Life, Tater Tots, Universe

screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 76

Kari

if you’re new to my blog, welcome! here is an explanation of the tater tot post.

different perspective

one of my blogging friends shared something new about her neighborhood in new york city — it made me think about where i live. i’m in the suburbs of chicago, and what many people — especially transplants like me, who moved here in 1989 — might not realize is that this part of illinois was once considered a vacation destination for chicago residents in the late 1800s and early 1900s.

ever since i discovered that, it’s changed how i see our life here. we’re lucky to live somewhere that was once a beloved getaway, where old cottages still dot the landscape — many of which people have turned into year-round homes.

one of our favorite restaurants, where you can eat right beside one of the county’s 50 lakes

i remember when i lived in ohio, how much i loved visiting the lake erie towns. i even told myself in high school that i wanted to live by a lake someday.

i do. 💜

synchronicities 2

source

lately, i’ve been noticing these little coincidences that make me smile — like i shared in my last tater tot post.

i hadn’t heard of barbara becker until last month. i saw one of her books in my instagram feed, added it to my list, looked for it at my library, and started reading.

source

then one morning, her name appeared in a prompt in a different book i’ve been working through for my soul homework since april.

💜

over the weekend, i was reading poetry of presence, another library book i’d requested. when i got to page 35, this little piece of paper fell out. you know how i feel about finding slips of paper in library books — i’ve even written about it a couple of times before. i studied it, looking for anything that might hold some meaning.

then i looked at the due date: 12/28/2023 — the day my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer.

here’s the page where i found it:

source

creamed corn – my dad’s favorite. 💜

this book is filled with poems about mindfulness — something i’ve needed so much lately. this past weekend, mike was sick, and i spent my time cleaning, disinfecting, and trying to keep ella and myself healthy so we wouldn’t catch it too. on top of that, everything happening in our country has been so heavy, and every time i tried to scroll social media for a distraction, i saw it all over again.

when life feels like this, i feel so far away from myself. finding that slip of paper felt like a little nudge from the universe —
maybe even from my dad —
to come back to what really matters.

i sat there and cried. i needed that reminder.

one thing i read

heartwood: the art of living with the end in mind by barbara becker

one thing i watched

we’re now watching season four of the bear. we love that one of our favorite breakfast spots got a mention in episode one.

and the documentary mariska hargitay made honoring her mom, jayne mansfield? absolutely beautiful.

one thing i listened to

send her my love by journey

in the comments of my ’80s summer post, suz and i were reminiscing about casey kasem’s long-distance dedications. i loved that segment. i’ll never forget when someone dedicated “send her my love” by journey — i thought it was the most romantic thing ever. even now, every time i hear that song, i think of that dedication.

links i clicked on

To Keep or Not to Keep another coincidence — a friend shared this recently. it’s about barbara becker.

Ecologist encourages people with yards to create little ‘national parks’ : NPR

(56) Visit to a Care Home – Love, Satya

The Secret of Contentment | A Hundred Falling Veils

Grocery Shopping with My Dead Dad | The New Yorker

Over nearly 80 years, Harvard study has been showing how to live a healthy and happy life — Harvard Gazette

Supporting Friends in Times of Loss | life of a doctor’s wife

source

quotes that had me thinking

when you’re a kid, everything’s new, dawn. it’s just when you get used to everything that it’s day. like the way you dig sunsets, pony. that’s gold. keep that way, it’s a good way to be. – s.e. hinton from the outsiders

i now know that we never get over great losses; we absorb them, and they carve us into different, often kinder, creatures. – gail caldwell

thus, we may say that the divine does not speak in words. it speaks in synchronicities. – carl jung

if you don’t have time for what matters, stop doing things that don’t. – courtney carver

source

here’s to july…

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57 thoughts on “screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 76”

  2. Journey was my favorite band in the ’80s, and Frontiers with “Send Her My Love”) is my favorite album of theirs. Just mentioning Casey Kasem’s long-distance dedications feels like a fantastic trip down memory lane.

    I love creamed corn too, but my dad can’t stand it. Clearly he is missing out.

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    1. Journey was one of my favorite bands too. It’s always such a trip down memory lane. I remember sitting by my radio with a tape recorder, waiting to hear my favorite song and hitting record as fast as I could to catch it.

      Mike loves it too — we always make it for him during the holidays (and for my dad when he was living).

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  3. The Barbara Becker book sounds interesting, something to read when I’m feeling grounded in the now so that it doesn’t topple me over with profundity.

    In general not a fan of creamed corn… although there used to be a Jiffy cornbread recipe with creamed corn and eggs and sour cream that made a decent side dish for a potluck. I liked it that way.

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    1. Ooh, yes…that recipe is SO good! Normally, my family eats pretty healthy, but this is a holiday staple side dish (esp Thanksgiving) in our family! The version I have is one can corn, one can creamed corn, 1 box Jiffy cornbread mix, 2 eggs, 1 stick butter (melted), and not sour cream, but instead…a small container of Dean’s French onion dip! I know it sounds awful, but trust me, it gives this dish much more flavor than just plain sour cream.

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    2. I love how you put that — yes, the book is definitely one to read when you’re feeling grounded. It can be a lot, but in a beautiful way.

      And now I want to try that Jiffy cornbread! I’m not a huge fan of creamed corn either, but I bet that combo was delicious.

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  5. Casey Kasem’s long-distance dedications! That brings back memories! You have so many wonderful links here. I’m especially feeling glad that you appreciate where you live, and that it’s by a lake. That’s awesome! I hope your husband feels better and that you’ve blasted away every germ!

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    1. So many good memories!

      I am glad too, Michelle. I didn’t always feel this way.

      He feels a lot better today, thank you! 😘💜

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  6. I watched that Jayne Mansfield doc as well and was amazed. She spoke 5 languages and played concert piano and classical violin? Mind blown! Very touching tribute to a troubled family.

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  7. Kari, that photo of the restaurant overlooking the lake is GORGEOUS! What a beautiful view that must be while having a meal. I have never been to Chicago and the surrounding area, but anyone I meet who either lives there or visited, says what a wonderful city it is – clean, organized, and architecturally beautiful. I would love the weather in Chicago because I know it gets severe winters, which I LOVE.

    I know what you mean about social media, which is why I find myself not spending nearly as much time as I used to. And like you said, there is no getting away from it because it’s all over the internet. However, I will say that it’s teaching me a lot about sharing positive energy with others; spreading good vibes.

    Funning you mentioned ‘My Mom Jayne” because it’s next on my list. I love documentaries. Can’t wait to see that one. I discovered from an interview with her daughter that Jayne Mansfield was born in Bryn Mawr, which is a gorgeous part of PA. They have Bryn Mawr college there. STUNNING campus.

    Have a great Monday and week, my friend. Enjoyed your post! X

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    1. Isn’t it? It’s a little Polish restaurant that’s been there for decades. Really good food. Chicago is a beautiful city — we are very lucky to live close to it. The winters aren’t as bad as they used to be, but yes, you would love the cold! I do too!

      Me too — I need to take breaks here and there. We aren’t meant to know everything that’s going on, so I’m trying to read more, be outside a little more. I love that it’s teaching you about positive energy! That is so important now more than ever.

      You are going to LOVE it, Ron. I thought about you after watching it and thought — Ron needs to watch this. We watched it again with my mom and she loved it too. They talked about her Pennsylvania background in the documentary. I’ve heard of Bryn Mawr!

      I hope you have a great week, my friend! I’m so glad you enjoyed it. 😘💜

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  9. Synchronicity! I feel like the 90s were all about that concept. Weren’t the 90s lovely? No Algorithm Overlords and we still had Synchronicity!

    Your post is very synchronistic for me in a genuine, no-algorithm-needed way.

    That Simplify page. Wow. For months, I have been sorting through a lifetime of stuff. I have siblings but, go figure, it is just me doing the figurative heavy lifting (for the literal, my husband helps).

    Every object recalls memories. It is overwhelming.

    I wrestle with the 1950s metal ironing board. It unfolds blue-green metal legs with a happy springy noise and I am flooded with memory snapshots.

    I know every detail from a 4 year old’s point of view. I forgot about how important that ironing board was to my family when I was little. It was always out – sewing projects, weekly ironing… and all the while I played under and around.

    That ironing board housed entire worlds under its sloping blue-green legs and flowered canopy. Farms, horse empires, doll vacations, matchbox car rallies.

    Every object is heavy with memories like this. It is a lot to process.

    I was thinking about the lovely cartoon your friend sent you about grief. (*sidenote – your friends are lovely give you space & support & to allow you to grieve. Wow.). What a great visual.

    For me too, Grief doesn’t leave. It remodels. Adds extensions and renovations to my internal self. Opens new spaces within myself.

    Reclaiming my memories is similar. But instead of new spaces, I’m finding my way back to rooms I thought I’d lost.

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    1. The 90s were so lovely! I wish we could go back here and there sometimes — just for a few hours. I’d love for my kids to experience it with us.

      I re-read my post last night and I was like, wow, it was all kind of tied together and I didn’t plan it that way. Synchronicity. Or as my friend Steve would say, serendipity! (Also a very good 90s movie — or early 2000s — with John Cusack.)

      Doesn’t that simplify advice help a little? I’m not going through anything yet — my mom still lives in the house and she isn’t ready to part with anything or ready to move, and we aren’t asking her to. She’s happy where she is. But at some point, simplifying will need to happen. Of course you are doing the figurative heavy lifting; from what I can gather here, you’re an empath? I feel like empaths usually end up doing that work. 😘💜

      YES. And they hold energy too. I’m writing a post about things I’ve learned this year and one is that objects hold energy. I feel it when I walk into my parents’ garage, my dad’s workbench in the basement, the shed in their backyard. HE is in there.

      I could hear the ironing board! Your description is spot on.

      I can only imagine how hard it is to process. Smells, sounds, sights — it’s all so overwhelming. I remember last summer going down to my parents’ basement and seeing my dad’s workbench for the first time since his death. It was so overwhelming for me. There was dust on his things and I started sobbing. My dad was so meticulous, and now spider webs and dust were all over his tools, and the bins that held his nails, etc.

      Isn’t that a great visual? It is always there — grief. We just get bigger. Remodels! YES. I love this! I also love that you’re finding your way back to rooms you thought you lost. That is beautiful, Maddie.

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      1. Kari you’re brilliant! I had not made that connection (empath is a new word for me outside of Star Trek) but that makes sense! Thank you for your insight. I’m still sitting with it but you’ve given me an interesting lead.

        Ooooo I am totally looking forward to that post of things you’ve learned this year!!

        Your description of your Dad’s workbench… the sights, smells, and crashing wave of emotionals…. Made me cry. That’s it exactly.

        I’m glad your mom can still stay in her home. I feel like it was a house full of love & still is 💚 Hugs.

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      2. You are brilliant too, Maddie. I’m sending you love.

        I’ve been working on it for a long while now. I’m hoping to publish it this month—we’ll see.

        I haven’t been back down in their basement since last year.

        It still is, and it feels like a safe place for her too. 💜

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  10. I love your perspective about your home and how lucky you are to live there!

    I love the poem bookmarked by the slip of paper. It is so relatable and such a good reminder to look outside yourself. I love that the creamed corn reminded you of your dad. I love the thought that our loved ones have the ability to speak with us from beyond, and I love thinking that they might search the astral libraries for references to creamed corn to share with their beloved daughters.

    Thank you for the link. <3

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    1. I didn’t always feel this way, so it’s been a long time coming. 💜

      Oh, Suzanne- I love your idea of an astral library. The thought of it gave me a happy chill. This was a beautiful idea — thank you.

      Thank you for writing that post. 😘

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  11. I adore synchronicity. The poem with the library note page is quite wonderful too.

    Lots going on. It’s been some time since I’ve been sick, touch wood. Sorry about the summer cold in your house – they’re the worst. Flu in summer seems so rude.

    Each time I read the tater tot post, I get a low-grade craving. I might have to buy some.

    What a fun thing to find out about where you live, and what a great way to adjust the mindset ☺️

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    1. Me too! I know. I love all of this — whatever it means. 🌈

      My husband has gotten COVID every July since 2021, so when he starts coughing in July, I get very scared. He took two tests and they were negative, so we’re hoping it was just a summer cold. But you’re right — rude.

      I think you might. Maybe I will too.

      Yes! I’ve been trying to adjust my mindset more these days.

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  12. That’s cool that you live in ‘former’ vacation destination. Do you think people still come from Chicago to stay there? We live near the Cuyahoga Valley National Park, so I do see out of state license plates when I’m in the park. Honestly though, besides a few waterfalls, it looks like my backyard! And to your link, my husband just planted two service berry trees because he saw that they were native to the area (and deer don’t like them). We will see about that :)

    I love that you find interesting tidbits inside your library books. Middle Child has found lots of interesting things while working at the library. She’s given me some nice bookmarks that she has found. I get a kick out of ‘notes’ people write inside the book, about the book.

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    1. That is a great question. I’m not sure — I do know that when I first moved here, I met a couple of people who grew up in Chicago and moved to the suburbs because they’d vacationed here as children. I’m thinking of one lady in particular I worked with, and she lived in the town next to the one we live in now. They live in the neighborhood where her parents rented a summer cottage, which are all regular homes now that were converted. I know a lot of people who live in the city now vacation locally in Wisconsin or Michigan (like Holland!), but that’s largely because of the car. Back in the late 1800s and early 1900s, before cars were common, people didn’t travel as far for vacations because transportation options were limited.

      OMG, I love that your backyard looks like a state park! How lovely. We have a serviceberry in our backyard too!

      I bet she finds lots of cool stuff at the library! Finding things also reminds me of people who find old grocery lists in carts. I also love when people leave notes too. I’m sure the librarian feels differently. 🤣

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    1. I really loved it, but since every story involves grief, I’m not sure if it’s the right read for you right now. Of course, only you know what feels right.

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  14. We enjoyed the latest season of The Bear but not being from the area I never know if the places they talk about are real or completely made up! I hope Mike is feeling better and both you and Ella manage to stay healthy.

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    1. I get that completely. They definitely either do their homework or someone on the crew is a local, because everywhere they mention is a real place.

      He’s getting there — still coughing a bit but feeling much better.

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  15. Huge takeaway: I need Poetry of Presence. Thank you for telling me about it!

    I am not watching the latest season of The Bear – I found the third season to be a snore, so it turned me off of it. I’ll live vicariously through you!

    Sorry Mike is sick, hope you don’t come down with it!

    Kari! When I was a teenager I visited Kelowna and loved it, and always hoped that one day I would live here. My huge crush (Tom Hooper of The Grapes of Wrath, the band, not the book) was from here (SOME OF MY HUSBAND’S FRIENDS WENT TO SCHOOL WITH HIM). Anyway, who knew I’d meet a guy from Kelowna, get married, and decades later actually move here. It’s a real tourist destination, and I always feel like, hey, I get to actually live here!

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    1. Yes — you do! I don’t remember where I learned about it, but I’m so glad I did. I think you’ll enjoy it.

      The third season SUUUUCCKKEED. This season is proving to be better, but Claire Bear is back and I don’t know how to feel about it. I will say this — Carmy has had a talking-to or the producers listened to their audience, because he’s much calmer.

      So far so good!

      I love this story so much! You manifested it! 💜🌈

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    1. I hope you enjoy it as much as I have been.

      THIS is a great question and I had to give it some thought! The last time I had them was in February — we went to a bar to watch a friend’s band play and they had loaded tater tots on the menu! They were delicious. 💜

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  17. I have never heard of Barbara Becker. I’m now following her on IG. I looked to see if my library has her book and they don’t – but I know I can request it. Let me know if you think it’s worth doing so.

    I love finding notes, photos, tickets, whatever – in library books! I’ve found things in used books I’ve ordered, too. I’m starting a little collection and I’ll eventually then use them in my art journal.

    I love that the note you found had so much personal meaning (the date, and the poem mentioned creamed corn).

    So sorry that Mike was sick. Have you and Ella managed to stay well?

    I am hoping we can start watching season 4 of The Bear tonight. We haven’t turned on the TV in easily a month. You know how B usually has to go to bed early since he gets up at 3 am for work…so that doesn’t give us any time to watch TV in the evening, unless he has the next day off. We love The Omega, too! It’s close to where B’s sisters live, so we’ve met up there quite a few times.

    I totally forgot about Casey Kasem’s long distance dedications until you mentioned it. Those were sooo cool and heartwarming. Sometimes I yearn for those times again (the “good ol’ days”) instead of being so bogged down by smart phones and social media. Nothing compares to something like this, or hand-written love letters.

    That segment about the creative geniuses was profound – but not surprising. Funny…I was talking about this just the other day with my two friends (husband and wife) who were Montessori school teachers. The difference in that type of education (Waldorf, too) and public schools is huge. Public schooling doesn’t allow for any outside-the-box thinking or creativity. Every child has to perform the same. Let’s get those numbers up for standardized testing! I was telling my friends that when Philip was in Kindergarten, his teacher called me one day to “complain” that Philip didn’t color his tree exactly the way she wanted him to. He used different colors. I was like, “So what? He was using the colors HE wanted to and was being creative!” She sternly said, “Those were not my instructions and that’s the whole point.” WOW. Looking back over his entire school experience, I know that he was a gifted child and that the public school system totally stifled him. Even when he was in 1st grade, he used to beg me to homeschool him. I knew at the time that I just couldn’t do it. :-(

    The Gail Caldwell quote is going in my quote book. <3

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    1. I think it is, but everyone has different taste. My library never has the books I want and it’s HUGE, so I’m always waiting for books for a week or two.

      I love the idea of an art journal of found things!

      I’ve been reading that passage a few times since finding that paper (which is now a bookmark) and I wonder if there are select words to pull — like it’s a coded message. Just the thought of that makes it feel magical and I love this whole process. Also, this wasn’t the whole poem, it was the second page. I should’ve shared the whole thing.

      We are still healthy! I think we’re in the clear. 😊

      I don’t watch TV when Mike isn’t here either, so we haven’t made it past episode three. So far it feels better than last season. I love that you love Omega too!

      I miss those parts of the past too. I used to write letters back and forth to my boyfriend when I first moved here in 1989. For two years, that was mostly how we communicated.

      YES. This. Ella never felt like she fit in conventionally in public school, which was a big reason why I pulled her in fifth. She regrets that at times now, and I understand why.

      Isn’t that great?

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  18. So, you used to live in Ohio? I didn’t know that! What city? Your father is certainly channeling you..it’s like a treasure hunt. He needed you to get you to read that passage. I love that! Bummer that Mike was sick in the summer. (I made a rhyme..lol) Hope he’s up and out! As always, I look forward to what you’re up to and things you find in your next blog!

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    1. LOL – Mansfield/Lexington.

      He is definitely channeling me in some way. I told Melanie, I feel like maybe I need to read that poem closer- maybe it is like a code. (Yes, I am that kind of crazy)

      He has gotten COVID every July since 2021, so we were worried. He is feeling much better now. 💜

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      1. Every July, Mike gets covid? That’s weird! Maybe your dad is trying to tell you something or he’s just pulling your leg..lol

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      2. Yes! He travels for work, so he’s in lots of airports, etc. But it is very weird that he gets sick in the summer.

        My dad would definitely be the type to pull my leg from beyond. 💜

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  19. Hi Kari,

    I’m still working through all the gems in this. Working isn’t the right verb–I’m enjoying my way through all the gems in this post. I used to live on Mt. Hood, in a neighborhood that was originally a vacation place for people from Portland. It was a neighborhood association, formed in 1968, and was originally just vacation cabins. When I moved there in the early 90s, it was about half full-time residents and half vacation homes/rentals. I often had similar thoughts to yours:  How lucky to live in a place others went to vacation! 

    I love your serendipity stories ❤️ So fitting for you to also have the Carl Jung quotation. (Which makes me wonder, for the millionth time, what is the difference between synchronicity and serendipity? I’m too lazy to find the answer. Better yet, I’ll lean on your Courtney Carver quotation and deem the question one that doesn’t matter enough to take the time to answer.) 

    Finally, I loved getting lost in the discussion on supporting friends in a time of loss. So glad you shared it. I always feel so ineffective when people close to me are going through it. That was really helpful to read. 

    Wishing you a peaceful July. I hope you’re all feeling better. Everything is so heavy right now. It’s hard to hold or process. I’m glad you got a cathartic cry.

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    1. Hello friend,

      That sounds DREAMY, Rita! I would love to see pictures of this area! Someday, I want to visit. I keep saying it but I really do mean it.

      I looked it up and it said serendipity is about happy accidents, where synchronicity is more meaningful coincidence. Those two answers feel very similar though.

      Wasn’t that a great post? I enjoyed the comment section as well.

      Thank you so much. I got a massage today and told my friend before she started that it’s been a hot and headachy summer. It’s been a lot of pain since the heat and humidity started — beginning of June. After she was done, she said I have so much tension in my body. You are so right — I’m holding my own things but also the outside world’s things too. A good cry, a good massage, a good yoga position, a good yell. We all need these things. Regularly.

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  20. Creamed corn. What a message to get on that little sheet of paper? Wow.

    I really want to see that My mom Jayne. Damn it all, I don’t have HBO.

    I love that you are realizing you live in an area that was once a place for Midwesterners to vacation. So many lakes. That restaurant sounds amazing, and it must be to get a shout out on The Bear. I haven’t seen The Bear – but I understand it’s very good.

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    1. I know. Love little signs like this.

      I hate that it’s only available on HBO. Maybe it’ll pop up on YouTube at some point.

      We have so many great diner-style restaurants. I bet you have some good ones in your neck of the suburbs as well.

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  21. I left a comment yesterday, but it’s no where to be found. Hmmm….this is not a Kari issue, this is a Suzanne issue, I know this to be true.

    I don’t remember what I said, other than I’ve not heard of Barbara Becker, but surely she will be popping up now. (The universe listens)

    I love that you found that note in the library book, and all the coincidences from that little slip! HELLO UNIVERSE.

    I watched the My Mom Jayne documentary the other night and boy, oh boy was it good. Eye opening. Deep. Moving. I had puffy eyes the next day!!

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    1. I do believe it’s a WordPress issue. 🙄

      Whoever she is, she seems like a lovely human. I really enjoyed her book.

      I know, right?? I love signs like these.

      I cried too. 💜

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