I used to refer to each month of tater tots posts as “part 1, part 2, and so on,” but I have decided from now on that I would like them to be called episodes.
That way I can say, “on this episode of Screw it, I’m eating tater tots…”
It’s like my the thoughts in my head are having its own reality show.
Exclaiming (or not)
When I’m sad or depressed or don’t feel good, I don’t use exclamation points. In my writing, in texts, in anything.
I feel like exclamation points express way too much happiness, therefore they should only be reserved for when you are really REALLY feeling good. Really REALLY feeling happy. Now, this is only my opinion, not at all fact, and in fact, this is my blog, so you can disagree with me in the comments and I will agree with your disagreement, but that is how I feel.
I feel like that paragraph was a little Dr. Seussian in nature and that, my friends, deserves an exclamation point!
Are any of you like this?
Triggered
You can read about my therapy journey a bit here, but over the past few years, I wasn’t really in love with therapy.
Yes, I liked my therapist, but I didn’t enjoy the process of therapy. But the thing that disturbed me most about my therapy recently was that we were doing it in my home.
Because of COVID, we had been having teletherapy since the beginning of March. Because her office was so small and social distancing was impossible, teletherapy will continue until the end of the year, and probably until next summer.
The whole goal of therapy, to begin with, is to get away from your life in order to talk about your life, right? Over the course of six weeks, it became less therapeutic and more of a chore.
So I had to stop. I’m in survival mode, and I don’t need to be reminded of it every week. I just want the pot to sit for a while, not to be stirred.
This isn’t to say I won’t ever return to therapy; it’s just not where I want to be right now.
Universe Things
Anna and I were talking about migraines, panic attacks a week ago, and I told her that I felt better talking to her than I ever did with my therapist.
Within this conversation, she said something amazing to me, “maybe the Universe is making way for something better coming our way, Mom. Maybe this sequence of bad events is happening to make room for good.”
Two days after Anna made her statement, a for sale sign went up in our neighborhood.
Back in February, I mentioned that one of my neighbors disliked me because I’m a “hugger.”
The non-hugger is moving.
I hoped that all of this horrible stuff happening was to make room for the non-hugger moving out of the neighborhood! Because, as much as I didn’t like her, having her as a neighbor wasn’t the worst thing in the world.
OH MY GOD, IS MY BETTER UNIVERSE THING THE HUGGER MOVING??
NOOOOO. I WANTED SOMETHING BETTER!
(said like Veruca Salt)
Not so joyful
So we lost our 14-year-old fish Lucy , in June, and it was such a blow because we just never expected it.
I know what you must be thinking.
YOU NEVER EXPECTED YOUR FOURTEEN-YEAR-OLD FISH TO DIE?
No. We literally didn’t. She had such a commanding presence. You had to be a part of our day-to-day to understand our line of thought.
In addition, we had lost Nibbles the hamster in February, and it had been a crappy pet death year, on top of it being a crappy year.
The week Lucy died, we had noticed that Joy, our sweet parakeet, wasn’t acting herself and I was all ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? while shaking my fist to the heavens. She was sleeping pretty much all day. She went from singing and talking almost all day to total silence.
Mind you, this is all happening while I am going through my horrific migraine cycle/Chicago doctor visit/ and Lucy’s death.
I made her an appointment with a local vet (not our vet) who specializes in birds after a couple of days of this behavior.
He literally looked at her for a whopping five seconds, says, “73!”
HUH?, I said.
“Your home, it needs to be 73 degrees. Also, she’s too thin, and she needs water-soluble vitamins!”
Then he left.
By the way, I want a job where I make $50 bucks a minute to shout out orders to people. Tell me where I can get a job like that.
So I took her home, tried to locate bird vitamins everywhere locally (they were out of stock), so ordered them on Amazon (also back-ordered, must be lots of sick birds everywhere), and pumped up the thermostat to 73, and waited.
Nothing.
I played her favorite videos of her talking, saying her name, singing sweetly.
Nothing.
I cried and said, JOY, PLEASE. YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO US. PEOPLE WILL THINK WE ARE MURDERING OUR PETS OVER HERE.
Then one Sunday morning, I woke up to the sound of a bird but thought it was outside. Then I heard Mike talking to someone and thought it was one of the girls.
Then I heard a familiar voice.
IT WAS JOY. SAYING JOY SOUNDS!
So was it the vitamins? The temperature of the house? The videos? WHO THE HELL KNOWS.
All I know is she is alive and well, and we are all ecstatic about it.
Our bird Joy, she so lives up to her name.
What I’m watching
Links
7 Ways Minimalism Will Impact My Children (if you are following this lifestyle like I am, this is an amazing read)
20-year-old dog in Tennessee is believed to be the oldest living dog in history
Walmart is turning some of its parking lots into drive-in movie theaters
NASA will name its headquarters after Mary W. Jackson
Kentucky tattoo parlor covers up hate tattoos for free
6 Reasons ‘All Lives Matter’ Doesn’t Work-In Terms Simple Enough for a Child
What I’m working on
I am looking at this pandemic as a challenge to myself to do something outside of my box, out of my comfort zone. Not take a home staging course, or even finish my bachelor’s degree, but rather do what I do best: write.
Over the course of two weeks, I have created a working title, a foreword, and laid out ten chapters. I push myself to write for at least three to four hours each day, kind of like a workday. I have a deadline set for myself for September 26th, my beloved grandmother’s heavenly birthday, before I send it to one of my friends who is an editor, so she can critique it. Afterward, I will have to do lots and lots of rewrites and editing, but the plan is to send it to a literary agent by the beginning of 2021.
I want to thank those of you for encouraging me over the years, even though I know you must have been frustrated with me for whining about the book I wanted to write without ever trying to write that book.
I am now finally writing that book.
Words
A moment
My dad was really sick on Father’s Day. We were all concerned about him since we suspected he had coronavirus; thankfully, he did not. My mother was overcome with worry and fear, as well as just physical exhaustion from caring for him alone while trying to quarantine from him (doctor’s orders while awaiting the results from a pending test).
So Mike and I went to their house that afternoon and dropped off some groceries and supplies in their garage, and social distance visited her outside for a much-needed morale boost.
After that, we went for a short drive and stopped for a snack at a McDonald’s. We sat in a nearby parking lot for an impromptu Father’s Day picnic, where there were seagulls flocking around us. We gave a few extra fries to the flock of seagulls (not the band), and they sang loudly, flapped around, and called at each other.
I tell you, it was a moment.
We hadn’t had a moment like this in a long time. We laughed loudly about how we were “bird people” and how the birds must have sensed our need for this moment. We gave the birds names and compared them to people in our lives.
And that, my friends, was therapy we both desperately needed.
I hope you have that kind of moment today, this week, or even this month.
A Grace Full Life 
I’m so happy Joy pulled through!!
I’m a bird person too and right now there have been lots of birds visiting our yard and flying around. I love it.
I get what you’re saying about the therapy and I quit our neighborhood book club for the same reason. Zoom gatherings from my home are not the getaway I need. ☹️
SO SUPER glad you are writing a book!!! Can’t even shout it enough. Enter all the exclamation marks!!!!! I an impressed with your ability to write while in physical pain.
I am just now watching 30 Rock on Amazon Prime. Talk about finding things late. I only have Prime because it was paid for before the Pandemic hit. We had to stop Netflix. Cable needs to go my husband just informed me 😭. My daughter pays for Disney plus so we all watched Hamilton over the weekend.
We lost someone to Covid. Not a close personal family but local and dear to my cousin. Her mother in law. They live in the town we moved from because emergency/intensve medical care so lacking and we needed that for our daughter. It is sad. So so sad. So needless. And my cousin and her husband and kids (grandkids) couldn’t say goodbye or attend funeral. He in Marines and it wasn’t allowed for obvious reasons.
They are also in a city that bucks the mask wearing… although honestly, now in my current city people wear the masks but no 6 foot. They basically trample you. I had to restrain myself the other day ( the morning I found out she died) when we left hospital and had to stop at grocery for needed food for. our daughter and people about trampled us. Over carts! Tempers are so flared up here that I knew if I didn’t restrain myself I could end up dead or in jail. People are fighting crazy now.
I LOVED what Anna said. Like write in my journal loved it.
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I love that you’ve been visited by birds! That makes me so happy. ❤️
I am so sad for yours and your friends loss. The saddest part is that if you lose someone whether it’s to Covid or anything else right now, we can’t grieve together because of the virus. No one is talking about that. It is the loneliest time in our lives. Yet people are still fighting over masks and vacations and rights. It’s pathetic.
I love it too. Makes me proud to be her mom.
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Oh and we don’t have Disney + and I am so sad. I want to watch Hamilton with Ella but we are trying to save money and condense cable etc. in the name of minimalism….post to come. But I might break down and get it because of quarantine. I might save that for when it’s cold out and we can’t go outside as much. 😊
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You know how I feel about the excessive use of EXCLAMATION POINTS!!
I love Anna; can I come and have a little therapy session with her too? I am a hugger. I actually feel bad when I can’t hug someone, so this has all been very hard for me. So, I don’t get NON-huggers. We have one in our family (married into our family) and it’s bizarre to hug everyone on Christmas Eve, but the non-hugger. So, were you neglected as a child? no one touched you? What the hell? So, good riddance to your weird effing neighbor. What I’m thinking is the next person who moves in, well that might be your sign from the universe. Could be? Right? They could be super awesome and possibly your next BFF. Although, I can tell you, we didn’t buy a house in the Chicago suburbs. yet.
JOY! I’m so glad she is doing better. I swear she was smi-zing in that picture.
Yay for your book. Woot woot! I applaud you for doing this, pursuing your dream, and doing it while struggling with health and all the other shit that’s happening.
I need to watch some of the things you recommended. I never fully watched Community; just saw bits and pieces. I just started watching Brothers & Sisters. (again) Do you remember that one from I think 2006? Sally Field, Calista Lockhart….it was good then and it’s still good now.
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I never thought about the next person to move in! I am now intrigued…
Also, “were you neglected as a child” made me laugh out loud. Not the act of neglect, just you commenting that. YOU GET ME.
I do remember that show. Do you remember the show Homefront? It was in the early 90s. SO GOOD. Also, the show Sisters? I think that was the name. I hope Netflix and Hulu get on the ball this year and start bringing back old shows that have all the feels. WE NEED ALL THE FEELS.
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So happy Joy is doing better!!
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Me too!! 🎉
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I am so happy that Joy is re-bounding! Re: Sisters…is that the one with Sela Ward? I loved that show and Netflix SHOULD bring that one back. And thirtysomething.
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Yes!! And Swoosie Kurtz. Loved that show. And Thirtysomething too! Yes!!!
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I currently am not in therapy but if I were, I certainly wouldn’t want to do teletherapy either. Just thinking about it triggers my anxiety. So I can understand where you’re coming from with that.
I love what Anna said to you. What a wise young woman.
I am so glad that Joy is OK…you had me holding my breath as I was reading through that. Whew! We currently have a Mama Cardinal right outside our kitchen window in the bushes. I watched her build her nest for three days straight and now she’s sitting on her eggs. (Or getting ready to lay them?) I talk to her through the kitchen window all the time. I have been worried about her in this heat…sometimes I see her during the day with her beak open like it’s hard to breathe. I refresh the water in our bird bath several times a day so she (and the other birds; but she is the special one to me right now) has fresh water to drink.
I am thrilled that you are writing a book. May I ask what it’s about or is it a secret?
xoxo
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I’m not missing therapy yet so my decision feels good so far. 🙏🏻
Aww, poor birdies and this heat. She is lucky to have you looking out for her. ❤️
Not a secret at all! It’s non-fiction, about menopause. An honest and semi-humorous look at my experience with it but also delving into it deeper. I read what I have so far to Mike tonight and he loves it. I have so far to go but I am loving how it it turning out so far. It feels right, if that makes any sense.
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I cannot wait to see you at your book signing, wearing a mask with a line out the door, because everyone is six feet apart! I’m so proud of you love.
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I couldn’t do it without you. Thanks for being my biggest fan. Can’t wait to eat my ice cream. 😉❤️
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Good for you figuring out works for you as far as therapy. I can’t do therapy, I tried it years ago and just couldn’t make it work, so I understand.
I remember the hugger post!! I am so happy she is moving LOL! I do feel sorry for HER new neighbors though. 😂
I cannot wait for your book!! Finally something to look forward to! And I’m so proud of you for doing this during a migraine cycle AND a pandemic. ❤️
Those quotes and pictures are spot on. I’m so sick of doing the right thing while others are being irresponsible and selfish. It’s getting old.
Thank you for these tater tot posts. I swear to God they are saving me therapy and blood pressure pill money. 😂
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The book is keeping my mind busy during all of this and that is a GIFT. ❤️
I am so glad I can save you money LOL. Save it for my book. 😉
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I think your blog is my therapy. 🙂
Thank you for the TV recommendations. I’m having a hard time finding shows I like. (I remember my grandparents talking about how they didn’t like much TV because it was all about young people and they couldn’t relate to any of it. I might be starting to feel like that?) I am also always behind everyone else, which is why I only just now found Dear White People. Season 1 is so so good. Season 2, not as much, and I’m not feeling season 3, but I loved season 1. Might be your kind of show (but not with Ella in the room).
And you just write that book. I can’t wait to read it.
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When you say my blog is your therapy, it’s like a celebrity is writing on the cover of my book. FOR REAL.
Also, you’re the one who might have gotten me to watch Better Things? And I loved that so very much. So I will take that recommendation.
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I’m glad that Joy is ok. No more pet bad news, eh? I’d bet that writing your book will be as good as therapy in that you’ll get a feeling of accomplishment as you go along. Therapy is great, but maybe not great all the time? And writing is always, at least for me, a good way to clarify what I’m really thinking.
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Yes! The book writing is exactly the therapy I was needing without knowing I needed it. ❤️
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This tater tot post feels an awful like the world right now. Good moments. Bad moments. Moments that are so freaking beautiful simply because they’re happening in spite of the shit storm that is 2020.
I’m so glad your Joy is back to her joyful self!! And that you are working on a book. Having a purpose to these long days is super helpful.
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Yes, yes, YESSSSS.
Purpose, YES to all the YESSES. ❤️
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I am so jealous of your crap neighbor moving. I think Mary Ann is going no where because she did an addition at the same time I did mine. (remember she scolded my kitchen designer for parking too close to her mailbox). I agree with Suz, a new great friend might move in there. Fun!
I love that I am not the only one behind on TV shows, but I am also not making any headway over here. We swtiched to You tube TV and they just upped their prices. Go figure. No netflix here. Coach is being a tightwad about it.
Love, love, love that you are writing a book. I find my book writing moments are my happiest, life-giving times. I wish I could find 3 to 4 hours a day.
Um, I am doing zoom for therapy and loving it. I look forward to it and this new therapy is far from home (not really far, but not convenient either and with the babysitting in the fall, ugh). I dread the day she says, Hey come to my office.
Relieved that Joy is still around being joyful. Such cute pictures.
Oh, and I tend to be in the ‘I want something better’ department – call me Veruca. Come on universe – bring it! Anna is a sweet, insightful one. Let’s keep her!
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The first thing I thought of when I began writing about my neighbor was your crappy neighbor 😂. But hey, I never imagined my crappy neighbor moving, so there is hope. DO NOT GIVE UP HOPE.
As soon as I said I would push myself to do three hours a day, I haven’t done three hours a day since. I have done an hour here and there so I am proud of that. Even just a half hour here and there is better than nothing. The way I look at it is that I was giving that time to blog posts before and this is for an actual book, something I’ve wanted for years. It’s the least I can do for myself.
That’s so funny we are opposite in that way in regards to therapy! But I do imagine lots of people love the idea of not having to leave home to go to therapy. Especially those who are really busy (ie:you).
She is a keeper for sure. ❤️
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