Family, Favorite Things, Life

twenty years in our home

Kari

this month marks twenty years in our home. it’s the longest i’ve ever lived in one place — longer than anywhere i grew up — and that still surprises me. i don’t think i ever planned to stay this long when we first moved in, but sometimes life decides for you in the best way.

we didn’t pick this house for its charm or its size — we picked it because it was close to family. back then, my parents lived five minutes down the road, my brother and his wife just another five minutes beyond that. it felt like the perfect little center.

and even though that center shifted — people moved, jobs changed, plans fell through — this house stayed. it held us while we figured it all out.

my grandma and our dog riley, in our home not long after we moved in- 2005

anna started kindergarten and finished high school here. ella took her first steps in these rooms and still runs through these halls. this house has held all of it — our wedding rehearsal, playdates, birthday parties, the laughter, the fights, and everything in between.

when i look back, i see so many small moments that made this place ours: sunlight hitting the living room floor just right in the morning, the squeak of the stairs at midnight, christmas mornings, ordinary tuesdays, sleepy dogs underfoot.

our kitchen- 2010

for a long time, when my migraines got bad, i’d blame this house — the old walls, the dust, the air. it felt easier to blame these rooms than to face the stress and worry inside me. maybe i didn’t want to love this place because it meant accepting how far away i was from the people i loved. loving it felt like letting go of the dream of being closer to support. i was so disconnected from myself. when i finally began to heal — when i started loving myself — i slowly began to love our home, too.

our kitchen- current day

during the lockdown, we stopped decorating our home for others and started making it work for us — cozy, functional, quirky, perfectly imperfect. maybe that’s when i really fell in love with it. it reminds me of something i shared six years ago, in my first ever tater tot post — how marie kondo pauses to thank a home for protecting the people inside it, like a quiet, reverent prayer. i’d never thought to do that before.

looking back, i think the way we softened into this house during that time — swapping the old patio furniture for a daybed, curling up in spaces just for us — that was our thank you. not with words, but with care. i stopped seeing this place as a project to fix and started letting it hold us.

on the daybed – 2022

i’ve grown so much here, too. for so long, i thought happiness only meant being wherever my loved ones were. i didn’t understand yet that real happiness grows inside me— that i can root it down, right where i am.

this house (and soul homework) taught me that.

anna’s goodbye party before college, 2018

sometimes i hear people say home is in your heart, not a place. i get it — but i don’t fully believe it. places hold us, too.

a few favorite posts about our home

green doors can heal you

from where i’m sitting

my dad and i built a picket fence

my dad and mike installing a new light fixture in 2010. it’s still hanging there all these years later.

both of my girls have told me not to ever sell this house. they don’t love it because it’s perfect — they love it because it’s theirs, because it’s where they grew up, where they were known, where they feel safe. sometimes i wish i had my own childhood home to go back to, so i could really understand what that means. this house i’ve made for my girls is the home i longed for too.

since my dad died, going to my mom’s house feels both familiar and painful — like the closest thing i have to the place i can’t return to. i know one day i won’t be able to go there anymore, and that thought breaks my heart. i can still feel my dad in those walls. some days, i even catch his scent — as strange as it sounds — and it’s like he’s still there, holding space for us.

i had that comfort growing up, but now i can’t return to it — and that makes what we do have all the more precious.

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61 thoughts on “twenty years in our home”

  2. We’ve been in our home for 25 years now. It’s the longest I’ve lived anywhere and this place is all about the memories. Don’t know how I’ll be able to leave it when the time comes— and it will. Love your green door. I’ve said it before but feel I must compliment it again. 💚

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    1. I love that you’ve been in your home for 25 years — it really does become such a part of us, doesn’t it? I feel the same way about how hard it would be to leave.

      And I’ll always appreciate comments about my green door — it makes me so happy every time someone notices it. 💚

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  3. I love this line: “I stopped seeing this place as a project to fix and started letting it hold us.” It speaks to how our sense of home evolves — not just in how we shape a place, but in how we let it shape and support us in return.

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    1. Thank you so much for highlighting that line — it means a lot that it resonated with you. I love how you said that too — how we shape a place, but also let it shape and support us in return. That’s exactly what I’ve felt over the years in this home. 💜

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  4. We were in our Palm Springs home for 28 years. We moved in when I was pregnant with my son — our first child. My kids felt and said the same thing as yours. “Never sell the house.” We moved in December 2020 and they were so angry with us. What they didn’t understand was my husband believed that in California and our home he would have to work until the day he died!

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    1. Wow, 28 years — that’s incredible. I completely understand why your kids felt that way. It’s so hard to let go of the only home you’ve ever known, especially when so many memories are wrapped up in those walls. But I also see how deeply you and your husband wanted a different future for yourselves. I’m glad you were able to make a choice that gave you more freedom and peace. 💜😘

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  5. Aw, what a lovely tribute to your home! We have been in our house for 22 years now… almost exactly I would imagine. I can’t remember the exact date but I know it was in July.

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  6. Great tribute to your home! I’ve never lived in a house longer than nine years, which is kinda sad…but at the same time, it means we should easily break that record in our current one.

    I tried going back to (one of) my childhood home(s) in Ohio. Twice. The first time nobody was home, the second, the current occupant was wondering what the hell I was doing on his front porch, showing him pics from the ’70s. I really wanted an invite inside, but it was not meant to be.

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    1. Thank you, friend! The longest I’d lived in a home growing up was eight years — twinsies-ish!

      I would totally do this! But you’re right, if it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Whenever I’ve been in Ohio visiting, I’m always hoping the houses are either up for sale or the owners are in the yard and friendly. 🤣

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  7. I enjoyed reading and seeing photos of your beautiful home. What is the last picture? Is it height measurements of your daughters? We did that in pen at our old house along the L shaped wood piece that covered the entryway between the kitchen and dining room. I’m not sure if we painted over it when we moved? I’ll have to ask my husband.

    I lived in the house I grew up in for 21 years and in our first home for 21 years. We’ve been in this house for 13 years next month. And numerous apartments! I’ve always thought about doing a post called ‘Everywhere I’ve Lived’ but it would take some research to find pictures.

    We drove by my husband’s childhood home on Saturday! It’s only been 4 years since his family sold it, but with both his parents gone, it just seems so sad now to see the house. Also, it looks rundown. My parents sold my childhood home in 1990, so it’s been a long time since I’ve been inside, though I’ve driven by a few times. Fortunately, it’s been taken care of!

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    1. Well, it started as a height measurement the first week we moved in here in 2005 with Anna, then Ella after she was born. But over the years, it ran off the rails a little. 🤣

      I would love to read a post like that if you find the pictures! I love seeing where everyone grew up or lives. I’m the person who loves to take a walk at night so I can peek inside homes — I’m a bit nosy, curious, and I just love to see how other humans live. It’s pretty cool.

      Ohhh, that is sad. I feel sad when former homes aren’t taken care of. There’s a house in our neighborhood that was adorable — the people who lived there always took care of it and had such a cute garden. Then they moved, and the new people don’t take care of it. It’s so sad to see that. I’m glad your childhood home is being cared for. 💜

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  8. What a lovely tribute to your home, Kari! It’s fun to see pictures of your rooms, which look so inviting. How beautiful to think of a house holding you. That’s exactly how I feel about my house, although I didn’t have the words. But yes, it holds me!
    Here’s to many more years in your home!

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    1. Thank you so much, Michelle! I love seeing the inside of other people’s homes — the real homes, the everyday spaces people actually live in and love in. I’m so glad you feel this way about your home too. It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?

      Here’s to many more years in both of our homes! 💜

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  9. “… but sometimes life decides for you in the best way.”

    Kari, I TOTALLY believe that! Very often, life knows what’s best for us, even though we might think otherwise. That’s why I don’t try and “force” things that I “think” I know what’s best for me.

    Twenty years. That’s awesome! And judging from the photos you’ve shared of your home, I think it’s such a wonderful combination of coziness AND openness. I love all the nature sunlight you get streaming through your windows.

    “when i finally began to heal — when i started loving myself — i slowly began to love our home, too.”

    Isn’t it something how life works like that?

    BTW, I love the color of the walls in your kitchen. I also love the wood flooring!

    To me, a house (or an apartment) is a living, breathing thing that contains the energy of those who live there.

    Thanks so much for sharing the history of your home with us, my friend. Wishing you 20 more years of love and happiness!

    Have a fabulous week! X

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    1. YES. I totally believe that. Why do I think I have all the answers? I can’t even do fractions. 🤣🤣

      I love that you think it’s a combo of coziness and openness — those are two qualities in a home that I love.

      It is! I never connected loving myself with loving my surroundings until I started doing the soul work.

      I love that color too! We painted it over a decade ago and it still looks amazing. I’d choose that color again and again. And those floors went down when I was pregnant with Ella, so they’re almost 18 years old. They have so many dings and dents, but I love them still.

      Omg, I love that sentiment — a living, breathing thing that contains the energy of those who live there. Yes, friend.

      Thank you for reading and for these lovely words. I appreciate you so much — I hope you know this. 😘💜

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  10. The photo of your grandma on the couch looks like countless photos I have of my grandma sitting on the couch. I agree, I so wish I could go back to our childhood home. It’s not far from where I live now and I sometimes drive by it. I feel like I had two childhood homes – the one from 1st-8th grade and the one down the street from you know who, where I lived for high school and college. Ah, memories. We’ve been in our house for 18 years, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else. I love the wall of all the measurements – so cute.

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    1. When I first saw that picture, I’d forgotten that my grandma had even seen this house. I almost cried because I’d completely forgotten that fact. It feels like she’s been gone a lifetime. I mean, she has — she died when I was pregnant with Ella.

      I love that you can drive by your childhood homes. Sometimes I hope one of mine goes up for sale so I can see the inside on Realtor or Zillow.

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  11. I love this beautiful tribute to your home. And I love that your grandma got to see it. How did I not know you had a dog named Riley?!

    We’ve been in our home for 35 years. Obviously…the longest me or Brian have ever lived anywhere. We both moved a lot as kids. (Me moreso.) I want to move in a couple of years when Brian retires, but he’s not keen on the idea. This house needs SO much work right now. And I hate the long staircase to the basement (my knees aren’t happy) and the basement itself. I also don’t like our neighborhood.

    But the history we have here, oh yes. Tim has said the same thing as your girls – “don’t ever sell this house”. When it’s the only home you’ve ever known, I get that.

    xoxo

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    1. Well, he didn’t last very long in our family. There’s a story there — I wrote a post about him years ago that I never published. I’ll tell you about it when we get together, if I remember to tell you. 🤣

      I love that you’ve been in your home 35 years! We moved a lot too — it’s interesting that we both ended up staying a long time in one place. I don’t think that’s by accident.

      I get it too. 💜

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  13. Love the wall with everybody’s height. My parents have a wall for us 4 kids when we were younger. As my siblings began having their own children, my mom began adding the grandkids to the wall as well.

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    1. Me too! It’s my favorite part of our home. I love that your family has one too. I saw a man on Tiktok who turned their wall into a coffee table for his wife after they had to move away from their beloved home — such a thoughtful idea.

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  14. I love everything about this, Kari! I felt the same way about our Calgary home. It was a 1962 bungalow, and it was ours. We were there for 23 years and I really was so happy there.

    When we were preparing to move here, the electrician who worked on this house asked if our house in Calgary was similar in size, etc., to this one, and I said no, it’s a cozy bungalow, older home, etc. He said “you must be so happy to be moving here.” And Kari, I flipped. Because yes, I am so happy in our current house but I WAS VERY HAPPY IN OUR CALGARY HOUSE TOO. I’m mad just thinking about that comment.

    Your house is beautiful. I love all your photos. I can really see YOU in it. It looks just perfect.

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    1. I love that you had 23 years there! I really want to get to a place of non-attachment to this home too — as much as I love it, I also want to be okay with someday leaving it. You are such an inspiration, I hope you know that. Watching you leave your home in Calgary and move to your current place has helped me feel like it would be okay if I ever had to do that too.

      It would’ve bothered me too, Nicole. Both things can make us happy in different ways.

      Thank you so much for this compliment. I can really see me in this home too. 🌈

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  15. There is so much in here, Kari. I read it on Monday, but needed time to respond. I won’t be able to say everything this post brought up for me, but I love it when you write about your home. I love thinking about home. Like you, I don’t fully believe that home is in our hearts. Places do hold us, but maybe not in the ways I once thought. It’s complicated! It’s some alchemy of place, other people, and what we carry within us. I sometimes long to return to my grandparents’ houses, but I know that what I’m longing for is not just the structure, but the people I got to be with in it, and how I felt there. The person I was then, too. I love seeing the photos of your home; your today kitchen seems so much more you than the older version of it–it’s lighter, more eclectic. (And, of course, there is green!) It must have been so hard to choose that place to be close to family, and then have family move away! No wonder you put some of that grief onto the house. I sure did that when my family fell apart. I think it’s really something special that you have the long history there that you do. I wish, in some ways, that I had that. I’ve never had a forever home. I love the house I am in now, but I don’t know that it will be that, either. Maybe in my next life! (Please, universe, don’t make me come back! That was a joke!)

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    1. You talking about going back to your grandparents’ home reminded me of when Mike and I visited the house my parents lived in before they moved downstate for my dad’s job. I lived there with Anna for two and a half years after my divorce, and it was my mom and dad’s favorite house — so many memories in that home. It went up for sale around 2013 or 2014, and Mike and I went to the open house. Walking through it, it felt nothing like the home I’d known. You’re so right that what we long for isn’t just the structure.

      We put an offer on this home, and within the same week, we found out my mom and dad were being transferred to Peoria, Illinois — three hours south. It was heartbreaking. My brother and his wife lived just five minutes away, but in 2008 they moved to Ohio. Back then, I honestly felt like my family was betraying me by moving away. Looking back, I realize that was the pregnancy hormones talking, mixed with my own unhealed pain. I’m relieved to have let that go.

      I also want to be able to walk away from a home if I need to. I love that you love your home and are okay with letting go if it comes to that. That’s a really good place to be.

      And honestly? I don’t want to come back either. This life was enough. 🤣🤣

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  16. Oh Kari, this was such a beautiful love letter to your home, as well as to your own blossoming of self. I also feel so connected to the places I’ve lived the longest and I love the way you describe the growth of that “relationship.”

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  18. They had to tear down a big old maple in front of our house. The day before it was going down, I touched its trunk and thought about all it had seen and done. Those things that have been around longer than us and will survive us are so special. May you continue to enjoy your house for many more years to come.

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    1. Oh friend, I connect with trees too, so I really felt this. We had a big ash tree in our front yard years ago that had to be taken down because ash borer beetles had invaded and killed it. I was so sad when they chopped it down — it felt like a death.

      Thank you! Here’s to many more years here. 💜🌳

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  19. I love that you have so many good memories in your home, and that you’ve come to embrace all of it, the good, and the imperfections. I loved seeing the transformation of your kitchen over the years, and of course, your back yard is such a haven. It’s grown so much since you started there!

    I agree, that places do hold us. It’s inevitable.

    I’ve often thanked our OG home, especially the last year when I felt like I was cheating on it. *sigh* But our homes do provide safety for us and our family.

    I was working on a post this week about my childhood home, so I can relate to your emotions.

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    1. It’s been so much fun to see how much our backyard has transformed since we first moved in. I remember that first summer—there was a drought, and I said to Mike, our backyard looks so barren… like a Triscuit. That July, I planted pumpkins, and we actually got a few! I should’ve known then it was a good yard.

      And I totally get what you mean about “cheating” on your home. I think I’d feel the same way.

      I love that. 💜

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  20. it was soothing to read. I loved this line: sometimes i hear people say home is in your heart, not a place. i get it — but i don’t fully believe it. places hold us, too.
    beautiful post, Kari!

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  22. It makes me smile to see how you’ve described going from having a house where you lived for reasons of convenience to a home that you love and cherish.

    I’ve not lived anywhere for any significant length of time. As children, my father’s job relocated him on a regular basis, so the family weren’t settled in one place until I was an adult. Later, my parents lived in the same house for 40 years – yet I never felt an attachment to it as my home. There have probably been only a couple of places I’ve regarded as home, and I envy you having a place you do, and where you have so many wonderful memories. I’m still looking…

    I wish you many more years of happiness in your lovely home <3

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    1. I understand that unsettled feeling, Deb. I felt that way for a long time before I lived here. And even after moving in, I often thought I needed—or wanted—to leave. Looking back, I wonder if that was simply because I wasn’t used to staying in one place for this long.

      Thank you—I wish for that as well. xoxo

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  23. This was a wonderful read. I have owned a condo, and when it was sold to make space for our house, I wondered the small space and silently said thank you since it was a symbol of me becoming me: I live there alone, just Daria, my two cats and I slowly learned about myself. I just came out of a very abusive and manipulative relationship and bought it a month before the market crashed (2008) and I lost my job. So I had about a year and a half on unemployment, living in this new space, decorating it as much as i could and slowly coming back to myself. Healing.

    Then my now husband bought our current house, and the condo had to be rented first, for about two years (ughhhhh) and then, thankfully, sold. But it gave me what I needed at the time – a space to heal.

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    2. I love that you thanked it for what it gave you, Daria. What a beautiful act. A space to heal – I’m so glad you can see what it offered you in that chapter of your life, and I’m so grateful you had that sanctuary.

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    1. I also love the idea of offering a house prayer—thanking it for all the ways it holds and shelters us.

      Sometimes I can’t help but go on and on about soul homework, so thank you for truly listening. That means the world to me. xoxo

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