Life, Music, Universe

Homeschooling Myself- Lessons I am Learning While in a Pandemic (Universe-isms)

I’ve mentioned to you several times about my new “Universal” self. This evolved Kari. This new-age hippie shit Kari. I began minimizing the items within my home. Then I listened to my oldest daughter who told me in detail about manifesting things to help us live our best life. This then led me to find a book on Amazon that I intended to give to her as a returning to college gift in August but instead, I began reading for myself knowing how full her schedule was for the fall.

 

 

I wrote in detail about how the Universe was throwing down massive signs. I told you that I was beginning each day by opening that Universe book and “wherever it lands, considering that a sign from the Universe.”

 

 

During one of those morning reads, I found a reference to another author, Florence Scovel Shinn.

Sarah Prout, the author of the Universe book, talked about Florence’s book, The Magic Path of Intuition, and mentioned something in it that made me take down her name and look the book up in that moment.

 

But when I looked up Florence Scovel Shinn, I discovered she has been dead since 1940.

Well, that explains why it was hard to find the book on Amazon, I laughed to myself. 

So I looked online for the book at my local library and placed a hold. A few weeks later, I got an email that it was in and I ran over to pick it up. Within a week of having it, I had finished the book and it was the first time in my life that I could honestly say, a book had changed my life.

Scratch that.

I believe I once said the You are a Badass book by Jen Sincero had changed my life.

And it did.

At that time.

Ish. Kind of.

So, this is the thing. I didn’t finish that book.

YES, I KNOW. I wrote a post about a book and I didn’t read the entire book. But I read most of it. I think there were like, I don’t know, 20 chapters (don’t quote me) and I probably read like, 11?

Okay, so I read over half of the book.

I have literal ADD. Reading is really hard for me.

 

 

I am not making a case for myself here but let’s just say I felt like a badass after reading 11 chapters. BETTER?

But after reading The Magic Path of Intuition, a book that I read every single word of, mind you (it’s not a big book), my life truly felt changed.

I should also say that my Universe book has been life-changing as well but not in the short time that Florence’s book has been. The Universe book has been incrementally life-changing. Day by day, it has helped me through different challenges and made me feel so much better about situations even though I haven’t yet read every single word in that book, but I am slowly making my way.

It was while I was reading Florence’s intuition book that I purchased an anthology of her other works (that were available on Amazon) because I had fallen so in love with her ideas within the book I had gotten from the library.

 

Listen, I have nothing to gain by sharing this with you. I don’t need you to donate to any foundation, I am not part of a religious cult, nor do I need you to believe in God, Jesus, the Bible, or any other religion. I don’t need you to click on any links or buy a book. I simply want a better life for all of us.

Why?

Ubuntu.

I briefly talked about a principle that Doc Rivers said changed his life back in last month’s tater tot post and I do plan to talk about it next month in more detail but the basic philosophy is:

“I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.”

If I am good, then you are good. If you are good, then I am good. Something that Americans have a hard time understanding, apparently.

Because if we have learned anything about immunity this year, it is that we all need to be good together in order to survive or at the very least, to be healthy, to survive, to thrive.

Again, a concept that Americans seem to struggle with

 

 

We all need to be less selfish.

Ubuntu.

I AM BECAUSE WE ARE.

We need to get better emotionally, spiritually, and honestly, the negative energy is getting emotionally DRAINING.

Ubuntu.

We need to be better.

 

 

I see a lot of people messing up. Even people who think they aren’t messing up. Even people who are being self-righteous and trying not to be, are messing up.

I know this because I was one of them.

I began doing homework of my own, homeschooling myself around the time I began homeschooling again for this school year. Getting up early before the day started and trying to work on me so that I could be a better human being. Not to brag or to be self-righteous, but rather so that I could stand to be around myself, honestly. Because it was getting harder and harder each day.

I was noticing that I was slowly becoming depressed back in September and I was seeing it starting to affect my youngest daughter. I am alone with her most days because of my husband’s work schedule and with the pandemic, my migraines, the political climate, and the loneliness, it got to a point where I didn’t even want to get out of bed in the morning.

I needed an answer.

It came to me via the Universe book I had been reading and then I found the intuition book, it felt like a handbook for life that we’ve all been asking for. It has since helped me in ways I can’t explain.

So I am giving you a Cliff’s Notes version of what I have learned since reading some of Florence’s work because some of you aren’t sold on the Universe story I have been selling you.

I GET IT. It seems sketchy, doesn’t it?

 

 

Just hear me out.

I am calling them “universe-isms”.

The word came to me in the shower one day as a random thought which I now thank the Universe for.

Which leads me to my first lesson.

 

I lost the Atheists already. I get it. Don’t stop reading. I will be making these lessons much less churchy than Florence did. 

 

I will be paraphrasing and direct quoting, pulling where necessary from The Magic Path of Intuition by Florence Scovel Shinn BUT I do recommend checking it out from your local library or reading any of her other works.

I mean, her other books got all five-star reviews on Amazon and she didn’t have to bribe bloggers to write those reviews.

Because she’s been dead for over 60 years. 

 

Universe-ism #1-Let that shit go

Over the past 15 years, I was having very disturbing patterns happening in my life as it pertains to friendships. In fact at one point, I began to get so paranoid that I even asked my friend Rebecca when I was at my most vulnerable, “is there something wrong with me? You’d tell me, right?” to which she assured me that she would but I even doubted her at that moment because I was so raw. These patterns had me so scared that I would lose even more friendships and made me doubt myself in unimaginable ways and made me do things that looking back, I am not at all proud of.

It was after reading the passage, “history will repeat itself until you think you are cursed with misfortune and injustice”, meaning I had convinced myself that I will always repeat this pattern subconsciously when I had a moment of HOLY SHIT I HAVE BEEN DOING IT TO MYSELF ALL THIS TIME.

 

In order to break the cycle, it says to affirm the above. I just wrote it on an index card and I read it out loud occasionally when I am heading back to my bad habits.

 

I have heard of those people who forgive the murderers of their children, the people who forgave the person who killed their loved ones. The ones who go to the prisons to sit across from them and say, “I forgive you for what you did”.

I have watched them on documentaries or Dateline over the years and thought, “I don’t know how they can do that.” But now? I know why they do that. To stop the cycle, the pattern, so that they don’t carry this for the rest of their lives. If they can forgive this, they won’t repeat it forever. It’s less about being a better person and more about letting go of a burden.

I was getting tired of living in the prison of my own creation, so I needed to forgive for the things that had happened to me in my life because I was trapped in that cycle. Until I forgave, those things were going to keep happening over and over and over again.

Think of negative patterns that happen in your life, over and over and over. The kind of patterns that makes you think, “why does this always happen to me?

If you have none, good for you. You don’t need me. Have a nice day.

But if you are sitting there going HOLY BALLS! Then you need to think back to the first time that pattern happened, think really hard. Because you need to heal, forgive, and move the hell on from that. In the book, she says that if you can’t forgive, you will be attached to that and until you are unaffected, you will suffer.

It immediately made me think of this quote:

 

Amazing Quotes - 32 Pics | Life lesson quotes, Philosophical quotes, Words

 

Which immediately made me think of my struggle with migraines.

I have been drinking a lot of poison for a very long time and that can cause a lot of pain, don’t you think?

When I read those words, I began to cry the kind of cry that has you and it all made so much sense. Oh sure, I have had pain from menopause, triggers, weather, and such but I do believe a lot of my pain comes from emotional places.

Then after I finished Florence’s first book, I read in her other book The Game of Life and How to Play It this exact quote, “sorrow, regret, and remorse tear down the cells of the body and poison the atmosphere of the individual“.

So this is where I am going to be vulnerable with all of you.

My pattern began with me being betrayed many years ago by someone I love. Then a few years later, I betrayed someone I love by sharing information that I probably shouldn’t have.

But here is the thing, for all of these years, I felt as though I was the one who was betrayed in that particular situation and because I had it turned around in my head, I was then betrayed twice after that within two other friendships. So the pattern happened over and over again.

BUT it was all my doing. 

I didn’t even realize all of this until after reading this book. It gave me the clarity to finally see it the way it actually happened and not the way I wanted to see how it happened. To make ME look good. I was so clouded because of the first betrayal to me, that it wasn’t visible to me all these years.

Then I “opened” this in my Universe book a week after “learning” all of the above:

 

Remember, I let the book open itself and this page had never been turned to since I got the book in July.

 

See that first paragraph up there?

“This belief that you must protect yourself from others probably stems from being betrayed- someone perhaps broke your trust. The flipside of this coin is that you might unconsciously see people as competition”.

After that initial betrayal to me so many years ago, I became so competitive in my life with everyone around me. With friends, family members, other bloggers, the mailman, you name it but I couldn’t understand why and I never saw the connection to the betrayal. Who was I? What happened to me? I had never been competitive like this in my life before then.

Then when I really thought about the WHY’S behind all of the betrayals after that, it was because of competition. I didn’t want to seem like I was less than.

So in the case of that second betrayal that I was guilty of, in order to keep myself from looking worse (competition), I ended up sharing information I shouldn’t have under the ruse of “helping someone out”.

 

 

 

I had to forgive the initial betrayal because in my heart I never had. It has sat with me all these years and grown and grown and grown and that was one big toxic poisonous tumor.

I am beginning the process of also forgiving myself too because even though I have been really hard on a lot of people in my life (in my head only) and doing a lot of toxic things (in my head only), it is ME that I have been hardest on, internally. I am slowly “letting that shit go” as they say.

I am doing my best to let that poison drain from my body but I really wanted to share this with all of you because I feel like maybe a lot of you are holding that poison in too.

 

 

I will be sharing more little lessons because, since learning, I feel so much lighter. I want you to feel lighter as well because since feeling lighter, I feel happier as well and my family is so much happier too.

Can you imagine that? I am happier than I have been in many years.

While the world is falling apart all around us.

Before I let you go I want to end with a song because MUSIC but while I was reading my book and learning these lessons about myself, I was listening to a playlist on Spotify and this song came on over and over.

 

And it made me smile and laugh because it was a song from my childhood.

But also because of the lyrics:

I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger

 

27 thoughts on “Homeschooling Myself- Lessons I am Learning While in a Pandemic (Universe-isms)”

  1. Love this all so much. I spent time this weekend purging so many toxic court docs, pictures and letters it felt amazing! It will feel even better when I burn it in my sisters fire pit. We are getting the house ready to list later this week😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Already made peace with that chapter and Jake has too, which means everything. Watching the physical disappearance of years of torture will be the icing. 🙌

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah, I’ve always loved that song.

    I think there are times in our lives when we become especially open to seeing, and that it is times when circumstances have so broken us down that we have no defenses left. We get to choose (maybe? or maybe we’re all still doing only what we can at the time) whether to double-down on our numbing mechanisms or to look and see and be transformed. We can see all kinds of connections that were always there (that are always there), and we feel as if something is both protecting and guiding us. I had such a period about 13 years ago. It was terrifying and amazing and profound and beautiful. The trick (I have learned the hard way) is to figure out how to remain open once things start to improve. A person farther ahead of me on the path counseled me that spiritual growth is more like traveling up a spiral than down a straight path. We keep circling around and around the same landmarks, and each time we pass them we see a little more, climb a little higher. It’s helped me have patience (and endurance and resilience) when I realize I’m running into things I thought I’d left in the past. Again.

    All of this is so complicated. (Being human is so complicated.) It is hard to figure out where we end and others begin. It is hard to know what is denial and what looking for the positive. It is hard to know when a problem with a relationship is within us and when it is because another person is toxic for us. When anger is hurting us and when it is serving us. I think your morning practice is such a good thing, and such a good way to help you figure out this knotty puzzles.

    And for whatever it’s worth, you didn’t lose this atheist. God is a word we can all create our own meaning for. When I see “God” I substitute “love and truth.” When I focus on love and truth, things tend to go all right.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think it’s such a good thing too. It has definitely helped me. I also need to say that anti- depressants and vitamins have also helped me with this journey too. I’m not saying that to be funny or to lessen what I wrote but to say that I needed that to help me get to this point, if that makes sense?

      I had to leave therapy in June because it was triggering me. It was bringing on migraines, actually. And I didn’t like where she was taking me. The fact of the matter is, some of what she was wanting me to own up to was what I admitted to in this post. I was too stubborn to see what I didn’t want to see.

      So I am able to finally “see” my faults in one of the worst years of our lives and I’m so good with that. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  3. ❤️❤️❤️

    I love all these quotes that you’ve shared! Perfect post for a dreary Monday morning.

    I bought the meditation book and while it’s good, it’s not clicking for me like it is for you. I like the idea that the pages are words to meditate and ruminate and digest. But her actual meditations left me meh. I’m super curious about authors though so I think I’ll have to see if our library has that book. And maybe I’ll get around to reading “You’re a Badass” which I bought, but apparently i”m not badass enough to organize my reading.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s okay! I also feel like you’re not always ready for certain things at the same time as others.

      That badass book was recommended to me by a friend years ago because she loved it for her but I didn’t get as much out of it.

      The point about this is simply to be open to things. To let go of what is hurting us and let things go. I held on to what has been hurting me for a long time. If I had read this post even six months ago, I would have probably rolled my eyes and said SURE. It’s a journey. ❤️

      Like

  4. Oddly enough the topic of letting go of toxic people was my subject du jour this morning. A convo with a friend about how it came to be that we ever let some toxic people into our lives and how grateful we are that we got rid of them. Let them go, we did. Told them to skedaddle, perhaps in not the most gracious ways, but in the process we learned something about listening to your inner voice. And feel much lighter because of it.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love that I Am Because We Are– definitely a mentality we need to adopt as a society pronto! Good for you for tackling all this and I am thrilled to hear that you are happier now than you have been in quite some time. Life is way to short to carry our baggage us with day in and day out.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love that you’ve found these authors that really click with you and are helping you heal. I ordered the Universe book on Abe Books (used), so I’m hoping it will be here any day. I looked online at the two libraries I use and neither one of them have the Magic Path of Intuition book. Dang! And online the book is $17 (used!) and I’m not sure I want to spend that much. However, the anthology is only $3.95 so I’m ordering that one for now. Thanks for the suggestions.

    I hear you about betrayal. I was recently betrayed by an acquaintance of mine. While initially I was shocked and really hurt, I’ve mostly gotten over it because I realized it was about her, not me. I do still feel a bit hurt though so I don’t know if that’s simply from being human (and super sensitive) or if I’m playing the victim role.

    I’m more trying to figure out some things about a couple of people in my life (close relatives) with some toxic behaviors towards me that cause me a lot of distress. I’m trying to create boundaries without completing blocking these people out. Does that make sense? I hope you share more insights from your readings.

    I truly behind in the mind-body connection. I’ve read tons of books and online medical articles about it. There’s definitely a connection between emotional pain and physical pain.

    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I will be interested to hear what you think about these books! What’s funny is today was such a bad day. After the oatmeal that is. 😂

      But I am seeing definite Universal signs and it is so cool. I am learning and it is a process.

      Just know that a lot of the one book is heavy on biblical references which aren’t usually my jam but I am able to look beyond that and pull what I can from it. I believe in God but the Bible stories are a whole other ball of wax.

      I do understand trying to create boundaries but I do think it depends on the people. Some people need to be blocked completely but those are most likely people who never had boundaries, to begin with.

      I think a lot of people (and I’m not talking about you) don’t own up to their parts in the stories of their lives. That’s what I am mostly referring to in this post. I had it played out on my head as the innocent victim when I was actually the perpetrator. But it was because of the first betrayal that I was on the defensive and that made me that way. We all have baggage, bruises from our past that affect us, and how we handle situations and it’s hard.

      Let me know your thoughts when you’re done with the books. ❤️

      Like

      1. I’m sorry you had a bad day. I did, too – but I allowed myself to wallow in it instead of fighting it. I had terrible anxiety last night and didn’t sleep much. So I cancelled my PT appt today and all I did was what I needed to at home, plus took Clem to the vet for her IV infusion. But that’s it. I napped a little this afternoon with Clemmie, painted my nails, and ate a bowl of leftover stuffing for dinner. 🙂

        I’m the same as you with the biblical references – not my cup of tea (used to be, but I’ve changed in that area, too) but I can take out of it what I need, so no biggie.

        As for this relative causing me grief, if there’s any kind of talk that’s upsetting to her, instead of discussing it, she shuts down and completely disappears. Then comes back when SHE’S ready – and like nothing happened. She’s also very undependable as far as making plans. It’s nothing new – she’s always been like this. I’m usually one of these forget and forgive type of people and just carry on, but it’s really bothering me lately and I’m tired of it. But yet I don’t want to completely shut her out of my life because I do love her.

        Oh, trust me, I’m far from perfect. I see a lot of my own faults in situations, too. I’m constantly a work in progress.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. YES TO WALLOWING. I think I felt like I was failing by having a bad day but I just gave into it instead. I will be talking about something funny that happened to me today (universal of course) but it was pretty good.

        Ugh to the shutting down. That is a big trigger for me. I have to talk about things in the moment.

        A work in progress is how I am viewing myself now. I love that.

        Like

  7. So glad that you have discovered these books and that this wisdom has helped you. I love the verses you have posted here. How great that you stumbled across this woman’s writing years after she had her moment and you are basking in it and sharing it, so her thoughts are continuing to spread. I love that these things have clicked in place.

    When I put distance between myself and people who drag me down, I am so much happier.

    Oh, I especially like the intuition is God calling . . . wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. It takes some guts to admit when you’re wrong. It takes some balls to do it on a public blog. I give you a lot of credit. It isn’t easy to own up to things from your past. I think this year has made a lot of us retrospective and maybe it’s not such a bad thing? I am looking forward to more of these lessons. Teach on, teacher. 😘

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, thank you. I hate that I thought I was right all these years. That I lost so many years to holding in so much anger and resentment that was unnecessary.

      This year has been a test for all of us. I want to use it wisely, or at least to try to better myself while the world stopped for a bit. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve done, honestly. I hope when this is all over, it was worth it. ❤️

      Like

  9. Kari, I love this post so much! Probably because I love YOU so much and I’m SO thrilled that you’ve had this ‘come to Jesus’ discussion with yourself and it is MAKING YOU HAPPIER!!

    I too never understood how people can forgive someone for such atrocities, but it makes sense that holding onto that will only poison our souls. ‘Let that SHIT go’ is one of my favorite phrases.
    I also love the “I am because we are”; isn’t that the truth?!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love the whole “we are in this together “ mentality. The “it takes a village to raise a child “ needs to be something we do more of, especially now. Remember when it was okay for you to correct another person’s child when they did something that was wrong? We need to look after each other again. ❤️

      I love you so much too. After this is all over, I’m coming down to that Georgia house and staying a few days. I’m quiet. You won’t even know I’m there. That’s a lie. I’m quite noisy. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I agree with you on the entire “village aspect” but some people would lose their marbles if you gave unsolicited advise.
        I knew you were a noisy liar. 🤣

        Liked by 1 person

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