Menopause, Podcast, Soul Homework

Podcast #7- Invisibility and Rarely Discussed Menopause Symptoms

Writer McWriterson

I’m reading Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening” right now, and these were his words to me this morning (I like to think the author is speaking directly to me):

From the agonies of kindergarten, when we first were teased or made fun of in the midst of all our innocence, we all have struggled in one way or another with hiding what is obvious about us.

No one plans this. It is not a conspiracy, but rather an inevitable and hurtful passage from knowing only ourselves to knowing the world. The tragedy is that many of us never talk about it, or never get told that our “green hair” is beautiful, or that we don’t need to hide, no matter what anyone says on the way to lunch. And so, we often conclude that to know the world we must hide ourselves.

Nothing could be farther from the truth. It is an ancient, unspoken fact of being that blackmail is only possible if we believe that we have something to hide. The inner corollary of this is that worthless feelings arise when we believe, however briefly, that who we are is not enough.

I discovered TikTok last month. I love it. It makes me laugh, and on occasion, it makes me cry.

So I came upon a TikTok from a woman who inspired the podcast I’m sharing today. She tells about how, at 65, she feels invisible most of the time. Her invisibility, however, began when she was 50 years old.

Is this something that any of you can relate to?

In lieu of a post, I’m sharing a podcast about invisibility during perimenopause. I also talk about two symptoms I had throughout perimenopause that aren’t typically discussed in books or doctor’s visits: brain fog and loss of motivation.

Listen in and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments once you’ve finished.

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24 thoughts on “Podcast #7- Invisibility and Rarely Discussed Menopause Symptoms”

  1. Oh yes, I’m invisible. Of course I have been most of my life, so it seems normal to me. I like it because it’s so much easier to observe what people are doing. Then write about it!

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  2. My grandmother used to say that the upside was that once you got to a certain age (like 70) you could say whatever you wanted and no one would bat an eye!

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  3. I have felt invisible to society in general ever since hmm…my late 40’s, I’d guess. I wouldn’t necessarily tie that to menopause, but to aging in general. Especially as a woman. I feel like no one looks at us anymore; we just blend into the “older woman” crowd. Most of the time, it’s OK with me as I’m an introvert and don’t like to be noticed anyway. Other times, it bothers me that our society focuses on the young and physically attractive/sexy. Not saying that older women aren’t physically attractive or sexy! We are. In a different way – more confidence! Just not society’s way.

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    1. I agree that society tends to put emphasis on young and pretty. I am beginning to see the younger generation turn this narrative, which is so empowering. But I think invisibility varies for women. I also think females are guilty of making other females feel invisible with their words or actions.

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  4. I don’t feel invisible. What I feel is fat and fatigued. No energy, no motivation. Menopause has wrecked havoc on my body and my enjoyment of life in general. The hot flashes from hell have made me dread summer like the plague.

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  5. I guess I’m lucky, because I do not feel invisible. Sad that some people feel that way. I’m guessing that there are many gynecologists who are uninformed about the many issues that relate to menopause and other areas in that field as well, which is frustrating. Looking forward to the book. Sounds like you are getting a lot of work done on it.

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    1. I’m glad you don’t feel that way. I think the more information that is out there, the better we all will be.

      And I think you’re right about gynecologists. We all used to think doctors had all the answers. I now know, this isn’t always the case.

      It’s funny you say that…I mentioned my book has “clinical” parts in the podcast. My friend is helping me completely overhaul the book. Less clinical, more of my stories. It is coming together so much better. I am forever grateful to her for helping me. 🙂

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  6. Don’t ever think you are going to alienate an audience from your topics. It’s educational and engaging to hear your perspectives. Because my wife has been on mood stabilizers and antidepressants for a decade now, she has essentially been in menopause since her late 20’s.

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  7. Well, I thought I left a comment yesterday, but I guess it didn’t go through? Trying again.

    I think I said something like this: Yes, to invisibility. Visibility and invisibility are both double-edged swords. I became visible as a teenager, and I loved/hated it. I hated feeling like an object, but I was a pleasing one to many and there were some real advantages to that. I miss those.

    But more than that, I miss my old body. Not so much because of looks (though I’m as vain as the next person and I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t a factor), but because the one I’m living in now just feels unfamiliar. It’s changed so much in the past year. It doesn’t feel or look the same, and I don’t know how to dress it. I hate that. I wish someone had clued me in years ago that we never really arrive in life. Just when we get comfortable with one stage, the next nudges in and we have to figure out all over again who we are and want to be.

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    1. Yes to the “just when we get comfortable…” part. Although my perimenopause was never comfortable for me.

      I’m trying to enjoy my body at this stage. I’ve only been in menopause for seven months and I’m noticing my metabolism is completely different. But I’m much more forgiving of myself now. I finally love myself for the first time in my life. It took almost 51 years so I have some catching up to do.

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      1. I’m glad you are loving yourself as you are! I do try to appreciate what my body is and can do still, knowing that 10 years from now I will likely look back at this time and wish for some things that will be gone/changed.

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  8. My friend, I hate that you’ve gone through all of these not-so-fun emotions.
    At first, I thought you meant ‘invisible’ to your friends, family, society. But then I think you were referring to your Dr. Right?
    I’ve not experienced any of that, but probably because my symptoms were nothing compared to yours (and others). I truly believe I was given a bit of a pass because my period has been hell-on-wheels since I started at 15; absolutely debilitating.
    I am bad at body-shaming myself. (or am I good at it?) I have a habit of comparing myself now to myself years ago (even 5!) and not being happy. BUT, on the other hand, I’m trying SO hard to give myself some grace and accept that we change, evolve and that is a fact of life. Not everyone will get to their 50’s. Right? ‘Tis a gift to grow old because I know so many people who did not get the opportunity.
    XO

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    1. I think I felt invisible to both doctors and maybe to other women? Especially those who’ve shut me down over the years in regards to symptoms. I’m so good now though. This awakening I’ve had over the past six months has been life-altering in so many ways. I appreciate my life in ways that I never did before. I am also learning that I’ve said yes to many things I wanted to say no to. That is huge.

      I totally agree. You either get shit on the back end or on the front end. I will be addressing that in my book too. That reason has made me look at women differently too. We are so amazing and we don’t really see it while we are walking on Earth.

      Not all of us get to our 50s…you nailed it, Suz. XOXO

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  9. Kari! I love you SO MUCH! What you say in this podcast! YES!

    I wish the world would memorize that last bit you spoke – when you see someone in a pic (or outside), don’t judge, don’t try to fix them, don’t advise them…. because we don’t know what is going on in another person’s life. Just let them be…. as they are. They’re enough just like that.YES.

    Invisibility. I grew up with folks trying to figure out “who I look like” & then they’d tell me. Ok. Thanks? Meanwhile you freaked me out with all your staring. So I’m looking forward to some forms of invisibility. 🙂 But the awful doctors, etc. Oh my. Yes. Why become doctor when u have no interest in helping sick people?

    I’ve seen men become invisible too. An older relative was a Titan…. until he wasn’t. He was pissed! Also I think the judgement of others or external pressure you mention in last part of podcast is Increasingly felt by many. You are on to something there. The pressure to have the perfect bod, perfect clothes, perfect home, perfect job productivity. It is becoming universal. A lot of burned out, stressed out people walking around feeling judged, angry, exhausted by unrealistic work/life demands and powerless to change reality – plus scared they’ll become obsolete. Brain fog trending…. You have spotted something.

    And I think that’s why what you said at the end of your podcast hit me hard. I know people of all walks who could use some judgement-free kindness right now. That Mr. Rogers – you are okay just as you are right now – kind of love & acceptance. I know u were talking peri and the menopause but I felt like your podcast broadcast something for everyone. Thanks for sharing this.

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    1. Oh Maddie, thank you. I love you and your comments so much. I have struggled with sharing my struggles over the years; especially the past five years. I think a lot of the time I don’t resonate or maybe it’s too much complaining. But talking about it in a podcast is so much easier than writing it sometimes.

      I will be sharing another podcast next Monday for a good reason. I will also be reading a portion of a book I just found. It ties into what I talked about this week. We are all more alike than we are different. As hard as that is for some people to come to grips with. I believe that to be true. 🙂

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