Family, Life, Marriage

holding the ordinary

Kari

i’m so sick of the insides of hospitals. if i never see another one again, i’d be fine with that. no matter how skilled or kind the people are, the aesthetic is very much lacking.

do not love liminal spaces. adding that to my next list.

although the first night mike was in the icu, the night of his heart surgery, it was strangely comforting.

it was just me, the nurse, and mike. he was unconscious, still breathing on a tube, which is normal after a surgery like his. the lighting was low, it was nighttime, and the boops and the beeps were soft -it felt surreal. there was something else in that room on that night. it felt otherworldly.

but other than that. i hate hospitals. 🤣

mike is doing well. we’ve been taking recovery one hour at a time. this healing is important work—his visiting nurse came by yesterday (she will come once a week) and said this week’s priorities are diet, medications, and steps (walking for 2 minutes every 2 hours).

i’m made for these days—the helping, the doing, the calm. watching a favorite show on a random afternoon while caring for someone i love. holding the ordinary is my favorite place to be.

side note—a few people mentioned that they got emails or saw in their wordpress readers that old posts of mine are showing up. that’s not a mistake. i’ve been slowly republishing old posts on the blog. years ago, i got self-conscious and unpublished some of them. you can read more about that here.

i decided to put old posts that mean something back on the blog. i’ll be doing more of that going forward. i marked them so that if you follow me, you shouldn’t get notified, though i can’t control whether they show up in the wordpress reader. just scroll past if you see an old post—or take a read.

but i’m not going any crazier than usual, and neither are you.

i found this picture going through old posts last week. that little girl is having such a big week—finals and graduation, all to earn her wings as a flight attendant. i keep thinking about how she was about this age when mike came home with a tiny united plane from one of his trips.

she played with that plane endlessly, and she always said it’s what made her fall in love with aviation. that little girl and that little plane set her on this whole journey, and now here she is, taking flight for real.💜

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74 thoughts on “holding the ordinary”

  1. It’s hard to make a hospital inviting. Even the nicest decor can’t disguise the fact that most people are there because something is wrong.

    I’m glad Mike is doing well on the road to recovery though. When I was about your daughter’s age, my parents bought me a little riding airplane with wheels…but alas, aviation did not “stick” with me. Glad she’s following her dreams though!

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      3. PCU technically, but pretty much the same thing. I had an emergency at the end of 2014 where I was experiencing ketoacidosis thanks to undiagnosed diabetes. Almost lost a kidney. Actually, I could have died!

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  3. So glad you’re past the worst part. It’s all rest and healing now, and though that will take time… and patience… you’ll get there. My husband got a little depressed so be ready for a bit of that and do everything you can to reassure him and keep his spirits up. Lack of appetite is common too, I had a hard time tempting my guy with anything right after he came home but healthy eating is important.
    It’s a long road but my husband felt so much better afterwards and got right back to doing what he loved.

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    1. Yes! That’s what we said—we’re past the hardest part. He’s emotional, not depressed; it comes in waves. But it’s refreshing, honestly. He and my youngest daughter have really bonded during his healing, and that has been the best part of all of this.

      Thank you for all of this—your thoughts have comforted both me and my husband. It’s good to hear from someone who has been there. 😘💜

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      1. My husband’s emotions were very close to the surface for a long time. To be honest, some of them still are, even after 9 years. It’s a life changing event. Lovely that it’s brought he and your daughter closer though.
        ❤️

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  5. It’s strange how hospitals all look the same. You could be with Mike at my local hospital.

    I’m glad the surgery went well, and Mike is on the mend. My father had a similar surgery: the chest pillow (heart hugger) was super-helpful when he was at home. He’s one to push recovery.

    Congratulations on graduation as well: it’s such a lovely and bittersweet time.

    You’ve a lot going on all. Don’t forget to care for the caretaker.

    I enjoyed the old posts. Thanks for re-upping them.

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    1. RIGHT?? It’s eerie!

      He is hugging his heart chest pillow as I write this. 💜

      It is such a bittersweet time. Lots of emotions going on this week.

      I’m so glad you’re enjoying the old posts- that makes my heart happy. ❤️

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  7. Thank you for the update! I’m glad Mike is healing and I hope you are taking it easy yourself. I have not seen any of your old posts appear in my blog feeder, but I will certainly read them if they do. What a fun photo to find of the three of you. It’s so cool when kids take a strong liking to something and then end up following their dream. I feel as though all three of my kids have done that somewhat. My oldest became a nurse (she was obsessed with medical things since age 18 months), Middle Child loved music and has been playing the piano for over 20 years, and my son LOVED travel and has been all over the world. It certainly brings our hearts joy, doesn’t it?? XO

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    1. Thank you for checking in on me, my friend. I’m so grateful for you. 😘💜

      It really does bring so much joy to watch them follow their passions. How wonderful that your children have found something they love so deeply. 💜🌈

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  9. I share your antipathy for hospitals for a wide variety of reasons. No one really wants to be there, aside from those who work there, but I’m always grateful for the care and professionalism when I need to go into one for whatever reason.

    Let me echo the commenter above who said to be sure and take care of yourself as a caretaker. Stress, worry, and just Being There take a toll, and we don’t often realize the extent of it.

    Sending good wishes to you and yours. Spring will be a welcome season.

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    1. I just counted the days until we spring forward—18. Yay!

      I’ve been taking care of myself in little ways along the way, and thankfully, Mike is really good at reminding me. 💜

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  12. Gosh, am I with you on hospitals. I’m glad to hear Mike is on the mend, and I hope he continues his recovery. Don’t forget to take good care of yourself, too. 💜

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    1. Right?? Gah.

      He’s doing a little better each day. Thank you for that reminder—I’m doing a little something for myself each day, and Mike is good about reminding me too. 💜

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    1. I’m noticing the stress this week—my body is a lot more tired, and I’m taking naps. Thank goodness I have a patient to do that with! 💜

      Thank you, my friend. So exciting.

      I’ve gotten good at taking care of myself, thankfully. 🤣💜

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  15. Kari, I’ve been thinking about you, hoping that things are going well. I’m so glad you are home. I love how you say holding the ordinary is your favorite place to be. I’ve been enjoying your re-posts! I’m glad to know that more are coming!

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  17. sending you so much love.

    embracing the ordinary is in fact a gift.

    I saw the old posts a dear marked them for later.

    I know the wings you are talking about- Anthony brought them home once, from United.

    congratulation to your big little girl- how wonderful.

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  18. That photo is super cute. If you didn’t mention flight attendant, I’m not sure I would’ve known if that was older or younger daughter. Hospitals are not easy places to be, but thank heavens for all the work that is done there. Continued healing for Mike. It sounds like things are headed in the right direction. Congrats on getting wings!

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  19. I’m SO glad you’re through this part of it! I’m tired for you. Being a caretaker is a serious job. But, I have all the faith in the world that you’re an excellent “nurse”. I’m glad Anna is a positive distraction. So exciting! I’m positive your family is going to have an excellent summer! Breathe, my friend!

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    1. I’m so glad too, my friend. I just wrote in my diary this morning how grateful I am for this week—Mike healing and Anna graduating tomorrow. I remember thinking back in early February that we might never get here. And here we are!

      Breathe—one step at a time. 💜🌈

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  20. Kari, you’re so right about hospitals and lacking aesthetic. And there is also a distinct “vibe” you feel in any hospital you walk through. It’s a vibe of detachment. Not a fan of hospitals either. And I don’t know whether you knew this, but Philadelphia is a MAJOR mecca of hospitals. There’s is literally a hospital ever few blocks. I always tell people that if you’re going to get sick, get sick in Philly because you have every type of hospital here.

    So glad to hear that Mike is doing well. And it sounds to me that he’s getting outstanding care in that hospital. Great to hear!

    And OMG, I love that photo of Mike, you, and your soon-to-be flight attendant daughter. Such an adorable photo! You can feel the LOVE!

    Thanks for the update, my friend. Continuing to send Mike LOTS of Reiki for a speedy recovery.

    Have a fabulous rest of your week!

    X

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    1. Thank you so much! I totally get what you mean about the hospital vibe — detachment is exactly it. I didn’t realize Philadelphia was such a hospital hub, but it makes sense now. So lucky for those who need care.

      Mike is doing really well, and the care has been excellent. That photo means a lot to me too — full of love. 💜

      Thank you for the reiki and kind thoughts, my friend. Wishing you a lovely rest of the week as well!

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  22. Holding Mike, you and your family in this healing time. He’s fortunate to have you at his side.

    Way to go on republishing work you’d taken down, Kari. I get that. Sometimes life can feel unsafe. Glad you feel it’s time to re-share, and I hope I encounter some of them. Take care, friend.

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    1. Thank you, my friend. We feel your healing thoughts from afar.

      And thank you for saying that about the posts. It really did feel like the right time to put some of them back out there. I hope you enjoy them when you do. 💜

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  23. I hate hospitals, too. I would guess most people do. You’d think they could at least make them more aesthetically pleasing though, right?

    I am so happy that Mike is doing well. Such a major surgery, but a second chance at life. I know you are grateful. “Holding the ordinary is my favorite place to be.” My goodness, that is going in my quote journal! :-)

    Congratulations to Anna on following her dream of being a flight attendant! I join you in being very proud of her. The photo you posted is priceless.

    Love to you all…xoxo

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    1. Right?? Why has no one ever thought of that?

      Aww, I’m going in the quote journal! This made my year! 💜

      This week was a very good week for our family.

      Love to you as well, my friend. 😘

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  26. As usual, so many items in this post resonate with me, but this post especially.

    I love love love what you say about being good at holding the ordinary. (Shoot, were those your words?) I did that for weeks at a time over years with my niece in the hospital (long story), and it’s harder than it sounds like to the outsider. What inner strength you have!

    I haven’t been blogging for a long as you or your friends, but I too have trashed old posts and am thinking about putting them back out there. For me it was private stuff that maybe shouldn’t be public, about my dead sister, and that maybe I wanted to publish in a book, later. But, I’ve been thinking that all our lives are on the Internet in one way or another already whether we want it there or not. So I might as well control the narrative. Plus, who knows if I’ll ever write that book.

    I hope the hour you’re reading this is a good hour for Mike. What patience he has to have for himself. Best wishes there, above all else.

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    1. Let’s just say they’re our words. 💜

      I wrote that on day one of holding the ordinary. We’re on day five now and still holding pretty strong. The only wobble is the home nurse visits. We don’t get much warning, and anything medical can still trigger me a bit. I’m not a fan of those. Other than that, steady.

      I understand not wanting private information public. I wrote more about my kids back then because they were my whole world and it felt natural. But I didn’t want all of that living out there forever. They both know about the blog and have given me permission to write about them, obviously not about private matters.

      And thank you. It is a good hour. 😘💜

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  27. The ordinary days are the best, especially when you have some that are NOT good, you/we long for the regular days.

    I’m SO happy that Mike is recovering, healing, and moving forward. He has the best nurse by his side.

    SO darn happy for Anna! I know you are beyond proud and joyous. XO

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    1. Yes they are! We keep saying that this time last week he was in the hospital….ordinary is much better.

      So happy for her! She’s finally back home today after being gone for seven weeks. 💜✈️

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  28. Add me to the list of people that are so happy Mike is doing well in his recovery!! don’t forget to take some time for yourself <3. Congrats again to your daughter!! hugs … and love. <3

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  31. I was convinced I’d commented on this post, but clearly my mind is playing tricks on me. I have a preference for one particular hospital because they took great care of me during my cancer treatment, but I’d still prefer not to be there. So I get how you must be feeling. It’s all too much, much too soon. Good to hear that Mike is making progress, long may that continue.

    You are wise to lean into certain tasks, to simplify as much as you can while you get through this time. Take good care my lovely <3

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    1. You may have, and WordPress is being a jerk. I’ll check my spam folder.

      The hospital my dad was in was small and easy to get in and out of—parking was simple. This one was in downtown Chicago and massive. Not my favorite hospital, but I’m so glad for the care he got there. He’s doing really well, thank you, friend.

      Thank you, dear friend 😘💜

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