Humor

Why Chicago Needs a John Hughes Museum by Moira Rose

In 2015, I wrote a blog post titled “Why Chicago Needs a John Hughes Museum.” But the explanation was flimsy, and given the testosterone-heavy, estrogen-depleted atmosphere in Hollywood, it felt like I needed to read the room better.

I unpublished the post several years ago and promptly forgot about it. Until one day, while working on the menopause book with my friend Kristen, I suggested out of the blue, “What if I wrote a blog post in Moira Rose’s voice?”

She thought it was a brilliant idea. I thought this was the perfect post to resuscitate. Catherine O’Hara starred in the film Home Alone. What would it look like if Moira Rose tries to bring to life a museum in memory of John Hughes? This is what I came up with.

*You may need a Moira Rose to English dictionary.

*If you’ve never seen Schitt’s Creek, this is the week to skip a post.

*This is a parody


Dear John Hughes brethren,

I’m writing this epistle while I consider something that has been vexing me for some time.

Why is Chicago without a John Hughes museum?

Mr. Hughes sojourned in the Chicago area for most of his life, did he not? He expostulated and centered most of his moving pictures in the Chicago metropolitan area that I am aware of.

So, why is he not being memorialized in some way? According to my gatherings, Chicago has a “Busy Beaver” button exhibition, a memorial about currency, a surgical science conservatory, and one gallery dedicated to dry cleaning.

Yet, woefully, there is yet to be a museum that accolades the cinematic wizardry behind such classics like Home Alone (my joie de vivre), The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, to name a few.

One postmeridian, I deliberated why such a museum doesn’t exist for you wretched wayfarers in the unified commonwealth of America. I stipulated and adjudicated until I was able to nurture a summary of justifications…


He spawned moving pictures that circumscribed a generation

I believe they like to ascribe themselves as “Gen X”. Whatever the moniker, he articulated their nomenclature.



The tours for his cinematic locales seem to bespeak a desire for a conservatory

If you excavate “John Hughes movie locations”, a plethora of results issue forth. A twee dilettante who composes a whimsical webpage you might recall, even penned a Wordsworthian article dubbed, “Walking in John Hughes Footsteps” about such a task.

Does this not demonstrate that a structure which facilitates all of this is indeed imperative?


The ’80s was a scintillating decennary

There is a charismatic application termed “TikTok” that seems to share a fondness of the decade that cackles decadence: the eighties.

Time to be shrewd like a fox and use our skullduggery. Why not take advantage of this 80s bombilation? Stop pettifogging and find a pecuniary millennial with a trust fund, and a good litigator to get this Musรฉe off the terra firma, tout suite!


John Hughes treasured his dear bebe, Chicago. One could say, that love was unrequited. 

One might suggest that it’s time to at last rectify the malfunction of disregarding John Hughes in Chicago.

As I mentioned in the preface, there are many other charming conservatories in this bustling metropolis, but none for filmmaker extraordinaire Hughes. It’s no surprise you’ve earned the moniker “Second City.” A “First City” would have erected a John Hughes Museum a millenia ago.

You have a Starbucks Reserve and a behemoth shrapnel of metal shaped like a clitoris that you call a “bean”, but no museum dedicated to the man who birthed the cinematic opus, Home Alone?


Mr. AND Mrs. Hughes Museum

Now that we are at long last feminists, please join me in rectifying an ancillary conjuncture. Nancy Hughes was the impetus behind your esteemed movies. Sans Nancy, nary a Home Alone. As the French say, Les Hommes Succent, which translates to behind every great man, is an even greater woman. Do not quote me on that, por favor.

Mr and Mrs. Hughes appreciated a museum, so it’s only fitting that one exists to honor their memory, may they rest in peace.

This museum would be pulchritudinous for a field trip. Do this if you must:

Why we need a John Hughes museum

Perhaps after this ghastly virus. Hands should be washed, of course.


Where is the escritoire Jake and Samantha placed a birthday wish on?

O’ where is Ferris Bueller’s clarinet?

Where art thou Andie’s dreadful pink prom frock?

The original Breakfast Club screenplay was espied in a cabinet in a suburban Chicago high school. Such heinous acts would not occur if there was a Nancy and John Hughes museum to house artifacts such as this.

Consider the resplendent gift boutique!

Take heed the melodies piped throughout the corridors!

In the commissary, salivate cogitating about all the comestibles! Claire’s sushi, Uncle Buck’s pancakes, Kevin McAllister’s pizza, Aunt Edna’s wet sandwiches.

It’s still in the toddler stages of development.



Dear John Hughes brethren, please consider this epistle from a vociferous lover of the arts, a brilliant and recognized thespian, and someone who was in the decolletage of the Hughes family. A Nancy and John Museum makes sense. It seems absurd to not have one in the year 2021. That’s as ridiculous as going on a sabbatical without your offspring.

Not that I would have any experience with a quagmire such as that.

Sincerely,

Moira Rose*

*Again, this is a parody

22 thoughts on “Why Chicago Needs a John Hughes Museum by Moira Rose”

    1. I’m so glad I made you smile! That was my intention with everything that has been going on in our country.
      I’ll admit that I used a dictionary for the big words and I made up the rest to sound like what she’d say. I just watched the show once. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Now that I’ve finished my menopause book, I’m following Julia Cameron’s suggestion and I’m writing three morning pages per day. This post stemmed from that. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I am impressed! The key to making this work is that the big words have to make sense (in both a Moira way and a rest-of-us way); you can’t just throw in any old big words. Good parody is hard, but you have to make it look easy. Sort of like figure skating. Giving you a gold medal for this one. If I were in a position to give any.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Omg look at what you wrote! How did you *do* this?! I swear, when I reached the word โ€œvexingโ€ (VEXX-inG-guh) the text on the screen blurred and Moira materialized – dressed to the nines, beautifully be-wigged – to deliver her โ€œepistleโ€ en personne. Kari, I heard her voice! Not literally but you know โ€œliterallyโ€ ๐Ÿ™‚ I so totally needed this today. Thank you for Moira-ing my Monday.

    Also โ€”- you FINISHED your book!?! *pops champagne*
    First – YAYS! Second – did I miss a post? Third – Congratulations! Iโ€™m so proud of you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Someone left me alone with a dictionary. NO ONE SHOULD LEAVE ME ALONE WITH A DICTIONARY. When my husband said he could “hear” her voice, it made my day. To hear you say it? I am a happy girl.

      I finished my book! You didn’t miss a post, we finished it last month. My friend is taking the month of August to edit the grammar and punctuation, and then I have to locate an interior formatter and figure out the cover. There is SO MUCH to self-publishing, yet I am so excited about it all. The goal is to have it in everyone’s hands by sometime in October.

      Thank you so much, Maddie! I am so proud of me too. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Like

  2. This is fantastic, Kari! Brian and I just read it and were laughing our butts off. I was saying some of it out loud in Moira’s voice.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh my goodness. That was rich with Moira’s tone. I SO wish I could speak like her. Can you imagine? The depth of her vocabulary; who knows if she’s even using the words correctly? Who cares? It’s brilliant.
    Bravo Kari!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve seen SOME of Schitts Creek and even with my limited knowledge this was so good. I can totally hear Moira’s voice. Brilliant. And you (or Moira) raise a great point. Why? I see this project in Chicago’s future with the one and only Kari as the curator.

    Liked by 1 person

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