Anxiety, Favorite Things, Grief, Life, Migraine, Music, Soul Homework

where i’m finding comfort

Kari

thanksgiving was a little tougher this year, which is why this post is coming a bit later than usual. i had a lighthearted tater tot post ready to share, but it didn’t feel right. holidays are especially hard when you’re grieving, and even more so when the person you’re grieving loved those holidays as much as my dad did.

lately, i’ve been seeing a psychiatrist to work through my fear of pain—a struggle i’ve carried for a long time. since my dad’s death, it’s felt even more challenging, so i decided to take this step for myself.

at my last appointment, my psychiatrist asked how i’ve been coping with the grief of losing my dad. i told her that i’ve been allowing myself to feel it, but i often find it difficult to be around people who avoid it, or seem to push it aside. she paused for a moment and said, “maybe they feel about grief the way you feel about migraines—afraid.”

well, damn.

i’ve been thinking a lot about that.

i wanted to write something that feels more healing—something that reflects where i am right now. so, here are the things that have been bringing me comfort lately.

“bunny rabbit” shows : gilmore girls (i heard a rumor that there’s another reboot coming..), schitt’s creek, real housewives.

lifetime christmas movies: i have a soft spot for random old lifetime movies. two of my favorites are a holiday to remember and ebbie. (ebbie is especially special—when i couldn’t find it anywhere, my mom surprised me with the dvd. we watched it together in october💕)

here are a list of my favorite holiday movies in no particular order:

a miracle of 34th street- it’s a wonderful life- the bishop’s wife- love actually- the holdovers -the family stone – a charlie brown christmas- home alone- national lampoon christmas vacation- home for the holidays -love the coopers

here is a list of my favorite holiday-adjacent movies in no particular order:

while you were sleeping – bridget jones’s diary – serendipity

oddly specific foods: my current go-to comfort meal: cottage cheese, air-fried chicken, crunchy grapes, cucumbers, and red peppers—all cubed and mixed together. i got the idea from a woman on tiktok a few summers ago, and it’s been my favorite ever since.

comforting music: traditional holiday music isn’t hitting the same way it used to. lately, these playlists have been bringing me more comfort instead:

safe space playlist

nervous system reset playlist

my spotify wrapped is here, and it made my day! as a music nerd, this is one of those little bright spots that always lights up my year.

i listened for 158,303 minutes this year. my biggest listening day was november 5th (1,391)…probably because i was disassociating.

rituals and practices: yoga, distance reiki, meditative practices—thank goodness for healers and empaths. i can’t imagine what my world would be without them. here are the ones who’ve made the biggest difference:

yoga with kassandra

yoga with adriene

tip of the moon (bri)

mainstream reiki (andrea)

woo-woo tip: if you’re new to cleansing your home (like saging, etc.), you can use any of the reiki videos listed below—especially if you’re sensitive to smells. here are a few to get you started:

(4) 8-Hour Reiki Session 🙌 to Clear Your Space – Perfect for Sleeping or Working – YouTube

(4) 🧿 Negative energy removal 💎 Deep energy cleanse and purification – YouTube

soul homework and writing: i haven’t had a particular book truly call to me in a while, but my morning ritual has become something i cherish. every day, i wake up early, write in my journals, and spend 5-10 minutes in solitude.

i’m working on a post about daily gratitude for 2024. i started this tradition last year, and it turned out to be such a healing experience—taking time to reflect on the little things i often take for granted. i’m excited to make this a yearly practice.

internet finds:

64 Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays – Whats your Grief

5 Types of Self-Care and Why You Need Them All (i want to get better at social self-care in 2025)

Hummingbird Sounds, Chirps and Calls – YouTube

The Art of Protecting Your Peace | TIME

(4) The Most Beautiful Wind Chimes + Peaceful Forest Sounds (Sanctuary Chimes) – YouTube

(33) At Least There’s Dogs – by Julie Barton – Out With Lanterns

if you are going through grief of any kind, i am sending you love, especially this time of year.

where have you been finding comfort lately?

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51 thoughts on “where i’m finding comfort”

  1. Oohh! I hadn’t heard of Yoga with Kassandra but I love Yoga with Adrienne. How sweet that your mom found you one of your favorite movies on DVD!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Kassandra is a new find in my world and I really like her a lot. She has a different vibe than Adriene, but it’s still so encouraging and soothing.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ve been missing you this week, so I’m glad you posted. I’m also glad to hear that you are seeing a professional to work through your grief. I hope it’s really helpful, especially during the holidays.

    I find a lot of comfort in fiction. Books were so important to me as a child/teen, but once I was in college, I didn’t have the time to read for pleasure and that extended to my career and then becoming a mother. When I turned 40, I started reading again and it’s been a life changer for me.

    And I’m with you on the Bravo shows. You wouldn’t think watching women argue would be relaxing, but for some reason it is – LOL! I was so sad last week to hear that the original VPR cast wasn’t coming back, but I’m taking solace in the return of Southern Charm this week. It’s truly an escape. I’ve really struggled with issues with my mother over the past month. I’ll probably write about it in January.

    Cottage cheese with breaded chicken is genius! I’ve never thought to mix in anything besides fruit, but I can see how cucumbers or peppers would be delicious, too. I’ll give it a try. XO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s definitely helping. 💕

      My mom has found comfort in fiction too. Reading has been soothing for me as well. I’ve been thinking about reading more fiction, but my attention span has been a bit affected by grief. I’ve noticed it’s harder to focus since my dad passed, and I’ve heard that’s pretty common.

      Those women arguing? Absolutely therapeutic! 🤣 I really need to check out the other Bravo shows—Housewives is the only one I watch right now.

      Oh, my friend, I’m so sorry for what you’re going through with your mom. When you’re ready to share about it, we’re here for you. 😘

      RIGHT?? It’s so good.

      Like

  3. That’s an excellent Christmas watch list!
    I completely understand holiday grief. Christmas Eve was always a day set aside for me and my dad. I still tear up with the memories, and he died 45 years ago.
    *hugs*
    💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’ll admit, I added it here for myself too, so I can easily find it when I’m in the mood to watch something! 🤣

      Oh, my friend. I’ll be thinking of you on Christmas Eve. I love that you and your dad were so close. I completely understand. 💕

      Sending you hugs right back. 😘

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I am 💯 for rituals, practices and bring on the woo-woo! If nothing else, they bring me peace and comfort and alignment and re- centering. Great advice, also about gratitude practices. Thanks, Kari 💕

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  5. Wow, you listened for even more than I did! What were your top songs? What were your top artists? Mine really checked out – Aretha Franklin number one, as she has been for a few years now, not surprisingly. My top song was Oooh Baby Baby by Linda Ronstadt! Isn’t that so random and yet so perfect? The other four top were Waterfalls, Linger, Dog and Butterfly (last year it was #1!) and Empire State of Mind. I feel like this is everything. Oooh I am so looking forward to hearing about yours.

    I thought about you a lot last week. I know it’s the first Thanksgiving without your dad and that is so sad. I’m sure you missed him terribly. I’m sure there was a really big space that was just empty, and that is so very sad. I am sending you so much love. The holidays can be so hard when you are grieving. I’m glad you are finding comfort where you can. Holding you in my heart. xoxoxo

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    1. I can’t believe I listened to more than you! A lot of my favorite artists are pretty unknown since I listened to a lot of ambient music at night to help me sleep. I LOVE that Aretha was number one! And that Linda Ronstadt song being up there too—this made me so happy! You and I definitely share the same taste in music. We would have such a fun car ride together. 💕

      My top artists were Kenji Kihara (see, I told you…), Koshun Nakao (again…), Pat Metheny, Jose Gonzalez, and Valerie June. 2018 me would be so surprised by 2024 me, but honestly, I kind of love it. My top songs were mostly ambient, except for Visions by Jose Gonzalez. I might share some links in my next post!

      Thank you so much for thinking of me. Finding comfort where I can—yes, that’s perfection. Christmas will be the hardest because my mom and dad loved it so much, but I’ve got some fun surprises planned for my mom, and we have each other. Last year was stressful and chaotic, so we’re manifesting peace this year.

      Thank you for holding us close. I truly feel it. 💕

      Like

  6. Oh Kari, my heart goes out to you. The holidays are such a difficult time when someone so important is gone. It’s so great that you’re seeing someone to help you through, plus you’re focusing on gratitude and some of the good things about the holidays. Your glass bowl is full of colorful memories – how beautiful! Your comfort meal actually sounds really good to me! There’s something delightful about crunchy, salty, creamy and sweet all together!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for showing up here every week and being so kind. It really means the world to me. And yes, crunchy, creamy, sweet, and salty are the perfect combo when mixed together! 💕

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  7. Kari, I applaud you for taking a step to help yourself. Soooooo HAPPY you decided to do that!

    From my own time with grief, I found it very helpful to FEEL it by walking through it. And in doing so, the grief took me to the other side. I still think of and miss both my parents. Especially around the holidays. I can feel them very close to me. I talk to them a lot while in meditation and sharing Reiki.

    I love that you listed Miracle on 34th Street because that’s the movie I watch Thanksgiving morning while having my coffee, I kid you not. It’s such a feel-good story!

    Thanks so much for sharing your journey with us, my friend. In doing so, you help US.

    X

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that you can still feel your parents close to you, even now. That’s something I’m most afraid of—that as time passes and the grief softens, I’ll feel farther away from my dad. I know it’s not really possible, but it feels that way sometimes. Hearing that you still feel your parents with you gives me so much hope. Thank you for sharing that. 💕

      That is such a perfect movie to watch on Thanksgiving morning! I might make it my new tradition next year!

      Thank you so much for sharing your grief with me here. It means so much to me. 😘

      Like

  8. I spent a good chunk of time writing little personal notes in this year’s batch of Christmas cards. Haven’t put up a tree yet (mostly to protect the cat from eating it and throwing it up), so this ritual has been welcome.

    I’m also finding some weird small joy in configuring upgraded laptops and cameras and then abandoning the cart and congratulating myself for saving money.

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  10. Loving your chartreuse door. <3

    My therapist recently encouraged me to buy a very small, journal type book titled: Healing After Loss. It only arrived yesterday, so I can't yet recommend, but did think to mention it because she's recommended it to many of her patients over the years. Wish you comfort.

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    1. Thank you! I’m so glad you like it too. 💕

      I just added it to my reading list! I love having a daily meditation book, and therapist-recommended grief books are always so meaningful. I really appreciate you recommending it to me!

      Wishing you comfort as well. 😘

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  11. I can only imagine how challenging Thanksgiving was. I’m so glad you’re meeting with a psychiatrist and that you’ve found one to connect with. I think that’s an accomplishment right there.

    My mom is still here, but she’s not the mom I know and that’s hard. It’s like a gradual loss . . . if that’s possible. There are moments when I have a moment when I want my mom back. I want to talk to her and have her responses feel engaging and like a warm hug. It’s hard, but the fact that she’s still here makes it confusing . . . like I’m focused on her right now and her needs and there isn’t always time to stop and remember that this isn’t the mom I grew up with. Ugh.

    I haven’t heard of some of these holiday movies. I’ll have to get on that.

    I love the bunny rabbit show theory. So clever. Curly is watching Gilmore Girls right now, like an episode a night. There are so many shows from back in the day that I’d like to rewatch like Murphy Brown and Night Court. I loved those shows in high school.

    Sounds like you are doing a good job of taking care of yourself, but I understand grief takes time – has it’s own course. Be patient with yourself. Thinking of you from not so far away. xo

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    1. It really is such an accomplishment. Finding a good one is so rare, and she is truly a gem. 💕

      What you’re experiencing is real loss, and that’s grief to navigate. I understand that deeply. I went through anticipatory grief right after my dad was diagnosed, and it stayed with me all the way until the night he died. Alzheimer’s is such a cruel disease, especially for those who witness it. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 😘

      I have such fond memories of watching Murphy Brown and Night Court with my mom! We loved those shows. I started watching Gilmore Girls when I was up feeding Ella as a newborn. My friend gave me her DVDs, and I would watch them—they were such a comfort. I love that Curly is watching them now too!

      I’m thinking of you too. Sending you so much love. 😘❤️

      Like

  12. I’m sorry grief is surging right now. I’m in the same way. Grief does scare people, and so they ask us to put it aside for their comfort. My counsellor tells me our society doesn’t do grief and sadness and loss well. I don’t disagree.

    This is a good box of coping techniques, thanks for sharing. I’ve got the 64 techniques open on the next tab.

    I’ve been finding comfort by holding the line boundaries, actually. Sticking to my guns on how I want to navigate this first holiday season without my mom. And by rereading old books I like. And by trying to remember I also deserve grace.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

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    1. Your counselor is absolutely right—society often struggles with grief and sadness. It’s tough when there’s not enough room to process those feelings openly.

      I really hope you’re able to find something helpful from those 64 techniques. Sending you love as you explore them. 😘

      Those ideas are wonderful, Michelle. I think I might borrow a few of them myself.

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  13. I noticed you hadn’t posted anything on Monday and was hoping you were doing ok. I can just imagine how difficult Thanksgiving must’ve been w/o your dad visibly present. Was happy when I saw you had posted. Loved reading your Xmas movie favs. Had never heard of Ebbie. Will check it out. Glad to know that you are taking care of yourself. ❤️

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    1. Thank you, my friend. I’m doing okay. This weekend was challenging for many reasons, but the hardest part was not having my dad here. It’s even tougher as we approach the anniversary of his diagnosis last December. I love journaling—it’s such a healing outlet—but revisiting last year’s memories can feel bittersweet and sometimes stir up sadness.

      I’m making sure to take care of myself, and my mom is doing the same. We’re all leaning on each other and finding our way. I feel so fortunate to have the love and support of my mom, husband, and kids. 💕

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  14. I’ve been keeping a close guard on my heart lately, noticing joy, allowing fear to pass through me, acknowledging peace and calm when that arrive. I’m trying very hard not to allow the emotional states of others to sabotage my calm or peace. So obviously, solitude is wildly appealing for sensitive types like me. Managing grief for me requires a lot of self care. Do something good for you. Hugs, C

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    1. YES to not allowing the emotional states of others to sabotage your peace. I’ve distanced myself from others a lot this year—I think it’s been a way to protect my peace. Managing grief does require so much self-care.

      I’ve noticed that those who’ve experienced grief but haven’t fully felt it or dealt with it properly can be difficult to be around. Does that make sense?

      You explained all of this so beautifully. 🩷

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  15. I knew the holidays would be hard for you this year. You and your family have been in my thoughts.

    Crunchy grapes? Can you elaborate on that?

    I love how your list of favorite Christmas movies has some obvious ones that are on my list, as well (Christmas Vacation, Charlie Brown, It’s a Wonderful Life); some less-popular ones that also make the cut (The Family Stone); and some I’ve never heard of (The Bishop’s Wife, Love The Coopers). How do you feel about some of the classic Rankin-Bass stop motion films like Rudolph and The Year Without a Santa Claus?

    I live for Spotify Wrapped!

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    1. Thank you, Mark. 💕

      I call them crunchy, though maybe crispy is a better word? They need to snap when I bite into them—I can’t stand a soggy grape.

      I can’t believe I forgot Rudolph! Actually, I love most of the Rankin-Bass shows. I just watched Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town yesterday!

      I have Apple Music too, and honestly, I think theirs is better. It’s more in-depth than Spotify. But since I spend way more time on Spotify, my Apple Music one isn’t as interesting.

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  16. I’m so sorry Thanksgiving was rough, but also–I’m glad you had a dad whose loss made it rough. I’m glad you got such a good one, and I know you can’t have the one without the other. (Which is one of the things that really sucks about being a human!) The comment from your psychiatrist about pain gives me pause. I’m going to need to think about that one, too. Thank you for sharing all your comforts; so many good things in your list.

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    1. I’m glad too. 🩷

      I’ve been thinking about that ever since, and it’s definitely made me see things a little differently.

      Comforting myself has been a lifesaver this year. Who am I kidding…comforting myself has been a lifesaver since 2020. Wait, scratch that…since 2016. Honestly, since forever. 🤣

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  17. What insightful input from your psychiatrist – it sounds like you’ve found yourself a good one, which I’m so pleased to hear. May it be a fruitful relationship which supports you through the early and most painful period of grief.

    Loved the various types of self-care, and especially the opening stating that it’s not just bubble baths and candles – I’ve used that line myself in writing about it. I’m wondering if I’m ready to start writing about the subject again.

    I’d not heard the term “bunny rabbit shows” but oh how it resonates.

    Much love to you Kari <3

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    1. She’s wonderful, and I’m so grateful to have her in my life. I know I have a long road ahead with my fear of pain, but I trust her—and now I just need to learn to trust myself. 😊

      YES! There are so many myths about self-care, and it’s so much more than people realize. I hope you do write about it—I’d love to read your thoughts.

      I only heard about bunny rabbit shows for the first time earlier this year. I think Ally might have written about it too.

      Thank you for the love, Deb. Sending lots of love back to you. 😘

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  18. Kari, I’ve been thinking about you and how different the holidays must feel. I’m glad you are finding so many ways to derive comfort and I am glad that you are willing to share your grief process and memories of your dad here, I hope that also brings some catharsis.

    Your movie list reminds me that I should rewatch While You Were Sleeping. I think I saw it for the first time in decades a few years ago and was so charmed by the utter implausibility of the plot. So fun.

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    1. Thank you so much, Suzanne. I knew it would be hard, but nothing truly prepares you until you’re in it. I’m grateful to be in it with my family, talking about my dad and sharing memories. It’s definitely bringing some catharsis.

      We love that movie so much. It’s such an underrated holiday-ish gem.

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  19. Right back atcha!

    That salad looks yummy… except for the cucumbers – they give me indigestion! I have found yoga to be helpful lately. I restarted it after not doing it for about ten years.

    I often find comfort in music, even songs that make me weep as there’s a cleansing feeling around that. Community also brings me comfort if it’s the right kind; either small and intimate, or big but in total solidarity (like a vigil my sweety and I attended on Friday along with a couple of hundred people marking six months since a hit-and-run driver killed a cyclist).

    The holidays are hard when grieving… especially the first round of everything. Peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, that’s wonderful you’re doing yoga again! I only started about a year and a half ago, and it’s been such a gift for both my body and soul.

      You’re so right about finding the right kind of community. I’ve only attended one vigil in my life, but the energy and connection in the crowd left a lasting impression on me. There’s something profound about vigils—maybe we need more of them and fewer funerals. Just a thought.

      I’m so sorry to hear about the cyclist who was killed. Was this someone you knew?

      And yes, absolutely to that first round of grieving. ❤️

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  20. Yeah, I’m really enjoying the yoga, doing a few different ones, some harder than the others and it feels so invigorating. I mostly started as the shoulder season weather was crap for cycling and I hadn’t sorted out my indoor set-up yet, but I’ll continue the yoga!

    I didn’t know the cyclist, nor did anyone in our “organized” bike community. His wife (she doesn’t like to be referred to as a widow) reached out to our city’s bicycle mayor (a legit global organization’s volunteer role) and has embraced the community and invited us in. As head of a local bike group I was asked to help her navigate court processes, etc. She’s very brave and has spoken publicly about the need for safer streets. Inspiring.

    I’ve only been to one other vigil, for a girl killed in the Sandy Hook shooting, whose family lived here for three years. I agree, they are profoundly powerful.

    Getting through the “firsts” is one of the hardest parts. 💙

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    1. My mom feels the same way about being called a widow—it’s not a word she likes either. Honestly, it does have a harshness to it. Sending her so much love as she navigates this process.

      Oh Steve, I can only imagine the powerful energy at that vigil. There’s often so much sadness, but also a chance for deep healing at events like these. It feels different than a funeral or a celebration of life, though those are lovely in their own way—just a different vibe.

      It really is. 🖤

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  21. Wow to what your Dr told you, that realization about pain and grief—-like, how do they just know stuff so quickly?
    Girl, your go-to comfort meal? STOP IT! That combo is good? I like all the ingredients, but together?

    Xo

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