When I was 14, they released this album:
Frankie Goes to Hollywood’s Welcome to the Pleasuredome. It was groundbreaking considering that they were openly gay in 1984. I LOVE THE HELL OUT OF THAT.
Very groundbreaking also considering that the word “period” wasn’t even allowed on television until a solid year later in a Playtex commercial. I HATE THE HELL OUT OF THAT.
I only know this because of research I did for my book and it was eye opening. I was 14-years-old when Frankie welcomed me to a pleasure dome of which I had not one clue and 15-years-old when Courtney Cox said the word “period” on TV.
I don’t remember it being groundbreaking but that might be because I am now 50 years old and there has been so much shit thrown my way in the past year alone that I can’t even remember what I ate for breakfast two days ago.
I decided it only fitting that I theme this month’s tater tot post around menopause-ish. Because even I am sick of the word menopause at this point.
Sit back, relax (the song is about sex by the way), and welcome to the menopausedome.
my next chapter
I officially entered menopause on September 23rd, as you already know, and it turned out to be a nice day. Ella and I took the day off of homeschool, we ordered UberEATS for lunch, then went to my parent’s house to social distance visit on their deck. It was just a lovely day.
I finished my book three days after I entered menopause and now I am getting my bearings trying to figure out what is next for it while it goes off to friends to rip apart (it’s okay; I asked them to do that).
So now I breathe a bit, homeschool, and move onto the next project. I am loving where my head is (not as it pertains to pain) but where my headspace is as of late. I had some bumpy moments coming into my menopause month that I lovingly called turbulence. I had a lot of turbulence coming into menopause; the landing was rough, not going to lie, but since being on the runway, I am doing okay.
The Universe book I have talked about over and over has helped me immensely over the past several months. It has cleared my headspace to make my landing so much smoother, especially during this pandemic.
This book is something I want to publish because I desperately love the writing that is inside of it and I want others to benefit from it. I wanted this book for me; I needed this book for me back in 2015 but never found it on the bookshelves. If just one woman reads it and feels less alone, less misunderstood, less “crazy”, I would feel so obscenely happy. If it does that for a couple more women? Oh man, that would be amazing. It was while writing it I realized that the act of writing it was my therapy of healing from it. Deep thoughts. Too deep for a Monday morning or even a tater tot post.
blooming while falling apart
I planted zinnias in two pots on our patio back in May a week after I went to the emergency room for that stupid migraine, and I was still not feeling great but wanted to feel normal again and get back into a routine.
But my crappy migraine cycles began a week after the initial planting, and I was out of it on and off for the next two months. I remember at one point or another looking outside at my poor zinnias and they were dead. Both pots that flanked the patio were both dying and I, the plant lover that I am, was just so sad.
I said to Mike one evening while I was on the patio trying to revive them, “they are sad like me”.
Over the summer, I was working hard at trying to come back to life through doctor appointments in the city, treatments, medication, diet changes, etc…
Then one morning, I was drinking my coffee and noticed my zinnias coming back to life and I cried. THEY WANTED TO LIVE! I was in manageable pain but I was also slowly coming back to life too and I was cheering them on as much as I could muster. WE CAN DO THIS LITTLE FLOWER. WE CAN DO THIS.
My sweet zinnias were cheering me on too. And so they came back to life several times this summer. Over and over, five times they grew. I would deadhead them, water them, talk to them, and they would grow back, bless their little hearts.
I have never loved the flowers so much. The sweet zinnias that cheered me on, the summer I was in so much pain.
*Edited to add- should have named these Emotional Zinnias.
*Also, would have made an EXCELLENT rock band name.
screw it, I’m eating apple crisp
I found this recipe for apple crisp in August and I made it on Labor Day. I thought immediately of my friend Ernie who eats gluten-free, but I also thought immediately of fall and decided that I would make it because I thought my husband and my youngest daughter might like it too.
But I ended up eating the entire pan by myself that afternoon. Because of menopause.
Remember the hair intervention I talked about earlier this year? Well, besides letting my hair grow all willy-nilly, I also haven’t colored my hair since February. I am apparently becoming a hippie. I don’t know what the hell happened. I think the mentality is; I am not leaving the house until the summer/fall of 2021, so who the hell cares what I look like.
So I need a superb babushka of some sort to cover my entire head. Like a bandana or a wrap that I can put around my head without looking like a fortune teller. Like a cool hippie from the sixties who smells of patchouli and knows where to get the good weed.
Here’s what the Gilmore Girls house would look like today (I’m not sure I like it, personally)
But will we ever wear bras again? (I’m looking at you, Rita, and Katie)
We watched this on Hulu last month after she passed away, and it was just so amazing. She was such a treasure. Even if you don’t agree with some of her stances or you are conservative, if you are a woman, please take the time to watch it. She is an inspiration in what she did simply as a human being.
I found this TED talk when looking for a homeschool TED talk, and now I am in love with this woman. Please watch the entire 30 minutes, it is worth it. Trust me.
Another excellent series is The Playbook which isn’t all about sports, but if you like sports, you might like it.
I really like “Doc” Rivers and knew of him but wasn’t truly familiar with him until this year.
My husband is a huge sports fan; he is to sports what I am to music.
Over the years, I have picked up sports knowledge by listening to his ESPN shows and games from the other room, but often I watch alongside him because he is great about watching the shows I love with me.
But I got to know Doc Rivers this year a bit more through different shows and I just really like what I’ve gotten to know so far and his episode on The Playbook is definitely worth watching because it is a lot less about basketball and a lot more about life.
He discusses a way of living they introduced him to that I will touch on next month because I want to research it in depth. It is so inspiring and I can’t believe I am just hearing about it now at 50.
Watch his segment. Please.
I was a sophomore in high school when the Challenger exploded mid-air and I will remember it forever.
The first thing I thought of when we began watching this documentary (which is broken into four parts for those with shorter attention spans = ME), is that it made me proud to be an American again which for a lot of us, is something we are struggling with currently.
The takeaway is that this could have been avoided, something that I never really knew until last month, and it made me so mad at people in positions of power who have no business making life and death decisions based on monetary gain.
Watch this one too and let me know what your thoughts are.
I really should have discussion posts after the tater tot posts so we can discuss the things we watch. Kind of like a book club for documentaries. Something to think about or look forward to for winter?
Found this on Spotify last month and I can’t stop listening to this over and over. It’s not a Christian song, don’t let the name fool you.
And this one too:
And I could not forget:
fu**ing mod cakes
But oh, so tasty.
Speaking of the Universe book I talked about earlier, I have been starting each day by opening it and wherever it lands, considering it a sign from said Universe. Then I read while drinking my morning coffee and it has been a church for me.
I love that.
I have noticed that as it has cooled down; I am slowing down as well. I sit in the morning’s stillness before the house wakes up and I am trying to take it all in more.
And almost always the book holds a message I needed. Something that fits where I am struggling in that moment of my life. I take the book and let it fall to the table and wherever the pages land, that is where I look. I let fate decide what I will read that day.
In a time where there doesn’t seem like there is much to look forward to, I have found something to look forward to each day.
Since this is October, I want to share with you a recipe for donuts that are so, so, so good. I found this on Pinterest in September and made them one day when I was really blue.
The recipe comes from a blogger who shares that she is a Christian, which is lovely, but my blog is full of a lot of FU**S and SHITS and FARTS AND POOPS.
It made me pause because the day after I made the delicious Christian donuts; I ended up with quite a headache.
I considered it a sign from God to tone it down with the fu**s and shits and farts and poops.
So enjoy the holy donuts.
They’re fantastic AND you won’t have to go to church after eating them.
I love to fart, and I am not afraid to tell you this
Speaking of farts.
LISTEN, I have little to live for these days, and not too many things bring me happiness anymore. Except for those stupid mod cakes and the entire pan of apple crisp, Christian donuts, and the occasional rage singing in my car.
But there is just nothing, NOTHING, like a good fart when you are in menopause.
It is pure unadulterated joy.
HEY! I PAY MY TAXES DAMMIT, DON’T JUDGE ME.*
*I wrote this before he went to the hospital with COVID, I don’t want to sound insensitive.
Then I decided that I wanted to take a poll because my friend Ally does it occasionally on her blog and she told me how to do it.
Now that I know how I will add polls to every post from now.
Aren’t you glad you found my blog?
Don’t answer that. I will create a poll.
Little things that make me happy and are simple ways to get me through each day, so I am tucking those things away for later.
Armoring myself up for the long winter ahead.
More about that in November’s tater tot post.
I promise to get all of you through the long winter, as well.
One toot at a time.
Toot, toot, toot.