Favorite Things, Grief, Soul Homework, Tater Tots

screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 68

Kari

if you’re new to my blog, welcome! here is an explanation of the tater tot post.

as you read this, i’ll be prepping for my second colonoscopy in just eight months. you can find out why i’m back for another one here. this time, i’m also getting an endoscopy—long story, but i’ll spare you the details for now. here’s hoping everything goes smoothly; i’ve been extra diligent with the prep this time around. 😊

important work

when my dad was home on hospice care, i came across a quote that really touched me. i’ve always believed certain things find us at just the right time, and this one appeared in my feed when i needed it most.

here’s a screenshot:

for so many years, i felt uneasy about the path i was on. i worried that my choices—whether in my career or, sometimes, the lack of one—weren’t ‘good enough.’ as a stay-at-home mom, i often felt i should be contributing financially or constantly justifying (to myself) my choice to stay home.

when i began doing deep inner work—what i call my ‘soul homework‘—it opened my eyes in unexpected ways. i realized that so many of the things i used to worry about didn’t matter as much as i thought. i discovered that helping others is at the heart of a fulfilling life, and that understanding changed me deeply.

then, when my dad got sick, i understood why i’d felt called to do that soul homework all those years before.

i later discovered that the quote i found was by an artist named brian andreas. after my dad passed away, i wrestled with whether or not to buy the print.

then, a few weeks ago, my friend ren shared that same quote on their blog, along with some kind words about my writing. i wanted to link to it here, but they’ve since decided to take a break from blogging—something i totally respect. still, it felt like a little wink from my dad, as i like to call it now.

after reading ren’s words, i was so moved that i finally bought the print.

thank you, ren, for truly seeing me. and to all the artists and writers who share their work—thank you. please keep sharing; your voices make a difference.🖤

one thing i read

ordinary mysticism: your life as sacred ground by mirabai starr

one thing i listened to

white ferrari by frank ocean

one thing i watched

i recently found a 2022 video featuring my old high school band. they’re much smaller now than when i was in it, but they still sound great.

as i listened, i heard time after time by cyndi lauper, and it hit me hard. that was one of my childhood best friend’s and my favorite songs. she was in color guard (flag), and i played clarinet. seeing the color guard from our alma mater perform their routine to time after time the same year she passed away from cancer… so many layers of grief.

(i’m so grateful to the universe for leading me to it 🖤)

links i clicked on last month

63 Best Comfort Food Recipes for Cozy Meals

(24) Wave me on my way – by Rita Ott Ramstad

What is the Mental Health Impact of Losing Your Sense of Smell and Taste from COVID-19?

Reiki 101: Reiki Healing Explained with Science! | Video 8 in #Reiki Series – YouTube

‘I miss her a lot’: Andrew Garfield telling Elmo about grief was his best work yet

18 Life-Learnings from 18 Years of The Marginalian – The Marginalian

What Is a “Dopamine Menu?” Here’s How to Make Your Own

‘Love and service make us rich’: Anne Lamott on aging

A Short Guide to Dealing with Discouragement – zen habits zen habits

Chicken & Kale Soup (i made this-delicious)

quotes that had me thinking last month

“women, if the soul of the nation is to be saved, i believe that you must become its soul” – coretta scott king

“what will survive of us is love.” – philip larkin

“grief does not change you. it reveals you.” – john green

“the average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – andy rooney

a few weeks ago, my friend jill shared an article, which i linked to above, and it included this:

i read it several times, letting it really sink in, and it stirred emotions i hadn’t felt in a long time. it was like new neural pathways were forming, that kind of feeling. i thought maybe others would find something meaningful in it too, so i wanted to share it here.

here’s to november…

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47 thoughts on “screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 68”

  4. Kari, I LOVE that first quote! :)

    “i discovered that helping others is at the heart of a fulfilling life” – me as well. Since I can remember, I’ve always known that I am here to be of service to others.

    “still, it felt like a little wink from my dad, as i like to call it now.” — yes, and I totally believe in winks. So glad you decided to purchase the print.

    Loved the band video. And the background story was so touching.

    “grief does not change you. it reveals you.” – john green – I certainly does!

    Sending you POSITIVE vibes for your colonoscopy AND your endoscopy, my friend!

    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( YOU ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too.

      Yes, friend. Being of service truly is the key to happiness. 🖤

      So am I. I was supposed to read that post, and Ren gave me that gentle push I needed.

      Thank you for those positive vibes—they worked! I appreciate them and you so very much. 😘🖤

      Like

  5. I love that you found your marching band’s video and that they played your friend’s song the year she passed. I was not in marching band, but my son was, and it holds a very special place in my heart. I was always so proud to see him on the field.

    I totally understand how losing your sense of taste and smell can affect your mental well-being. So much of food is about pleasure and when you take away taste/smell, there is no pleasure.

    I’m all about that Dopamine Menu. I snack on the Dessert portion every night from 8-9 pm, which is when I allow myself Tiktok access. Otherwise, I’d be on there all day! The Menu is a great concept!

    P.S. I hope you saw my comment on your last post! XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love how proud you were of your son when he was on the field. I felt the same way about my daughters when they were in soccer (both of them), and my oldest was a cheerleader. I never did either of those sports, but I was so proud of them and loved watching them perform. I also got to see my nephew perform with his marching band this fall, and it was so much fun to watch.

      It’s been really hard, and I didn’t realize how much it had affected me until I talked to my doctor about it. My smell is there, but it’s muted. It’s not what it used to be, and that’s really sad. My taste seems to be back, but my smell definitely isn’t.

      Isn’t that a great idea? I need limits, too.

      I did see that comment, and I totally forgot to respond to it! WordPress’ comment section on the backend isn’t always the easiest to navigate. I’m heading there now. 🖤

      Like

      1. This is crazy, but I just saw something on TikTok yesterday that Michael Hutchence from INXS lost his sense of taste and smell in an incident where he was hit in the head(?) and how it started his downward spiral, ultimately leading to his death. I was shocked.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh god, that’s awful! But I had a breakthrough this morning! I got out of the shower and could actually smell myself, the soap, everything. I didn’t even realize how much I’d been missing those details until today. It feels like a win. ❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I wish you all the best with your tests, Kari! ❤️❤️❤️I love that you went ahead and purchased the print that spoke to you so much. I love the quotes. The caregiver one made my cry because it’s so true.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michelle! I did it the right way this time!

      It’s on my desk, so I see it every time I look up from my computer. 🖤

      That caregiver one is so true, and it ties in perfectly with important work.

      Like

  8. My mom was a stay at home mom for many years. Us kids were the full blown recipients of this decision. As kids, we didn’t have an appreciation for it. As adults, we look back with gratitude and are thankful for her time and attention. We were so fortunate to have mom care for us during our “molding years”. I wouldn’t change a thing.

    Best of luck this time around. Yes, everyone should schedule these. Not fun, but essential.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I love that quote! And I know that author/artist!

    Almost a quarter century ago I bought two thin illustrated books by Brian Andreas. This was before the internet. Before information saturation.

    I’d never heard of him & have never met anyone who had until this post!

    It was like I made him up. Except I have the books so I know I didn’t! 😊

    I still think of his words.

    I hope your procedures go okay.

    I’m still hanging in here.
    Big believer in the Important Work of Kindness & Caregiving – both to others *and* yourself. Hugs ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg, I love that you know of the artist! I’ve explored a lot of his artwork and words through his website, and I just love his work. This connection makes me so happy!

      The procedures went well. I hope to have more answers soon, but it’s definitely better news than what I was preparing myself for.

      I’m a big believer in that too, my friend. Sending you so much love.

      Like

  11. Good luck with your colonoscopy. There are a lot of ‘o’ in that word. I’m glad you bought that print. I love the ‘wink’ term referring to times when you noticed your dad’s involvement in your life. The high school friend passing and the band playing your song . . . well, gosh. That’s really something. Big hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. One more thing . . . I remembered on my run this am that I forgot to mention the stay at home mom thing. I have struggled with this too. I sometimes feel like I didn’t ‘do enough’, like I failed because I didn’t juggle kids and a career. While babysitting for other people’s kids, I see when at the park or at library story time, etc. – how few people stay home anymore. My kids always say that they’re so glad I stayed home with them and that they wouldn’t change a thing. Then I sometimes wonder if my offspring will Get to stay home with their kids if they choose? It sometimes feels like an option that is rarely considered any more. I understand how some people need to work outside the home and how many people want that and choose to do so, but I do hope that families who want a parent to stay home with the kids will still opt to do so.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES. To all of this. Staying at home with children is one of the toughest jobs there is, and I have so much respect for anyone who takes that on. Raising SIX kids is an incredible accomplishment—you should be so proud of that! It’s much harder than many jobs, no doubt. My girls have told me how much they appreciated me staying home with them, and I don’t regret it at all. In fact, both of them want to be stay-at-home moms, which honestly feels like such a beautiful compliment. I know being a SAHM is a privilege, though, and I fully recognize that we made sacrifices to make it work (and I know you did too). I think you’re right that fewer parents are staying home these days, but I do see more parents working from home, which is a nice shift. I do wish I had my soul homework back when I was raising my kids—it would’ve changed the way I approached parenting, but I also understand that everything unfolds the way it’s meant to.

      Like

  14. I hope that all went well with your colonoscopy this time, including the prep!

    Love the print that you bought. I’m glad you did.

    Sorry I don’t have much to say this time…I’m in that fuzzy grief mode after just losing Clementine yesterday.

    Love you…xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Hey Kari,

    I hope your procedure went OK. Colonoscopies are not fun! You’ve got some nourishing tots here. I love the ideas about work; since retiring from education, I’ve had to work through some stuff about work and worth. (What I know doesn’t always align with how I actually feel. Socialization runs deep!) I also love the dopamine menu. I’m going to think about this one. I need to stop getting hits from my phone!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Socialization really does run deep! I remember coming across that “important work” quote while sitting in the other room as my dad lay dying. I was in tears reading it, feeling so grateful for those days with him. These are the moments that truly make up our lives, and not everyone is lucky enough to have them. Important work, indeed.

      Since the election, I’ve been on my phone so much—it takes me back to early 2020 at the start of the pandemic, just a few months before I let go of Facebook and began my soul homework…

      Like

      1. Part of the reason I’d like to get off my phone is to stop feeding money to Zuckerberg, who I think is a dirtbag. I also don’t feel as comfortable as I once did with sharing information using those tools, and I think social media is the real reason we are where we find ourselves now.  I use Messenger with a few folks, though, and I don’t want to give that up. It’s also how I stay connected with some family. I’m a work in progress.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. As ever Kari, your post is full of riches. I especially love the ones about Important Work, and from Anne Lamont on aging. I’m so glad you bought that print – what a great way of looking from those messages from beyond “a wink from my Dad”.

    I am going to dig deep into the dopamine menu to try and ween myself away from the phone – it’s become such a time waster.

    I hope the colonoscopy went as well as they can, and that you’ve had the time and opportunity to recovery fully. Take care <3

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m really glad I bought it too, Deb! 🖤

      I struggle with time on my phone as well, especially since the election here in the States.

      It went much better this time! It was harder, but the results were worth it. I’m feeling so much better today—thank you! 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Good luck with the prep this time… I don’t envy you! I remember reading about how the last one went…

    The school band is impressive!

    I didn’t realize ren had taken a break. I enjoy her site a lot.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I finally got it right this time! 🤣

      We had such great band directors at our school, and it sounds like that’s still a priority there, which is awesome.

      I didn’t know either until I went looking for the post. 😔

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Anne Lamott says things I wish I knew I wished to say because what she says rings true with me: I have what I like to think of as age-appropriate cognitive decline, but I am spaced out.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I was touched by the Layers Of Grief when it came to your childhood friend, the band, Time After Time. I see you. ❤️

    I’ve always loved Brian Andreas’ art and his words; the one you chose is SO lovely and means a lot to me too.

    Liked by 1 person

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