Anxiety, Blogging, Life, Soul Homework, Writing

Exercise In Humility

Kari

I recently read a blog post that said, “It’s a great exercise in humility, keeping a blog for this many years.”

Over the last three years, I’ve slowly deleted old posts here and there.

The reasons for this shifted over time. I started editing old posts because I was embarrassed by my writing. My writing improved after my friend Kristen helped me in editing the book. She was a former high school English teacher, and she not only helped me rewrite the book, but she also gave me a crash course in writing.

Then, as I advanced through my soul homework and became a different version of myself, my earlier posts made me feel embarrassed. I couldn’t relate to that person. I also couldn’t bear the thought of having that other version of myself out there. So I started deleting.

And deleting.

And deleting.

To be fair, not all of my writing was deleted, and the majority of the posts I did remove were saved as drafts. I told myself I could always edit them later.

When I first started writing in 2010, I had no concept of how strange it would be to have an online diary that everyone could access. That this information would be available on the internet forever, and that my children would one day be adults and read what I was writing. I wrote as if it were a private diary for many years. Many of my thoughts and attitudes were probably best saved for my bedside journal.

Then I read Mandy’s post about how having a blog is a lesson in humility, and it made me sad about my decision to delete so many of my old posts. My history had been erased. My humiliating experiences. What happened to my lesson?

My personal life has been unpredictable since last summer, and editing, rewriting, and deleting old posts was my way of regaining control. I know I said in my 53 Things I’ve Learned post that I’ve learned that I can’t control everything, but it’s a lesson I still have to remind myself of. After reading Mandy’s post, it felt instinctual to share this with all of you, particularly those of you who have been with me from the beginning.

Maybe someday I’ll allow myself to republish those old posts.

Thank you so much to Jill for including Mandy’s post in her blog post.

“I’m hardest on the books I love the most, so that more than one of them is neighbored by a newer edition: not replaced (because I would never forsake my margin notes) but accompanied by a copy that will decay in its own way, soon enough.

And maybe that’s a good way to think about blogging, too. The new stuff sits next to the old but doesn’t supplant it, doesn’t shove it out of the way. Each new post lays atop the next like sediment, and all the old layers remain exposed for you to meander through, with their mediocre sentences and lapsed claims, all the sloppy thinking ever on display. It’s a great exercise in humility, keeping a blog for this many years. But in exchange for the keen awareness of how far I still have to go as a writer, I have the space to keep going. I have the home to keep coming back to. And I will. I will return, again and again.“

–Mandy Brown

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49 thoughts on “Exercise In Humility”

  1. I’ve never deleted old posts. Though if I read back through them I probably would. My blogs have changed over the years from highly personal to light hearted entertainment. Both serve their purpose.
    👍

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve deleted some old posts over the years. I did it because I thought in retrospect that they weren’t well-written and that I didn’t make the point I thought I did. Learning to edit yourself is a life skill, me thinks.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’ve stolen elements from past blogs, but I haven’t deleted many of them, even as I’ve changed. Maybe I need to go back and delete more! Ha ha, I don’t know, I like to think that I’m evolving and growing as I age! I hope so anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Kari, I’ve had my current blog for 16 years. I started it in 2007. Prior to that, I had another blog about alternative healing that I published on WordPress. That blog I started in 2006. I no longer post on it, but keep it open in case anyone is searching for alternative healing modalities.

    Over the years, I too have gone back and re-read posts in my archive and was shocked by how many words I misspelled. Not only that, but how much my writing has improved over the years. Sure, I was so tempted to correct my errors, but didn’t.

    For me, I’ve always thought of my blog as a work in progress. And also something that continues to grow and morph as “I” grow and morph.

    Even though I’ve improved as a writer, I still find mistakes.

    I remember something that the late, great Nora Ephron once said about having a blog. She said that what she most enjoyed about blogging was that it didn’t have to be perfect. Unlike her published books, blogging was a place where she could make mistakes and not feel the need to correct them.

    Fabulous post, my friend! Thanks for sharing your insight! X

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I love you more and more as I get to know you better. Alternative medicine? Swoon.

      That Norah Ephron quote is awesome. I’m crying right now because it’s exactly what I needed to hear today.

      Years ago, I had a blogging friend write a post about writing in a certain voice and making fun of it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that post was aimed at me. It has stayed with me all these years. I went back and re-read some of my older posts. I fell down the rabbit hole of deleting…

      Thank you, friend. 😘❤️

      Like

  5. I started my blog at the end of 2004. Next year will be my 20th anniversary. I wonder if I should bake myself a cake? I am absolutely fascinated by the evolution of my blog in terms of its importance in my life and what I take it from it. Originally it was just for me and a place to dump my thoughts. It feels like that when you read my early posts filled with stream of consciousness rambles with no punctuation or paragraph breaks. Now it’s more about community for me and the people who read it and take the time to write comments and tell me how much they disagree with my hot takes. It’s been a wild ride.

    I’ve only deleted a couple of posts, mostly because I don’t go back through my archives very much. I don’t even know if my writing has improved, but it seems like it must have after 2800 published posts. The reasons I deleted those posts were mostly to protect privacy of other people, but I wonder if I should have kept them. Hm. Super interesting question.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You should definitely make a cake! Congratulations!

      I deleted many posts to protect people’s privacy, which I did not mention in the post. I also experienced a traumatic event a few years ago that I have never mentioned here and that few people are aware of. It happened to hundreds of other bloggers as well, and the person who committed this crime is now sentenced to life in prison. THIS is a big reason I’ve gone through so many old posts.

      Like

  6. I haven’t deleted old posts, but I have updated or taken thoughts from them to use in the present time. I enjoy looking back at what I was doing or thinking X amount of years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great post. Thank you. I could relate to so many of the things you said. I’ve definitely deleted posts. I love your writing and appreciate how honest you are. The world is a better place because you blog. Honest!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Donna! I really appreciate your comment. I began to think that I was the only blogger who had ever deleted a post or regretted anything I had written. 🤣

      Thank you for making me feel less vulnerable. 😘❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I haven’t deleted old posts but I did spend a year editing/ adding photos/ etc. to make them more useful and less of a run on diary type of post.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’ve never deleted a post, and I’ve blogged since 2008. I like to see how I’ve changed and what was important to me in my life at the time. I’ve changed so much over the years and so has my writing. I also like to see what happened when, like what was I doing this month nine years ago? I’m glad you still have those posts, to be re-published if you ever feel like it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I like going back to my old posts and reading what was going on back then. I even had another blog (melathome) that I started in 2007! I had no idea what I was doing (blogging was new) and my photos were awful. I have deleted any of the posts though because I like seeing how I’ve evolved. Not necessarily improved, but that’s ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I have not deleted old posts. If I reread them – it might make me cringe, but fortunately I don’t have time to reread old posts. This topic reminds me how Coach thought I was crazy for putting together a photo album of the two of us from when we were younger till our wedding. I displayed it at our wedding. Coach was appalled at some of the photos I used of myself. I told him, IT’S FINE. IT SHOWS PROGRESS. ;)

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I have WP posts dating back to 2010 and have never deleted a single one. Of course, I was blogging elsewhere for nine years before that, and the site I was writing on happened to shut down for a few years before being revived. Thankfully, because THOSE posts were all sorts of cringeworthy!

    I still have them all saved to a .pdf, but at least I’m the only one who can laugh at myself now.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hi Kari, Thank you for sharing a thought-provoking post, once again. I extra love Mandy’s phrase and the picture it paints “each new post lays atop the next like sediment…” a great metaphor for life in general. I am still overwhelmed with thoughts, ideas, and stories to re-enter this blogging space. I am writing for other sources at the moment and I visit here often. My spirit will guide me as it always does for where to place my energy. Re: your words, Kari “What happened to my lesson?” I witness how your lessons are on a continuum of growth, and I appreciate how you take us along on it. 💕 Erica

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really appreciate this comment because I’ve been using the analogy of paddling down the river of life for a long time. So the part where you said “my spirit will guide me as it always does for where to place my energy” hit me right in the gut. I’m learning to trust my instincts more and more. This also applies to what I write and what I publish. ❤️😘

      Liked by 1 person

  15. I don’t delete old posts, because I don’t go back and read them. I’m always focused on what I am writing now. Once I was doing a search for an old post on a trip I went on and wanted to send it to someone. I did think, “WOW, that’s how I wrote,” I’ve certainly evolved. It’s LIFE. Happy Blogging.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. For me, it’s good material for “teaching.” This is what I did BEFORE I became more experienced. It’s actually a badge of honor. Of course, if your writing did not improve… Well, that’s another story. FEEL PROUD of your work at any time of your life. I mean, you did put it out there for the world to see. YOU might think it’s terrible, but someone else reading it for the first time thinks it’s great. Don’t they say, we MOVE FORWARD not BACKWARD.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “Of course if your writing did not improve…” that made me laugh so hard. Can you imagine? 🤣

        I was deleting songs from a Spotify playlist the other day when I thought, “What if someone follows this playlist and I just deleted a song they like?” It felt similar to the topic at hand. What if someone enjoyed the content I wrote about not because of the grammar and spelling, but because of the content. I never took that into consideration.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes… keep what you wrote. It’s sort of like a garage sale, what you don’t want anymore, someone else wants. Isn’t that what Marie Kondo teaches in getting rid of things. Let whatever we give away, bring joy to someone else. A perfect way of thinking. NOW, regarding the Spotify list. If I don’t want to hear the song on my list, I wouldn’t worry about others. It’s my choice not to delete it. Does it really delete off of their phone too? I don’t know.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. This is an interesting topic, for sure. I used to delete some posts in the past. When I first started blogging, it wasn’t natural to me, and some of my posts were stilted and not authentic. But now, I rarely ever go back to delete or edit anything. I think it’s fun to search for a topic and find someone’s old blog post. There are pearls of wisdom in them!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. “When I first started writing in 2010, I had no concept of how strange it would be to have an online diary that everyone could access. That this information would be available on the internet forever, and that my children would one day be adults and read what I was writing. I wrote as if it were a private diary for many years. Many of my thoughts and attitudes were probably best saved for my bedside journal.”

    Wow. I feel this paragraph so strongly. I sometimes reread old posts and CRINGE. Who was that person? Will Future Me look back on Today Me and feel similarly embarrassed by her? That’s hard to think about.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. YES. I think I was completely immersed in what was happening. I was so preoccupied with raising them at the time. Blogging gave me a much-needed outlet. It still does, but in a very different way.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I’ve not deleted any posts, but after looking at some, I was horrified at my grammatical errors. I’ve come a long way….still not perfect, but I’m probably at my peak with writing. 😜
    I had to make some of my posts Drafts again because a few were targeted too much with spam. I have no idea why!
    Love this post my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am also at my peak! I like how we are both at our peaks at the same time.

      I’m having the same problem with spam, but the comments just go to the spam folder. I know some bloggers simply close comments, so that could be another option.

      Thank you, my friend. 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I started my blog in 2008 and I admit to deleting some posts. Mostly because I thought they shared too much personal information. My early posts were often very, very short and were more like rants about things, like the post office. I also know that I posted opinions about things that I’ve changed my mind about.

    My blog is a secret blog. No one I know IRL knows about it. No one! I wanted it to be a safe place for me to share and I didn’t want comments/criticisms from friends or family, including my spouse. Some people think that’s really weird. I think being a SAHM for so long made me crave privacy and a place where I didn’t have to share with those around me.

    Before I get too old, I do plan to clean up some of my posts and leave a note for my children/grandchildren so that they can get to know me on a different level when I’m gone.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just saw this comment! I’m really sorry!

      My early posts were also a lot of venting. I could have easily created a private blog.

      So, when I tried to Google your blog to share it with my mom this summer, I found it was private! I wanted to show her something you mentioned about Ohio that I thought she’d enjoy. I completely understand why you’d want to make it a private blog. See above sentence. 🤣

      I love the idea of having these blogs for our family when we are no longer here.

      Like

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