last year, i reflected on how choosing “perspective” as my word of the year ended up shaping so much of how i moved through daily life. this year, the learning didn’t slow down—it just shifted, deepened, and in some ways, softened.
i kept adding to the notes app where i’ve been collecting lessons since turning 53. some of these could easily be their own posts, but i like the idea of starting a conversation instead.
here’s what i’ve learned in my 55th year.
1- don’t plant mint in the ground.
2- i am way too easily influenced by a good product review
3- two colonoscopies in nine months taught me there’s… a lot of poop in the human colon.
4- library books always show up when i have too much to read- never when i actually need them.
5- i’ve reached the age where the hygienist scolds me for brushing my teeth too well.
6- i have to look up more word spellings with each year i age. ie: hygienist
7- i’d rather be too cold than any degree of hot.
8- i get dysregulated really easily —especially when i’m tired, hungry, hot, or driving in unfamiliar areas with a lot of traffic.
9- it seems like struggle gets more attention than celebration. i don’t think it’s personal—i think it’s human. still, i wish we made more space for the good stuff, too.
10- my concentration is definitely getting worse as i get older.
11- what were we talking about? oh yes! speaking of concentration, i used to listen to music and watch videos at the same time. now i need total silence to focus on a simple tiktok.
12- i hate hateful people. but i guess that makes me a little hateful too.
13- once my eyes were “opened,” i couldn’t close them again. and honestly, i’ve wanted to.
14- i learned that feeling unmotivated can come from not feeling in control of my life. when so much is out of my hands—like lockdowns, personal struggles, a parent’s illness, or the state of the world—it slowly erodes my sense of agency. and without that, motivation starts to fade too.
15- i really hate tailgaters. jeezuz, i am hateful.
16- i might be getting grumpier. see #12 and #15.
17- speaking of tailgaters, one of the harder lessons in emotional maturity for me has been this: when someone tailgates me, then cuts in front, i don’t tailgate them back. the first time i let it go, it actually felt surprisingly good.
18- capitalism wants me to believe i need a subscription, a certification, or a $300 tote bag to do something real. want to garden? toss seeds in the dirt. want to write? grab a notebook. i don’t need a fancy plan—i just need to start.
19- sleep is so much more important than it used to be. when i have a bad night, i feel like i have the flu.
20- i don’t need to sage to clear my home. fresh air, music, even a good sweep can shift the energy. see #18.
21- just because i am the parent doesn’t mean i know what’s best.
22- barometric pressure is a motherfucker.
23- swearing is good for my mental health
24- i will never buy a house with white kitchen cabinets again.
25- i’ve noticed a shift in myself over the last three years—a heaviness i didn’t used to carry. i don’t know how to get back to the version of me that felt lighter. but maybe i’m not supposed to. maybe this version is still growing—just in a different direction.
26- getting in pajamas and into bed by 8 pm is PERFECTION.
27- sense of smell and taste matter more to mental health than i ever realized.
28- don’t get a tattoo while grieving.
29- chocolate and alcohol offically give me horrific migraines. i’ve given both up for good.
30- eckhart tolle changed how i see the world.
31- maybe migraines aren’t the problem-maybe they’re the messenger.
32- turning off my phone and being unreachable for an hour during my weekly yoga class is just as healing as the yoga itself.
33- this is the first year i’m beginning to feel my age physically, and that’s okay.
34- last year, my mom had two falls and broke her shoulder — and she also had covid for the first time. after researching, i learned grief can weaken resilience, making us more prone to physical setbacks.
35- eating healthy is a privilege.
36- closed-minded people keep everything closed except their mouth… or their fingers when they’re typing.
37- ikea isn’t really a good deal when you have to spend an entire day putting together cheap furniture.
38- don’t go clothes shopping/ try on clothes when i’m grieving.
39- nothing has humbled me more than having to collect my own stool sample.
40- seasonal affective disorder can happen in the summer, too.
41- i still can’t believe he is gone. maybe a part of him isn’t?
42- it’s a good thing my kids like different things than i do.
43- aging is a gift.
44- keeping score — “i did this, so they should do that” — is tiring and isolating. it closes my heart, and that’s not who i want to be. i’m choosing to let it go.
45- i don’t feel 55 in my head or heart.
46- small parking lots and bad parking situations aggravate me more than i would like to admit.
47- no matter what time i go to bed, i still wake up by 6 am. (this isn’t a flex)
48- i’d rather stay home with my dogs and read than do anything else.
49- i am now officially the person who says “back when i was…”
50- children mirror what they see. if we want to end bullying in schools, it has to start with the grown-ups.
51- half my life is spent sweeping crumbs off the floor.
52- i’m so glad i’m friends with people from different cultures, lifestyles, and ways of thinking. i’m so grateful i live in a place where that mix feels normal.
53- a lot of what happens in my life is probably a lesson, even when i think it feels random —i just need to pay closer attention.
54- don’t take an edible (or three) before leaving a blog comment.
55- my life is my dharma…i touched on this briefly in last years post but never really elaborated.
for years, i wondered what my purpose was — especially through the hard parts of raising children and the quiet work of holding a home together- most days felt unseen. then in 2023, my dad’s cancer diagnosis changed everything.
caring for him — the drives, the waiting rooms, the moments i’d never trade — taught me that love isn’t a burden, it’s a lifeline.
after he died, a book found me when i needed it most: reminding me that purpose doesn’t have to be grand. sometimes it’s just showing up in the ordinary.
healing alongside my mom as we learn to live with loss, standing with mike when work feels heavy, holding space for my daughters as they grow — that’s my purpose right now. i’m still figuring it out. i’ve also learned to protect my own spirit, too, so i don’t lose myself along the way.
when i realized that maybe the meaning of life is simply to help others, something unclenched in me. searching for meaning can be exhausting — but so can feeling like you have none. it’s a relief to think maybe it really is that simple. i don’t have it all figured out. some days i worry i’m not doing enough.
but even then, just showing up for someone else — in small, imperfect ways — makes this whole messy life feel worth it.
and maybe this helps someone else find a bit of peace amid the chaos.😘💜
here’s to learning, growing, and showing up—what’s one lesson this year you’ll carry with you?
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A Grace Full Life 
It’s okay to hate hate. That makes it a double negative, which means, you really just love. :)
There’s so much else to discuss here, but I don’t want my comment to turn into a novel. A few key points:
#1 – agreed; there are only so many Mojitos one can drink in a lifetime.
#4 – it’s become a game on the Libby app, delaying Kindle deliveries by a certain number of days or letting the next person in line borrow the title first. Timing is everything.
#54 – this is the modern equivalent of drunk texting (which I did a bit of on Saturday, oops).
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I am good at that Libby game! Also, slightly offended I didn’t get a drunk text from you. 😙
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Next time, I promise!
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Make me regret that.
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🤣
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I’m sorry, Kari. I’m acting like I’m drunk commenting. Some day soon I’ll get over the idea that Mark and I now live in the same place.
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Listen- I write comments while high, so I get it. 🤣💜
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I love this way of thinking!
Well, if you need any mint for your mojitos, I’ve got plenty.
I’ve actually started buying books — something I never thought I’d do — just to have something to read when there’s a book drought.
Yes, it is! OOPS is right! Glad I’m not alone. 🤣
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I think you’re doing a great job of taking care of yourself and allowing time to grieve.
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Thank you so much, Elizabeth. 😘💜
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💕
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There is so much goodness here. My favorites, though are #26 (team early bird!), #53 (paying attention to life’s lessons) and your final thought about how just showing up for someone else — in small, imperfect ways — makes this whole messy life feel worth it. My biggest lesson this year has been “feel the fear and do it anyways”; the familiar theory has transformed into a way of life.
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I really love this — thank you for sharing what spoke to you. Your takeaway about “feel the fear and do it anyway” really hits me, especially because I struggle with fear myself. It’s one thing to know the idea, but to actually live it… that’s powerful. It makes me want to try it more in my own life. 😘💜
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You’ve got this!! 😘💜
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😘💜
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The hating to be too cold or too hot shows if you are a spring/summer lover or a fall/winter lover. I HATE being cold so much that I have a blanket in my car that I use all winter on my lap while driving and I take a sweater to restaurants all summer because of the AC. Being too hot has never been a thing for me.
However, boy can I relate to dysregulation. I’ve not heard it called that, but I seriously cannot concentrate when there’s something external bothering me like that. While driving in rain/snow, I have the radio off and I always told my kids that nobody could ask me any questions.
When I saw the first tailgaters line, I thought you meant you hated people who party before football games – LOL! I was thinking, that’s kind of harsh!
#25 – Heaviness. So relatable. When my Dad was in his mid-70’s, prior to having dementia, I remember him telling me how he was ‘ready to go.’ At the time, I thought I could never think like that. There seemed to be so much to live for. Sadly, I’m starting to see his point of view. There comes a time in life where many people have had enough. I’m definitely not there yet (no worries!) but I’m starting to understand it.
I’m bummed about the chocolate and alcohol for you.
#52 – I grew up in a very integrated neighborhood/school district. The first birthday party I ever attended was a black girl’s. My childhood best friend is Jewish, as were a number of my high school friends. In high school, I was good friends with a Cuban boy and I made friends with a girl from Iran (I can’t remember why she was there for one year). I had many similar experiences in college. OTOH, my husband had the opposite life experience growing up and that makes me sad. You miss out on a lot from that sort of isolation.
Thanks for the thought provoking post! XO
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Keeping a blanket in the car — that’s a great idea! I’m definitely going to do that. I used to enjoy warm weather, but migraines destroyed that for me. Menopause and migraines…
Yes to no one asking me questions! I can’t have the radio on when I’m trying to find an address or drive in city traffic. I like driving alone most of the time because then no one can see how weird I really am. “I’ll meet you there. We can talk at the restaurant.” 🤣
LOL — I have no problem with tailgating. It’s the people who ride the back of my car while I’m driving that bother me. Which — by the way— is illegal. I think people forget that little fact.
I understand it too, my friend. I never felt this way until after my dad died. I’ve come to realize that this is just the nature of things. Life prepares us for impermanence. We feel like we’ll live forever… until we lose a parent — then it changes you.
I’m bummed too. I was depressed about it for a long time. I still miss it a lot.
We live in a wonderfully diverse town, and I love it here. My kids grew up with friends and family from all sorts of cultures and backgrounds. Two of my closest friends are Asian, and having them in our lives has been such a gift. I really encourage people to step outside their usual circles and connect with others from different cultures — the world is so much bigger and richer than just one country.
Thank you for reading it! 😘💜
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The tattoo warning made me laugh, as did many of these! More like, “I know just what she means” than, “Hilarious.”
I learned this year what I have to learn over and over every year: Never say never.
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I love that you could relate to many of these. 😘💜
Never say never- you got that right.
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Loved this. I had to go back and take a few notes. First of all, love your humor! Subtle, dry, and smart – made me chuckle out loud more than once. Totally relate to #8 and getting easily dysregulated; #19 without a good night’s sleep I feel like I have the flu or like I’m hungover — and that relates to still waking up at the same time in the morning no matter what (forget what number that was); such a sweet picture of you and Anna; #23 I love to swear#@*; curious about the story behind #28? Thanks Kari. A lesson I’m carrying is “Control is an Illusion. We aren’t in control of anything. We have choices and we have decisions to make and the closest thing that we have to control is being authentic.”
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I love that we have so much in common! Your comment really made me smile. All of your comments do. 😊
About my tattoo — I got a sunset in honor of my dad last June. I was carrying so much emotion at the time, and for some reason, I felt like I needed to get it right away. I showed my tattoo artist the inspiration for what I wanted and explained what it meant to me, while hoping she would add her artistic touch. When I got there, she didn’t make any changes, and it left me feeling a little sad. I was in a tender place and didn’t feel able to speak up, so I went ahead anyway. Looking back, I realize I might have rushed it, but I’m learning to be kind with myself about that. I hope to get it embellished more at some point.
I love this! We can’t control everything that happens — the weather, other people’s choices, or the surprises life throws our way. But we can choose how we act, what we say, and how we show up for the people we care about. Focusing on that can help us feel more grounded and more at peace, even when things are unpredictable. (It’s been feeling like that a lot this year- hasn’t it?)😘💜
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Kari, 6 and 7 IMMEDITELY jumped out at me because ME TOO! I don’t care how cold it gets, you will never (and I mean NEVER) hear me complain. However, anything above 75 degrees is painfully excruciating to me. I can’t tell you how happy I am that summer is coming to a close and Autumn is slowing moving in. I also can’t wait until Winter arrives and we get our first snowfall. I seriously think I need to move to either Alaska or Antarctica!
And yes, I constantly have to look up more word spellings each year. That’s why I use Grammarly a lot.
OMG, that “picture pop up” is HYSTERICAL!!!!
PURPOSE has always been something that I’ve contemplated. Over the years though, I’ve (for me) come to the conclusion that my overall purpose in life is to be “of service to others” – regardless of what occupation I’m in. I am on this planet to SERVE.
Really enjoyed this post, my friend. You and I have had many the same lessons.
Next month I will turn 70, which blows me away. And do you know what? I am STILL learning stuff.
Have a superb week! X
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NEVER complain about cold — ever. I’ll just grab a sweater! I heard we’re going to have a cold winter, and I got excited. People look at me like I’m nuts, and I’ll take that as a compliment!
I love that you use Grammarly — I love it too! Thank goodness for the internet.
LOL — I used to love PicMonkey. I had a ball making pictures back in the day.
I agree with being here to serve others. I think if all of humanity felt this way, everyday life would be so much more pleasant and easier.
I love that we’ve had many of the same lessons, my friend.
70! Oh friend, what a blessing that is! I love that you are still learning. You are an inspiration, I hope you know this. Much love to you.
Have a wonderful week! 😘💜
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I love everything on this list (omg the mint, never ever just plant mint)
And sleep! Sleep is so important. It’s just so important to unplug everything and take some time for yourself as well – yoga, etc.
But I agree with everything! Especially dharma. How we spend our days is how we spend our lives – and that is a beautiful thing.
Something I have learned is that the meanest people are also the unhappiest, and when people lash out it’s more to do with them than anything. It helps me be compassionate.
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I know — what was I thinking? Well, I wasn’t… 🤣
SO IMPORTANT. Yoga and sleep are absolute musts for me to feel good.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives… yes.
Seeing unhappiness behind meanness makes it so much easier to respond with compassion instead of reacting. I’m learning to remind myself of this more often — it’s changing how I show up with people, and it feels so freeing.
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What an awesome list, Kari! I found myself saying a big YES to nearly every single one! A huge one is that Seasonal Affective Disorder can happen in the summer – and that’s how I experience it. Now that fall is coming, I’m feeling so much better and happier. Oh gosh, I’m doing the “back when I was…” thing too!
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I love this!
I’m so glad you’re feeling happier! I feel so much better now too with the cooler weather. It was so hot this summer — our house was closed up for all of June, July, and most of August. Funny enough, I open my house more in the winter than I do in summer!
I never thought I’d play the back-in-my-day game, but here I am… 😊
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I got a tattoo while grieving and had mean permanent joke played on me 🫤 thanks for rhe ikea advice
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I remember you writing about that. I’m so sorry — you did get it fixed, right? I’ve been thinking about fixing my sunset tattoo too, the one I got while I was grieving.
And thank you. To be clear, I still love IKEA — just not when it comes to the impossible-to-put-together pieces. 🤣
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Naw..was more expensive to get it removed than it was to get it. The tat cost $70 the removal would be $3000. I got a tat to go with it, so it makes sense if someone who can read Chinese would see it.
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Oh, yes!
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Love all these tidbits here. Isn’t it great how, at our age, we are STILL learning so much about ourselves? About life? What is it all about!!
I won’t ever get a tattoo, because I know I’ll regret whatever it is, no matter my mood.
The farting meme made me laugh out loud.
I’ve finally learned that it’s ok to do things that are just for me. Solely for me and that doesn’t make me selfish. But also, doing for others, no matter how small it might feel to me, is huge for the other person.
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Yes! We’re here to learn-it makes mistakes feel less discouraging.
LOL, that’s a smart plan.
I’ve already added “farts more” to next year’s list.
YES!!! I love this, and I’m so glad you’ve gotten to that place. It’s such an important truth — taking care of yourself and giving to others can both be acts of love. 💜
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Yes, here’s to learning, growing, and showing up. Lots of wisdom in that statement.
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It means a lot to know it resonated, because that’s exactly what I’m trying to lean into.
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Yes! My library books always seem to show up in packs when I can’t seem to possibly read them all and yet when I requested them I had nothing to read. I 100% agree that eating healthy is a privilege and I think each year less people can afford to do so. I am often in my pj’s by 5! LOL. I’ve started showering in the late afternoon, putting on pj’s and THEN cooking dinner.
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Why does this always happen to us?? 🤣
I agree with the affordability of food. Also growing food is harder without land or space.
OMG- you’ve inspired me. I love this kind of routine.
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Thanks for sharing your wisdom of the past year. Much of it resonated.
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I’m glad it resonated with you- I really enjoyed adding to my list this year.
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I enjoyed the list. As I was reading it, it dawned on me that you are right: each could be a separate blog post. I may use your list for inspiration to write. I hope you don’t mind.
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I love this! Please do! 💜
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My internal lesson is that there’s more than one way to look at something….Love your list!!!
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Yes! That is a very good lesson, my friend! 💜
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💕
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Great list. I nodded along with almost all of it, one, four, thirty-seven, and forty-one especially.
The world is a heavier place these days. It’s not just us.
I laughed at the various colonoscopy points – you’re not inspiring me to go 😂😉
The tolerance paradox is a real thing – it’s okay to reject the horrible.
Happy birthday.
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It really is heavier. I’m glad it’s not just us.
Let me tell you—the anesthesia nap and that amazing feeling afterward from the biggest poop of your life is totally worth all the prep.
Good—because I hate hatred.
😘💜
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So, so much of this resonates with me. It’s a wise person who can reflect upon a life lived and gain its lessons humbly and with good humour.
I think the toughest one by far for me has been Letting Go. I have always been a person who fought for control–in everything. I had so little of it growing up that I made it a personal aim to gain control of every single aspect of my life. I fought that battle long and hard, and it did serve me well early on, but did more harm than good later.
The caveat about planting mint made me laugh. There’s some symbolism in there, I just know it.
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Aww, this is so kind. Thank you so much for saying this.
Letting go is such a hard one, isn’t it? I completely understand what you mean about control—when you’ve had so little of it growing up, holding on feels necessary. But over time, it can also become heavy, and learning to release some of that has been such an important lesson for me.
And the mint—I laughed too. There’s definitely some symbolism there, I think. Growth, boundaries, persistence…maybe a reminder that some things take care of themselves if we just let them.
But seriously- can I offer you some mint? 🤣
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I have gotten 6 tattoos while grieving and I love them all and they help me immensely… I mighta gasped out loud on that one, not gonna lie! And also- you leave such good comments that maybe I need to get high before leaving mine- maybe that’s the secret to good ones!
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Six! I love that! I definitely want to get more eventually. My disappointment is mostly with my tattoo artist, not the tattoo itself. It’s a long story, but I think I may need to find someone else—and for some reason, doing that right now feels hard. I have a list of tattoos I really want to get, but first, I’d like to have the one I got in honor of my dad redone.
And thank you for saying I leave good comments. I love that you feel that way! I’m not high, but maybe that’s the secret to good ones sometimes. 😊
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First of all, your closing remarks – the last 7 paragraphs – were truly profound. Have gone back and read them several times. One part that truly stood out to me was, “Purpose doesn’t have to be grand. Sometimes it’s just showing up in the ordinary.” It reminds me of the Mother Teresa quote, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.”
Now to comment on some of your notes…
Mint…oh yes, I learned the hard way not to plant it in the ground! That was years ago. Brian finally dug it all up.
Too funny about the library books. I thought that just happened to me. (The timing of them being available.)
I’m normally a good speller (I know you are, too) but there are still certain words I have to look up, too. I think the one that gives me the most trouble is rhythm. And yes, I had to look it up just now. ;-)
My concentration is definitely worse as I’ve aged. I wonder if it’s a hormone thing? I have to read, write and work in my art journal in total silence. And definitely with the sleep thing…bad night’s sleep equals feeling totally out of it the next day. Can no longer recover quick like I used to. From what I hear from my mom, it only gets worse as we age. Oh, goody! lol
Tailgaters…OMG, I had a horrible one just last week! I was already going 60 in a 45 in the right lane (I know, I know) and this young guy in a Cadillac Escalade (he must’ve been driving one of his parent’s vehicle) was on my ass. Times like that, I’m glad I have a dash cam – in case he rear-ended me. He finally swung into the left lane, but got caught behind a line of traffic. Karma is a bitch!
Swearing good for mental health. Yup! I can swear like a sailor.
OK, inquiring minds want to know: why would you never buy a house with white cabinets again? Are they hard to keep clean? My mom has white cabinets and so does a friend of mine, and they’ve never said anything. However, it’s just them in their house. No partners, no kids. And here I’ve been wanting my oak cabinets painted white. Maybe not?
PJs and in bed by 8…mmm, yes! Well, I’m not in bed that early (I’m a night owl), but I definitely have my PJs on. In winter, it’s even earlier.
I’m so sorry you can’t have chocolate anymore. That must be tough. Although, maybe you’re used to it by now? That one would be hard for me.
What Eckhart Tolle book was in the photo (with the heading, The Core of Ego)?
Definitely true about grief weakening resilience. My mom lost so much weight the first year after my dad died. She could barely eat. And she got pneumonia. My aunt, who lost her husband about 1-1/2 years ago, has had heart problems ever since her husband died. My friend, Karen who lost her daughter in Feb, got a cancerous brain tumor a few months after that. Sadly, Karen passed away at the end of August.
Crumbs – yes! Why are there so many??! Especially under the kitchen cabinets.
You wake up at 6 no matter what time you go to bed?! Yikes! I’m never up that early. The earliest I’m up is about 7:30. Though I don’t go to bed until 11-12. I’m trying to go to bed earlier these days because I don’t want to sleep too late. My goal is now going to bed between 10:30 – 11. I love to lie in the guest room bed and read until I’m sleepy.
Well, now that I’ve taken up your entire blog comments section, off I go. Love you and can’t wait to see you again! <3
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I love these types of comments!
Learning that helping others is why we’re here (not everyone is going to believe it, but I do) is the one idea that has truly changed my life. I think I was stuck for a very long time because I was never interested in one single thing, and because of that, I felt like there was something wrong with me. This mindset has been so healing for me.
Rhythm is one of the hard words for me too!! I have a list on my phone, of course.
My concentration (and memory) has gotten worse since menopause. But I’ve found that journaling is really helping my brain fog. Recently, I’ve been using The Story of Me journal, and the prompts have helped me free-write. All of a sudden, memories I had no recollection of just pop into my head. It’s been really nice.
I love it when tailgaters get their karma. I’m always going over the speed limit, yet someone ends up on my bumper. It’s so frustrating—it’s gotten worse over the last five years.
White cabinets—constant upkeep. Yes, they’re brighter and all, but I’m constantly wiping them down, cleaning off stains, etc. I’d rather have low-maintenance at this stage in my life. This list is a list for me, so I hope I’m not offending anyone or changing their (or your) idea. I’m just over them.
I start my bedtime routine around 8—it’s different night to night—but I don’t typically fall asleep until around 10 or so. I like to listen to music before bed, make playlists, etc.
Losing chocolate this past year was really hard. I think I went through a bit of a depression over it. Maybe I’m still a little low-level depressed. I really hope someday AI will invent something life-changing for migraines, and I’ll get it back again. I’m trying to stay hopeful.
The Eckhart Tolle book was A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.
Your friend Karen—OMG, that’s who she was? That family has been through so much. My heart truly goes out to all of them.
Crumbs EVERYWHERE.
Yep, it’s frustrating. I wonder if it’s because I still have a highschooler? I feel like my body knows we still have schedules to follow. Maybe once I’m over that routine, my body will let me relax more. I love your sleep routine—that sounds ideal. I’ll use that as a someday goal.
I love you too, friend! Can’t wait to see you soon! 😘💜
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Your post last year inspired me to put one together myself. What’s funny is that it’s taken me an entire year to do so, and you’ve still beaten me to the publishing of it (it’s scheduled for next week) :D :D
I’d put my in ability to engage in a conversation while there’s a TV on in the background down to stress, but maybe old age is also playing its part. As I typed this, I’ve just had a flash of memory of how hard I found it when living with my parents many years ago (to help care for my Dad) to cope with the multiple TVs and radios blaring all over the house, so maybe it’s always been an issue, and flares up when stress raises its ugly head. As ever, thanks for the insight I came by when visiting with you and your words <3 <3
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YAY! I can’t wait to read it!! Oh—that made me laugh, Deb. Funny enough, I’d been taking my time with this post too. I had all 55-ish lessons written out two months ago, but I’ve been tweaking it here and there since then.
I also wonder if I’ve always had attention problems and now that I’m getting older, they’re just getting worse. Attention issues run in our family. 😊
I get so frustrated when I go somewhere and the TV is blasting while someone’s trying to talk to me. How do people even manage that? I literally get angry—it’s just too much sensory input for me.
I love that you gained insight. That makes me so happy. I feel the same way about your blog. I’m really grateful for you and it. 😘💜
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I typed up a comment and I don’t know where it went- I’m sorry!!
the gist- the list is amazing and I found myself nodding along as I read it.
#18 was my favorite- just bloody do it!! I struggle with exercise and can come up with the best excuse to NOT do it. I just need to do it, and stop overthinking it.
Happy birthday!!!!
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WordPress does this sometimes—it’s so frustrating. I’m sorry it happened to you.
I love that you could relate to this list! I struggle with exercise too, especially since going through menopause. I definitely need some motivation.
Aww, thank you! It’s been fun celebrating my 55th year of learning! 💜
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I’m with you about preferring to be cooler than hotter. Both in the sense of temperature and overall vibe. I no longer fuss with sage or spiritually-infused candles. I figure it’s the action of lighting any candle that I infuse with meaning that makes the clearing happen. My story and I’m sticking with it.
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The temp AND the vibe- yes! 💜
Ally- it took me this long to realize intention is everything. Your story is the real deal, my friend.
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I love the collective wisdom captured in this post, Kari. You have grown so much since the loss of your dad; embracing the grief, letting it open the door to gratitude, a la Francis Weller. (Do you know he has a new book?! (‘In the Absence of the Ordinary’ https://www.francisweller.net/books.html)
And you generously share what you’ve learned, in creative and often amusing ways. Blessings to you, friend!
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Thank you so much, my friend. Your words mean a lot. Grief has taught me so much, and I’m learning to lean into it—finding gratitude even in the hard moments.
OMG—I had no idea he has a new book! Thank you for telling me; I’m ordering it now.
I’m so glad my posts resonate with you. Your kindness and support always feel like a gift. Blessings to you too! 💜
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It’s so great that you are open to the learning. Too many people become embittered and let loss rule their lives, instead of being broken open to discover a new self that has renewed appreciation for the gifts of this precious life.
You’re welcome re: the book. My sweety heard about it through something she was reading. We ordered the book from a local shop and it’s arrived already… can’t wait to savour it! 💙
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That’s such a beautiful way to put it—broken open instead of embittered. Thank you for seeing it in me. 💜
I love that you already have the book in hand—I hope you enjoy savoring it! My copy is on its way!
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You’re welcome, and I’m so glad you e been willing to share that inner work with friends.
Yay, to your copy being on the way!
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It arrived yesterday! 💜
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Awesome! Enjoy! 💜
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You as well! 💜
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White cabinets in the kitchen! Ours are white, too, and they’re painted that way, which means every time I try to clean them, I take off paint. Honestly, I have given up on having them look nice. Clean > Pretty, I guess.
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Ugh—painted cabinets are so hard to clean. I had them in my old house too. I totally give up most of the time; I only tackle them when company is coming. 🤣
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I can’t tell you how much I love this list! It’s great! As I’m reading it, I’m shaking my head and saying..”yes” and “yup”…lol Many of us are in the same boat, but live in different places. I like to think that many of us are alike..It looks like you read a lot of non-fiction. What are your favorite fiction titles when you sit and read with your pets (which I love!) My cat sits NEAR me, not on me…Now that I have time on my hands, I need to put my nose in a book more and stop scrolling! xoxo
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I love that! This is exactly how I read your comments—yep, yep! Nodding my head. 💜
I don’t read a lot of fiction, but this year I pushed myself to read a few. Some of my recent favorites are Beautyland by Marie-Helene Bertino, Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo, and Then She Was Gone by Lisa Jewell. What are some of yours?
I love that your cat sits near you—that reminds me of Anna’s kitty, Luigi!
I admit, I sometimes scroll more than I read, but I really want to do more reading. It’s better for me than scrolling, especially lately—GAH.
xoxo
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Luigi is such a cool cat name! I always read a scary book this time of year so I’m reading a Stephen King. Joyland! I just picked up The Lion Women Of Tehran. I’ve been wanting to read it and I just saw that Melanie liked it so that clinched it for me.
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Isn’t it? I love his name. 💜
Ooh—I’m going to check those books out! I saw Melanie is also reading The Lion Women of Tehran, so I’m definitely adding it to my list!
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I really enjoyed this, Kari. So many things on your list made me laugh or nod because they are SO TRUE. To your “don’t do ___ while grieving” items I would add that you can substitute “angry” for “grieving” and they still hold true. (Not sure if I’m just spending a lot of time in the anger part of grieving this summer, or if it’s just straight-up anger. So, there’s that. But rage shopping isn’t very satisfying. And I hate to think what a rage tattoo might be.) Just placed a hold on the Cope book. Always grateful for your recommendations.
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Anger has shown up a lot for me this year—that’s pretty much the theme of my year two. I’ve realized there are so many different things a person can grieve, and losing my dad really taught me that. Unfortunately, rage eating has been my go-to this summer. I’d love to move away from that as we head into fall and winter—though who knows how that will go.
A rage tattoo, on the other hand, might actually be a good idea. I’ve been toying with some tattoo ideas, and I think I need to find an artist who specializes in grief. Wouldn’t that be amazing? A grief tattoo artist. Very niche. 🤣
I hope you enjoy the book. I don’t remember much of it —grief fog. It’s one I know I’ll need to revisit again.
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the mint never goes away (i’ve tried so many times. so many). the lesson i’ve been focusing on this year is acceptance: it happened, it’s over, you can’t fix it, let it go (i tend to get stuck in negative loops at times)– it can be so exhausting. … and your posts always bring me a bit of peace. <3
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It NEVER goes away. The good news is—it smells amazing!
Acceptance is such an important lesson. Negative loops are something I know too well, but I really like your mantras. I have to remind myself of them, too.
I love knowing my posts bring you peace—that means so much to me. 😘💜
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I have been waiting for this post (I think you mentioned it in comments to me, yes?) and you did not disappoint!
Isn’t it amazing what we learn each year? Like, a mix of Earthshaking Enlightenment that Will Forever Change Us and also Mmmm Doesn’t Fresh Rosemary Smell Nice? 😅
MINT! I grew up with a mint border. My mom gave up and let it go nuts.The border was next to the Water Sprinkler Place.
We didn’t water our lawn with the sprinkler. We watered us kids.
Summer memories are running through the water sprinkler as the droplets danced back n forth, laughing like crazy with the smell of that mint in the heavy humid air.
But yah, do not plant mint unless you want it to run wild! Luckily it is a great food source for pollinators! 😊
One thing I’ve learned this year came from a YouTuber who got it from a Writer (wish I knew who!) –
If someone wants to understand what you’re saying, then they’ll do the work to understand you.
If someone doesn’t want to understand, then it doesn’t matter what or how you say it, they’re not going to understand you.
I started thinking of this quote & applying it to so many past & present interactions & situations and was shooketh.
I think maybe my quote ties in with your #55. Sounds like you’re doing the work to understand folks.
If we’re very lucky in life, we give & receive unconditional love & unconditional understanding. 💚
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I was just thinking about you yesterday! Did I manifest your presence?? I missed you so much. And yes, this was the post we talked about!
It’s so amazing what we learn each year. Every time I sit down to publish these posts, I think there’s now way I’ll have enough to write 50 + things next year- and somehow, I always do. 💜
Your mom planted mint in the ground! I feel so less alone now. I was walking through my garden where the mint is planted (next to my dad’s picket fence), and Ella was with me. She said, what is that wonderful smell? Mint. So maybe planting mint in the ground isn’t so bad after all. I love that you remember exactly where your mom’s mint was planted.
I loved jumping through the sprinkler. I can still remember the sounds of different sprinklers in the neighborhood- the kind that went back and forth, and the ones that arched over like a rainbow.
I didn’t know mint was a great food for pollinators! That’s going on next year’s list!
YESSSS – holy shit yes to the being misunderstood. I agree 100 percent. I am adding this to my list too.
Yes to being very lucky in life-unconditional love and understanding. It’s not always easy, but it’s everything.
I appreciate you and your wisdom so much. 😘💜
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