Childhood, Humor, Life

Dear Diary, Why Was I So Pathetic?

Kari

While I was cleaning my basement a few weeks ago, I made a discovery.

My high school diary.

If you ever want to see how much you’ve evolved, try reading anything you wrote before the age of 17.

Fair warning: it can be a wild ride for your self-esteem.

I should mention I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected from my teenager lately. Nothing major—just the usual teen-and-parent stuff.

Then I discovered this diary, and honestly, it felt like a little gift from the universe.

Like a guidebook from Heaven itself, it reminded me that I, too, lacked a fully developed frontal lobe at that age.

Poor decision-making? Not just a way of life—it’s apparently genetic.

Please, allow me to share.

Disclaimer: The blurred words aren’t hiding any offensive language—I’m pretty open about that here.

Those are the names of people I didn’t want to make public.

Because honestly, I didn’t think my sophomore-year friends would appreciate their secret crushes being broadcast for all to see… 28 years later.

During my 10th-grade year, I loved a lot of “men.”

Not in reality.
Oh, no.
Only on paper and from a safe distance.

I could write ten pages about how much I cherished these “men” who weren’t men at all—boys. Menchildren, to be precise.

I’d stare at them in the halls, drool over them in study hall, and genuinely believe my friends when they said, “I TOTALLY HEARD HIM TALKING ABOUT YOU IN SIXTH PERIOD WORLD HISTORY!!” Sigh.

Then I’d go home and draw big, puffy hearts to express my undying love for these so-called manchildren.

I’d say about half of the 100 pages in this diary are filled with exactly this kind of teenage swooning.

There were roughly ten different menchildren featured.

In one month alone, I “squired” three of them — and by “squired,” I mean stared longingly from afar in the lunchroom while eating my Nutty Bar.

Four whole pages dedicated to being sick.

Why?

Why did I feel the need to stretch this out across four pages?

I. Am. On. The. Edge. Of. My. Seat.

How can I possibly dislike school after missing it for a whole week?

If you’re keeping track, I’m already on manchild number five… and it’s only February.

I feel another sick day coming on…

I need to show this to my teenager. She has no idea what sheer boredom really means.

I know what it means. It’s when you have to actually write about it in a diary.

Fast forward to May, because, honestly, I was extremely uninteresting.

By the way, I had to blur out the name of manchild #7—he’s now a well-known eye doctor back home.

But he was a total dick back in 1986.

Moral of the story: never let a dick get in the way of having a good time.

…Okay, that came out wrong.

I guess I needed some time to think about it.

I finally danced with a “real” guy.

What was I dancing with before then??

And now, presenting the worst anti-smoking campaign ever:

Speechless.

I should have been a liner note writer for Whitesnake.

There’s a reason I only kept one diary throughout my childhood: I was terrible at it.

Please excuse me while I apologize to my teenager for not being more understanding.

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19 thoughts on “Dear Diary, Why Was I So Pathetic?”

  4. I ate nutty bars during lunch in hs too! I crack up reading the things we wrote in one another’s yearbooks. This stuff is hot off the presses juice. So funny thst you wrote I hate school after having been sick. That last page- deep. I had a crush on a guy for so long in high school – all because he came thru my drive thru window at Burger King. Anyway- EVERYONE knew. So awkward. So many stories about that one crush. Silly times.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I had notebook after notebook as diaries from high school. A few years ago, I threw them all away – after I read through them. Basically, it was the same hilarious (well, now hilarious – it was called angst back then) crap as yours…every week I “loved” another boy. Sometimes more than one. I hated my parents. I hated my little sister. My best friend was a jerk, so I hung around someone else. I got sick a lot. (WTF is up with that when we were teens?!)

    OMG on your reason for starting smoking…the teenage brain is about on par with a five-year old!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. OMG your reason for smoking! LMAO!

    A few years ago, my dad gave me a box of my stuff, which included my journals from high school. Including the poetry journals. It was all I could do to not toss those in the fire pit. I haven’t been brave enough to look at those, considering I know much of the poetry has to do with a teacher I was crushing on.

    Ooh and there is also the journal I kept when I went on a college trip to Greece. First time drinking and whoa those entries.

    Thank you for sharing this!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I love your handwriting in this diary! I have a ton of journals in a big plastic bin in my closet. I think the farthest back they go is when I was fifteen. Honestly I treasure them. I love looking back, even if it makes me wince. Sometimes I want to get them all out, put them in chronological order and just look through them all. But then I realize that that is a terrible idea, lol. If I need to, I’ll look through the ones that I have over the last three years, when I’ve made big and positive change. Though I am truly glad that I have them all.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you have this! It is a gift to be able to go back and see yourself from long ago.

      I have old calendars that I unearthed today…from when the girls were small. I could sit and read the entries all day. I can’t, but I could. 😂

      Like

  9. OMG where to start…..
    1) I think you just called my eye doctor a dick!
    2) I loved nutty bars for lunch….. it was that or ding dongs with chocolate milk for lunch most days. What healthy eating habits I had back then!
    3) I have all my diaries back to middle school/junior high. This makes the thought of reading them both tempting and terrifying!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yay you commented!!!

      He is. A dick, that is.

      Ding dongs are amazing. Do you have Mod Pizza there? They make homemade ones and they are AMAZING.

      I wish I had saved all of mine. This one made the cut, apparently. 😂

      Like

      1. Never heard of Mod Pizza but would frequent any place that made psuedo ding dongs….lol
        Also forgot 4) which was loving your reasoning behind smoking., it was just the best logic ever!

        Liked by 1 person

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