Grief, Humor, Life, Things I Want to Remember

things i want to remember – part 27

Kari

i don’t want to lose track of the random thoughts swirling in my mind, so i’ve been jotting them down in the notes section of my phone. i’m sharing them in the hope that they resonate with you, too.

if this is your first visit, welcome! you can find the other parts of this series right here.

1- CTRL-Z. if you’ve been accidentally deleting everything you’ve written in comment boxes lately—try CTRL-Z! press it a few times, and your comment should come back. it’s saved me more times than i can count.

2- i miss howard johnson’s restaurants—especially the fried clams and that orange sherbet with a little cookie on the side.

3- when someone is grieving, what they need most is empathy, not sympathy. there’s a big difference—sympathy can make a person feel pitied, while empathy makes them feel held. it’s on all of us to learn the difference and show up in a way that actually helps.

@ameliameskerem

#etiquette #etiquettetips #fy #fyp #levelup #sorry #peoplepleaser

♬ original sound – Amelia M. | Civility Guide

4- i’m trying to trust the process, but sometimes it feels like there’s no process to trust.

5- apple doesn’t recognize the word dysregulation.

6- i was listening to the song ventura highway the other day, and for the first time, i really paid attention to the lyrics. have you ever really listened to them?




holy alligator lizards in the air…

7- do stick shift cars still exist? i got impatient and googled it—turns out, yes.

i guess the better question is, why did they ever exist? that led me to this article:

Readers reply: why is the US the only country where everyone drives an automatic? |

silly american—why do i always act like we’re the only ones on this big blue blob? 🤦‍♀️🌍

8- i’m on tiktok again. i made it five weeks.

9- we feed the birds for free—why not humans?

10- 60’s and 70’s music used to make me feel too sad after my dad died. i’m finally at a point where i can listen again.

Discover more from A Grace Full Life

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

79 thoughts on “things i want to remember – part 27”

  1. HoJo! Those fried clams were junky delicious food. Miss them too.

    I deleted my TikTok account this week. It doesn’t call to me.

    I enjoyed driving stick shift until I was in my forties with a wonky knee so I switched to automatic. I wonder if I could drive a manual again?

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. your posts always make me think (too hard). but in following your lead, i will show-up how you need me to show-up today, and simply say– you are loved, and YAY!, you’ve made it to marvin gaye <3 .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Oh that ctrl-z is so good to know! I feel like that happens to me at least a few times a day. The second comment I leave is often so much shorter than the first! I never ate at a Howard Johnson’s but I did stay at a few Howard Johnson motels growing up.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Thank you for the control Z trick. It’s only been recently that my comments have been getting deleted when I use the backspace key. I have no idea why?

    Yes to HoJo’s! On my previous post about youth group ski trips to NY, we always stayed at the Howard Johnson’s in Erie, PA until the place shut down! Then it was the Ramada Inn. Good times calling boys’ rooms all night long!

    I’ve recently fell in love again with 70’s music. And yacht rock. Did you watch the documentary? Michael McDonald is a god!!! How did I not realize that? I’ve always liked America, but for a very long time, I thought the title of that song was, ‘Venture A Highway’ because it makes sense to me. More than the alligators lizards in the air, that’s for damn sure.

    I for one am soooo glad you’re back on the Tok. I’m always thinking, “Kari would love this!!” Speaking of stuff you’d like, do you ever listen to Danny Pelligrino’s podcast, ‘Everything Iconic’? He’s always talking about watching something on Peacock, but he just calls it ‘The Cock’ and now that’s what I call it. My husband thinks I’m ridic! LOL!!!!!!! XO

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I think it’s a keyboard glitch, but I don’t understand why it’s happening to everyone lately. Weird. I’m just glad we found a solution.

      That’s so cool that you stayed at HoJo’s for those trips! I think the last one we stayed at was when I was about 12, during a family vacation.

      That documentary was so good! I love Michael McDonald even more after watching it. And Christopher Cross too—they both seem like really nice guys.

      Venture a Highway 🤣

      Aww, I love it! I’m glad I’m back too. I was so excited to send you that Vicki Gunvalson TT. You have no idea. It made my day. I’m so happy we share our love for The Housewives on The Cock. 😘💜

      Like

      Reply

  11. Thank you SO MUCH for the CTRL-Z tip. That is SO helpful, Kari!

    Me too, I miss HJ restaurants. The last one I ate at was in Boca Raton, Florida. I just loved the whole “friendly feel” to HJ.

    Ventura Highway brings back so many awesome memories for me when I was in high school. Such a great song! :)

    And I love me some Marvin Gaye, such as, “Got To Give It Up.”

    All of my cars were stick shift’s. I feel that you have more driving control with a stick, rather than an automatic.

    Thanks for sharing things you wanted to remember, my friend! X

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Lol.. I had similar comments about driving, and giving up, stick. I’m getting a right knee replacement next month, maybe I’ll try driving stick as a recovery test (fall or later). One of my strongest memories of driving stick was narrowly avoiding a multi-car crash in a mall parking lot during xmas shopping season. An automatic wouldn’t have responded fast enough!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      2. I had the worst time learning!! Until I woke up one day, after a loooong break, and declared I could do it now. My brain apparently put it together while I slept. I’ve driven automatic for over 25 years and still occasionally try to cluthch!

        Liked by 1 person

    2. You’re welcome! I’m so glad I stumbled across it on a Reddit thread last month.

      A Florida HoJo is next level. They just oozed vacation charm. I miss that.

      I love that song too—it reminds me of summer.

      Same here! That’s why I picked that version of Yesterday—it’s my favorite. Marvin is, too.

      That’s so interesting! More control while driving—I totally get that.

      Thank you for reading, my friend. 😘💜

      Like

      Reply

  13. My husband had a stick shift when I met him! Also my HS boyfriend tried to teach me to drive stick but I almost burned his engine out when I went to shift into 3rd and shifted into first instead. Whhheeeeerrrrrreeeee was the sound that the car made. He never gave me another lesson again!

    So cool you posted today because I wanted to tell you something. I was in my garden today and planted a bunch of zinnias! It made me think of you. I’ll update you as soon as more information is available!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. My high school boyfriend tried to teach me in his truck, and I’m pretty sure I did the exact same thing. I don’t think he made that mistake again either!

      Oh yay!! I love this so much. 💜💐

      Like

      Reply

  14. Alligator lizards in the air?! I had no idea! Song lyrics are often so bizarre – as they should be!
    I also learned to drive in a stick shift car. I remember the neighborhood kids watching me learn how to use the clutch on our dirt road, which was a pretty steep hill. I could really spin the tires! And then one day, I didn’t! I wonder if I could do that now. I can totally understand how 60s and 70s music would make you sad – and I’m happy that you’re able to listen to those songs again. Music is so powerful.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    2. Turns out it’s a sweet story about cloud shapes. And here I was thinking it was written while they were high. I need to get my head out of the clouds. 🤣

      You, my friend, are a badass. The visual of you driving stick shift down a dirt road is seriously making me so happy today.

      Music really is powerful. I’m glad I can too. 😘💜

      Like

      Reply

  15. My dad was a trucker, and he tried to help me learn how to drive a standard. Unfortunately, it never took. I regret that. My mom bought a cheap car for me when I took driver’s training just because she didn’t want me to burn out her transmission (also drove a standard). I was destined to remain a silly American. 😂

    After teaching my daughter how to drive last year, though, I learned why mom made that decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I love this story! Did your dad ever try to teach you on his truck? That would be intimidating—but kind of cool.

      I’ve taught one daughter how to drive, and we’ll be teaching another at some point when she decides she’s ready. She was only taught automatic transmission. I can’t imagine having to teach them stick shift—I’d probably start smoking again. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Do you remember that Britney Spears controversy over having her child on her lap while she drove?

        That was my dad with me.

        He taught me how to steer a car from a young age. That is all I ever did in his semi, though. It was also on very rural roads. 😂

        If cars are death machines, then a semi is the grim reaper. I don’t think he was trying to make decisions on the ending of anyone’s life in that aspect. 🤣

        I assure you, I fully understand my mom’s reason behind choosing to teach me with an automatic. Fully understood. I am just glad I only had my daughter to teach. 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I definitely remember that!

        I love that your dad taught you that way. My uncle did the same for me once, on a very rural road! It was terrifying, but also kind of fun!

        Teaching kids to drive is hands-down my least favorite parenting task. 😶

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I remember Howard Johnson’s restaurants but I don’t remember eating in them! I don’t think we ever did. I’ll have to ask my mom.

    My sister had a stick shift car (some kind of cool little convertible sports car) when she was a teenager. She tried to teach me how to drive it. I couldn’t even make it down the street. We gave up! My best friend at the time also had a stick shift car (an orange Datsun – before they were Nissan). She never offered to teach me to drive it and I never asked. Didn’t have an interest. However, sometimes she’d eat while driving so she’d ask me as the passenger to shift for her!

    Thanks for letting me/us know about CTRL/Z. Just saved my butt *twice* here now. I don’t know what key I keep accidentally hitting but I keep deleting my comments. (Insert eye roll emoji.)

    I don’t know what it is about TikTok, but I never could get into it. Doesn’t do anything for me. I guess that’s a good thing because I don’t need anymore social media accounts to get addicted to. ;-)

    Ventura Highway…love that song. Reminds me of summer and my childhood. (Came out when I was 10.) “Alligator lizards in the air” is a reference to the shape of clouds he saw in the sky in 1963 as he stood on the roadside by his father as he was changing a flat tire.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. LOL, you and me both when it comes to not making it down the street! I was trying to drive in a high school parking lot with my brother, and it was embarrassing.

      I think we’re all hitting the same button when we’re trying to type a certain letter. It’s been happening to me a lot, and I Googled it—it turns out it’s a keyboard thing, not a blog thing.

      Trust me, it’s a good thing. I think when people first get on TikTok, their For You page doesn’t show anything they actually like. It has to be curated first. Once you start liking things, then your feed fills up with what you love. For you, it’d probably be books, cute little shops, plants, birds, cooking… all day long, cute little vignettes of those things. It’s like a better version of Instagram. Cue the addiction.

      I love that song too! It reminds me of summer as a kid. I guess I could’ve Googled it, but I’m so glad you did—what a lovely little memory. 💜

      Like

      Reply

      1. I read your comment and went back on TikTok and searched for videos about books. Didn’t find much I liked. Maybe I’ll try it again with cooking.

        Ha ha, I didn’t Google about Ventura Highway when you wrote about it. I Googled it ages ago and simply remembered it because I love the song so much! ;-)

        Liked by 1 person

  17. I miss the control of a stick car, but not the leg workout in SoCal traffic!!

    I know my family sometimes ate at Howard Johnsons on our month-long summer trips by car/trailer, and I know there were several around me (we maybe ate at one by Disneyland..??), but I have zero memories of being inside or their food, and definitely never had the orange sherbet (which I only learned was a thing while watching MadMen).

    I’ve never been on TikTok and I think I’m thankful – it seems highly addicting.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to drive stick in SoCal traffic!

      I have memories of eating at one in the town I grew up in, and I also remember eating at several while traveling with my family as a kid. We even stayed in HoJo hotels. I think there might still be a few hotels around … probably worth a Google, but I’m feeling lazy today.

      It’s highly addicting. I try to limit myself to once a day.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. I switched to an automatic car just a couple months before a job change gave me a 70 mile, one way, commute on 2 super packed freeways. The drive was often 2 hrs, one way. The worst was just under 4 hours! All stop & go… I couldn’t have done it in a stick!

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Oh, I’m so glad you are at a point where you can listen to 60s/70s music again. That feels like forward motion, but also I hope it opens you up to new memories of your dad.

    My husband and I were just talking about orange sherbet (I always called it sherbeRt) the other day! I loooooooved it. Never been to a Howard Johnson’s though.

    I learned how to drive on a stick shift, and still own a stick shift! They are so fun to drive. Unless you are in bumper to bumper traffic or school pickup lines.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I am too. I still get a homesick feeling sometimes, but I’m finally able to listen without crying—just enjoy.

      Sherbert! I used to call it that too!

      I’d love to say I could drive one. I was always so envious of those who could. I should’ve mentioned that in the post. I think it’s so cool that you can—and still drive stick shift!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  22. I still drive a stick shift, always have. Although when it comes time to replace my current car, it might be difficult to find another one. (I live in Canada but grew up elsewhere). I’ve always thought driving a stick shift makes you feel so much more in control of a car (especially winter driving).

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I love the idea of it making you feel more in control of the car! I, on the other hand, felt way less in control. 🤣

      My husband (who works in the auto industry) said that stick shift cars actually cost more now because you have to special order them. They used to be cheaper since automatic was considered an upgrade, but now it’s the opposite. They’re still out there—you just have to ask for one.

      Like

      Reply

  23. So much yes to this question:  We feed the birds for free, why not humans? Why not recognize that some humans have great difficulty feeding themselves, and so many of the reasons for that are invisible. Why can’t we recognize that everyone wants to be able to care for themselves, and most would not choose to rely on others for necessities unless they had to? Why can’t we just be more open toward each other? And help each other? In all my years of teaching, I don’t think I ever met a student who didn’t care about doing/being well, and being perceived as capable and competent. Why would adults be any different? OK, clearly I need to do more work on learning emotional dysregulation (helpful article, thanks). I also really liked the Tiktok (I know there’s good stuff there) with alternatives to “I’m sorry.” It’s a phrase I’ve used to show empathy, but I can see the problem with it. I’ve attached a different meaning to it, but I can see how others don’t and there are better alternatives. So much good stuff you share. Also, I think if you have to look up the story of what a song’s lyrics mean, the song needs some work. Alligator lizards in the air, I’m looking at you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I loved your comment—it sparked so many thoughts for me. One thing that stood out is how much I value these kinds of conversations, and it made me realize I’ve never really thought to do posts that respond directly to comments or keep these threads going. That might be something I try in the future. I say that with a grain of salt, though, because my motivation has been low for a long time. I’ve started to understand that as a part of grief—personal grief, but also what feels like a kind of collective grief from the past several years.

      Your reflection also got me thinking about the bigger picture. I feel a lot of sadness about how far we’ve drifted from our shared humanity. The way we vote, the policies we tolerate—it reveals a reluctance to care for one another. I do have hope in younger generations, but I worry about the damage done by older ones, and honestly, by a good chunk of our own generation too. Sometimes it feels like we’ve forgotten how to be kind.

      To answer your question about “why would adults be any different?”—I think a lot of it comes down to greed. Somewhere along the way, many of us learned to protect what we have instead of share it. We get angry, but often at the wrong things or people. And we rarely look inward.

      But kids and teens? They’re still so close to source. They haven’t been shaped—or warped—by adult opinions or corporate influence yet. That’s why they still feel honest and full of possibility.

      A bunch of people shared that the alligator lizards are apparently a reference to the shapes of clouds. I mean… they could’ve just said “clouds.”

      Like

      Reply

      1. Maybe it’s greed, but I think it’s more likely fear and scarcity. I mean, yes:  Those currently running our country are clearly motivated by rampant greed and smashed moral compasses, no doubt. And lots of their friends, too. But the rest of us? So many of us have not gotten what we need, and we’ve witnessed the loss of towns and livelihoods, and we’re in real danger of losing what we have left. My mom keeps trying to calm my feelings about everything happening by telling me that there have been other very dire times. My grandparents were first-generation immigrants who came of age during the Depression, and then they were young adults during WWII. Yes, truly frightening and very hard times! And it damaged them! And they damaged their children! Intergenerational trauma for all kinds of losing! Yes, people survived, but at what cost? I do not find this argument reassuring at all. Our young people (I think?) have benefitted from all that we have been able to learn about trauma and its impacts, which I’d argue has been made possible by our recent decades of general stability (at least in the western world, and I know that it wasn’t for everyone and has been at terrible cost for much of the rest of the world). My kids and their friends understand so many things that we had no clue about when we were their age. They understand in ways I wasn’t close to understanding what drives our world. They are so much kinder in their hearts and actions than my generation was. (Not all young people, of course, but so many.) I really hope they don’t lose that in all that is coming at us.

        Dang, but what I wouldn’t give to be having this conversation in your backyard or on my front porch. Where we could watch clouds that might or might not be shaped like alligator lizards. (I mean, WTF? Are they alligators or lizards? Some lazy–probably high–song-writing there, I’m thinking. 🙂)

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You bring up such a good point about intergenerational trauma. I recently looked up everything that had happened during the year I was born—1970—and wow, there was a lot of bad going on, both in our country and abroad. Weirdly, it made me feel comforted, because I think we tend to assume each year gets worse, but it’s probably more cyclical than linear.

        That said, we are trying not to totally mess up our kids. Our parents smoked in the house! So there’s that. I keep thinking, “I’m doing all of this without nicotine,” and honestly, sometimes I want to start smoking again. I told my friend Rebecca, “Tell me when I should get a passport,” but maybe what I meant to ask was, “Tell me when I can smoke again.”

        The thought of that whole scenario of being in my backyrd with you makes me cry (in a good way). I had a really bad migraine last night—I don’t eat chocolate anymore but I saved myself for Easter—and it was our last ‘first’ of the year my dad died. I think it was a lot of things all at once.

        Also, I’m still on my migraine meds as I type this, so if this comment doesn’t make sense… it’s the meds. 😊

        Maybe I should just start writing all my posts while medicated…

        Like

  25. I do not remember Howard Johnson restaurants – just the hotels. Hmm. Learn something new every day.

    I got a company car (this is laughable, because what this translates to is me driving a car that belonged to a man I babysat for. It was his college beater that no one was using) when I helped a guy (who eventually went to prison, for fraud?) start a hood and duct cleaning service. Basically he bought a power washer and I had to convince restaurants that the cleaning people he hired knew what they were doing. Anyway, that’s a long way of saying – I drove this old stick shift car of his for a bit. Coach taught me how to drive it. No idea how we got married after that traumatic experience.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  26. I watched the Therapist talking about empathy vs sympathy and honestly, I couldn’t get all the words into my brain because looking at her PERFECT face. Is she stunning or what?

    My husband and I had a very detailed conversation last year (or the year before?) about Alligator Lizards that included me saying fourteen times: There are no such things! until I googled and he was right, there are SUCH THINGS.

    Ho Jo’s restaurants were a big thing in my childhood. We would occasionally drive there just to have dessert, along with our neighbors. That’s probably also the last time I’d ever had a fried clam.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. She is beautiful, but she also has such a lovely message too. 💜

      WHAT THE FUDGE?? First of all, the fact that you had an actual conversation about alligator lizards—and that I shared this song because of alligator lizards—is cracking me up.

      I love that we both have memories of HoJo! If any restaurant were to make a comeback, I’d vote for them. And Big Boy. 100%.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  27. I always forget about Ctrl Z. Fortunately, I’ve long been trained to do a Ctrl S as I type, and so rarely need it. Now that I’ve typed that, I suspect it’ll happen just to prove me wrong!

    I used to drive a stick shift by preference, the only reason I now use an automatic transmission is that I couldn’t engage the clutch after my knee injury. I don’t enjoy the process of driving anymore and really miss it :(

    Your point about feeding birds, yet not people, is sadly so on point.

    So glad you’re back listening to 60s & 70s music again. Grief takes so much from us <3 <3

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I’ve never heard of CTRL S before. All these tricks I’m learning—you’d think I just started learning to type!

      Ooh, yes, that would definitely make your knee hurt. I remember after both of my C-sections, I couldn’t drive for six weeks. I missed it!

      It really is sad, isn’t it?

      Grief takes SO much. 😔💜

      Like

      Reply

  28. I’m so old that I learned how to type on a manual typewriter. I also got trained on some very early word processing software where using keyboard short cuts was the norm as the onscreen menus were usually switched off to maximise screen space. Mind you, I even learned a bit of DOS I’m that old! :D :D

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. I believe the way you learned was much harder. My generation also had typing classes on typewriters. I never took a typing class in high school—I’m not sure why now that I think about it. Maybe I didn’t think it was necessary? When I took an intro to typing class at my community college in the mid-90s, it was on a word processor… I think. I dropped the class the first week because it felt too difficult to me. 🤣

      Like

      Reply

Leave a reply to Writer McWriterson Cancel reply