at the Heavens.

She was sleeping pretty much all day, she went from singing and talking almost all day to being completely silent.

This is all happening while I am going through my horrific migraine cycle/Chicago doctor visit/Lucy’s death.

We made her an appointment at a local vet (not our vet) who specializes in birds after a couple of days of this behavior.

He literally looked at her for a whopping five seconds, says, “73!”

HUH?, I said.

“Your home, it needs to be 73 degrees. Also, she’s too thin and she needs water-soluble vitamins!” 

Then he left.

By the way, I want a job where I make $50 bucks a minute to shout out orders to people. Tell me where I can get a job like that.

So I took her home, tried to find her vitamins everywhere locally (they were out of stock) so ordered them on Amazon (also back-ordered, must be lots of sick birds everywhere), and pumped up the thermostat to 73 and waited.

Nothing.

I played videos of her talking, saying her name, singing sweetly.

Nothing.

I cried and cried and said, JOY PLEASE. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO US. PEOPLE WILL THINK WE ARE MURDERING OUR PETS OVER HERE.

Then one Sunday morning, I woke up to the sound of a bird but thought it was outside. Then I heard Mike talking to someone and thought it was the girls.

Then I heard a familiar voice. IT WAS JOY. SAYING JOY NOISES!

So was it the vitamins? The temperature of the house? The videos? WHO THE HELL KNOWS. All I know is she is alive and well and we are all ecstatic about it.

Our bird Joy, she so lives up to her name.

 


What I’m watching

No one has ever called me a trendsetter and me finding shows from over ten years ago and beginning them now, is proof. Mike and I just started watching Community a few weeks ago and are loving it. Now, I knew about this show for those who think I live in a cave; I just never watched it. I am NOW since we ARE living in a cave currently.

Also, all those Ken Jeong memes are making sense now.

 

Ella convinced me to watch Floor is Lava one rainy day and we got hooked and ended up watching it for a solid hour plus. It is mind-numbing television, meaning you don’t have to think but it will hook you and you will find yourself yelling at the contestants.

 

I know I mentioned Lenox Hill last month but we just loved this show so much and they recently added an additional episode titled Pandemic and it needs to be watched. It is heartbreaking but if you know someone who doesn’t think this virus is real or refuses to wear a mask, I urge you to have them (or yourself) watch this.

 

I love, LOVE Alexandria Ocasio Cortez but the other women featured in this documentary are so inspiring as well.

 

I loved Unsolved Mysteries as a teen in the 80’s and it is back! It’s a little different from the original (I miss Robert Stack BUT there is a nod to him in the opener, so don’t skip it!) but it is GOOD. There are only a few episodes in the first season, I really hope there is going to be a second because it is GOOD. Did I mention that?

 

And this, well this was just a God-send:


Links

7 Ways Minimalism Will Impact My Children (if you are following this lifestyle like I am, this is an amazing read)

20-year-old dog in Tennessee is believed to be the oldest living dog in history 

Walmart is turning some of its parking lots into drive-in movie theaters

NASA will name its headquarters after Mary W. Jackson

Kentucky tattoo parlor covers up hate tattoos for free

6 Reasons ‘All Lives Matter’ Doesn’t Work-In Terms Simple Enough for a Child

 


Courtesy Pinterest (source unknown)

 

What I’m working on

I am looking at this pandemic as a challenge to myself to do something outside of my box, out of my comfort zone. Not take a home staging course, or even finish my bachelor’s degree, but rather do what I do best: write.

In the midst of my migraine cycle and a pandemic, I needed a project so I wouldn’t go crazy. I am so sick of watching the world implode on itself, I needed a distraction, and finally getting down to business and writing the book I said I wanted to write is just the thing.

Over the course of two weeks, I have created a working title, a foreword, and laid out ten chapters. I push myself to write for at least three to four hours each day, kind of like a workday. I have a deadline set for myself for September 26th, my beloved grandmother’s heavenly birthday before I send it to one of my friends who is an editor, so she can critique the shit out of it for me. Afterward, I will have to do lots and lots of rewrites and editing but the plan is to send it to a literary agent by the beginning of 2021.

I want to thank those of you for encouraging me over the years even though I know you must have been frustrated with me for whining about the book I wanted to write without ever trying to write that book.

I am now finally writing that book.


 

Words

 

 

 

 

 

 


Close-up of Seagull

A moment

On Father’s Day, my dad was really sick. We thought he potentially had coronavirus (thankfully, he did not) and we were all terribly worried about him. My mom was overwhelmed with worry and fear as well as just exhausted physically and emotionally taking care of him all alone while trying to quarantine from him (doctor’s orders while waiting for results from a pending test). So Mike and I went to their house later that afternoon and dropped off some groceries and supplies in their garage and social distance visited her outside for a little while for a much-needed morale boost.

Afterward, we took a little drive and we stopped at a McDonald’s for a snack. We sat in an adjacent parking lot to have an impromptu picnic where there were seagulls flocking around us.

We fed just a few extra fries to the flock of seagulls (not the band) and they sang so loudly, flew around and called at each other and I tell you, it was a moment.

A moment, we hadn’t had in so long. We laughed loudly about us being “bird people” and how the birds must have known we needed this moment. We gave the birds names and related the birds to people in our real lives.

And that, my friends, was the therapy I desperately needed.

I hope you have that kind of moment today, this week, even this month.

23 thoughts on “Screw It, I’m Eating Tater Tots-Episode 16”

  1. I’m so happy Joy pulled through!!

    I’m a bird person too and right now there have been lots of birds visiting our yard and flying around. I love it.

    I get what you’re saying about the therapy and I quit our neighborhood book club for the same reason. Zoom gatherings from my home are not the getaway I need. ☹️

    SO SUPER glad you are writing a book!!! Can’t even shout it enough. Enter all the exclamation marks!!!!! I an impressed with your ability to write while in physical pain.

    I am just now watching 30 Rock on Amazon Prime. Talk about finding things late. I only have Prime because it was paid for before the Pandemic hit. We had to stop Netflix. Cable needs to go my husband just informed me 😭. My daughter pays for Disney plus so we all watched Hamilton over the weekend.

    We lost someone to Covid. Not a close personal family but local and dear to my cousin. Her mother in law. They live in the town we moved from because emergency/intensve medical care so lacking and we needed that for our daughter. It is sad. So so sad. So needless. And my cousin and her husband and kids (grandkids) couldn’t say goodbye or attend funeral. He in Marines and it wasn’t allowed for obvious reasons.

    They are also in a city that bucks the mask wearing… although honestly, now in my current city people wear the masks but no 6 foot. They basically trample you. I had to restrain myself the other day ( the morning I found out she died) when we left hospital and had to stop at grocery for needed food for. our daughter and people about trampled us. Over carts! Tempers are so flared up here that I knew if I didn’t restrain myself I could end up dead or in jail. People are fighting crazy now.

    I LOVED what Anna said. Like write in my journal loved it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you’ve been visited by birds! That makes me so happy. ❤️

      I am so sad for yours and your friends loss. The saddest part is that if you lose someone whether it’s to Covid or anything else right now, we can’t grieve together because of the virus. No one is talking about that. It is the loneliest time in our lives. Yet people are still fighting over masks and vacations and rights. It’s pathetic.

      I love it too. Makes me proud to be her mom.

      Like

    2. Oh and we don’t have Disney + and I am so sad. I want to watch Hamilton with Ella but we are trying to save money and condense cable etc. in the name of minimalism….post to come. But I might break down and get it because of quarantine. I might save that for when it’s cold out and we can’t go outside as much. 😊

      Like

  2. You know how I feel about the excessive use of EXCLAMATION POINTS!!

    I love Anna; can I come and have a little therapy session with her too? I am a hugger. I actually feel bad when I can’t hug someone, so this has all been very hard for me. So, I don’t get NON-huggers. We have one in our family (married into our family) and it’s bizarre to hug everyone on Christmas Eve, but the non-hugger. So, were you neglected as a child? no one touched you? What the hell? So, good riddance to your weird effing neighbor. What I’m thinking is the next person who moves in, well that might be your sign from the universe. Could be? Right? They could be super awesome and possibly your next BFF. Although, I can tell you, we didn’t buy a house in the Chicago suburbs. yet.

    JOY! I’m so glad she is doing better. I swear she was smi-zing in that picture.

    Yay for your book. Woot woot! I applaud you for doing this, pursuing your dream, and doing it while struggling with health and all the other shit that’s happening.

    I need to watch some of the things you recommended. I never fully watched Community; just saw bits and pieces. I just started watching Brothers & Sisters. (again) Do you remember that one from I think 2006? Sally Field, Calista Lockhart….it was good then and it’s still good now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I never thought about the next person to move in! I am now intrigued…
      Also, “were you neglected as a child” made me laugh out loud. Not the act of neglect, just you commenting that. YOU GET ME.

      I do remember that show. Do you remember the show Homefront? It was in the early 90s. SO GOOD. Also, the show Sisters? I think that was the name. I hope Netflix and Hulu get on the ball this year and start bringing back old shows that have all the feels. WE NEED ALL THE FEELS.

      Like

  3. I currently am not in therapy but if I were, I certainly wouldn’t want to do teletherapy either. Just thinking about it triggers my anxiety. So I can understand where you’re coming from with that.

    I love what Anna said to you. What a wise young woman.

    I am so glad that Joy is OK…you had me holding my breath as I was reading through that. Whew! We currently have a Mama Cardinal right outside our kitchen window in the bushes. I watched her build her nest for three days straight and now she’s sitting on her eggs. (Or getting ready to lay them?) I talk to her through the kitchen window all the time. I have been worried about her in this heat…sometimes I see her during the day with her beak open like it’s hard to breathe. I refresh the water in our bird bath several times a day so she (and the other birds; but she is the special one to me right now) has fresh water to drink.

    I am thrilled that you are writing a book. May I ask what it’s about or is it a secret?

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not missing therapy yet so my decision feels good so far. 🙏🏻

      Aww, poor birdies and this heat. She is lucky to have you looking out for her. ❤️

      Not a secret at all! It’s non-fiction, about menopause. An honest and semi-humorous look at my experience with it but also delving into it deeper. I read what I have so far to Mike tonight and he loves it. I have so far to go but I am loving how it it turning out so far. It feels right, if that makes any sense.

      Like

  4. I cannot wait to see you at your book signing, wearing a mask with a line out the door, because everyone is six feet apart! I’m so proud of you love.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Good for you figuring out works for you as far as therapy. I can’t do therapy, I tried it years ago and just couldn’t make it work, so I understand.

    I remember the hugger post!! I am so happy she is moving LOL! I do feel sorry for HER new neighbors though. 😂

    I cannot wait for your book!! Finally something to look forward to! And I’m so proud of you for doing this during a migraine cycle AND a pandemic. ❤️

    Those quotes and pictures are spot on. I’m so sick of doing the right thing while others are being irresponsible and selfish. It’s getting old.

    Thank you for these tater tot posts. I swear to God they are saving me therapy and blood pressure pill money. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I think your blog is my therapy. 🙂

    Thank you for the TV recommendations. I’m having a hard time finding shows I like. (I remember my grandparents talking about how they didn’t like much TV because it was all about young people and they couldn’t relate to any of it. I might be starting to feel like that?) I am also always behind everyone else, which is why I only just now found Dear White People. Season 1 is so so good. Season 2, not as much, and I’m not feeling season 3, but I loved season 1. Might be your kind of show (but not with Ella in the room).

    And you just write that book. I can’t wait to read it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. When you say my blog is your therapy, it’s like a celebrity is writing on the cover of my book. FOR REAL.

      Also, you’re the one who might have gotten me to watch Better Things? And I loved that so very much. So I will take that recommendation.

      Like

  7. I’m glad that Joy is ok. No more pet bad news, eh? I’d bet that writing your book will be as good as therapy in that you’ll get a feeling of accomplishment as you go along. Therapy is great, but maybe not great all the time? And writing is always, at least for me, a good way to clarify what I’m really thinking.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This tater tot post feels an awful like the world right now. Good moments. Bad moments. Moments that are so freaking beautiful simply because they’re happening in spite of the shit storm that is 2020.

    I’m so glad your Joy is back to her joyful self!! And that you are working on a book. Having a purpose to these long days is super helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am so jealous of your crap neighbor moving. I think Mary Ann is going no where because she did an addition at the same time I did mine. (remember she scolded my kitchen designer for parking too close to her mailbox). I agree with Suz, a new great friend might move in there. Fun!

    I love that I am not the only one behind on TV shows, but I am also not making any headway over here. We swtiched to You tube TV and they just upped their prices. Go figure. No netflix here. Coach is being a tightwad about it.

    Love, love, love that you are writing a book. I find my book writing moments are my happiest, life-giving times. I wish I could find 3 to 4 hours a day.

    Um, I am doing zoom for therapy and loving it. I look forward to it and this new therapy is far from home (not really far, but not convenient either and with the babysitting in the fall, ugh). I dread the day she says, Hey come to my office.

    Relieved that Joy is still around being joyful. Such cute pictures.

    Oh, and I tend to be in the ‘I want something better’ department – call me Veruca. Come on universe – bring it! Anna is a sweet, insightful one. Let’s keep her!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The first thing I thought of when I began writing about my neighbor was your crappy neighbor 😂. But hey, I never imagined my crappy neighbor moving, so there is hope. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE.

      As soon as I said I would push myself to do three hours a day, I haven’t done three hours a day since. I have done an hour here and there so I am proud of that. Even just a half hour here and there is better than nothing. The way I look at it is that I was giving that time to blog posts before and this is for an actual book, something I’ve wanted for years. It’s the least I can do for myself.

      That’s so funny we are opposite in that way in regards to therapy! But I do imagine lots of people love the idea of not having to leave home to go to therapy. Especially those who are really busy (ie:you).

      She is a keeper for sure. ❤️

      Like

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