Family, Favorite Things, Grief, Life, Music

100 songs i love

Kari

in 2023, i read a post from chris about andrew neyer’s challenge to make a playlist of 100 all-time favorite songs.

it’s such a great idea — creating a playlist of your all-time favorite songs. i started compiling my own soon after reading about the project and assumed it would be easy. it wasn’t. choosing favorites felt like picking a hundred favorite children. music has always meant so much to me that narrowing it down felt impossible.

then my dad was diagnosed with cancer, and the playlist project took on new meaning. i wanted to create one for him too- a way to connect before losing him. so i started asking badgering him to think about what he would include in his 100 favorite songs of all time.

i know, can you imagine? just diagnosed with terminal cancer and your daughter is asking you — rolling stones or beatles? the four tops or marvin gaye?

i thought those songs might bring us comfort someday. i didn’t know what it would feel like to be on this earth without my dad. but music meant everything to him. music was my dad. having a playlist of his favorite songs felt important — like a way to hold on to a part of him i wouldn’t be able to reach otherwise.

one day in january, on the way to chemotherapy, he quietly told me he wasn’t listening to music anymore. it was a small statement that hit me like a wrecking ball. it marked the beginning of a shift — when i started to feel his absence, even though he was still here.

i stopped asking him about the playlist.

taken at a favorite used book & music shop in 2023. kind of love how this one turned out.

not too long after he died, i opened up my own playlist again. i tried to go through the songs, but i couldn’t bring myself to listen to them. i also couldn’t bring myself to listen to his playlist either. hearing the songs he loved just made me sad — a reminder that he wasn’t here anymore. music wasn’t bringing me the comfort it always had. it felt different now, like it had lost its magic.

eventually, i found a bridge back: a safe space playlist, all instrumentals. in the thick of grief, lyrics were too much- instrumentals held me. each song does something i can’t quite explain. some remind me of my dad even if they’re not songs he knew. other songs feel like he is inside of the song — i wish i could explain it better.

radiant atoms by charlie roscoe takes me back to the days right after my dad died, when grief was heavy but he still felt close. it didn’t feel real yet. sometimes, on short drives, it was like he was in the backseat with us.

my mom will say “oh look how dirty that is” but it’d had been one hell of a year

while rearranging furniture in my dad’s den one day, my mom and i charged up his old ipod — the one where he stored his music. we found a folder labeled sara songs — songs that reminded him of my mom.

we pressed play. the first song was think by aretha franklin. a gust of wind blew into the room, the curtains swaying in the breeze. it felt like he was right there with us. shivers ran up my neck, and i burst into tears.

all of a sudden, music had magic again.

source

now, i’m returning to my original 100 songs project, and it feels different. these aren’t just favorite tracks anymore — they’re the soundtrack of my life’s seasons, the music that’s carried me through joy, love, and grief. some songs make me laugh, some make me dance, some bring me right back to a moment i thought i’d forgotten.

purple rain reminds me of freshman year band trips, riding school buses to competitions. breathin’ reminds me of traveling to california with anna after her high school graduation. goodbye yellow brick road pulls me straight into the 70s, when i was little- before school and society got their hands on me. so many of the songs that shaped me first played in john hughes movies. that love clearly runs deep.

the project has reminded me that music isn’t just background noise. it’s memory, comfort, and connection.

i’m slowly starting to listen to my dad’s playlist again too. i still feel sad, but i guess that just takes time. grief hasn’t erased music. it’s only reshaped it. songs can wound, but they can also be a way back.

if you make a playlist of your favorite songs, let it carry you somewhere meaningful — and maybe tell me where it takes you. 💜

you can find my 100 songs i love playlist on apple music, spotify, and youtube.

i’d love to know: which songs feel like home to you, or to someone you’ve loved and lost?

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83 thoughts on “100 songs i love”

  1. I love this post, because–as I’m sure you know, seeing that I’ve blogged about it many times–music is an extremely important part of my life, too. I actually have a similar playlist (mine is called “Play This If I’m in a Coma”) that has 153 of my favorite songs.

    I love yours, by the way. Many of them are on my playlist, too. “Mayonaise,” “Save a Prayer,” “How Soon Is Now,” “The Beautiful Ones,” and OF COURSE “Right Down the Line,” which happens to be our (Team MarTar’s) song. :)

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    1. Play This If I’m In a Coma! OMG- I love this! Are you on Spotify or Apple?

      I love that we share so many of the same songs! I love that your song is Right Down the Line-it’s a great song.

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      1. Team Spotify, baby!

        The story behind that song is, I was visiting Tara in NV early on, when we were dating long-distance. We stopped into the local grocery store and Gerry Rafferty was playing. “Every time I hear this song, for the rest of my life, I’m going to think of this moment,” I told her.

        Sure ’nuff…

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      4. I followed you—andddd, I listened to your coma playlist! So many of my favorite songs were on there. I even added another one to my 100 from your list: Winning by Santana.

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  2. Reading about Mark’s re-found iPod, and now your Dad’s, music is racing around my head and I’m thinking I must put some time aside to sort mine out. I’ve just finished clearing out an out email address and found some lovely pieces of music which my friend Dave shared with me. I don’t have them anywhere else, so I’ve forwarded them to myself. I’ve not – yet – been able to listen to them, but I will, and am so happy to have re-found them.

    I didn’t know you could put together a playlist on YouTube – I am soooo excited – thank you for teaching me this. <3

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    2. I would love it if you put together a playlist!

      I didn’t even know I could make a playlist on YouTube until a few months ago! I have a friend on here who only listens to music that way, so I finally figured it out. It’s so easy- if I can do it, you definitely can, I promise!

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  3. This is so beautiful: “it’s memory, comfort, and connection.” My mom was a coloratura soprano and sang with local orchestras, operas and in plays. Music was always important in our family. Her favorite singer in the 70s and throughout the rest of her life was Don McLean. I am able to listen to his songs now with fond memories of her.

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      3. That’s great!. My dad played clarinet. I played flute and my brother played saxophone. My mom played piano, flute and sang! My son took piano from kindergarten through high school. He formed a band, wrote songs and performed around Palm Springs until he and his bandmates went off to different colleges.

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  5. I find a lot of Broadway shows and big band music remind me of my grandmother. Things like the bunny hop when played by a large band take me right back to our summer evenings on Cape Cod. Once a year we went to one of the town bandstands and watched /listened/danced and I can remember where we sat, what we ate, places we shopped, etc.

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  6. I have several different playlists for different moods/ needs (like, I had three for when I was teaching yoga, I have workout/ run playlists, etc) but my favourite is called Nicole Karaoke, and it’s all my favourite sing-along songs.

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  7. This is a lovely post. As I read it, I felt like I was coming to understand part of your grief about losing your father and how you found meaning in it to sustain you.

    Music was always a big part of my life growing up. My father loved music–all kinds–and he listened to the radio often. On Sunday mornings, we’d crowd into my parents’ bed and listen to music on the FM radio before breakfast and getting ready for Mass.

    When he passed away, my mother stopped listening to music altogether. It all reminded her too much of him, and she couldn’t bear it. She never even turned on the radio in her car.

    I’m glad you were brave enough to return to your music and that of your dad’s.

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    1. Thank you so much. Music has always been what connected me and my dad. We were even going to do a podcast together about our love of music. I kept putting it off, and I hate like heck that I did.

      Omg, I love your Sunday morning memory, Nance. That is just lovely. 💜

      And your mom- I get it. My mom and dad used to sit at their kitchen table together to eat when it was just the two of them. My mom still won’t eat there when she’s alone. She and I had lunch there at that table last week, and I think it was the first time she’s eaten there in almost two years.

      I’m glad too.

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  8. I was at my besties daughters wedding a few weeks ago. Don’t stop believing and September always remind me of those besties. Goo goo dolls reminds me of another friend. My sister texted me when the supertramp singer passed because those songs remind her of vacations when we were little

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      3. Okay- you blew my mind a little. I thought YouTube Music was premium only, but I guess not? I might look into adding my playlists there instead. I’ll check it out later tonight. Thank you!

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  10. I’m listening to your playlist right now! I agree that music is so powerful, and have gone through phases of avoiding it all together because it invoked too much emotion. Just reading about your dad’s playlist made me cry, because I can feel how emotional that would be. I have a playlist called “Happy Songs” that are guaranteed to keep tears away!

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  11. What a beautiful post! I can’t wait to listen to your playlist on Spotify. It made me tear up to read that your dad had a playlist called Sara Songs. But, I’m not surprised! <3

    There are a few 70’s songs (of course, I can’t remember the names of them right now) that bring me right back to my high school days…watching boys I had a crush on dance with other girls (heartbreaking!); me and my best friend staying up late into the night, talking about boys; riding my bike through the country roads.

    The entire Carole King Tapestry album brings me to my grandparent’s rec room (my aunt, who is only 3-1/2 years older than me, still lived at home and this was her album) where I would put the record on the huge-ass stereo system on full blast and sing every single song at the top of my lungs. (When noone was home!)

    Two Metallica songs in particular make me think of Phil – Enter Sandman and Nothing Else Matters. Metallica was his favorite band. <3

    xoxo

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    1. I found out about his Sara Songs while he was sick-in March, when he had a really good two week stretch. I remember sitting in his den with him one day, listening to music. He eventually listened to music again, but not a lot. That day he shared his Sara Songs with me, and I’ll never it. I miss him so much.

      Watching boys I had a crush on dance with other girls- oh man…this took me back! So heartbreaking. I love your other memories. 💜

      OMG, Melanie. That album reminds me of my childhood. It was the first album I ever remember listening to. That and Elton John. But Carole King – I wanted to BE her and live in that apartment with her little kitty. I knew that album front to back and I was only 5!! I love that you also loved it!

      Thank you for sharing this. I love Metallica too. In fact, Enter Sandman was the entrance song for Anna and Ella’s high school foobaall team when they came to the field. Now I’ll think of Phil when I hear it. 💜

      xoxo

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  14. Kari, isn’t it something how hearing particular songs bring back memories? I read somewhere that both music and scent are the strongest senses we have for emotional recall. And I believe that.

    “the project has reminded me that music isn’t just background noise. it’s memory, comfort, and connection.”

    YES!

    I have strong memories of my father whenever I hear a song sung by Frank Sinatra or Bobby Darin. And as for my mother, it’s whenever I hear a song sung by Nat King Cole or Patsy Cline. I’m instantly flooded with a ton of wonderful memories that are both bitter/sweet.

    LOVED this post, my friend! Hope you’re enjoying your week and the start of Autumn! X

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    1. Yes! I agree 100 percent! Music and scent both transport me to another time. 💜

      I love that certain songs bring your mom and dad to mind- I feel this way about certain songs too.

      I’m so glad you loved this post, my friend. It took me almost two years to take my time with it, but I’m glad I finally hit publish.

      It’s been so hot here, but a cool down is on the way! Have a great week! xoxo

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  15. Kari, this post surprised me by how emotional I feel after reading it. I clicked, expecting to get a list of songs, and instead I got this incredibly powerful, vulnerable meditation on how important music is. Music is deeply important to my husband and my daughter, so when I think of what music means to me, in comparison, it feels like it’s not that important. And yet. When you write, “the project has reminded me that music isn’t just background noise. it’s memory, comfort, and connection.” — I feel that very intensely. Music IS those things. It’s transportive, in a way few other things are.

    I was listening to some 90s music this weekend and it made me feel so melancholy — it took me back to high school, and all the feelings of angst and inadequacy and impatience and anticipation and loneliness that filled my high school years. But 90s music doesn’t always make me feel that way! Sometimes it’s joyful and fun! So strange, how music can amplify or uncover emotions and remembered feelings. Even when you aren’t expecting it.

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    1. Oh I love this so much. You’re right, it is strange how music sneaks up on us like that. One song can make you feel like you’re 16 again, awkward and impatient, and then the next one can make you feel light and free. I think that’s what I’m realizing too—music isn’t always about the song itself, it’s about where it takes us.

      I feel this way about 80s music now. Sometimes I’ll hear a song that used to make me feel so happy and free, and then I feel sad because someone I loved singing along with isn’t here anymore. But then another time, I’ll hear that same song and it will take me back to a school dance and make me smile. I love that we both experience these highs and lows with music. 💜

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  16. First, your dad has a playlist of songs that remind him of his wife. I MEAN, WHO DOES THAT? This alone speaks volumes about his character and heart.

    THIS: “before school and society got their hands on me.” If I could turn back time—dang. We could have been such different people depending on our surroundings, the people who inhabited our world–better or worse. It’s crazy.

    Music has always been so important to me and certain songs will send me right back to the soundtrack of that moment in time for little ole’ Suz.

    I’m gonna go check out your list. There are many songs that take me elsewhere, but one in particular is Peter Gabriel’s In Your Eyes. I recall listening to this on my drive back from Fort Lauderdale; I’d just dropped Coach off at work and had an hour-long drive back home in traffic; I’d gotten an early morning call from my Mom saying my brother had passed away. I will forever recall that morning, those tears and that song, 35 years later.

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    1. I know! He was such a kind soul. 💜

      Right? We really could have.

      Music and scent do that for me! I’m immediately in that moment as well.

      Oh, friend. What a memory. One you’ll never forget. Sending you so much love.

      That song reminds me of the summer of 1989. I’d just moved from Ohio to Illinois. I’d seen the movie Say Anything with my boyfriend before moving, and every time I heard the song, it made me sad because I was living so far away.

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  17. What a beautiful essay. It feels good on the heart.

    “one day in january, on the way to chemotherapy, he quietly told me he wasn’t listening to music anymore.” That sentence hit hard. Mom was like that as she closer to the end. For her, it was her morning battle with Jumbles, Scrabble puzzles, and the Wordfinder. They were her morning routine for decades, but she stopped about a month before she died.

    I noticed in hindsight a general contraction and slowing.

    I adore music – I always have something playing. I’m not sure I could pick a hundred of my most favourite songs out of my library – most of them are favourites, though their place in current rotation changes with seasons and mood.

    We are of an age, so our music memories have similarities. I used to howl along to “Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road” everytime it played. Another favourite artist from my teen years was John Cougar Mellencamp. I stuck with the “Cougar” long after he dropped it.

    “Little Pink Houses” and “Jack and Diane” evoke memories of road trips to soccer away games, all of us singing along.

    It’s good that you’re finding your way back to music, and to the things that your dad loved. It’s funny how doing the things they enjoyed causes a twinge to the heart. Easier to take a break from it than to deal with their absence.

    I’m gradually finding my way back to exercise – same deal.

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    1. Oh, I’m glad!

      I’m so sorry you experienced something like this too. It made me so sick inside when he said this. Terminal diagnoses do this to most people, I’m sure-grieving while your loved ones are still alive. Little things like that were just mini heartbreaks along the way.

      I always have something playing too, Michelle. I felt that way too- even when I listen to my music day to day, I’m not listening to my 100 songs playlist. I just know that those songs are my favorite in that genre. But I listen to so much different music day to day- they’re nothing like what’s on that list.

      That is so funny about Cougar- my friend’s ex boyfriend played in a John Cougar Mellencamp tribute band, and it had the name Cougar in the band name. I love those memories. I remember listening to his first breakthrough song, Jack and Diane, and it still reminds me of winter.

      I’m so glad you are. Sending you so much love. 💜😘

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  18. I love that you found that playlist ‘sara’ – how sweet. Such a great touch – like he was reaching out and you all felt his love like he wasn’t really gone. That is so special.

    I don’t think I would have 100 songs to fill a playlist, (but maybe I’d be surprised if I tried) but believe you me – when I listen to John Denver or Barry Manilow or Neil Diamond, it takes me back to my childhood when my siblings and I danced around the living room to my mom’s records. Any traditional Irish music will always remind me of my dad. He would crank the stereo up while listening to his records and we’d come home and the house would be vibrating. My mom would be like, You didn’t even turn on the outside lights, Vince. He easily got lost in his fav music.

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    1. I know- he was such a sweet human.

      I love that you have those memories! I do too. I think it would be fun to just create a list of songs you love. Even if it doesn’t make it to 100, it’de be fun to see how far you’d get!

      It’s wonderful that your dad got lost in music. I can really relate to that. 💜

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  19. You’re ambitious. I agree that “music isn’t just background noise. it’s memory, comfort, and connection.” I’ll have to think on what are my top 100 songs. That seems like an insurmountable challenge to select the best ones.

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  20. I just went through your playlist and clicked on some I didn’t know and some that brought back memories of a specific person or certain period of time in my life. What a treat that was. I wrote down a couple that I didn’t know before that I plan to listen to again such as Dancing on the Astral Plane and A Calf Born in Winter. Loved them both. Thank you, Kari. xoxo

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    1. This makes me deliriously happy! THIS is why I love making playlists! Those two are two of my ultimate favorites. I absolutely LOVE Valerie June.

      Thank you for listening and reading, my friend. 😘💜

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  21. OK, now I want to make a playlist! I LOVE that your Dad had sara’s songs! Are you kidding me? That made my heart skip a beat. Your Mom was one lucky lady. Most of my songs that have memories attached are from the 70s and 80s. I need to start this project asap! lol

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  22. I have a favorite musical artist and I’ve been telling myself that I want to do a ranking of the albums/tracks, but life is too hard right now. This was a bolstering post, though, because it means that someday I might come back to this project.

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    1. I think it’s good that you’re still holding onto that idea, even if it’s just waiting in the wings for now. It’ll be there when you’re ready. 😘💜

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  23. so, so wonderful. I still listen to your soul homework playlist. I listen when I’m alone and I even play songs from it in class, for my students.

    songs…

    Purple Rain in my 30s

    fields of gold by Eva Cassidy (not the Police) in my 30s, esp when missing my family that lives in Russia (esp my dad)

    every breath I take by Puff Daddy (or P Diddy?) in my 20s

    in the closet by Michael Jackson- formative years+teens

    Eminem… “just like me?” Early 20s, just came to the US

    U2, where the streets have no name, grieving first serious relationship of 3 years back in my late 20s

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    1. Daria—this is so wonderful! I love that you play it in your class. It means so much to me. 💜🌈

      I love Fields of Gold, especially Eva Cassidy’s version. I looked her up a few months ago and was sad to see she died of cancer. (Very morbid, but just sad.)

      I loved Michael Jackson growing up—and even as an adult. So much good music. My favorite of his is Human Nature.

      LOVE Eminem.

      I love U2 too—such a good song.

      Thank you for sharing your songs with me. 😘💜

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  24. I forgot in my last post to say how young you look in that selfie!!! What a beautiful portrait of you!

    Sara’s Songs – what a marvelous find in your Dad’s ipod.

    I looked at your list and I love so many of your favorites, though there were also plenty of songs I was unfamiliar with. I had to chuckle at seeing ‘Kids in America’ because my kids used to sing that song all the time! It was on a kids’ show called American Juniors, a spinoff of American Idol. There weren’t that many shows all three of my kids watched together, but that was one of them. Good memories for me.

    I can’t say any songs feel like home to me, but plenty of songs remind me of certain friends or specific moments in my life. And any Depeche Mode song reminds me of one of my best college friends named Tom. He loved Depeche Mode back then, when hardly anyone knew who they were. I lost touch with Tom after we turned 30. Once I had the internet, I was able to google him and was shocked to learn he had died a few years after we had last talked in the mid-90’s. I’m still so sad and have never been able to find out how he passed away. Maybe it’s better to not know.

    Don’t want to end on a sad note . . . Purple Rain (the entire soundtrack) reminds me of my husband when he was living in NYC after we had started dating. We were writing letters back and forth and whenever I received one from him, I’d turn on my cassette player with Purple Rain and listen to it while reading his letter. We had gone to see the movie in August 1984 and this would have been September through December 1984.

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    1. Aww, thank you! I REALLY missed you. 🤣

      Sara’s Songs was such a treasure. 💜

      I’m so sorry about your friend Tom. Losing someone like that, especially without knowing the full story, is so hard. Sending you a big virtual hug.

      And your Purple Rain story—love it! Music has this magic of taking us right back to those exact moments and feelings.

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  25. I was saving your Top 100 List for when I needed a Treat & OH MY GIDDY AUNT!!! What a treat!

    You’ve introduced me to great songs I’ve never heard

    And I got SUCH a giddy-kick out of hearing some of my favs. Too many to list but special call out to

    Smashing Pumpkins Cherub Rock. That WALL of sound that enters near the beginning! Goosebumps baby!

    Also

    Beat City (the song plays & the movie starts in my mind’s eye)

    Cars (how did I forget this song?! How???)

    Here Comes The Sun (I cry every time!)

    If You Were Here (that movie scene was once everything… maybe it still is? We just want someone to see us, no?)

    Also I have been listening to so much Plice & Smiths & Cure lately it was neat to see them on your list.

    Must have been soooooo hard to compile! I can’t imagine. Even without the Music Bond between you & your dad and your grief.

    Reading your journey brought up so many emotions. And I was nodding my head when you discovered solace in Instrumental music.

    I know that safe space! That world of Instrumental music is vast & encompassing.

    Got a feeling?There’s an Instrumental Track for it.

    I’m greatful you made that journey & out of it came this amazing List.

    Thank you for putting the list on YouTube too. We’re on a subscription-fast so YouTube is my jam. Thanks for going to the extra trouble!

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    1. I love all these comments. It made me smile so much. This was really hard to narrow down. In fact, I added another song (Winning by Santana) after publishing. I’m sure I might add more. Maybe this playlist will become 200 favorites at some point. 🤣

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  27. I enjoyed going through your list. Not only finding so many overlapping songs, but I also was introduced to a number of new artists and new songs from familiar artists. Great list. I may have to put one together, too.

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    1. I love looking at other people’s lists of favorite music. I just added another favorite to mine—Winning by Santana—after seeing it on a friend’s playlist! I’d totally forgotten about that song. I hope you make a playlist; I’d love to see it.

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