First published September 3, 2013
The list is long and mighty.
Why I will never be famous.
For one, I don’t like high heels.
And I definitely don’t own a Vespa.
But I got an email last Friday afternoon and in a nutshell, the public relations person from Bethenny Frankel’s new talk show emailed me to see if I would want to come to a cocktail party in downtown Chicago and party with Bethenny Frankel.
The following Tuesday.
Four days later.
At six in the evening.
On a school night.
At first, I thought it was spam because why would Bethenny Frankel want me to be there?
The first thing I did was to email my friend Jen.
Jen is my go-to person for basically everything involving PR, writing a professional-sounding email, and also me telling her new words that we need to use.
Holy shitsnacks is the newest one.
Start spreading the news.
That will make much more sense in a couple of minutes.
2020 note- Holy shitsnacks needs to make a comeback. This year seems appropriate.
I forwarded her the email and said, “did you also get this email?” because they usually invite her to the who’s who events around these parts.
I get invited to openings of arboretums and Super Saturday sales at stores that I have never heard of.
Here is a gist of the conversation:
Me- Do you think I should go to that Bethenny thing? I would have to get a sitter. I don’t want to go alone.
J- YES! 100 TIMES YES! Your snarky sense of humor and blog is WHY THEY PICKED YOU! YOU TOTALLY NEED TO GO! And you can tell Bethenny that I love her.
Me- I know, but it’s a school night. So I would have to ask Anna bc, my neighbor who helps me out is out-of-town next week. Why are you yelling?
J- Are you comfortable in a dress? If not, cute Capri’s, heels that won’t hurt your feet and an adorable shirt THAT YOUR BRA WON’T HANG OUT OF.
Had I gotten the invite just one week earlier, I would have done it.
But alas, it was not meant to be.
Reasons excuses why I couldn’t go into the city and hang with Bethenny Frankel:
This was my nail situation as of Monday night, the eve of the party.
Do you want total honesty?
I was peeling the polish off my fingers over a bowl while watching Real Housewives of Orange County the night before I took this.
I lead a glamorous life.
I ate eggs the day of.
Lots and lots of eggs.
Eggs don’t lead to good things.
Especially when you are in a room full of women in downtown Chicago.
I got a coupon at the recent Blogher convention for those pre-cooked deviled eggs from Eggland’s Best, and so I sat on my couch with the bag of pre-cooked deviled eggs and ate all of them.
In one sitting.
reasons excuses why I couldn’t go started piling up:
Anna had soccer tryouts after school; the train schedule wasn’t in my favor; Mike had to work; there weren’t any cute dresses at Kohl’s that day…..you see where this is going.
2020 note- Oh, we see.
Oh. I can make a sign. Signs are my thing.
So off I went.
To make a sign.
I did, however, have a rough draft.
Who the hell says that? Me.
|Photo credit- Bev Horne/ Staff Photographer
That, my friends, is Bethenny Frankel talking to me on the phone.
So I guess I am going to New York City.
What am I gonna wear??
26 thoughts on “Why I Will Never Be Famous”
Yay! So happy for you guys! And I will never be famous either. I had to google Bethenny Frankel when I saw that you and Jen won a trip to her show. I guess I'm a little behind.
Its ok. And your not behind. I just figured out how to use Excel yesterday.
This post is a great example of why you are awesome!Only you would write about a blog refresh, peeling nails, eggs and their side-effects, and Bethenny Frankel all in one post!For the record, you sounded completely coherent during the phone call with Bethenny, and I only pray that part of it somewhere makes television because it was funny as hell.Thanks for being my bestie 🙂
I cant enter your contest for some reason… sad face. oh well. I stil think you rock and only wish i was a fly on the wall during all of this.
I got ya in there, my friend. 🙂
I can't enter your contest for some reason. It wont let me put in why I think I should win. Either way I think you still rock and i really wish i was there during said convo with Miss Frankel. Can't wait to hear about NY!!
That is an incredible story! I hope you can definitely make it to NYC! Would love to win her book!
I know right??
That is the coolest story evah!!!!! So excited for you (and yes, a little jelly too).
Weeee! I wish we could bring you!!
I can totally see why you were picked for her cocktail party! She always seems like the kind of girl I could be friends with (minus that whole famous thing, ya know)! Maybe by having this book on my coffee table I could swing some new buddies to have cocktails with! 😀
I will have cocktails with you!!!!
THIS could not have happened to two nicer girls – SO excited for you!! And I LOVE the new look!
Thank you friend!!!
I LOOOOVE Bethenny. So jealous you get to meet her!
I am still in shock!
Coolest story…I think you and B would be BFFs in real life. I don't care if I win. Oh who am I kidding? Yes, I want to win 😉
Totally and I love your honesty! 🙂
I would love to win. Bethenny is cool beans – I can see you two as BFFs in real life!
Reblogged this on .
While I eagerly await the reposting of Parts 2 and 3 I’m going to contemplate the fact that there are some people whose names we’ll never know but whose contributions to civilization are inestimable. Fire. The wheel. Liquid soap. The inventors of these things, anonymous though they may be, have achieved lasting a more lasting fame than any celebrity can imagine.
What I’m getting at is that in the distant future people may not remember you coined the word “shitsnacks”, but they’ll still be using it.
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You are too kind but I need to point out that I didn’t invent the word. I do believe I first saw it on a Reddit feed. Let’s just say I brought it to life! 😘
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I am rather relived to know that I’m not the only one so good at making excuses that they seem like legit reasons why I can’t do something/go somewhere (and yes, I realize that 95% of the time it’s my anxiety doing that to me!).
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I feel so much better! Thank you!! ❤️
I have horrible social anxiety so I understand this completely. But how exciting for you LOL! Can’t wait to read about your adventures. 😂
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I feel so less alone. Where were you all seven years ago?? 😂