Friends, Humor

Rebecca and Kari’s Excellent Adventure

Kari

Every year for our birthdays, Rebecca and I treat each other to lunch. It’s our little tradition. Normally, I choose Olive Garden for the soup, salad, and breadsticks trifecta — iconic, obviously — but this year, since we were training for a 5K, I went with something a little healthier.

Chipotle.

My all-time favorite. My go-to. My burrito bowl of joy.

Last week, Rebecca and I innocently strolled into our local Chipotle for our birthday lunch — and that’s when things started to feel… off.

Courtesy/ Behance.net

When we got to the front, I asked the cashier what was going on. She smiled vaguely and said, “Filming.”

Okay. Cryptic.

We grabbed our food and sat at the barstools by the window — prime people-watching real estate — and that’s when we started noticing everything. A woman with a clipboard darting around. A makeup artist. A guy carrying a massive microphone.

I’m making this sound casual. It was not.

Inside, I was spiraling.

Are they filming a TV show? A documentary? A training video? Reality TV? Are we about to be discovered? Am I about to be forced to sing? Because if so, absolutely not. Rebecca can handle that. I’ll be the supportive friend in the background, clapping offbeat.

Right in the middle of that internal meltdown, Clipboard Woman approached us.

“Would you like to be on TV?”

Oh, I don’t know. Let me think about that for—

Yes. The answer was yes.

She told us they were with the Discovery Channel, filming a show about favorite foods.

What I heard was:
You will be filmed in Chipotle. Talking about Chipotle. While eating Chipotle.

The dream.

Black Video Camera Turn on Next to Man Wears Black and Gray Shirt

They interviewed a few groups before us — a couple of cool girls, a married couple — and we stayed to watch, thinking it might calm our nerves.

It did not.

Then the director came over, glanced at our completely demolished meals, and told us we’d need fresh, camera-ready food. Also, the Discovery Channel would be paying for it.

Which should have been exciting.

Except we were already full.

So now we were nervous and slightly nauseous.

Still, we pushed forward. Like champions. Slightly bloated champions.

We went back up to the counter.

“You’re back!” the cashier said.

Yes. Yes, we are.

The director told us to order what we normally eat because the host would be asking us about it.

So now there’s a test. Great.

We sat back down with our second burrito bowls and waited. I faced the window while Rebecca watched the crew, ready to signal when it was our turn.

Which meant I just sat there staring at her.

Too intently.

Because I had no idea what to do with my face, my hands, or my life.

I knew it was happening when Rebecca suddenly forgot how to be a person, too. Her eyes were darting between me and her burrito bowl like she was trying to have two conversations at once.

I leaned over and whispered, “Are they coming this way?”

She nodded, still not making eye contact with reality.

Then the crew descended. Loud. Clunky. Not subtle in any way. Which, honestly, made it funnier.

The director gave us a quick pep talk. Just talk to the host. Answer the questions. No one had messed up all day.

No pressure.

I said that out loud.

The camera and sound guys laughed. The director did not.

I made a mental note to stay on the good side of the camera crew. They felt like the real power in the situation.

 

Our host. Courtesy/ Wikipedia

Then the host appeared — seemingly out of nowhere — and started asking questions from a notecard. What did we order? Why do we love Chipotle? How often do we come?

Normal questions.

But at some point, the director stopped us and asked if one of us could say, “Chipotle is a foodie fast-food heaven.”

And without hesitation, I said, “You got it.”

Two problems with that:

One, I didn’t even give Rebecca a chance to answer.
And two, I would never say that in real life. The word “foodie” has never once come out of my mouth.

I completely sold out.

The rest is a blur.

Rebecca was great — confident, articulate, adorable. I was just hoping no one noticed me.

I do remember saying words like organic, fresh, diet, sanitize — because apparently I brought my OCD into the interview with me.

And then I said something worse.

I tried to explain that eating at Chipotle doesn’t feel like cheating on your diet.

What came out was:
“You’re not cheating yourself.”

Which sounds… different.

So essentially, I told America that if you eat Chipotle, you won’t crap your pants.

There was no recovering from that.

After they wrapped and told us we did a great job, Rebecca and I sat back down and started eating our second meals.

Stress eating.

And that’s when Rebecca nodded behind me.

The camera guy was filming us.

Eating. Again.

Perfect.

For the record, I hate being on camera. I hate photos. I hate hearing my voice. I have a face and voice for blogging.

Our payment for a half day of “acting”?
Two BOGO burrito coupons.

I am not kidding.

Still, I’m glad it happened. It’s a birthday lunch we’ll never forget.

But next year?

We’re going to Olive Garden.

 

*2013 update: here is the clip.

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17 thoughts on “Rebecca and Kari’s Excellent Adventure”

  1. OOOEEEEMMMGGGEEE I'm sitting at my desk laughing my a$$ off. This was HA-larious. Its like I was there with you cause, i was picturing it in my mind. Congrats on your first television debut (?SP) Such a cute story. and Happy Birthday!!Antonia

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  2. Oh you make me laugh too! Glad I could make you smile during the workday! And thanks for the bday wishes!! :)

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  3. Oh. My. Gosh! That was so funny! I SO want to see your segment when it airs…please keep us up to date. You really have mad writing skills.

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  5. LOOK AT HOW CUTE YOU ARE! Nope, not believing the words… clearly, you are made for TV. A type of late night tv host. Maybe daytime, depending on the network 🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This is just downright hilarious. It reminds me of when my mom and I went to Bakers Square and an annoying waitress who I went to high school with came over and talked to us about how great she was as we ate our pie, afterwards we were ticked that we didn’t enjoy our pie – so we ordered another slice of pie each. You eating twice is a WAY better excuse. So very funny. Like something out of a sitcom – accept you would have had to puke the second meal up as you were being interviewed. Ha. Needing makeup on your good-side, stress eating, stealing Rebecca’s thunder – all the makings of a great story, saying shit you didn’t want to say. Too funny!

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  7. I think you sounded and looked just fine; we are always so critical of ourselves. I have actually never eaten at a Chipotle.

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  10. When you are catching up on AGFL posts and read two in a row about burritos, it’s a good day. You are so freakin adorable! They should have paid you more than a damn BOGO coupon. Also, I’m so sorry you feel like you sold out. I tried out for American Idol and while you wait you are held in a stadium with about a million other people. We had to sing “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” considered one of the worst songs in history. And we had to sing it over and over again, and we had to really sell it and bounce around, and it made me feel gross. I may, or may not, have given the tracking camera the finger a few times. I wish I had a clip of it like you do, what an awesome keepsake!

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