Family, Grief, Life, Music, Tater Tots

screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 58

Kari

if you’re new to my blog, welcome! here is an explanation of the tater tot post.

how are you doing? what would make your life easier?

source

i’ve answered this question countless different ways in my soul homework over the last month. i don’t have a lot of ambition right now. hopefully i will gain that back again soon. but I like this prompt and thought you might as well.

my mom, dad, mike, and i went to a trivia night at a local restaurant a week before the bone scan results and had a wonderful time. 

perspective

on my dad’s birthday, november 4th, I wrote in my journal about something that irritated me. something annoying that someone had done. nothing serious, just a human being being human, and i was venting. (to give you some perspective, it was about goodreads).

around the same time, i decided to choose a word for the new year (2024).

every year, i pick a word for fun. last year’s word was nourish. which is kind of cool because i feel like i did nourish different parts of myself in 2023. i also rethought how i nourished myself physically and mentally.

anyway, i had decided on the word zen for 2024.

my dad would then get some bad test results and you know the rest. when i say life can change on a dime, i mean it…he was good and then he wasn’t.

i longed for the girl who complained about goodreads’ book rating system in her november journal. i wished I could be upset about something so minor that it could ruin an entire afternoon. this is not to say that minor issues are unimportant; they were bothering me at the time! anything that bothers us is significant.

but a dose of perspective can be very helpful. it was for me. enough to change my word for 2024 to perspective.

the word zen is a good one, but it doesn’t seem to fit this year. maybe 2025.

one thing i read last month

narrative healing: awaken the power of your story by lisa weinert

one thing i listened to last month

be here now by ray lamontagne

one thing i watched last month

i’m grateful to ella for asking me to watch anne with an e with her this month.

mike and i are in love with the show reservation dogs. thank you, rita, for suggesting that many months ago.

and this was beautiful:

links i clicked on last month

4 Daily Habits that Held Most of Us Back Over the Past Year

Winter Blues — Sylvia Boorstein – Lion’s Roar

Questions for the New Year | A Hundred Falling Veils

How To Slow Down: 97 Ways To Enjoy Your Life This Year – Be More with Less

Margaret Wise Brown and the Art of Paying Attention

Poetry as a Catalyst for Care by Christiana… | Poetry Foundation (good prompts)

source

quotes that had me thinking last month

“anything human can happen to me, and i will do my best to handle it.” -david richo

“wisdom is a living stream, not an icon preserved in a museum. only when we find the spring of wisdom in our own life can it flow to future generations.” – thich nhat hanh

“you must be friends with silence to hear.” – joy harjo

we got the results of my dad’s pet scan last week; he has small cell lung cancer in stage four that has spread to his liver, bones, and adrenal gland.

the good news is that palliative chemotherapy is likely to work well for this cancer. the bad news is that this is terminal cancer, which means he will only be with us for about 18 months if everything goes well. he has chosen to begin chemotherapy this week, and we are going to help him in any way we can to make him feel comfortable.

so many emotions and thoughts. i’ll say this: i’ve never been more present in my life than i am right now. on top of that, my relationship with my parents has never been stronger. i’ve said things to my dad that i never thought i’d be able to say. my love for him is stronger than i ever imagined.

what a gift.

my dad said he wanted to go out to lunch at culver’s after we got the news. ❤️

my dad has an expiration date, but so do all of us. i’ll soak up all the moments i have with him because he’s a truly beautiful human to be around. i wish you could all meet him in person. you’d love him as much as i do.

here’s to 2024…

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51 thoughts on “screw it, i’m eating tater tots – episode 58”

  1. You’re so wise to recognize how present you are currently with your loved ones and will be for at least the next 18 months…and forward. Perspective seems a good word for 2024. It really is all about how we perceive things isn’t it? And your seeing the gift in the present is quite beautiful. I know it’s not the journey you want to be on right now but it’s real life. Again, I appreciate your honesty, vulnerability, wisdom and strength.😘❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for these words, Donna. Perspective is such a good word. I hope it serves us well in 2024.

      “I know it’s not the journey you want to be on right now but it’s real life.” Yes. This. Like that Stephen King quote I found last month. We didn’t ask for this room or music, but because we are here we will dance. 🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Perspective. GREAT word, Kari! And that’s something I always meditate on because it’s our perspective that gives us the opportunity to see EVERYthing in a learning light.

    Anne looks SO GOOD. I’m going to watch it this week. Thanks for sharing the link!

    !6 Moments was BEYOND beautiful. Gonna bookmark it and watch it again!

    “my dad has an expiration date, but so do all of us.”

    You’re spot on about that, my friend. And as hard as that can be, at least we have time to say and do all the things we want to say and do with that person before they leave. I had that experience with both of my parents and I am sooooooooooo grateful for that time to have closure. LOVE the photo of your dad!

    Sending you (and your dad) LOTS of love and Reiki!

    (((((((((((((((((( XXXXX ))))))))))))))))))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AMEN, my friend.

      It is such a great show. Distraction….another great word. That is what Anne has been for me in the last month.

      Wasn’t that a great little video??

      Oh, my friend, I am eternally grateful for you and your love and light. AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR REIKI. My dad has been getting better over the last two weeks with no medical intervention. I know it’s because of your Reiki and all of my loved ones who are sending him positive energy and love. I haven’t been able to give him Reiki since he was admitted to the hospital. I think it’s because I am so emotional. I considered getting Reiki 2 certified this weekend to help him out even more and also to get reiki myself, but I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. Anyway, I am forever grateful to you. I hope you know it. 😘❤️

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  4. Pingback: Something Good | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

  5. I am sorry about your dad’s cancer, but very happy to know he had a fulfilled long life and that he was loved. You are given a wonderful gift, you have an estimate of time that you will still be able to spend with him. So many leave in the morning and never come back home. Make the best out of it and let go, when it’s time and let him know he doesn’t have to hold on.

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  6. I am so sorry about your dad’s diagnosis. I hope the chemotherapy works out well for him. Enjoy every moment you have with him. As you probably know, my mom died unexpectedly Jan. 1, 2023 after five days of asymptomatic COVID. Then my DIL was diagnosed with colon cancer 3C in her 30s in August. You are so right that things can change just like that.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through, Kari. It just sucks, plain and simple. There are no helpful words when you get that kind of diagnosis. I do hope the chemo extends your time together. How is your mom holding up? And I can’t remember; do you have siblings?

    I appreciated the Daily Habits link, probably because I try to practice them already. I’ve learned to let go of control over the past few years, which is difficult because my husband can be a bit of a control freak, especially when it comes to our adult children. I keep telling him, ‘they’ll figure it out for themselves.’ He thinks it’s his job to help them all the time. We really butt heads on this.

    Also, I abide by Nancy Reagan’s JUST SAY NO campaign. LOL! Saying yes less has really de-stressed my life. I really weigh whether something is going to give me joy before I agree to it now.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My mom is doing great. She inspires me every day. This is not to say she doesn’t have sad days, but for the most part, she is doing very well. She is enjoying every moment with my dad. I am very lucky to have them as my parents. My only brother lives in the Columbus area. He’s sick about all this and feels helpless because he’s so far away, which I understand completely. He came out when my dad was first sick and plans to return monthly to spend time with him and help him as needed.

      Your husband and my husband sound very similar. I’ve also let go of control, and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done for my relationships with both of my children. I am very close to both of my daughters, and I believe we get along so well because I no longer micromanage as much as I used to. But he and I both butt heads.

      Just say no…YES. Or, I mean, NO! 😘💕

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  9. Emotions are one of the most critical aspects of the human condition. The problem with too many men is they don’t let themselves experience emotion. They shut down when one comes close. This is a critical failing, and must be addressed.

    Come visit my blog, and leave some comments, if you like

    http://www.catxman.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Kari. Kari. Kari. This whole post. You know what this made me think, it made me think that all the soul homework you have done for years and years has prepared you for exactly this moment. I am in awe of you. In the face of a terminal diagnosis, you say that your relationship with your parents has never been stronger and you have never been more present than you are right now. Wow. WOW, Kari, I am in absolute awe. My goodness, I am so sorry that your dad is going through this, and yes, we all have an expiration date but rarely do we know how soon it will be, and in the face of this you are strong and present in the life you have. I can see the love in your dad’s eyes and you are a gift to your whole family. Sending love and strength, my friend. xoxoxo

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Kari,
        I would have sworn I posted a reply to this post, but I see it’s not here. (I’m sure it’s me and not your site. I blame it on head injury. I blame everything on it and will for as long as I can get away with it.) I’m hopping on here, just because Nicole said what I thought I had: that all the grief and work you’ve done has been getting you prepared for this moment. Like Nicole, I’m in awe. Of you and how life works and how mysterious it all is. Sending love and care.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh, my friend. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that head injury. I’m sorry I’m not checking in on you. My brain fog is much worse now because I am lost in grief, despite my promise not to grieve now. (It’s there…just waiting) Thank you so much for your kind words. Some days are more difficult than others. But I am so grateful to have you all here. Sending you a hug. 😘❤️

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  11. No words. Only prayers and love. Please let me know when he will be up for visitors, Mike and I will wait for the word! It has been too long♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I loved that Moments video. So prolific; our lives are just little moments all running together.
    Being present IS the gift.
    I DO wish I knew your father personally, but knowing all that you’ve said about him here, I’ve already felt love for him. He is so lucky to have his loving family, rallying around him. I’m sure he already knows this.
    Much love to all of you. XO

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I am so sorry to read about your father’s diagnosis, but your WOTY is a good one that I bet you’ll be relying on a lot. While I’m sure you’ll be feeling ALL the emotions about your dad’s health over and over, you do seem to have a wonderful perspective on it. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I am so sorry that your family is going through this, but you you have all the tools to deal with this. It will be HARD, but you can do it. Hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. To start off on a lighter note, Is Rusty Still in the Navy? is a BRILLIANT name for a trivia team. I may have to borrow that someday!

    I like Bijoux’s comment. There really are no adequate words for a situation like this. Just know that I will keep your family in my thoughts and manifest as many positive vibes as I can.

    In the meantime, you can never go wrong with Culver’s.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Oh, Kari. This is so very hard. You’re right we all have an expiration, and who can ever be prepared? But this is difficult. I’m so sorry that you he’s sick. My heart is sad for all of you. I wish there were words that would make this better or easier or something, but I don’t think there are.

    I know from reading your posts for years that your family is so important to you. They are your rock and you are theirs. I’m thinking and praying for all of you.

    By the way, Culver’s is my dad’s fav place to go eat too.

    Sending you a hug and please know that I’m thinking of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m so sorry you and your family have to go through this. “We all have an expiration date” is a powerful thought. My thoughts are with you and I’m sending more good energy your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. As I’ve said, I’ve been holding you and your parents in my heart…and sending so much love and prayers and positive energy and light. This whole thing just sucks and I’m so sorry all of you are going through it.

    “My dad has an expiration date but so do all of us”…that is so true! We are all going to die. We just don’t know when. A neighbor-friend stopped by the other day and I asked him if he’d seen the doctor yet about his bad hip. He’s already had both knees replaced. I said something about all the things that start to fall apart on our bodies as we age and he shrugged and said, “We’re all dying.” He didn’t mean to be dismal (you’d have to know him) but he’s absolutely right. That’s why I love the quote, “We’re all just walking each other home.” (Ram Dass)

    In the meantime, what a joy it is that you’re spending so much time with your parents and going out to eat and even doing trivia night together. I love that!

    Going to look into the book you mentioned (Narrative Healing).

    And that youtube video (Moments)…wow. So powerful.

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, my friend. Your positive energy and love are being felt!

      We’re all dying. YES. I’ve always loved that Ram Dass quote. It’s a great reminder.

      My dad and I were laughing and joking the whole way home from chemo class last night. I told him I’d never forget the night we drove home from his chemo class. The night he signed the contract to kill his cancer cells. The sky was absolutely gorgeous and we were joking about diarreah (a chemo side effect). ❤️

      xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Your word of the year seems spot on for your situation. I know it’ll help you stay in the moment and be encouraging when needed. I forget about Culver’s and need to get to the only one I know of, not nearby of course. I’d like to see Anne with an e, so I’ll add it to the list. The joy harjo quote is brilliant: “you must be friends with silence to hear.” So true and easy to forget in our noisy world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We love Culver’s and are fortunate to have many nearby. 🤣

      Anne with an E is lovely. I’ve never read Anne of Green Gables, but I’m going to now. And now I really want to go to Prince Edward Island.

      Yes! In our noisy world, it is all too easy to forget.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Oh Kari. My heart is aching for you. But I have to remember that an ache is a sign of fullness as well as of emptiness, and your love for your father and his love for you are positively spilling out of this post.

    Your word of the year sounds perfect, and you are clearly embracing it. I am so glad you have this time with your dad. Our time together on this planet is so precious, isn’t it. Sending you all so much love and light. xxoo

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Aw Kari. My heart breaks for you and your family. I am sending you and your dad and your family so so so much love ❤️

    Yes! to Anne with an E and Reservation Dogs! Both shows are favs in my family. We have sayings borrowed from both shows – feels good to call back to them that way. Love living in those worlds and spending time with those wonderful characters. That’s basically the TV I now reach for. The “I want to get to know, spend time with these neat people” shows.

    Have you watched interviews with the Res Dogs cast and crew? Super worth it if you want to dive deeper.

    Perspective is a great word.  Last night my husband had the most hysterical encounter and that’s what I said to him. He gave & received  the gift of perspective. In this case it was middle-aged guy showing 20-something guy a new definition of an Awesome Tuesday Afternoon. And my husband & I remembering what an Awesome Tuesday Afternoon was when we were 20-something. Both good but way way diff! Hopefully some of your 2024 Perspective Epiphanies will be full of laughter.

    Hugs ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, dear friend. We’re doing really well. One day at a time. Appreciating the time we have and focusing on getting him care and hoping he improves.

      I absolutely love both of these shows. Ella and I are currently watching season three of Anne, and Mike and I are watching season three of Reservation Dogs, and I am saddened to think that both of them will be ending at the same time. I need more shows like this! So if you know anything else, please let me know. We share similar television viewing interests.

      I haven’t watched the interviews yet, but now that you’ve told me to, I will. I’m obsessed with the actress who portrays Willie Jack. She is just wonderful. 

      I’ve already had a lot of perspective moments. I’m in love with my word for 2024. I think it is the perfect word for this year.

      Hugs back. 😘❤️

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  23. Don’t you hate it when the TV show you’re binging ends? I feel for you. There are great interviews with the Res Dogs folks to help ease the pain. (And Omg yes! The actor playing Willie Jack! She’s amazing!) Especially on YouTube where there are Indigenous vloggers/podcasters – great stuff. Also some of the actors are in Dark Winds tv show. You might google. Not the same vibe as Res Dogs but still interesting!

    Anne & Res Dogs are so unique. Similar shows are hard but here are some TV and movies in my “I need shelter from reality” cocoon. Some are cozy, some are funny, some are more family or husband friendly. Hopefully something in this list will appeal! You def need to have another show ready :-)

    * Game Night movie Rachel McAdams & Jason Bateman. This one may surprise you. Try not to read anything about it.
    * BBC/PBS All Creatures Great & Small (the remake released 2020? 2021?), tv, season 1 is best. Cozy and full of small moments between the characters and the gorgeous landscape
    * Junior Bake Off – Liam and Rav so encouraging & kind and kids being kind & unintentionally hysterical
    * Eurovision Song Contest The Story of Fire Saga movie – Will Farrell & Rachel McAdams – Somehow I loved this and want to marry several scenes? Especially the “too much shit” scene? But don’t tell anyone. My cool kid card would be taken away.
    * Anything with gardener and my TV dad Monty Don. Gardener’s World with Monty Don or Monty Don’s gardening travel shows are the best.
    * Paddington 2
    * Welcome to Wrexham – reality tv, warning, kinda a crying show (in a good way)
    * The Good Place – ridiculous (in the best way), funny and character based
    * Downton Abbey
    * The Great – tv, defintely adult content but wonderfully random
    * The Great Pottery Throw Down – friendly ceramics competition tv like Bake Off
    * Derry Girls – tv, so damn funny
    * To all the Boys I’ve loved before – movie. Watch and feel marvelously old (especially if you remember Northern Exposure!) and also marvelously nostalgic for being young. And the music is modern but with a massive nostalgia vibe for folks in our age range! I kept thinking – do I know this band?

    I can think of a few others but I think that’s long enough! :-)

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    1. These suggestions are PERFECT!! Thank you so much! Add any more if you think of them. I’ll come back to this list over and over. I’ll also send this list to my mom. She has this kind of taste as well. 😘❤️

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      1. Aw I hope they help. Since you asked 😊 here are a few more:

        *Never Have I Ever – tv, family friendly (high school issues) narrated by John McEnroe(!!!) my family watched so much tennis back in the 80s & I never get over him narrating this. Begins with a sad situation so just be aware.
        *The Diplomat – tv, not warm n cozy but we really enjoyed it. The plot is immersive & there are some small moments/small scenes that are really well done/unintentionally humorous. Plus Rufus Sewell & & Keri Russell.
        *Victoria – tv, Masterpiece Theater, Jenna Coleman, Rufus Sewell and Tom Hughes. Cozy and sweet and the 2 younger stars were dating or dated during so lots of chemistry. Plus great accents and lush scenery/costumes.
        *The Lunchbox – 2013 movie. Super sweet quiet film with kindness
        *Sweet Land – 2005 movie, very very slow, beautiful movie with kindness
        *Dungeons & Dragons – most recent movie (2022?) One for the husband if he remembers D&D. I was entertained too. Focuses on the comraderie (no overly long boring action scenes). Funny & lighthearted.

        Hope some of these bring comfort. Sending hugs!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. You are coming through for me, my sweet friend. I am so grateful for you. 😘

        (Since watching Downton Abbey, I am a sucker for anything PBS or Masterpiece Theater)

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