Humor, Life, Menopause

Comfortable Pants are Why I’m Not a Supermodel

Kari

Also bifocals. 

And cheese. 

As I write this, I’ve had one of the shittiest weeks on record. When that happens, instead of doing things I should do, I do things that comfort my soul.

And no, it’s not as Oprah book-clubby as it sounds. It just means doing things that make me feel less shitty—like watching Beverly Hills 90210 or eating a bowl of Fruit Loops for dinner.

Here are a few of my favorite comfort items, just in time for cooler weather.

Beverly Hills 90210
I need to see young, tragically hip people from my day to feel less shitty. Nothing hits harder than seeing what Brandon looks like now—it makes me want to crawl in a hole and go back to 1991. (Twitter is not always a good thing.) He doesn’t look like hell, just old. Meanwhile, I am still 21, obviously.

Coffee
It started innocently with a Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL). I feel like I need to try everything at this stage of life, because, well… death. Then I realized how many calories were in a PSL and read a story saying it could kill you. See? Out there. Waiting.

So I switched to the Skinny Vanilla Latte (SVL, amateurs). Soon I bought a coffee maker because of what I was spending at Starbucks daily. Yes, I am drinking coffee while writing this.

Felicity
Finding the entire series on Hulu—or buying it on Amazon to watch commercial-free—was a revelation. Keri Russell doesn’t look like hell. Yet.

Yoga Pants
They are my jam. They don’t dig into my muffin top or scream, “Woman, make better choices!”

Socks Weather
Long pants, socks, hairy legs—free yourself. No pedicure guilt, no Venus razor stress.

Short Hair
A secret: long hair isn’t mandatory for being sexy. This summer, I went shorter than ever, even partly purple and green with shaved sides. My neighbor (who cuts my hair) hesitated, then admitted it’s the best hairstyle I’ve ever worn. Life’s too short not to rock the hair you want.

Essential Oils
Over the past few years, I became a believer. Oils, or “voodoo” as my teen calls it, have helped with illnesses, ADHD, and make my house smell like a fresh mountain stream. Peppermint changed my life.

Amazon
I love Amazon for vitamins, dishwasher detergent, and hair color. Want a bittersweet trip down memory lane? Check your orders page. Toys for teenagers now long gone. I literally cried for twenty minutes over a 2005 Barbie Head Hairstyler.

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10 thoughts on “Comfortable Pants are Why I’m Not a Supermodel”

  1. I say, whatever makes you feel better, do it. (I read your blog. Works every. Single. Time.) I hope the world is kinder to you this week. Sending you love all the way from Oregon.

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  3. No photo of your haircut? Or is that it in the tiny comment screen? Cute!! So many things to respond to in this post, but I’ll focus on one – I think you sold me on the Unkers.

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    1. The Unkers is amazing, trust me. But apparently I don’t know what I am doing with Amazon, so you can buy it anywhere lol.
      Also, I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU.

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  4. I love how yoga pants accept us the way we are, the more flexible ones in our relationships-always willing to give and stretch themselves for us!

    Oils! Must try oils…must change my life forever!

    Feel I might need that empty nest book, but just the thought of it being appropriate at all makes me sad. I did however just finish reading the book The Nest…totally unrelated, but I am working up to a good old fashioned ramble here!

    I just used Amazon to send my son’s apartment a case of paper towels. I am sure he is going to love lugging that box of purely practical goods!

    Oh, and I am sorry you had a shitty week, and that I just got around to getting here.

    Hair, oh there cannot possibly be enough room in this comment space for me to lament about my hair or carry on about the envy I have for yours!

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    1. I think you will love oils and I am only going off this by the fact that you and I share so many things in common.
      And that book is something you really need.
      Or just wait until I finish it and I can mail it to you.

      SEE? NEVER GOING TO DO WELL WITH AFFILIATE BLOGGING.

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  5. I love this, and the post I published today is eerily similar. How are we twins?! I am so glad I found your blog, your post are so funny and thoughtful, and they inspire me. You write, as I am guessing you speak, or at least at you think, and that is so refreshing. That was one of my biggest goals with my new blog, and reading yours inspires me for mine!

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    1. I just commented on yours just moments ago and I am now 40 dollars poorer, and I couldn’t be happier. I am gonna smell and feel fab in two days!

      I feel the exact same way about you. I am SO glad I found your blog and you. :)

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